Sep 7, 2009
Sep 6, 2009
Divine 69 - Part 6 of 7 #'s The Top 20
20. Storm - Xmen Series
Break your parkas out, I think something is going to get wet. Ororo Storm... what can I say except that it takes a very special character to have Halle Berry not come close to your hotness. True, we may have to brave static shocks in any region that may have hair, but that is a small price to pay to be able to elope with a goddess. Not since Uhura has any other single black female character been as meaningful to sci fi lovers the world around. Funny thing is that some people originally suggested changing her white hair so she wouldn't look grandmaish... luckily good taste and great sensibility prevailed and we were graced by one of the sexiest characters in all fiction. They say lightning doesn't strike the same place twice, but with Storm, she can guarantee that... hence my heart being ablaze since I was a comic worm.
19. Aeon flux
THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT REASON TO WATCH LIQUID TELEVISION. With a kill count that makes Rambo look tame, Ms. Flux showed nimble, twisted, sexy, masochistic and deadly can all benefit by the single hottest tongue to be animated ever. Gross, crawly, slimy? Yes, but come on... you don't need to think THAT hard to find a use for her. Add to this flexibility that screams perverse creativity and Aeon and her ram horn hair get the #19 spot showing that you don't need to understand a cartoon to be enfatuated at a young age... and the single biggest bonus? Hell if she could catch a fly with her eyelashes just imagine..... well just imagine...
18. Tifa Lockhart - Final Fantasy series
Being beautiful is one thing. Becoming the obsession of game and film artists insisting on making you hotter and hotter every time you appear on a piece of videogame or animated film means you are special. Tifa makes the case that you don't need a snazzy outfit to catch our attention. Simple white tank top, black shorts and a set of suspenders... and voila, sexy is here to stay. To further elaborate, Tifa always appeared with soft skin, gentle features and long black hair... Again, simple is often more incredible than anything any surgeon could do and being naturally beautiful (even if you're a fictional CGI character) counts for a lot to men with taste.
17. Emma Frost - Xmen Series
Face it, some women are complete and utter bitches as often as some guys are complete assholes, yet people of all genders gravitate towards them. Enter the White Queen Bitch and you will not be able to deny that you understand why psyclops is oh so very pussy whipped by this enchantress. Emma Frost is a clear example that cold can be extremely hot and that white can be smoking red. They say beauty is skin deep but that evil is to the bone, and well, judging from most people's reactions to her highness, it seems a large chunk of guys wanted some evil on their bone in the baddest way. Ever an advocate to showing how amazing corsets and thigh high boots are, Emma Frost was always a step ahead of her male enemies because they were too busy adjusting to pursue.
16. Cammy - Street Fighter Series
Long pigtails, legs to die for (or die from) and a kick ass fighting style. This british bombshell first appeared in Super Street Fighter 2 and is still one of the true fan favorites, and for great reason (Right Sean?). Even though it is undeniable that Cammy is drop dead gorgeous, she is a celebration of imperfections with a more than visible scar on her left cheek. As with everyone else, we didn't care and it then came to be that some scars can even be sexy... especially if they're on your body and were inflicted by Cammy. Playing her was also a treat, easily being one of the most fun characters to ever put someone else to shame with. When all is said and done though, Cammy also ranks 16 because she shows that men aren't only in awe of breast and derriere, a set of long, firm, strong and statuesque legs is more than enough reason for anyone to be KO'd by a true blonde bombshell.
15. Rogue - Xmen Series
Aw sugah..... It would be more than enough to see Rogue for what she is physically, a southern belle if there ever was one. Add to this one of the sweetest, sexiest and coolest personalities in all fiction and it's obvious that most of us would risk a coma just for a taste of Southern Bliss. In addition, Rogue is super strong and has a trademark white streak in her flowing curls that begs her to get noticed. So if y'all are wondering what gets a guy churning more kinetic energy than a Gambit poker card, see Rogue in comics and cartoons and forget the wtf version of her in the movie series.
14. Chun-li - Street Fighter Series
This is THE original fighting game hottie for me. Armed with the strongest pair of legs in fighting history, Chun Li showed just how far guys would go to ogle at a fictional character. Case in point, during her whirlwind kick I had WAY too many friends that clicked pause just in time to see her thong... Yes ladies we ARE that messed up and she IS that hot. Taking buns and blue outfits to whole new level this kick ass babe outlegged and outhotted every other female character from a fighting game. If you look around the net, you'll see sites putting up Mai, Cammy, and a host of other hotties, but to mine eyes, the first continues to be the best.
13. Samus - Metroid Series
Along with finding out that Vader was Luke's father, Samus has to be one of the twenty most intense revelations of Sci Fi lore. I mean, you just kicked the asses of a collective boss guantlet that would make any man tremble in his boots, and you were a woman all along... now that's empowering, that is righteous and that is sexy. Samus Aran demonstrates that men are boys when it comes to being a true bounty hunters and supreme warriors. Master Chief? Who's that pussy? Samus is the queen of the pack and for good reason, she's simply the best at what she does and has starred in the most solid videogame series ever and showed she has more than enough kickassery to dominate home consoles, handhelds and men's imagination. Add to this that she is shockingly beautiful and that she looks even gentle physically and you start finding arm cannons and super missles super sexy. As if that weren't enough though, she can roll into a ball.............. If you need any other reason to kneel and worship, your name is probably Ridley and you are definitely burning in a crumpled heap.
12. Mystique - Xmen Series
She looks like a wet dream out of someone who has just seen the Fifth Element and Enemy Mine back to back. She's sexy, deadly, lethal, mischievous, canniving, calculating and will truly have a blast while beating you into a pulp or putting a bullet into someplace that will hurt a lot. I'm sure no one EVER thought blue skin and yellow eyes could look this marvelous and to boot, no matter how superficial you are, there is absolutely no excuse to ever want any other woman in your life since she can be any woman you've ever wanted, though she need not have that ability because she's smart enough, sexy enough and skilled enough to make you venerate all that is blue and redheaded. Now make sure to keep your eyes firmly on her boys, if not she'll probably snap it back into place with a headlock and if I know her, she probably won't stop until she hears a crack and a gasp.
11. EVA - Metal Gear Series
Anyone who played MGS 3 HAS to recognize EVA as one of the hottest things ever to ride a motorcycle. This double double agent manipulates snake beyond measure, probably scars him for life and most surely left an imprint that will have him beating his bladder crying out her name for decades to come. Eva was all things sexy and defintely showed snake that in the large scheme... you just don't think you can outsmart a woman. With a jumpsuit that was always generously zipped down and black undergarments that begged to be torn, Eva molded Snake into putty and for good reason. You just can't have that much adrenaline going through you and not get worked up by Eva. Seems the bible had it wrong and it was Eva that manipulated the snake... so Cheers Snake... you might not exist, but you're definitely a lucky bastard.
