Helping a brother out

Well seems the recession is hitting all the places I have people I know. Puerto rico is the latest of unemployment tragedy where roughly 17,000 government employees were left without a job. Upon seeing this, a friend of mine decided to make a book/blog with tips of how to stand out from the herd, coping with the situation and just biting down and getting back on track. It is a work in progress since the labor situation actually erupted earlier this week and instead of voicing his opinions over the watercooler, he was much nicer and decided to do this proyect instead. The work is in Spanish since that's the predominant language on the island but feel free to pass it along to anyone you may know that needs some help in these shitty shit times.

Visit his site here.

Cheers mate

Behind the Ads: Advertising truths your company doesn’t want you to know

Work in advertising long enough and you will eventually notice that there is quite a surplus of people who feel that they were duped into signing into the industry. Dreams, glitz, glamour and being hotter than a supernova were all possibilities if you put in the hours and the effort. That’s the advertisers dream, and to some degree or another, at least I fell for it and decided to enroll in the life on the fast lane. After a while though, that lane hardly seems like the best place to waste energy on. It’s just a lane after all and after more than a few share of accidents, you realize that the lifestyle you were sold as part of your day job actually becomes part of the job since your entire existence is based around advertising and everything related to your work. Few industries produce as many misguided workaholics as advertising and though things could be worse, I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one that thought at some point during my tenure that I’d rather shovel feces or flip burgers so I at least had an idea of when my shift ended.

For four years we’ve belted enough bitching to at least make people think twice before enrolling in the un-special services readily available to anyone that is thinking they’ll be the next big Ogilvy or Deutsch. The reality is that there’s not just one reason why advertising sucks and the fact that we can keep writing is evidence that there is something seriously wrong with the industry we call our own. The advantage to writing anonymously is that you have people from New Delhi, London, Chicago, Denver, Los Angeles, New York, San Juan, Sao Paolo, Seattle, Brisbane, Sydney, Paris, Miami, and Bucharest relating to what we write. That’s because though the cultures and the languages change, the industry is the same and the joke was unfortunately on all of us.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m completely aware that there are people supremely satisfied with their experience in the bizz, but for my part, I’m pretty sure that people who think none of this is worth it outnumber the happy ADites twenty to one. So if you’re an intern, an ad graduate or just someone from the ad business looking for a reason why your role in this industry should be severely questioned, I shall be offering 100 truths about advertising that you may or may not know and that you may or may not agree with, but these are the truths from my experience in 6 agencies within 5 years.

Coming very soon

Fortune Cookie 500 #'s 321-325

On keeping in touch
Congratulate your mother for remembering what you look like


On quality time
Reevaluate your career choice if you think about work to not climax during sex.


On living life
If your biggest rush comes from a business deal, your priorities are screwed.


On perspective
When you’re balding, there is no such thing as bad hair.


On focus
The most important thing about focus is… um… what was I saying?

Family Guy's Disney Universe

Quick! Watch it before they delete it!

Things I’ve learned this week (and it’s only Tuesday)

-- When presenting your idea/concept to a client or an executive, know this: You have just 90 seconds to make your pitch. If after 90 seconds you’re still explaining your idea, you’ve lost them and there’s a very high chance that your shit will be shot down or “revised”.

-- Your idea is at its best when you visualize and present it. Once it gets bought, it’s all downhill from there. Suggestions, comments, opinions, revisions, other people’s take on it, etc… they all get in the way and dilute your baby. Seldom does your idea make it out the door the way you saw it in your head originally.

We need 900 people.

I think we can do this.

We've been doing great on visits but we can't seem to break the 4,000 visit mark... or can we?

Let's break the WAS record!

Send our blog everywhere you can. Facebook it. Make someone StumbleUpon it. Twitter it. MySpace it. Send it by email. Use the share button and go nuts!

Let's see if we can actually pop our own cherry!

Much love, Me.

Last Friday I was Taken to: District 9.

When I saw the dark, black blood, I knew this was going to be a great and interesting ride. Ladies and Gents, my review of District 9.

Directed by Neill Blomkamp and produced by LOTR franchise master Peter Jackson for just 30 million dollars... this was if I got really drunk and decided to make science fiction soup and got a new flavor. My ingredients would be Aliens, RoboCop, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, Mac and Me, ET and your garden variety PBS documentary all rolled up into one extreme what the fuck situation.

The film came to be when Jackson saw Alive in Joburg, a short film from Blockamp - who was in line to do Halo but lost the project due to, what else: lack of money. They decided to adapt this short film and boy, did they deliver.

Let me tell you, this is proof that you can do something extremely well sans a shitload of money. I enjoyed this waaaaay much than Transformers 2 and it had like a quarter of their budget.

The premise is extremely simple: aliens come to earth and, gasp, they didn't land on the US. They just parked in Johannesburg, South Africa and said hi there to the community.

Since we're the asshole residents of Earth, there is no question that at some point we bitch and moan about their presence and that they are not welcome - something that totally rang true. We want them like we want our prisons - as far away from us as possible. So they have to move the "prawns" (yeah 'cause that is another thing about us, we place names to everyone that is different from us) to District 10 and then... the shit and the blood hit... not only the fan, it just splashes everywhere.

