The right way to quit

Quitting

You know you've thought about it. Hell, you know you've fantasized about it countless times. Most of us have. We've pondered what we'd do if we won the lottery. From taking your pants off and taking a splattery lo-mein crap on the desk of your boss to full out running around and confessing all the truths you've kept locked in your brain for the better part of a decade... but let's not be rash... let's be reasonable... let's be logical and analytical. After all, that's exactly the way companies treat firing employees.

If you ask up and down the corporate ladder about what's going to happen to the people that just got canned, you'll hear about how it was a necessary personnel adjustment. You'll hear people explaining flow charts detailing budget cuts and how less people will make more money for them. That's because you most likely don't matter to your corporate guardian. You are just a number and the work you do is translated into numbers and graphs and charts and all your hard work is simply quantified and stripped of any meaning. So why not flip the scenario and look at things from another perspective... when's the most critical time you can quit? When will it hurt the most? When can you return the favor they've given so many people you've worked with?

It's pretty simple really. Having worked in 6 agencies and having quit 4 of them I eventually learned to love quitting. It was liberating to a whole other level but I found out there are a couple of crucial moments when you can quit just to make it that much sweeter. It all depends on what you do, but you can probably find a way to apply it to wherever you work:

1. During a New Business Pitch. The beauty of seeing your superiors trying to buy you off or make you feel guilty for leaving the team when they need you the most is just pure gold. Simply hand in your letter of resignation and watch the sparks fly.

2. When three people are sick. There's nothing better than leaving when you're absolutely sure no one will be able to do the work.

3. When you just get back from vacatin. The last thing anyone expects is for you to leave once you just got there. Make sure to do it on the first day for added low blow points.

4. Just after you get a raise. Nothing spits in the face of the man better than letting them know that their money is no good. Watch as they try to up the ante and offer you and extra grand for your loyalty.

5. Just after they've fired a big chunk of people. Lest you think one more person to the pile doesn't make a difference, take this into consideration: those who weren't fired were deemed temporarily necessary.

So next time you feel agitated, by all means look at the want ads, go to a few interviews and plot your revenge.

Cheers and Give em Hell