Stay tuned for the Top 10 hottest women that don't exist
Break your parkas out, I think something is going to get wet. Ororo Storm... what can I say except that it takes a very special character to have Halle Berry not come close to your hotness. True, we may have to brave static shocks in any region that may have hair, but that is a small price to pay to be able to elope with a goddess. Not since Uhura has any other single black female character been as meaningful to sci fi lovers the world around. Funny thing is that some people originally suggested changing her white hair so she wouldn't look grandmaish... luckily good taste and great sensibility prevailed and we were graced by one of the sexiest characters in all fiction. They say lightning doesn't strike the same place twice, but with Storm, she can guarantee that... hence my heart being ablaze since I was a comic worm.
19. Aeon flux
THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT REASON TO WATCH LIQUID TELEVISION. With a kill count that makes Rambo look tame, Ms. Flux showed nimble, twisted, sexy, masochistic and deadly can all benefit by the single hottest tongue to be animated ever. Gross, crawly, slimy? Yes, but come on... you don't need to think THAT hard to find a use for her. Add to this flexibility that screams perverse creativity and Aeon and her ram horn hair get the #19 spot showing that you don't need to understand a cartoon to be enfatuated at a young age... and the single biggest bonus? Hell if she could catch a fly with her eyelashes just imagine..... well just imagine...
18. Tifa Lockhart - Final Fantasy series
Being beautiful is one thing. Becoming the obsession of game and film artists insisting on making you hotter and hotter every time you appear on a piece of videogame or animated film means you are special. Tifa makes the case that you don't need a snazzy outfit to catch our attention. Simple white tank top, black shorts and a set of suspenders... and voila, sexy is here to stay. To further elaborate, Tifa always appeared with soft skin, gentle features and long black hair... Again, simple is often more incredible than anything any surgeon could do and being naturally beautiful (even if you're a fictional CGI character) counts for a lot to men with taste.
17. Emma Frost - Xmen Series
Face it, some women are complete and utter bitches as often as some guys are complete assholes, yet people of all genders gravitate towards them. Enter the White Queen Bitch and you will not be able to deny that you understand why psyclops is oh so very pussy whipped by this enchantress. Emma Frost is a clear example that cold can be extremely hot and that white can be smoking red. They say beauty is skin deep but that evil is to the bone, and well, judging from most people's reactions to her highness, it seems a large chunk of guys wanted some evil on their bone in the baddest way. Ever an advocate to showing how amazing corsets and thigh high boots are, Emma Frost was always a step ahead of her male enemies because they were too busy adjusting to pursue.
16. Cammy - Street Fighter Series
Long pigtails, legs to die for (or die from) and a kick ass fighting style. This british bombshell first appeared in Super Street Fighter 2 and is still one of the true fan favorites, and for great reason (Right Sean?). Even though it is undeniable that Cammy is drop dead gorgeous, she is a celebration of imperfections with a more than visible scar on her left cheek. As with everyone else, we didn't care and it then came to be that some scars can even be sexy... especially if they're on your body and were inflicted by Cammy. Playing her was also a treat, easily being one of the most fun characters to ever put someone else to shame with. When all is said and done though, Cammy also ranks 16 because she shows that men aren't only in awe of breast and derriere, a set of long, firm, strong and statuesque legs is more than enough reason for anyone to be KO'd by a true blonde bombshell.
15. Rogue - Xmen Series
Aw sugah..... It would be more than enough to see Rogue for what she is physically, a southern belle if there ever was one. Add to this one of the sweetest, sexiest and coolest personalities in all fiction and it's obvious that most of us would risk a coma just for a taste of Southern Bliss. In addition, Rogue is super strong and has a trademark white streak in her flowing curls that begs her to get noticed. So if y'all are wondering what gets a guy churning more kinetic energy than a Gambit poker card, see Rogue in comics and cartoons and forget the wtf version of her in the movie series.
14. Chun-li - Street Fighter Series
This is THE original fighting game hottie for me. Armed with the strongest pair of legs in fighting history, Chun Li showed just how far guys would go to ogle at a fictional character. Case in point, during her whirlwind kick I had WAY too many friends that clicked pause just in time to see her thong... Yes ladies we ARE that messed up and she IS that hot. Taking buns and blue outfits to whole new level this kick ass babe outlegged and outhotted every other female character from a fighting game. If you look around the net, you'll see sites putting up Mai, Cammy, and a host of other hotties, but to mine eyes, the first continues to be the best.
13. Samus - Metroid Series
Along with finding out that Vader was Luke's father, Samus has to be one of the twenty most intense revelations of Sci Fi lore. I mean, you just kicked the asses of a collective boss guantlet that would make any man tremble in his boots, and you were a woman all along... now that's empowering, that is righteous and that is sexy. Samus Aran demonstrates that men are boys when it comes to being a true bounty hunters and supreme warriors. Master Chief? Who's that pussy? Samus is the queen of the pack and for good reason, she's simply the best at what she does and has starred in the most solid videogame series ever and showed she has more than enough kickassery to dominate home consoles, handhelds and men's imagination. Add to this that she is shockingly beautiful and that she looks even gentle physically and you start finding arm cannons and super missles super sexy. As if that weren't enough though, she can roll into a ball.............. If you need any other reason to kneel and worship, your name is probably Ridley and you are definitely burning in a crumpled heap.
12. Mystique - Xmen Series
She looks like a wet dream out of someone who has just seen the Fifth Element and Enemy Mine back to back. She's sexy, deadly, lethal, mischievous, canniving, calculating and will truly have a blast while beating you into a pulp or putting a bullet into someplace that will hurt a lot. I'm sure no one EVER thought blue skin and yellow eyes could look this marvelous and to boot, no matter how superficial you are, there is absolutely no excuse to ever want any other woman in your life since she can be any woman you've ever wanted, though she need not have that ability because she's smart enough, sexy enough and skilled enough to make you venerate all that is blue and redheaded. Now make sure to keep your eyes firmly on her boys, if not she'll probably snap it back into place with a headlock and if I know her, she probably won't stop until she hears a crack and a gasp.
11. EVA - Metal Gear Series
Anyone who played MGS 3 HAS to recognize EVA as one of the hottest things ever to ride a motorcycle. This double double agent manipulates snake beyond measure, probably scars him for life and most surely left an imprint that will have him beating his bladder crying out her name for decades to come. Eva was all things sexy and defintely showed snake that in the large scheme... you just don't think you can outsmart a woman. With a jumpsuit that was always generously zipped down and black undergarments that begged to be torn, Eva molded Snake into putty and for good reason. You just can't have that much adrenaline going through you and not get worked up by Eva. Seems the bible had it wrong and it was Eva that manipulated the snake... so Cheers Snake... you might not exist, but you're definitely a lucky bastard.
Stay tuned for the Top 10 hottest women that don't exist
Marquez VS Mayweather
There are two fights you need to see by the end of this year. It's simple. It's basic. If you're a boxing fan, you don't need me to tell you. If you like seeing good fights, the same answer applies. Greatness is goal few achieve and the endless realm of possibility is the canvas on which four fighters will try and define who the best boxers in the world are. Four countries, four boxers, two fights this year. Miss them and you'll miss some of the most significant bouts in the last twenty years.