You will not get scared in this movie, not at all. Instead you will find yourself sitting uncomfortable at the many ugly things that you see like gooey stuff oozing from something painful to the extremely disgusting side of us homo sapiens.

Yeah, this is a flick that has roots deep inside prejudice, racism, segregation and just... people from Earth suck ballsacks. I sat there thinking... Jesus if that really happened, the love fest would last a month and then we would go berzerk wanting to get them off the little blue planet.

Yes, we would call them names. Why not, we call each other names as well. Yeah, we would treat them like shit and deny their rights. Again, something that we do on a daily basis. The flick seems like a future reference of what not to do when ET decides to phone earth.

So go visit our friends at District 9. But a word... try not to drink anything liquid while you're at it, specially if you are a nausea aficionado.

Five Concerts that need to define: Me

Joker and I were talking about my future trip to NYC to see my favorite band of all time, U2. Ever since I heard them, it just needed to be done. We kept talking about his future trip to see Pearl Jam and suddenly we had a list going. Five Concerts that I haven't seen that just need to be done. I mean, this is the Bucket list of concerts. Either I go or I just don't die. Period.

So, in order of “holy fucking shit I need to see that band”, here are the ones that I haven't seen... Yet.

1) The Cure. THE CURE! THE ALMIGHTY CURE!
This is totally doable and I am just kicking myself in the ovaries for not thinking about this one and trying to find tickets. This is my next quest, period. Robert Smith is god, and I need to go to church as soon as I can.

2) The Eagles
This music has special meaning to me. I grew up with it and some of my most nicest memories as an adult revolve around some of their songs.

3) Tie: Fleetwood Mac and Simon and Garfunkel
S&G are already on tour... on fucking Australia. I would KILL someone for them to come to the US. Fleetwood is also on tour... As long as they don't kill each other.

4) Red Hot Chili Peppers
I just need my Flea. This was my "college days" band.

5) George Michael
This would be my what the fuck pop choice. Some people go to Britney Spears, some go to the Jonas Brothers. This is my pop icon and dammit, he still sounds good. Even with the drugs. Allegedly.

This list has to have honorable mentions: Tony Bennett (this can be done in my next Las Vegas trip), Elton John (also at Vegas, totally doable), Aretha Franklin, and the Harlem Gospel Choir.

Five Body Snatchings for Dead People that define: Me

The good thing about making rules is breaking them. Did I write that no dead people were allowed in the Body Snatching Series? Yeah... that sucks. Better this way. So! Here we go again people. This one is going to be hard core. Five Dead, Rotten Corpses that I would gladly bring back to life... just so that I can invade them.

Again, I only retain their bodies, I get to use my own brain. YEY.

Let's open up some graves and let's find out what dead people I would be and why... In just the order that they occurred to me - honest to god:

1)Marilyn Monroe
Have the opportunity to be extremely sexy and get all the men that I could? Come on. I would not pass that shit by. Megan Fox can talk all the shit she wants, but sweet old dumb Marilyn was the original sex kitten.

2)Ella Fitzgerald
Sing like that lady would be a true honor. She is my favorite woman singer of all time, period. I chose her because I wanted to invade a body that played an instrument (I truly miss playing) and it hit me. Ella was the ultimate instrument. Her whole body. So I chose the best. Oh. She died on my birthday. That was one sad saturday...

3) Jean Michelle Basquiat.
After a long battle deciding if I wanted to be Toulouse Lautrec I decided to let him be himself and invade a just fun time artist instead. People can say all the crap they want but I still find his art inspiring and fun - not all art needs to be easily solved and defined.

4) George Carlin
This is a no brainer.

5) Coco Chanel.
Ok let me repeat that one again. I am a girl. I DO have girly moments. Yes, I love to swear, be loud, be just one of the guys... but I still carry ovaries and I do make them proud. Designing clothes at some point was kind of interesting to me, and the one female designer that I loved was her. And she fits the mold as close as possible: she's brash and got balls. I would just be myself but with a french accent. Oh and I would bang guys instead. Just sayin'.

So... Now I need a shovel and a flashlight.

FINALLY somebody shut Floyd Mayweather up

Agree to disagree with me all you want, but for me, the best part of last night's card had to be the post fight interviews after the main event. Nothing that happened all night was even close to as entertaining as to what happened after the fight.

I want to clear something up before I continue, a few years back I need to admit that I thought Max Kellerman was some gawky idiot that had no business being behind the mic. That's because I didn't want anyone messing with the formula of HBO's announcing team and because at first impression, he doesn't make a spectacular one. Jump to present day and I'd like to offer a blogger post apology to Max Kellerman. From being considered for my "People who annoy me" series I have grown to look forward to what he has to say because he's brutally honest and because I really think he's a hell of a boxing analyst and one of the people whose opinion about a fight I want to know. He asseses skill vs heart and maybe just has opinions that resonate with mine more often than I would have ever thought. So to Max, my thanks for your presence, last night was a hard night for Marquez fans... and I know you are one too.

