Apr 15, 2010

You Dirty Rat

Some people are completely genuine and don't change with the passing of time. They hold their values up like a badge and are confident in their brain enough to not flip flop through life.

Then there's those other fuck faces.

If you've worked in advertising for more than a few months, even if you're an intern, you have probably met at least one rat person that you just don't understand why they are even kept around. Some are talented, others aren't, and some are just a complete nuisance.

From having vengeful tendencies to doing all in their power to sabotaging former agencies, this species of ninja asshole is especially deadly. The ninja comes from the fact that you don't hear them coming and they often attack using trickery and slash you in the back, quite un samurai like.

They're the first to demand, bitch and whine, and the last to deliver and arrive in the office. But much like most ecosystems, rats are part of the office environment and someone sees the fucking neeed to keep them around. They thrive in places where normal and probably superior species find untimely demises and their mission in life is to survive and to poison.

You see, the more people they cause to get fired and the more damage they do, the better they feel, the more they grow and the more special they are in their minds.

So to these fuckheads that insist on existing, might I offer a suggestion or a few:

Why don't you walk blindfolded on train tracks?

Why don't you prove to me that if you eat fifty thousand mentos and down a liter of diet coke, nothing happens?

Why don't you crawl on a floor covered in rusty thumbtacks?

Why don't you ask a bum to jog a mile and then pout your lips with their taint?

How about playing music in the garage while the car is still on?

How about proving to me that asphalt is not the best surface to put a slip and slide on?

Why don't you go to a Twilight convention and scream Edward sucks?

Why don't you eat Cheez Whiz off a Lebanese hooker's cooch?

Why don't you put female donkey pheronomes on your clothes when you visit the petting zoo?

or quite simply

Why don't you just fucking leave?



Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...