First on the block.... Marquez VS Mayweather.
If you've read any of the boxing posts I've written on this post or another, or if by any chance you saw me talking about this sport, you know I have opinions and I have passions. While some people rant and rave over football, baseball, basketball or whatever team sport they may love, the sport of boxing is just something I can't get out of my system.
When I see these two fighters facing each other, I have conflicting views between my heart and my brain. I might not have the knowledge of trainers who have been at this sport for more than twice my age, but it doesn't take a genius to think that the smart money is on Mayweather. Speed and defensive skills are his bread and butter and he's shown that even if you want to find him, he is the finest representative of the axiom "hit and don't get hit". His loud mouth may make him a hateable figure and brashness and money throwing does not help him one bit when it comes to saying who you are rooting for, but for 39 bouts he's come out of the ring the victor. No losses, no draws, no break. That he's never been taken out of his comfort zone is frustrating for anyone rooting against him. That he's shelved past champions past their primes or under the weather is punishing and heart breaking. The problem with Pretty Boy, a moniquer much more befitting his skills and the fact that he's rarely been bruised in a fight, is that me along with many boxing fans fail to see him take risks. The truth is that six championships are no small joke and every single time you step into the ring, there is risk. It takes months to train for a fight but just one mistake to see all that hard work come tumbling down. But Floyd is a safe fighter, something that should be admired, but is often sidelined in favor for courage even if it risks permanent brain damage. You see the list of fighters that he's fought and you can say the same for each one, he knew he could win by a landslide. Smart that may be, but inspiring? Hardly.
On the other side you see Juan Manuel Marquez, the most overlooked of the trio of Lightweight champions of his generation. While Barrera and Morales were busy making millions, Marquez was busy climbing the ladder one step at a time. While floyd was all about flash, Marquez was all about business... and business meant beating people the Mexican way, fists tight, jaw clenched and eyes and heart set on not leaving a decision to the judges. While Floyd easily outclassed every single opponent he's faced, Marquez outwilled many of his. His road to greatness comes one grueling fight after another and by beating the supposed best of each division he's decided to confront. You see the people he's knocked out and you have to be impressed. VS Manny Pacquiao, the only person to beat him officially in recent years is Erik Morales. Chalk that win up to bad game plan, bad cut and just fighting a champion on his day. The only other person to beat Manny, but not get the credit he deserves (earning a draw once and a decision loss the second time) is Juan Manuel Marquez. Joel Casamayor, a tough rugged lightweight Cuban champion suffered his first KO loss at the hands of Marquez. Juan Diaz, a fighter I saw losing against Paulie Malignaggi, suffered his first KO loss to Marquez. Both times Marquez was fighting the best of the division, both times he outgunned them. Once he was coming up in weight... and now, history repeats.
On September 19, two of the greatest boxers of all time are going to step into the ring. Smart money says bet on Floyd. He's just a smidge below his natural weight, is larger, stronger, younger, heavier, rangier and faster. Marquez for his part looks solid coming up in weight, but it's in the ring where we'll see just how solid he is, for he faces a man who is capable of so much... but has rarely put everything on the table. That's the difference between them, because if you focus on the similarities, you see two fighters who train harder than most people would train in a lifetime. You see two fighters dedicated to their craft. You see two fighters that are hall of famers. The differences outside the ring are obvious: brash vs confident, cocky vs humble, I deserve the world vs I'm going to earn the world. But the reality is that the most important difference is in the ring. Floyd Mayweather has often said he's willing to die in the ring... which is funny, because his fights never feel that way... now Marquez? He seems even willing to die during training.
Who will win? Well my mind and my heart are torn at the seem but I'll sum it up like this:
May the best man win, because I don't want the better boxer to.
Cheers
First on the block.... Marquez VS Mayweather.
If you've read any of the boxing posts I've written on this post or another, or if by any chance you saw me talking about this sport, you know I have opinions and I have passions. While some people rant and rave over football, baseball, basketball or whatever team sport they may love, the sport of boxing is just something I can't get out of my system.
When I see these two fighters facing each other, I have conflicting views between my heart and my brain. I might not have the knowledge of trainers who have been at this sport for more than twice my age, but it doesn't take a genius to think that the smart money is on Mayweather. Speed and defensive skills are his bread and butter and he's shown that even if you want to find him, he is the finest representative of the axiom "hit and don't get hit". His loud mouth may make him a hateable figure and brashness and money throwing does not help him one bit when it comes to saying who you are rooting for, but for 39 bouts he's come out of the ring the victor. No losses, no draws, no break. That he's never been taken out of his comfort zone is frustrating for anyone rooting against him. That he's shelved past champions past their primes or under the weather is punishing and heart breaking. The problem with Pretty Boy, a moniquer much more befitting his skills and the fact that he's rarely been bruised in a fight, is that me along with many boxing fans fail to see him take risks. The truth is that six championships are no small joke and every single time you step into the ring, there is risk. It takes months to train for a fight but just one mistake to see all that hard work come tumbling down. But Floyd is a safe fighter, something that should be admired, but is often sidelined in favor for courage even if it risks permanent brain damage. You see the list of fighters that he's fought and you can say the same for each one, he knew he could win by a landslide. Smart that may be, but inspiring? Hardly.
On the other side you see Juan Manuel Marquez, the most overlooked of the trio of Lightweight champions of his generation. While Barrera and Morales were busy making millions, Marquez was busy climbing the ladder one step at a time. While floyd was all about flash, Marquez was all about business... and business meant beating people the Mexican way, fists tight, jaw clenched and eyes and heart set on not leaving a decision to the judges. While Floyd easily outclassed every single opponent he's faced, Marquez outwilled many of his. His road to greatness comes one grueling fight after another and by beating the supposed best of each division he's decided to confront. You see the people he's knocked out and you have to be impressed. VS Manny Pacquiao, the only person to beat him officially in recent years is Erik Morales. Chalk that win up to bad game plan, bad cut and just fighting a champion on his day. The only other person to beat Manny, but not get the credit he deserves (earning a draw once and a decision loss the second time) is Juan Manuel Marquez. Joel Casamayor, a tough rugged lightweight Cuban champion suffered his first KO loss at the hands of Marquez. Juan Diaz, a fighter I saw losing against Paulie Malignaggi, suffered his first KO loss to Marquez. Both times Marquez was fighting the best of the division, both times he outgunned them. Once he was coming up in weight... and now, history repeats.