That being said, after the bell rang Max did what everyone has wanted to do to Mayweather in a ring. He cornered him, put him on the defensive and pressed the action until Mayweather quit. I lost count of how many times Kellerman interrupted Floyd, but I'd fancy about six or seven because just like in a match, Floyd did a lot of ducking and didn't want to answer three Kellerman questions regarding Manny Pacquiao, the weight issue and Shane Mosley. Thankfully, Shane came to back Max up and created a scuffle to put a damper on Mayweather's parade pretty much demanding a shot in the ring. Fingers were pointed, rude comments were said, decorum once again went to hell and Floyd ended up looked out of his comfort zone, something many a boxing fan has begged for the last decade.

After the fight, Max did do some justifying in trying to explain his behavior and why the interview went down the way it did and deprived us from an analysis over whether Manny has a chance with Floyd. That being said, not since Larry Merchant VS Bernard Hopkins have I been so eager to see a post fight interview.

Sure some people didn't enjoy the post fight shennanigan's, but me? I couldn't be happier.

So to Max, here's to you buddy.

Cheers

Down but not out: Mayweather vs Marquez

That I held onto any hope that Maquez could even come close to putting a dent into Mayweather is truly a testament to my support for the Mexican warrior, the hoopla that 24/7 creates and the fact that I just didn't want to accept the reality.

If you failed to see it last night, Floyd Mayweather Jr. put on a boxing clinic and at least to the public made his case why he should be considered one of the best in history. For 12 rounds, the gameplan was simple, check left hook, use the jab, do occcasional combinations and take no risks. To say that it worked perfectly is an understatement; to say anyone expected anything less, well that just goes to show how many "Mayweather fans" are so anxious to see him get in the ring with anything that might seem like a threat.

Now I know what you're thinking; it's not that I'm a sore loser and I can't handle my favorite boxer being toyed with. While this may be true, I also insisted on watching the entire fight and keep the faith and although Marquez connected underwhelmingly to put it lightly (12% of his shots), he did manage to tag Floyd with a dozen or so shots than in microcosm made me smile.

So what happened? Why was there no shot in hell for Marquez to even think about seeing light at the end of a tunnel, unless it was from being knocked out so bad?

Simple. Floyd is bigger, stronger, longer and quicker. The only X factor in the fight that might have made any difference was erased when Floyd came 2 pounds over the agreed upon mistake. A mistake that cost him 600,000 grand but that was money well spent. If you saw Oscar De La Hoya's last fight with Manny Pacquiao, you have an idea of what a depleted fighter looks like and why any hope for Juan was demolished at the weigh-in. That he continued with the fight showed his commitment to a card and the power of money. That Mayweather was fighting at the weight he wanted with no disadvantage to speak of, shows that Marquez is also stubborn to the point of chivalry/idiocy.

For twelve round Floyd looked as quick and as strong as ever and made Marquez look like a sparring partner, but he didn't knock him out. How JMM finished the fight is beyond me because honestly, Floyd had nothing to be afraid of if he opened up. But he didn't... again.

If anything is more annoyingly consistent with Floyd Mayweather than his knack for getting on your bad side and creating reality drama with his family, it's that he never ever takes a risk. Admirable and shocking when you see that no one has ever connected double digits in any single round, but lacking the courage that made Sugar Ray Leonard, Sugar Ray Robinson and even Juan Manuel Marquez so willing to watch. See every floyd fight and you'll see him smiling with barely a bruise on his face. It's a reality... but though you'll see the opponent bruised and battered, rarely will you see him with glazed eyes as a referree counts to ten or waves off the fight.

But what about Ricky Hatton? HE got knocked out. Simply put, Ricky had no business being in the ring with Floyd... much less at Floyd's natural weight. Apart from that, he also fought the smaller Arturo Gatti and beat him to a pulp and ko'd Diego Corrales in a night where Chico was dangeroulsy dehydrated, but that none the less took the fight, again showing what a drained fighter looks like. To make things worse, Floyd was on point and beyond phenomenal that night.

To his favor I will say that he has taken some risks. He fought Jose Luis Castillo twice and Castillo has been the closest anyone has been to give Floyd any trouble. He then fought Oscar De la Hoya at Oscar's weight... then again, he won via split decision even though Oscar forgot to throw the jab after round 6. Some people say it was Floyd's blazing speed...I just think Oscar messed up and the Golden Boy lost another golden opportunity. Apart from that, Floyd has been taking as few risks as possible, which is why I have a problem putting him on any pound for pound lists. You see Manny Pacquiao, and he's knocked out Ricky Hatton and knocked out Oscar De la Hoya in two fights fighting way above what he's ever fought. He's fought Marquez twice in a weight that Marquez is spectacular at... though if the fight had been at 130, Floyd would have probably also beaten Juan. He's fought Barrera and Morales and has consistently gone into weight divisions he has no right to be in, to take all comers. Now he's set to face what should be his toughest opponent yet, Miguel Cotto. You see Manny's fight stats and who he's fought and you HAVE to pay attention. You see Floyd's and you have to question how he can arguably make that much of a case for himself as the pound for pound best.

The term "cherry picked" was used last night when referring to Marquez and even though he is a phenom, it does feel that way. So add to that his arrogant attitude, flamboyance that borders on annoying and an ego and self centered attitude that makes Kanye look humble, and it's clear to see why the guy is so easy to hate.

