Mar 8, 2010

The Hurt Locker is this year's Slumdog Millionaire. And I didn't get the Memo.

Since today we have decided to explore the wonderful world of Oscar night, I'm going to keep the ball rolling. First of all, read below one great post from my dear friend Joker about all the night's proceedings, blow by blow. I for one am completely with him - apart from his love for Coraline - with all his views. It was a very, very... VERY weird night. But: this post is a side note, if you will. You see: I didn't get the Hurt Locker memo.

First of all, let me say this again - I'm dead set in my review and I'm sticking to it - Hurt Locker DOES NOT deserve that Oscar. Maybe in your books, sure. But not in mine. In fact, I am still astonished. Really. Yes, it could have deserved many of the garden variety awards that are given throughout the year. But the golden almost naked Osky? No fucking way.

So maybe I didn't get the memo. Maybe I will have to sit through it again and try to decipher what the fuck did I miss. But... I'm sure I saw an average army movie. The one thing I pride the most is having photographic memory. I saw a movie about a dude who likes to explode bombs and doesn't like real life. There you go. That's Hurt Locker in a sentence. Try to write Saving Private Ryan in a sentence. Or Black Hawk Down. Or Jarhead. Or Apocalypse Now. Or Platoon. I can do this all night, people.

The thing is, it happened again. Last year, it was that crappy sappy Slumdog movie. Yes. That movie that ends with people line dancing. Another totally hyped movie that just didn't deliver. Did that movie change me in some way? Nope. Did it make me feel good? Nope. Did it inspire me? For what? No way. Shit man. Oscar movies are supposed to be incredible. FUCK! How the FUCK did this happen?

What about Up in the Air? Jesus H Christ, members of the Academy! How did you come up with that vote? Ok so you couldn't take Inglorious Basterds. Maybe you guys are such pussies you can't understand the sheer art that was that Tarantino movie. Ok, I get it. Spraying evil men with machine guns in their faces or carving swastikas on Nazi's heads are not your cup of tea. Totally understand.

But Hurt Locker over Up in the Air? Screw that! I still haven't seen Precious, but I can bet $50 bucks that even that movie should have deserved the nod, instead.

So please, Academy members, can you send me the memo on making Hurt Locker win? Please. I really need to know why this happened. I need to know if all hope is lost. You can send it to adssuck@gmail.com.

Thank you.

PS: Thank you for the total What The Fuck moment of this year. Those dancers made me want to hit myself in the ovaries.

7 comments:

Joker said...

Remember that it's National Women's month and today was National Women's Day... maybe that factored into the selection... who the fuck knows?

Jake P. said...

I didn't see any of the nominated movies except for Hurt Locker, so I have to view it in isolation...and in isolation, I'd say it was very, very average. (And in relation to the other war movies you listed, it was a piece of crap.)

My wife fell asleep halfway through, and I didn't bother to wake her. Then, in the morning when I tried to tell her what happened in the second half, I couldn't remember. The movie made absolutely no impression, created no emotion whatsoever.

That was underscored the next night when we rented "Taking Chance," an HBO movie about a military officer who accompanies the coffin of a soldier to his hometown, and cried our eyes out. No CGI, no explosions, no fucking Blair-Witch-shaky-cam, just a story well told and well acted.

Me said...

Average indeed. Now how an average movie wins an Oscar, beats me.

Thank you for recommending Taking Chance! Will tell my Tivo to hook me up!

cwagner122 said...

F$%King amen i seen it and felt like i was watching jarhead cept worst i dont care if this how its really happening it doesnt make a good movie atleast no in this script i usually get pretty attached to chars in movies part of the reason i enjoy films so much i felt nothing for anyone in this movie and thats why it doesnt work the only people i have watched it with who enjoyed it are the dim witted people who like bombs blowing up and shit but the films doesnt deliver there either. and as far as it being bitch month or what ever everyone seems to keep forgetting THAT SHE IS JAME'S EX WIFE nuff said

BoZaki said...

The hurt locker is just another war movie below average. I have seen so many war movie and this one does not attract me even a little bit and i could not understand why it won oscar? I believe that a movie like this should not even nominated in Oscar. huahua.

Even though peope praise for 'RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW' kind of movie, but it is so lame.

After this, a lot more movie will win oscar if the standard of winning is only The Hurt Locker. Hopefully hollywood will make more movie that is 230% better than The hurt locker or it will end up creating a boring movie each time.

R2K said...

A horrible film. Not worthy of my netflix time, let alone an award.

If I made this film I would be upset that it won an award because that would draw unwanted attention to the skidmark of a film. Then again, I would probably just accept the millions of bucks.

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