On September 19, two of the greatest boxers of all time are going to step into the ring. Smart money says bet on Floyd. He's just a smidge below his natural weight, is larger, stronger, younger, heavier, rangier and faster. Marquez for his part looks solid coming up in weight, but it's in the ring where we'll see just how solid he is, for he faces a man who is capable of so much... but has rarely put everything on the table. That's the difference between them, because if you focus on the similarities, you see two fighters who train harder than most people would train in a lifetime. You see two fighters dedicated to their craft. You see two fighters that are hall of famers. The differences outside the ring are obvious: brash vs confident, cocky vs humble, I deserve the world vs I'm going to earn the world. But the reality is that the most important difference is in the ring. Floyd Mayweather has often said he's willing to die in the ring... which is funny, because his fights never feel that way... now Marquez? He seems even willing to die during training.
Who will win? Well my mind and my heart are torn at the seem but I'll sum it up like this:
May the best man win, because I don't want the better boxer to.
Cheers
Divine 69 - Part 5 of 7 #'s 29 to 21
29. Catwoman - Detective Comics
Pass me the kitty litter, I just wet myself. Catwoman, barring Hally Berry's dingle berry representation has always taken sexy, dangerous and horny to the max. No wonder batman was still into her even after getting stabbed, kicked, punched, scratched and whipped like the little bat boy he is. Face it people, Selina Kile is one hot woman, but Cat Woman, well I can be her ball of yarn anytime.
28. Lulu - Final Fantasy X
Edgy, deep, skilled, magical and gorgeous. When you look at Lulu from final Fantasy your inner child has to grope itself. Face it, you're playing a bloody video game and you are enamored by a fictitious representation of a woman. By the way, that fuzzy outfit with belts plus the embroidery and chinese hair tongs aren't helping me cope with the fact that you don't exist. In all things beautiful. Lulu DEFINITELY puts a spell on you.
27. Cheetara - Thundercats
Ladies, men like freckles but LOVE cheetah spots. Get used to it. Accept it and don't fight it, because it will be a losing battle. Yeah she's another feline vixxen, but hell people, look at her. That crazy eye shadow, that flowy spikey hair, those beautiful spots and the felinely tuned body (no that was not a typo). Trust me, her weapon of choice was a no brainer, because anyone that was too close to her during combat HAD to have an extending staff.
26. Ivy - Soul Calibur
Skimpy gets you noticed... a chain whip sword gets you respected. Ivy from Soul Calibur defies gravity and defies description because most guys are too busy collecting themselves trying to not clutch their joystick THAT hard. Simply put, she makes hot look frigid and leans more toward the ranks of supernova.
25. Sniper Wolf - Metal Gear Solid
What is it with women that are drop dead gorgeous and capable of ending our lives that we find so appealing? I don't know. But I do know that Sniper Wolf is one sexy hound. Coming from one of the choicest selections of videogame history, the bout with her was awwesome though ultimately an aperitif in the sniper boss battles aspect of life... but boy.... did we love getting our asses getting shot over and over and over again. Here's looking at you Snipe, no doubt I'm a milisecond away from getting sniper tagged by one of the very best.
24. Mary Jane - Spider man
Having the backup of your woman is one of the most important things about Mary Jane. The fact she was drop dead gorgeous completes the package. In the fictitious sense of the phrase, Mary Jane was to redheads what Marylin Monroe was to blondes. Drop dead gorgeous, ballsy, self assured and always willing to stick by her man without the need of any webbing. Something to consider most definitely.
23. Adult Midna - Zelda Twilight Princess
Midna ranks so high on this series because she surprised the hell out of me. After accompanying me in one of the best Zelda's designed so far, it turns out that the dwarf goblin kid is actually an adult hottie with thigh glyphs that made her all that more astounding. That she was actually manipulating you throughout your adventure only makes things that more interesting because lord knows what one will agree to just to appease this beauty.
22. Kagero - Ninja Scroll / Taki - Soul Calibur
The twenty two tie comes down to two ninjas that are each beautiful in their own right. On one side you have Soul Calibur's Taki showing that gravity need not apply to her moves or her breast and on the other side you have the deadly beautiful Kagero. Both are capable of killing you with a select few swipes of her daggers and the other was just one badass ninja that unfortunately faced stiff competition, ultimately showing that though godly beautiful, Kagero was quite human and quite mortal. The lesson at hand though is simple, if you have doubts if you're sexy or not, feel free to submit to fighting skills and beauty. In our ninja loving hearts, both of these gals deserve a definitely special spot.
21. Lara Croft - Tomb Raider
One of the main über hotties in video game history, with more cgi naked versions of her than she'd like to admit, Lara comes it at number 21 because she is über hot, has an english accent, can shoot twin guns with the best of them and showcases enough sexy poses to make any of the deceased mummies whose tombes she pillaged have a permanent case of rigor pelvis.
Pass me the kitty litter, I just wet myself. Catwoman, barring Hally Berry's dingle berry representation has always taken sexy, dangerous and horny to the max. No wonder batman was still into her even after getting stabbed, kicked, punched, scratched and whipped like the little bat boy he is. Face it people, Selina Kile is one hot woman, but Cat Woman, well I can be her ball of yarn anytime.
28. Lulu - Final Fantasy X
Edgy, deep, skilled, magical and gorgeous. When you look at Lulu from final Fantasy your inner child has to grope itself. Face it, you're playing a bloody video game and you are enamored by a fictitious representation of a woman. By the way, that fuzzy outfit with belts plus the embroidery and chinese hair tongs aren't helping me cope with the fact that you don't exist. In all things beautiful. Lulu DEFINITELY puts a spell on you.
27. Cheetara - Thundercats
Ladies, men like freckles but LOVE cheetah spots. Get used to it. Accept it and don't fight it, because it will be a losing battle. Yeah she's another feline vixxen, but hell people, look at her. That crazy eye shadow, that flowy spikey hair, those beautiful spots and the felinely tuned body (no that was not a typo). Trust me, her weapon of choice was a no brainer, because anyone that was too close to her during combat HAD to have an extending staff.
26. Ivy - Soul Calibur
Skimpy gets you noticed... a chain whip sword gets you respected. Ivy from Soul Calibur defies gravity and defies description because most guys are too busy collecting themselves trying to not clutch their joystick THAT hard. Simply put, she makes hot look frigid and leans more toward the ranks of supernova.
25. Sniper Wolf - Metal Gear Solid
What is it with women that are drop dead gorgeous and capable of ending our lives that we find so appealing? I don't know. But I do know that Sniper Wolf is one sexy hound. Coming from one of the choicest selections of videogame history, the bout with her was awwesome though ultimately an aperitif in the sniper boss battles aspect of life... but boy.... did we love getting our asses getting shot over and over and over again. Here's looking at you Snipe, no doubt I'm a milisecond away from getting sniper tagged by one of the very best.
24. Mary Jane - Spider man
Having the backup of your woman is one of the most important things about Mary Jane. The fact she was drop dead gorgeous completes the package. In the fictitious sense of the phrase, Mary Jane was to redheads what Marylin Monroe was to blondes. Drop dead gorgeous, ballsy, self assured and always willing to stick by her man without the need of any webbing. Something to consider most definitely.