For two years boxing was hurting without Floyd. That's what he says but I'm not buying. In the last two years fights are being held at catch weights and boxers are fighting the best. Chad Dawson has fought valiantly and brilliantly against the best in his division. Joe Calzaghe retired with an intact record and dignity because he fought some of the best. Bernard Hopkins has gotten even better with age, putting on a show against Kelly Pavlik and taking on the best. Juan Manuel Marquez decimated the light weight divisions and took all comers. Manny Pacquiao has paved his way to the hall of fame in gold. Paul Williams has fought supremely well in three divisions. A boat load of action packed fights have happened and the best are truly fighting the best.

Floyd Mayweather Jr.? Flamboyant, arrogant and with possibly the best boxing skills in the world denies us the treat of him truly demonstrating he is the best. He puts on a great show with the 24/7 circus and makes a grand entrance, but unlike his mic skills, he's never ever taken a chance, and though it'll get you to live a long and full life... it won't get you the respect from fight fans that will always bet on Money, while always hoping to lose.

Cheers

Ps.: Me, it's knockdown... not knockout.

Advertising Gold strikes again

NOW I'm talking GOLD. Sorry for the fuckup

Fortune Cookie 500 #'s 316-320

On the value of 48 hours

There are good days, then there are the other 5 days of a week.


On paychecks

Twice a month are you reminded why you put up with your job.


On eating healthy

Quality of life often does not translate well into quality of flavor.


On office bathrooms

Context defines whether a power squat is a good exercise or defensive hygiene.


On working things rush

The only thing one should rush, is leaving the office to be with their loved ones.

We got a WAS widget... FROM A FAN!

If the Wiki reference was not a surprise enough, check this amazing thing out: WE GOT A CUSTOM WAS WIDGET! Avidreader made this so you can put our blog in your website, blog, facebook... you choose! Our posts will automatically load so you can read them right where you want to. Isn't this fucking saaaaaaaaa-weet?

The review of our little blog made me go aaaaaaaaaaaaaaw for a shitload of hours. (Blush)

So, Avidreader, may you rock tomorrow as you do today. This is SO AWESOME!

Now people, get "crackelacking" and put us everywhere you want!

Click at the name of the post for the link to get the wonderful thingy or click here!

Open letter to Kanye West

Dear Mr. West:

Here at Why Advertising Sucks (WAS) we pride ourselves in offering a wide variety of entertainment to anyone that happens to chance upon this little blog that could. From the wide variety of reasons we hate advertising, to good and bad adverts, to boxing, to fictional women that prompted us to masturbate as hormonally dishevelled tweens, and of course, cock fingering, we try to cover all bases and offer our candid opinion about pretty much anything we come across. In recent times we have been fortunate enough to have you in the media to offer creative fodder so we have writing material. On behalf of the WAS family and all readers, we'd like to genuinely thank you from the bottom of our hearts. For being such a douche that you make R Kelly look humble. For saying things in public that promote racial bias and rivalry instead of communication. For being a self centered prick who is so self important that the fact that Sean Combs (otherwise known by his prefferred moniquer of the month) paying a guy to hold an umbrella for him looks tame in comparison. We also thank you for thinking you are the voice of a generation.

Just to clarify, Pepsi already used that line and they would sue if they didn't think that your endorsement would sell more cola to bloated diabetic eight year olds. In addition, we would like to thank you for thinking you come anywhere near to the significance of artists like Jay-Z, Dr. Dre, Snoop Dogg, Biggy, NAS, Tupac or any of a wide variety of artists. I'm sure they get a kick out of it when they send you a new cardigan for Christmas. Upon further review, the accolades for doucheness continue and I'd like to thank you on behalf of Spike Lee for thinking your contributions to the black community surpass his. It seems that no matter how far you stray from the path, there is always some new low for you to proclaim your greatness.

As for your acts during the already laughable VMA's, thank you for showing the caliber of professional, peer and ego maniac that you are. I'm sure we all agree that Taylor Swift is undeserving of any award and we are truly blessed to have the guiding light of the West wind to suck the life out of Ms. Swift's sails and blow it onto wherever you deem appropriate. That we've spent so much time dedicated on you on this blog is truly a treat and we just want to let you know that for however long we live and for however long this blog lasts, we'll be with you every step of the way to offer the unbiased opinion who can empirically prove just exactly WHY you suck.

Cheers Mr. West, knowing your affinity for making a fool out of yourself, I have no doubt that if anyone tweets about this post, we'll be hearing from your lawyers.

With the kindest regards, and the warmest of sympathies from people who have taste, and desist from purchasing your music.

Joker McWas
AVP Why Advertising Sucks Co.

Taking it to the next level

People, if you want to make a prank you've got to one up these fuckers.

We've come a long way people

In these tough times...

Ladies and gentlemen of the advertising and marketing industries... the title of this post is your new crutch. Use it and abuse it. Lord knows this tweaker did.






And by the way... if any of you is cheap enough and nasty enough to drink soda from a mop, you might as well suck ass for a living. Cheers... as long as it's something from a bottle, car, or tap...

My thanks for my wonderful Mrs. Joker for having sent the link and spread the hate.

Guilty Pleasure Gluttony

I love red meat. I scratch my balls every other minute. I drink beer… from the bottle. I watch porn. These are manly things, right? So, how is it that I am glued to my TV set every Sunday night, watching Drop Dead Diva… ON LIFETIME?!?!?!

What the hell is happening to me? I have a huge crush (no pun intended) on the portly Brooke Elliot, who plays the starring role on this hefty series (again, no pun intended). The show really does give you a mouthful (no pun, please) of entertainment, as it is “dramedy” that touches all the right buttons at the right moments. It’s got everything going for it, plus the fact it is one of the few shows my wife and I can watch together – she’s more of a soap opera queen.

As for DDV (that’s what us Divos call it), the writing is delectable and the acting really gives you something you can sink your teeth into (seriously, no pun intended here). Think of it as a mash-up of Ally McBeal and Sex in the City, with a hint of Real Women Have Curves. And that fat chick? She’s hot!

I thought I would be less of a man after last month’s vasectomy, but this is crazy… and oh so yummy.

Somebody please help me.

Are we actually a Wiki reference?

I just love it. Best damn reference to our website. EVER.

I am the Walrus: The Beatles Rockband RULES.

This past September 9, something wonderful happened. God came down from heaven and delivered something very awesome: The Beatles Rockband. Thou must learn why this is the very best in gaming, my children...

First of all, let me tell you that I have not felt like a damn child for ages until we opened the huge box that came with all the Beatles goodness inside it. We ordered the Limited Edition Box which included Ringo Starr's Ludwig Drums - yes, it has the logo and it's fucking saaaa-weet, Paul McCartney's Höfner Bass Guitar and the almighty microphone. In another great looking box, there it was, in all its glory: John Lennon's Rickenbacker Guitar. It was so fun we even taped the opening process - something which I have read that many people have done over the weeks.

Opening was even not the greatest thing about it. We slowly put it all together and... when that shit got connected to the XBox... Holy shit. WHAT AN AMAZING INTRO! I stood there, open mouth, I could not speak. This is a game that has been made with all the love that you can possibly imagine. This game was made for Beatles fans, period.

The gameplay is fucking absurdly amazing. You cannot, I repeat, you cannot stop playing. You want to just play and play and play until your hands hurt. Playing this kind of music is completely another thing. You can play your garden variety Aerosmith and trust me, it will not mean a thing when compared to any of the McCartney/Lennon catalog.

There is something so cool and great about playing the music. We sing, we even bob to the music when we play at our crib. Last Friday while my boyfriend was at a strip club enjoying himself (am I the only damn woman that doesn't mind this at all?), I was having a blast playing Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds, Something, Get Back, Revolution. He even called me to say that he was bored at almost 2 am and I laughed and told him... I can't talk right now, since I am the Walrus. I stopped playing at 3am. And this was me, stopping myself because I knew that I could keep on.

So, please dudes and dudettes, come together on a hard day's night, drive your car to the nearest videogame store and get on the Yellow Submarine ride of your life with what I will nominate as the best game of the year: The Beatles Rockband.

Click at the name of the post to go to the RB's website.

Nobody puts Baby in a corner

1952 - 2009

This is so wrong in so many ways...

Now THAT is a mother-daughter relationship that has gone too far. DISTURBING!

Five things about Kanye West that Annoy the hell out of: Me.

At some point in my life, I grew up. I didn't notice when it happened. It came fast and hard. The once little girl who could not live without her MTv now suddenly could not live without her CNN. Now there are some people that come and go in the celebrity realm that I could not even point out in a line up. Such was the case of the little Taylor Swift. Until last night.

The thing about the internet is that you now don't have to watch anything to know what's happening. You can rely on social networking tools to know the latest idiotic thing without the pain and suffering of watching a whole VMA show. Last night, that poor little girl had a really sad puppy moment when that asshole of Kanye West shit all over her 2 minutes of award acceptance speech fame.

Look. I've let the hatred of this man be handled by one of our best, Joker. He wrote the best damn post about him ever, here at WAS. I've kept my mouth shut because, hey, if you don't have anything to say... you know?

But seeing the clip on YouTube of that poor girl looking like she was going to puke over her nice dress, sad puppy eyes because evil uncle Kanye shit all over her "moment"... well that pissed me off. Gloves off.

So now in true 5 things fashion, let's name, in order of annoyance, the five things that Kanye West does that makes me want for someone to ram something up his butthole, mostly if it is wooden and a bit dry:

1) He's über untalented.
Really Kanye? You made yourself famous by resampling other people's hits? Whoa how modern of you. Oh... I forgot you have original music as well. Damn, but... it still sounds like shit! Jesus! You don't need other people's sounds to actually make a turd of a song! Epic!

2) Attention Whore.
Let's take last night's bad move out of the equation for a moment. I cannot count the times that this man - whom I have never even stole an MP3 off the internet because he's that bad - has appeared at the news for some idiotic thing. Damn. I miss the good old days that people became famous at music because they were talented instead because they were a nuisance. Bush doesn't care about black people. Yes, that was true, Kanye. But we don't give a shit about what you think as well.