23. Adult Midna - Zelda Twilight Princess
Midna ranks so high on this series because she surprised the hell out of me. After accompanying me in one of the best Zelda's designed so far, it turns out that the dwarf goblin kid is actually an adult hottie with thigh glyphs that made her all that more astounding. That she was actually manipulating you throughout your adventure only makes things that more interesting because lord knows what one will agree to just to appease this beauty.
22. Kagero - Ninja Scroll / Taki - Soul Calibur
The twenty two tie comes down to two ninjas that are each beautiful in their own right. On one side you have Soul Calibur's Taki showing that gravity need not apply to her moves or her breast and on the other side you have the deadly beautiful Kagero. Both are capable of killing you with a select few swipes of her daggers and the other was just one badass ninja that unfortunately faced stiff competition, ultimately showing that though godly beautiful, Kagero was quite human and quite mortal. The lesson at hand though is simple, if you have doubts if you're sexy or not, feel free to submit to fighting skills and beauty. In our ninja loving hearts, both of these gals deserve a definitely special spot.
21. Lara Croft - Tomb Raider
One of the main über hotties in video game history, with more cgi naked versions of her than she'd like to admit, Lara comes it at number 21 because she is über hot, has an english accent, can shoot twin guns with the best of them and showcases enough sexy poses to make any of the deceased mummies whose tombes she pillaged have a permanent case of rigor pelvis.
Sep 5, 2009
Top 10 vehicles you wanted to ride
When you see a movie and you see a vehicle that resonates with your need for speed or it's actually the perfect representation for your road rage, you get turned on. Your engine revs up and you just want to put the pedal to the metal and let your inhibitions fly clear through any laws. This is my list of ten vehicles I would love to ride.
HONORARY MENTIONS:
Flying motorcycle from Mega Force
This piece of shit movie is just so awesome I can't way to buy it on Blu Ray. With perfectly feathered hair, Ace decides to give one last message to the Hispanic tank pirate. After giving his perfect 80's American Hero smile he proceeds to burn the turbo and fly into the back of a B52 that's waiting for his arrival. Tacky? you bet your ass, but cool is cool, no matter how tight the Gold Spandex can get.
KITT from Knight Rider
Kit was your guarantee that you'd never get lonely. If that weren't enough, the guy was always ready to give you directions to avoid traffic and crack some skulls.
10. Nimbus 2000
After seeing my fiancée's face when I mentioned the Hogwart's Express, she looked at me dumbfounded... and I realized why... how the hell could I overlook a flying broomstick is beyond me. Screw quidditch, I want to scrape them bristles at 100+ mph and see how many g's I can take. After all, the Harry Potter series is largely responsible for the rekindled passion children used to have with a stick horse or a broom so I nod to my inner child and at number 10, I want da booom stick :D
9. Mad Max's car
Have you ever just wanted to ram your car into some asshole who has had his blinker on for 7 miles? Do you hate when three people occupy the three lanes going at exactly the same speed? Have you ever caught yourself wishing you could Grandtheft auto some mother fucker and just leave their car in flames? I present to you the Mad Max car. Mucho bad ass, big ass cojones and meaner than a catholic nun. This car screams one thing and one thing only
Get
Out
of
My
Way
8. Tron motorcycles
In another oldschool love affair I HAD to put in the Tron Motorcycles. Hell water other way can you guarantee that fucker on your right is going to eat it if it isn't my creating a digital wall for them to crash into. If the need is speed, digitalize your motor hard on and get on these things.
7. Thunder Hawk – M.A.S.K.
Oh lawdy how many times have I wished for a flying car to bypass all traffic. M.A.S.K. was one of those series that you had to love. Cool masks, cooler vehicles, coolest battle sequences. Consider these the transformers you can actually ride.
6. Pegasus – Revenge of the Titans
I just had to put in pegasus because he's the original flying badass. True there's falcor (that dog dragon thing from the never ending story) and there have been dragons ridden, but Pegasus could not only fly, but also be perfect for parking in any size space. Advantage, the cool ass horse.
5. Hover board
Pick the Mattel version or the psycho pit bull version, a hover board just kicked ass. Creating countless urban legends that a real hover board was created, this vehicle demands attention and is bad ass enough to to get you out of a jam and get your rightful Biff slamming head first into a pile of manure.
4. Ghost Rider’s cycle
Ok so the movie was a steaming pile of shit, the motorcycle however, was not. Much in the line of the car from the Wraith, you have to be dead to be able to ride it. But hell, a chopper in flames? How can I say no?
3. Delorian
The only movie to have two vehicles on this list, the Delorian was and will always be a piece of shit geek car that looks cool. Add to this a flux capacitor and time travel becomes an availability. Vertical doors, low reclining chairs. Give me that and a Michael Jackson glimmer glove, and I'm in hog heaven baby.
2. Millenium Falcon
After having written this list down, at the last minute I have demoted the Millenium Falcon for one reason only, from time to time, that goddess broke down. But when that puppy was more operational than a half constructed Death Star, it just sent tingles down my spine. Warp speed, a horde of TIE fighters, an imperial battleship... bring it on bitches, because the force is definitely strong with this one.
1. Batmobile
After some thought, let's be bluntly honest, there is nothing cooler, more badass, and more sexy than a fully automated, armed to the teeth batmobile. You can kill goons in style, jet boost up walls and demolish pretty much anything. Add to this the fact that this vehicle can separate to a bat cycle and any vehicle junkie's crotch has to become sweltering hot. If that's not enough evidence, take this into account... the batmobile has had more than five encarnations... and it just keeps getting better.
HONORARY MENTIONS:
Flying motorcycle from Mega Force
This piece of shit movie is just so awesome I can't way to buy it on Blu Ray. With perfectly feathered hair, Ace decides to give one last message to the Hispanic tank pirate. After giving his perfect 80's American Hero smile he proceeds to burn the turbo and fly into the back of a B52 that's waiting for his arrival. Tacky? you bet your ass, but cool is cool, no matter how tight the Gold Spandex can get.
KITT from Knight Rider
Kit was your guarantee that you'd never get lonely. If that weren't enough, the guy was always ready to give you directions to avoid traffic and crack some skulls.
10. Nimbus 2000
After seeing my fiancée's face when I mentioned the Hogwart's Express, she looked at me dumbfounded... and I realized why... how the hell could I overlook a flying broomstick is beyond me. Screw quidditch, I want to scrape them bristles at 100+ mph and see how many g's I can take. After all, the Harry Potter series is largely responsible for the rekindled passion children used to have with a stick horse or a broom so I nod to my inner child and at number 10, I want da booom stick :D
9. Mad Max's car
Have you ever just wanted to ram your car into some asshole who has had his blinker on for 7 miles? Do you hate when three people occupy the three lanes going at exactly the same speed? Have you ever caught yourself wishing you could Grandtheft auto some mother fucker and just leave their car in flames? I present to you the Mad Max car. Mucho bad ass, big ass cojones and meaner than a catholic nun. This car screams one thing and one thing only
Get
Out
of
My
Way
8. Tron motorcycles
In another oldschool love affair I HAD to put in the Tron Motorcycles. Hell water other way can you guarantee that fucker on your right is going to eat it if it isn't my creating a digital wall for them to crash into. If the need is speed, digitalize your motor hard on and get on these things.