3) Those Fucking Glasses.
Two things from the 80's were a big mistake. One were those jeans that were so damn bleached they were actually white... and the other? Those fucking shutter glasses. I can't remember the first time I saw this untalented asshole sing, but I sure can remember the first day I started seeing people wearing them because of him. Oh, and did I mention he sold them at his website? ASSHOLE!

4) Big ego isn't enough. I don't even have a name for what he has.
There is one thing that I hate about all human beings who think for some strange reason that they are better than anyone else. And this man takes it to eleven. Was it John Lennon who said that they were bigger than Jesus? WELL THEY COULD SAY THAT BECAUSE THEY WERE AWESOME! But you, Kanye? I mean... Gold digger deserves that amount of recognition?

5) Did I mention he's untalented, loves to get attention for the wrong reasons... wears stupid glasses and has a big ego? Oh. Ok. Yeah so he doesn't deserve a fifth reason why I despise him. Four is enough.

Kanye. You suck. Now for the love of God. Go away.

Marshmallows are good. Video proof provided.

Oh, The Temptation from Steve V on Vimeo.

Today is a day to say I love you.

Simon & Garfunkel - Bridge Over Troubled Water AussieSean. -

Take the chance. Many people could not in a day like this one.

So... I love you dearly, my guys. Travis, Joker and Restrictions... MMMMUAKS!

What are you trying to say, Google?

As you all know, the ads that publish in our page are related to the type of posts that we write.

Um.

This is proof that all three of us are extremely fucked up. Enjoy.

(I think that the one targeted for me is, of course, the rich guys. But... they missed something: he has to be Sicilian!)

Divine 69 - The Top 10

There have been 59 other fictitious women that have left an undeniable mark on my life. Be it pixel, pencil lines or paint brushes, these women don't exist, but that does not for one second take away from the sheer hotness and beauty some of thesse imaginary muses possess. And now the moment has arrived.

The Top ten hottest women never to grace this plane of existence.

Starting off the list:

10. Betty Boop



You just can't deny the classics and Betty is THE ORIGINAL AMERICAN FICTITIOUS HOTTIE. So what if her head was kinda hydrocephallic, albeit heart shaped; Betty had a body that just begged for attention and gorgeous eyes that put a spell on you. With curves that demand tight suspension and finely tuned breaks, Betty was a huge sex symbol decades before Marylin Monroe was even born. To take it up a notch, that sexy garter plus tight cute pumps combo had people protesting as much as they loved her. Betty recently turned 79 which might be old in human years, but for her, it's just a perfect ten after a 69.



To this ageless beauty that showcases the delectable deliciousness of full legs and a sweet rump, we salute you.





9. Baroness - Gi joe

Black leather? Check. Black hair? Check. Black heart? Check. Black rimmed glasses? DOUBLE CHECK. Women have NO idea how sexy glasses can be and Baroness proves why. She had huge librarian glasses and a to die for Russian accent that goes perfectly with whatever she has on, or takes off. Baroness was responsible for way too many kids wanting to stab the enemy with their meat bayonets, but really, can you blame them? As if you needed an added incentive, this was a woman in power.




Second in command at Cobra, Baroness knew who was boss and was only too happy to stomp her point through with her black leather stilettos. Insubordination? You bet your ass, there's just no way a private's privates could be at ease around her.



8. Princess Daphne - Dragon's Lair





The single highest rated videogame character comes in the shape of the oh so delicious Princess Daphne from Dragon's Lair lore.

If you were a teen or child of the 80's, you saw this game at the arcade and you also saw people chucking dollars upon dollars into the machines to be able to pass the game and get a better look at Miss Hotness herself. Inspired by Playboy models and drawn by the créme de la créme, the Disney demianimator Don Bluth, Daphne was more than enough reason for Dirk the Daring to get burnt to a crisp on multiple occasions.



Hell if you're into fatalities and death sequences, few games gave you enough opportunities to screw up than did Dragon's Lair. But boy, was it worth it. Though there is unfortunately no Leisure Suit Larry version of Dragon's Lair, Daphne was more than enough of a reward for blowing your allowance on a videogame.



7. Holli Would - Cool World





How ironic was it that the full flesh version of Holli couldn't even compete with her drawn counter part.



Hell nothing against Kim Basinger especially in her prime, but Holli Would was definitely one of the hottest reasons why guys were so curious as to what it felt like to do a doodle.



Holli was all attitude and all hotness in her desire to experience the world sans ink. And who gets to do her? Gabriel frigging Byrne... No wonder everyone swore that guy was Keyser Soze. But just look at Holli... I'm guessing now you understand why so much ink has been spilled from guy's meat pens proclaiming that when it comes to Holli Would, they DEFINITELY would if they could.



6. Vampirella


Another original hottie. Born onto the world in 1969, Vampirella makes pretty much any other vampire in existence look like a rookie sucker.
With a suit that is as hot as it is iconic (and gravity defying), Vampirella knew how to get what she wanted, as often as she wanted.