7. Thunder Hawk – M.A.S.K.
Oh lawdy how many times have I wished for a flying car to bypass all traffic. M.A.S.K. was one of those series that you had to love. Cool masks, cooler vehicles, coolest battle sequences. Consider these the transformers you can actually ride.
6. Pegasus – Revenge of the Titans
I just had to put in pegasus because he's the original flying badass. True there's falcor (that dog dragon thing from the never ending story) and there have been dragons ridden, but Pegasus could not only fly, but also be perfect for parking in any size space. Advantage, the cool ass horse.
5. Hover board
Pick the Mattel version or the psycho pit bull version, a hover board just kicked ass. Creating countless urban legends that a real hover board was created, this vehicle demands attention and is bad ass enough to to get you out of a jam and get your rightful Biff slamming head first into a pile of manure.
4. Ghost Rider’s cycle
Ok so the movie was a steaming pile of shit, the motorcycle however, was not. Much in the line of the car from the Wraith, you have to be dead to be able to ride it. But hell, a chopper in flames? How can I say no?
3. Delorian
The only movie to have two vehicles on this list, the Delorian was and will always be a piece of shit geek car that looks cool. Add to this a flux capacitor and time travel becomes an availability. Vertical doors, low reclining chairs. Give me that and a Michael Jackson glimmer glove, and I'm in hog heaven baby.
2. Millenium Falcon
After having written this list down, at the last minute I have demoted the Millenium Falcon for one reason only, from time to time, that goddess broke down. But when that puppy was more operational than a half constructed Death Star, it just sent tingles down my spine. Warp speed, a horde of TIE fighters, an imperial battleship... bring it on bitches, because the force is definitely strong with this one.
1. Batmobile
After some thought, let's be bluntly honest, there is nothing cooler, more badass, and more sexy than a fully automated, armed to the teeth batmobile. You can kill goons in style, jet boost up walls and demolish pretty much anything. Add to this the fact that this vehicle can separate to a bat cycle and any vehicle junkie's crotch has to become sweltering hot. If that's not enough evidence, take this into account... the batmobile has had more than five encarnations... and it just keeps getting better.
Some Restrictions do not Apply
For instance, if one of your blog brethren has a birthday, you have the right to write a post about what they mean to you. No restrictions apply. That means if I wanted to go all gay and say that Restrictions is a man in a man's man's world, and that if I were gay I'd totally dance a Prince song in his name, I'm not going into taboo territory. That's because with real friends. There are no Restrictions. And it just so happens to Restrictionsapply's birthday today, but I'm not going to go all gay, dress in white and wear the sluttiest red lipstick while I sing happy birthday to him, I'm just going to say thanks for being in my life, thanks for being my friend, thanks for reading, thanks for writing, thanks for worrying, thanks for being the jedi master any paddawan would rejoice at and thank you for being you.
Thank you for having your own definition of success. Thank you for being happy. Thank you for having and maintaining a happy family. Thank you for inspiring me with what you write. Thank you for owning a flavor wave, I'm going to be wanting a demostration some day. And thank you for being one of the reasons why advertising does not suck my friend. My best to you and your family and know I think of you in the ungayest way with the most manly love possible.
Cheers
Thank you for having your own definition of success. Thank you for being happy. Thank you for having and maintaining a happy family. Thank you for inspiring me with what you write. Thank you for owning a flavor wave, I'm going to be wanting a demostration some day. And thank you for being one of the reasons why advertising does not suck my friend. My best to you and your family and know I think of you in the ungayest way with the most manly love possible.
Cheers
Fortune Cookie 500 #'s 311-315
On public speakers
Demagogues and demigods are not the same, though the first strives to be the other.
On absolute power
The only absolute power is that of possibility.
On promotions
Slow and steady gets the job done, but reckless and fast gets you noticed.
On stress
Just because you treat something as an emergency, doesn’t mean that it is.
On satisfaction
Eskimos don’t really have over 100 words to describe snow, but people have millions of ways to express success.
Demagogues and demigods are not the same, though the first strives to be the other.
On absolute power
The only absolute power is that of possibility.
On promotions
Slow and steady gets the job done, but reckless and fast gets you noticed.
On stress
Just because you treat something as an emergency, doesn’t mean that it is.
On satisfaction
Eskimos don’t really have over 100 words to describe snow, but people have millions of ways to express success.
Sep 4, 2009
Divine 69 - Part 4 of 7 #'s 39 to 30
Part 4 of 7 of the fictitious women in my life that have left a mark. Here with have the thrilling thirties of this list. Let's see if guys agree with me.
Entering at the top of the 30's list, we have....
39. Sophitia Alexandra - Soul Calibur Series
As tender in personality as she is in her chest, Sophitia represented righteous beauty in all its incarnations. Add to this that she was fun to play with, no puns meant but obviously there for the taking, and the fact that she had flowing white wisps of nothing covering her up, and it's no surprise she made the list. That she's able to slice and pummel you while looking more adorable than the kitty from Shrek 2 just adds to her charm.
38. Keira - Jak And Daxter Series
This gal is Gadget 2.0. Smarter, funnier, sweeter, hotter and builds things that are endlessly more effective than anything the Rescue Rangers were able to hurtle into battle, Keira shows that suspenders and a tight tank top, coupled with beautiful eyes and elven tipped ears are definitely something to get any of our attention. That Jak was to busy being Jak to notice this drop dead beauty staring him straight in the eye brings echoes of Booth from Teen Wolf and all the hotties in every game or movie that have had to deal with clueless men in their lives.
37. Sonya Blade - Mortal Kombat Series
To trump Kitana in the Mortal Kombat Universe is no easy feat, but to be able to cause you to burn and crumble in a pile of ashes by just blowing a kiss from a distance shows that Sonya was deadly beautiful. All incarnations and all outfits have prompted generations of young guys to wish upon on a shooting star to get scissor suplexed by this beauty. That she's also capable of uppercutting you to a prescreened bloody end apparently makes her even sexier.
36. Sorceress of Castle grayskull - He-man
A bird suit cannot take away from the magic of them hips. Add to this that she wore those close to knee high boots and was all wise and you couldn't help but want to be the tainting energy to corrupt the essence of Grayskull. While Adam was frollicking in his fur undies while stroking off cringer, I was too busy watching Sorceress and recognizing that in the pecking order of Grayskull, she came ahead of Tee-la, but hey that's just my opinion.... which leads me to....
35. Evil-Lyn - He-man
Sorry Sorceress, but you got trumped. There's just something about evil brunettes with a panache for doing dastardly deeds that couldn't help but apparently turn me on as a child. She was cold, mischievous and definitely enjoyed some skull and boning at the hands of skeletor. If that doesn't demonstrate that this mean bitch was a vixen in bed, I don't think anything will.