Inspiring goth hookers for ages to come, this dropped dead beauty (hell she's already dead) was definitely one of the most camouflaged comics read in history, being placed in between text book pages for years upon years. In an age of gay vampires from the Rice collection or douche emotional wannabes from the Twilight, Vampirella shows that sharp fangs and cleavage will win EVERY single time good taste prevails.







5. Harley Quinn - Detective Comics




The first time I saw harley Quinn, my jaw dropped because they had taken one of the biggest fixations in my life and made a female version out of it.
Some people may call bullshit, but seriously, the idea of a sexy girl dressed as a harlequin was something that my fucked up sensibilities definitely approved of and you could have a full house and it wouldn't matter, because no matter your suit, a joker will always be wild. Crazy, beautiful, and dressed with tight spandex that leaves enough to the imagination for you to go super gaga. With an ass like that, you could only pray for her to fold.







4. Belle - Beauty and the Beast



The highest ranking Disney princess by far. She's smart, beautiful, sassy, and can tame the savage beast. Dressed in a simple blue and white outfuit or that gorgeous yellow dress, this book worm was just completely adorable and for more than one reason reminds me of my fiancée.



Is it disturbing that I include a reference to my future wufe in this juvenile list? Why no. Disturbing would be to not include her and my juvenile schoolboy antics are hopefully just something extra to my charm.
That personal anectdote aside, could you deny that Belle would be more than capable of taming ANY beast? Hell, if there's anyone on this list you'd happilly take to your mom, Belle is pretty much the top of the list.





3. Death of the Endless - Sandman





Beauty, hotness and just plain skimpy outfits go a long way to turning a guy on. But for me, the value of conversation and personality are the two main reasons why Death of the Endless is #3 on this list. Gorgeous, quirky to the point of being silly and just way too cool to be the harbinger of your passing, Death shows that we shouldn't fear Death and instead befriend it.

You could say that men could Meet Jane Black with her and you wouldn't be off target. Hot is not always cool, but cool is always hot. Remember that friends.



2. Psylocke - Xmen


During my formative years, there was a Marvel swimsuit edition and the page that stuck on most guys' copy was that of Psylocke. What can I say? There's something about ninjas that is just too sexy and Psylocke takes beauty to a whole other level with outfits that showcase those incredible legs and that oh so nibbable neck.



Call me a sick bastard, and I know some of you will, but Psylocke was super sizzling and I'm not even making reference to her psychic daggers.



Purple hair was just an awesome bonus and being nimble, sexy, and assertive are three things out of a million that put psylocke firmly into the #2 spot...


which means there's only one left.... and who could it be except the incomparable hotness known as...


1. Jessica Rabbit - Who Framed Roger Rabbit





OH LAWDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY... No other single character in fiction has probably brought boys into manhood one stroke at a time than Jessica Rabbit. Sexy is too simple and silly a word for the Red Head atom bombshell.


I'll bet most people learned what paddy cake was because of this movie and more than one guy would have been willing to play just to miss her right hand and graze her tit.



Sexy voice, talented, legs to squeeze the living life out of you, a rack to have your unlactated inner child rejoicing and there is no doubt why Jessica Rabbit is above and beyond the call of sexy and has any and everything necessary to defend her sexiest fictitious character. So to the queen of our imaginations, we salute you. CHEERS!!!!!!!!!!!



For the rest of the list, click on the links below.

69-60

59-50

49-40

39-30

29-21

20-11

Hope you enjoyed.

Food for thought

Gets you thinking ...

Divine 69 - Part 6 of 7 #'s The Top 20

20. Storm - Xmen Series



Break your parkas out, I think something is going to get wet. Ororo Storm... what can I say except that it takes a very special character to have Halle Berry not come close to your hotness. True, we may have to brave static shocks in any region that may have hair, but that is a small price to pay to be able to elope with a goddess. Not since Uhura has any other single black female character been as meaningful to sci fi lovers the world around. Funny thing is that some people originally suggested changing her white hair so she wouldn't look grandmaish... luckily good taste and great sensibility prevailed and we were graced by one of the sexiest characters in all fiction. They say lightning doesn't strike the same place twice, but with Storm, she can guarantee that... hence my heart being ablaze since I was a comic worm.

19. Aeon flux



THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT REASON TO WATCH LIQUID TELEVISION. With a kill count that makes Rambo look tame, Ms. Flux showed nimble, twisted, sexy, masochistic and deadly can all benefit by the single hottest tongue to be animated ever. Gross, crawly, slimy? Yes, but come on... you don't need to think THAT hard to find a use for her. Add to this flexibility that screams perverse creativity and Aeon and her ram horn hair get the #19 spot showing that you don't need to understand a cartoon to be enfatuated at a young age... and the single biggest bonus? Hell if she could catch a fly with her eyelashes just imagine..... well just imagine...

18. Tifa Lockhart - Final Fantasy series



Being beautiful is one thing. Becoming the obsession of game and film artists insisting on making you hotter and hotter every time you appear on a piece of videogame or animated film means you are special. Tifa makes the case that you don't need a snazzy outfit to catch our attention. Simple white tank top, black shorts and a set of suspenders... and voila, sexy is here to stay. To further elaborate, Tifa always appeared with soft skin, gentle features and long black hair... Again, simple is often more incredible than anything any surgeon could do and being naturally beautiful (even if you're a fictional CGI character) counts for a lot to men with taste.