34. Morrigan - Darkstalkers series
Definition of succubus: a demon in female form, said to have sexual intercourse with men in their sleep. Seriously people, where do I sign up. Morrigan was one of those characters that TRULY whipped my Elvira lovin libido into high gear. That her breast were always dangerously close to making a creamy cameo appearance definitely added to the entire allure of this beauty. And the wings on her head? Seriously, you think a guy in lust mode couldn't mind at least 3 uses for those?
33. Poison Ivy - Detective Comics
No other woman in entertainment can make you care less if you got a rash after being with her. That she could kill you is bad enough. That she could give you poison oak on your balls is worse. That you could care less just as long as you got into her thorn bush, well that just shows how fucked up men can be in the head. I don't think Caladryl as a lube is a good idea, but if push comes to shove... well I'm sure there's a few people that wouldn't mind it.
32. Wonder Woman
Amazon goddess. That is the base description of Wonder Woman. That she could tie you up in her lasso of truth and you'd be forced to confess all the things you'd like to do unto her, well that's scary and sexy at the same time. That you could be the most unique mile high club member if you happened to tag her in her invisible plane, well that's just proof that we men are childish in our exhibitionism. A true honor to brunettes the world over, the only downfall is that following up super man HAS to be a letdown. Oh well.
31. Black Cat - Spider Man
Ripped off from Batman's catwoman? You can bet your ass she was since the other came nearly forty years after. But that does not take away one iota of hotness from this powerless cat burglar that has inspired thousands of young guys to spunk their webbing while chanting her name. With moves to put Catherine Zeta Jones to shame, Black Cat shows that though I'm not a fan of cats in real life, women with feline sensitivities cannot be ignored.
30. Lois Griffin - Family Guy
Oh Lois. How we love thee. How hot is Mrs. Griffin? Simple. That we'd look past the fact that she bones Peter is reason enough to demonstrate why this Milf caps off the #30 spot on this list. She's sweet, sassy, and who can blame Quagmire for his never ending giggedyness every time he sees her. No wonder Brian wanted to hump much more than her leg.
Entering at the top of the 30's list, we have....
39. Sophitia Alexandra - Soul Calibur Series
As tender in personality as she is in her chest, Sophitia represented righteous beauty in all its incarnations. Add to this that she was fun to play with, no puns meant but obviously there for the taking, and the fact that she had flowing white wisps of nothing covering her up, and it's no surprise she made the list. That she's able to slice and pummel you while looking more adorable than the kitty from Shrek 2 just adds to her charm.
38. Keira - Jak And Daxter Series
This gal is Gadget 2.0. Smarter, funnier, sweeter, hotter and builds things that are endlessly more effective than anything the Rescue Rangers were able to hurtle into battle, Keira shows that suspenders and a tight tank top, coupled with beautiful eyes and elven tipped ears are definitely something to get any of our attention. That Jak was to busy being Jak to notice this drop dead beauty staring him straight in the eye brings echoes of Booth from Teen Wolf and all the hotties in every game or movie that have had to deal with clueless men in their lives.
37. Sonya Blade - Mortal Kombat Series
To trump Kitana in the Mortal Kombat Universe is no easy feat, but to be able to cause you to burn and crumble in a pile of ashes by just blowing a kiss from a distance shows that Sonya was deadly beautiful. All incarnations and all outfits have prompted generations of young guys to wish upon on a shooting star to get scissor suplexed by this beauty. That she's also capable of uppercutting you to a prescreened bloody end apparently makes her even sexier.
36. Sorceress of Castle grayskull - He-man
A bird suit cannot take away from the magic of them hips. Add to this that she wore those close to knee high boots and was all wise and you couldn't help but want to be the tainting energy to corrupt the essence of Grayskull. While Adam was frollicking in his fur undies while stroking off cringer, I was too busy watching Sorceress and recognizing that in the pecking order of Grayskull, she came ahead of Tee-la, but hey that's just my opinion.... which leads me to....
35. Evil-Lyn - He-man
Sorry Sorceress, but you got trumped. There's just something about evil brunettes with a panache for doing dastardly deeds that couldn't help but apparently turn me on as a child. She was cold, mischievous and definitely enjoyed some skull and boning at the hands of skeletor. If that doesn't demonstrate that this mean bitch was a vixen in bed, I don't think anything will.
34. Morrigan - Darkstalkers series
Definition of succubus: a demon in female form, said to have sexual intercourse with men in their sleep. Seriously people, where do I sign up. Morrigan was one of those characters that TRULY whipped my Elvira lovin libido into high gear. That her breast were always dangerously close to making a creamy cameo appearance definitely added to the entire allure of this beauty. And the wings on her head? Seriously, you think a guy in lust mode couldn't mind at least 3 uses for those?
33. Poison Ivy - Detective Comics
No other woman in entertainment can make you care less if you got a rash after being with her. That she could kill you is bad enough. That she could give you poison oak on your balls is worse. That you could care less just as long as you got into her thorn bush, well that just shows how fucked up men can be in the head. I don't think Caladryl as a lube is a good idea, but if push comes to shove... well I'm sure there's a few people that wouldn't mind it.
32. Wonder Woman
Amazon goddess. That is the base description of Wonder Woman. That she could tie you up in her lasso of truth and you'd be forced to confess all the things you'd like to do unto her, well that's scary and sexy at the same time. That you could be the most unique mile high club member if you happened to tag her in her invisible plane, well that's just proof that we men are childish in our exhibitionism. A true honor to brunettes the world over, the only downfall is that following up super man HAS to be a letdown. Oh well.
31. Black Cat - Spider Man
Ripped off from Batman's catwoman? You can bet your ass she was since the other came nearly forty years after. But that does not take away one iota of hotness from this powerless cat burglar that has inspired thousands of young guys to spunk their webbing while chanting her name. With moves to put Catherine Zeta Jones to shame, Black Cat shows that though I'm not a fan of cats in real life, women with feline sensitivities cannot be ignored.
30. Lois Griffin - Family Guy
Oh Lois. How we love thee. How hot is Mrs. Griffin? Simple. That we'd look past the fact that she bones Peter is reason enough to demonstrate why this Milf caps off the #30 spot on this list. She's sweet, sassy, and who can blame Quagmire for his never ending giggedyness every time he sees her. No wonder Brian wanted to hump much more than her leg.
Top Ten Movies that Fucked me up as a kid
Continuing the top 10 week, here we have a list of all the movies I proibably shouldn't have been exposed to when I was too young becuase at one point or another, it scarred me. To this day, some of the vivid reactions I had as a child still hold true with some of these movies while others I was able to cope with. So to start off the list, we have
10. The Bear / L'Ours
Even to this day, just thinking of thise movie and its various tender scenes causes me to tear up and I could just remember crying uncontrollably. If you think Bambi is sad, the scene when this cub loses his mom is heart wrenching not to mention the scene when he licks the big bears wounds after the behemoth defends his Boo-boo pal. Great movie, but I just can't handle cute animals having a hard time.
9. Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom
Two scenes from this movie fucked me up. First of course is the snake eating scene, that even in my "hey I'll try anything you can eat once" demeanor, I can't help but gag. Top that lovely scene with the rats in the water and you'd already have a winner. But no, they weren't satisfied with that and had to go and show me how the bad guy would rip a man's living heart out only to be tossed to the fire or some other overkill that just wasn't necessary. For an adult it was obviously fake, for a kid, well let's just say that voodoo juju isn't my idea for a good betimme story.
8. Childsplay 2
Even to kids this movie could seem childish but the scene where Chucky was hiding in the closet and proceeds to hack and stab a teacher to death with a school ruler was enough to have me kicking at dark closets well into my teens and it still gets under my skin.
7. Hellraiser
How the hell I was able to watch this under my parent's radar is beyond me because if any movie gives off sonic and visual alarm bells of "oh shit don't let your kid watch this", it's hellraiser. The movie has so many gruesome scenes that I can't begin to choose one over another... but the whole rat filetting thing probably ranks pretty high in the food chain.
6. Predator
My entire youth had me staring at trees swearing I saw a pair of flashing green eyes. Nuff said.
5. Pulse
If anyone watched this 80's thriller, you'll remember that bad shit just seemed to happen mysteriously. It had no face, it had no motive and apart from the ability to water broil you, the only other super purpose was to scare the living poop out of your system. To this day this movie is one of the creepiest horror films I've ever seen simply because it refuses to give clearcut answers and pretty much any appliance in your house can be your Final Destination style ending.
4. Nightmare on Elmstreet
A serial killer that gets you in your sleep. Whatever saddistic motherfucker who came up with this brilliant idea to prompt people to fear napping has no idea that an entire generation of kids got fucked in the head big time. Luckily for me it wore off after realizing that going to sleep just meant I could have weird images streaming through your hair. I think I have some spicy Samantha Fox dream I have to thank for actually making me thankful for sleep.
3. Full Metal Jacket
A movie that nowadays I love, but if you're a kid, and you see what Pvt. Pyle goes through, you aren't going to be a happy camper. After the soap bashing and the whole losing his mind bit is over, one of the most intense scenes in movie history has to be when the entire bathroom scene. My oldest brother came downstairs because he heard me crying... I just wasn't ready to see anyone break down that bad or take their own life. Vivid, intense and definitely not PG 13.
2. Jaws
Tell me one person you know that saw this movie as a kid and didn't have issues going into the water and I'll show you a liar or the next Crocodile hunter. This hell of a movie did more to prompt swimmers to steer clear from the deep end than any other film in movie history. I still have issues being at a reef solo while surfing and if I don't distract myself, I'll start getting all panicky and start seeing suspicious shadows lurking nearby.
1. Arachnophobia
How a movie can embed in me the phobia within its title is a true testimony that the makers of this movie knew what they were doing. That I was once scared half to death by a spider that crawled out of the toilet, onto my thigh while I was birthing a lincoln log was just overkill. No other movie has single handedly fucked me up this bad and for good reason. Effects, good cinematography and one of the creepiest crawlers around are all the perfect formula to make you check your shoes three times before putting them on.
How bout y'all? What movies screwed you up as kids?
10. The Bear / L'Ours
Even to this day, just thinking of thise movie and its various tender scenes causes me to tear up and I could just remember crying uncontrollably. If you think Bambi is sad, the scene when this cub loses his mom is heart wrenching not to mention the scene when he licks the big bears wounds after the behemoth defends his Boo-boo pal. Great movie, but I just can't handle cute animals having a hard time.
9. Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom
Two scenes from this movie fucked me up. First of course is the snake eating scene, that even in my "hey I'll try anything you can eat once" demeanor, I can't help but gag. Top that lovely scene with the rats in the water and you'd already have a winner. But no, they weren't satisfied with that and had to go and show me how the bad guy would rip a man's living heart out only to be tossed to the fire or some other overkill that just wasn't necessary. For an adult it was obviously fake, for a kid, well let's just say that voodoo juju isn't my idea for a good betimme story.
8. Childsplay 2
Even to kids this movie could seem childish but the scene where Chucky was hiding in the closet and proceeds to hack and stab a teacher to death with a school ruler was enough to have me kicking at dark closets well into my teens and it still gets under my skin.
7. Hellraiser
How the hell I was able to watch this under my parent's radar is beyond me because if any movie gives off sonic and visual alarm bells of "oh shit don't let your kid watch this", it's hellraiser. The movie has so many gruesome scenes that I can't begin to choose one over another... but the whole rat filetting thing probably ranks pretty high in the food chain.
6. Predator
My entire youth had me staring at trees swearing I saw a pair of flashing green eyes. Nuff said.
5. Pulse
If anyone watched this 80's thriller, you'll remember that bad shit just seemed to happen mysteriously. It had no face, it had no motive and apart from the ability to water broil you, the only other super purpose was to scare the living poop out of your system. To this day this movie is one of the creepiest horror films I've ever seen simply because it refuses to give clearcut answers and pretty much any appliance in your house can be your Final Destination style ending.
4. Nightmare on Elmstreet
A serial killer that gets you in your sleep. Whatever saddistic motherfucker who came up with this brilliant idea to prompt people to fear napping has no idea that an entire generation of kids got fucked in the head big time. Luckily for me it wore off after realizing that going to sleep just meant I could have weird images streaming through your hair. I think I have some spicy Samantha Fox dream I have to thank for actually making me thankful for sleep.
3. Full Metal Jacket
A movie that nowadays I love, but if you're a kid, and you see what Pvt. Pyle goes through, you aren't going to be a happy camper. After the soap bashing and the whole losing his mind bit is over, one of the most intense scenes in movie history has to be when the entire bathroom scene. My oldest brother came downstairs because he heard me crying... I just wasn't ready to see anyone break down that bad or take their own life. Vivid, intense and definitely not PG 13.
2. Jaws
Tell me one person you know that saw this movie as a kid and didn't have issues going into the water and I'll show you a liar or the next Crocodile hunter. This hell of a movie did more to prompt swimmers to steer clear from the deep end than any other film in movie history. I still have issues being at a reef solo while surfing and if I don't distract myself, I'll start getting all panicky and start seeing suspicious shadows lurking nearby.
1. Arachnophobia
How a movie can embed in me the phobia within its title is a true testimony that the makers of this movie knew what they were doing. That I was once scared half to death by a spider that crawled out of the toilet, onto my thigh while I was birthing a lincoln log was just overkill. No other movie has single handedly fucked me up this bad and for good reason. Effects, good cinematography and one of the creepiest crawlers around are all the perfect formula to make you check your shoes three times before putting them on.
How bout y'all? What movies screwed you up as kids?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