17. Emma Frost - Xmen Series



Face it, some women are complete and utter bitches as often as some guys are complete assholes, yet people of all genders gravitate towards them. Enter the White Queen Bitch and you will not be able to deny that you understand why psyclops is oh so very pussy whipped by this enchantress. Emma Frost is a clear example that cold can be extremely hot and that white can be smoking red. They say beauty is skin deep but that evil is to the bone, and well, judging from most people's reactions to her highness, it seems a large chunk of guys wanted some evil on their bone in the baddest way. Ever an advocate to showing how amazing corsets and thigh high boots are, Emma Frost was always a step ahead of her male enemies because they were too busy adjusting to pursue.

16. Cammy - Street Fighter Series



Long pigtails, legs to die for (or die from) and a kick ass fighting style. This british bombshell first appeared in Super Street Fighter 2 and is still one of the true fan favorites, and for great reason (Right Sean?). Even though it is undeniable that Cammy is drop dead gorgeous, she is a celebration of imperfections with a more than visible scar on her left cheek. As with everyone else, we didn't care and it then came to be that some scars can even be sexy... especially if they're on your body and were inflicted by Cammy. Playing her was also a treat, easily being one of the most fun characters to ever put someone else to shame with. When all is said and done though, Cammy also ranks 16 because she shows that men aren't only in awe of breast and derriere, a set of long, firm, strong and statuesque legs is more than enough reason for anyone to be KO'd by a true blonde bombshell.


15. Rogue - Xmen Series



Aw sugah..... It would be more than enough to see Rogue for what she is physically, a southern belle if there ever was one. Add to this one of the sweetest, sexiest and coolest personalities in all fiction and it's obvious that most of us would risk a coma just for a taste of Southern Bliss. In addition, Rogue is super strong and has a trademark white streak in her flowing curls that begs her to get noticed. So if y'all are wondering what gets a guy churning more kinetic energy than a Gambit poker card, see Rogue in comics and cartoons and forget the wtf version of her in the movie series.

14. Chun-li - Street Fighter Series



This is THE original fighting game hottie for me. Armed with the strongest pair of legs in fighting history, Chun Li showed just how far guys would go to ogle at a fictional character. Case in point, during her whirlwind kick I had WAY too many friends that clicked pause just in time to see her thong... Yes ladies we ARE that messed up and she IS that hot. Taking buns and blue outfits to whole new level this kick ass babe outlegged and outhotted every other female character from a fighting game. If you look around the net, you'll see sites putting up Mai, Cammy, and a host of other hotties, but to mine eyes, the first continues to be the best.

13. Samus - Metroid Series




Along with finding out that Vader was Luke's father, Samus has to be one of the twenty most intense revelations of Sci Fi lore. I mean, you just kicked the asses of a collective boss guantlet that would make any man tremble in his boots, and you were a woman all along... now that's empowering, that is righteous and that is sexy. Samus Aran demonstrates that men are boys when it comes to being a true bounty hunters and supreme warriors. Master Chief? Who's that pussy? Samus is the queen of the pack and for good reason, she's simply the best at what she does and has starred in the most solid videogame series ever and showed she has more than enough kickassery to dominate home consoles, handhelds and men's imagination. Add to this that she is shockingly beautiful and that she looks even gentle physically and you start finding arm cannons and super missles super sexy. As if that weren't enough though, she can roll into a ball.............. If you need any other reason to kneel and worship, your name is probably Ridley and you are definitely burning in a crumpled heap.


12. Mystique - Xmen Series



She looks like a wet dream out of someone who has just seen the Fifth Element and Enemy Mine back to back. She's sexy, deadly, lethal, mischievous, canniving, calculating and will truly have a blast while beating you into a pulp or putting a bullet into someplace that will hurt a lot. I'm sure no one EVER thought blue skin and yellow eyes could look this marvelous and to boot, no matter how superficial you are, there is absolutely no excuse to ever want any other woman in your life since she can be any woman you've ever wanted, though she need not have that ability because she's smart enough, sexy enough and skilled enough to make you venerate all that is blue and redheaded. Now make sure to keep your eyes firmly on her boys, if not she'll probably snap it back into place with a headlock and if I know her, she probably won't stop until she hears a crack and a gasp.

11. EVA - Metal Gear Series



Anyone who played MGS 3 HAS to recognize EVA as one of the hottest things ever to ride a motorcycle. This double double agent manipulates snake beyond measure, probably scars him for life and most surely left an imprint that will have him beating his bladder crying out her name for decades to come. Eva was all things sexy and defintely showed snake that in the large scheme... you just don't think you can outsmart a woman. With a jumpsuit that was always generously zipped down and black undergarments that begged to be torn, Eva molded Snake into putty and for good reason. You just can't have that much adrenaline going through you and not get worked up by Eva. Seems the bible had it wrong and it was Eva that manipulated the snake... so Cheers Snake... you might not exist, but you're definitely a lucky bastard.

Stay tuned for the Top 10 hottest women that don't exist