Honest to Post Its 27

Crashing tiger, Hidden bullshit

No matter how you look at it, the level of what the fuckness of the downward spiral that has become Tiger Woods' public image is a thing to behold. Opinions have been flying back and forth, moral calls have been issued, and verdicts of all types have been called in regards to the life and times of the nine iron cock of ages.

He deserves what he got.

He's a liar.

He's a bad person.

and yes...

He's a Cheetah.


These and countless other nuggets have stemmed from an issue that brings forth dozens of other issues to the forefront. Race, fidelity, the sanctity of matrimony, superstars and the circles they run in, and everyone has cashed in their Tiger dollar just to be part of a debate that will go down in history as one of the most expensive divorces in existence.

Now that the firestorm has passed and we've had some time to think about what we supposedly know about the frenzied sex junkie known as Tiger, we can talk about it a bit more civilized or so I hope.

Like him or hate him, there are three undeniable truths to Tiger Woods.

1.) He put golf on the map and has been a huge help in boosting the prize money of what was already a filthy rich man's sport.

2.) He's pretty much the best golfer we've ever known of, pulling off shots that would make anyone call bullshit if the bastard didn't do it so often.

3.) To be Politically correct... He's unwhite.


So here's the deal, Tiger cheated on his loving and adoring wife, yada yada... The reality is that none of us know how much his wife knew about what he was up to and the whole crash and nine iron through the window to save his ass story just doesn't hold up. Apart from that, we have no idea how well they get along. Why do I bring this up? Simple. Each and every part of this story is based on speculation. Fans swear they know who Tiger is, what his values are and what he's thinking. We don't. No one does and it's just one of the many wonderful illusions people afford themselves since anyone can have an opinion.

Second off, who is anyone to say Tigers actions were immoral or not.

"But he's a cheater!!!!!!!!!!!!"

True, but does that make him morally questionable or does that just make him another average guy? And besides, if we were to let the first person who is morally correct throw the first stone, they wouldn't throw it, because A. it's not worth wasting our time over it. B. it's not our problem. C. That person knows better than to invite controversy in. But the media being the ratings whores they've morphed into blow things out of proportion and people have an excess of opinions and a lack of common sense.

The only thing I can say for sure is that he gave us conversation fodder but that people insist that they are part of the moral majority and spit on him while taking it up the ass from the poolboy or eating out their secretary... well hypochrisy kind of lacks the sting I wish it had, but it does apply.

So Tiger cheated on his wife. And he did it repeated times. Does this affect your life in any way? No. Does your succesful or failed marriage improve or deteriorate because he has a happy go lucky cock? No. But as per usual in America and pretty much the world at large, judgment is cast if only to stray attention away from our own short comings.

To add insult to insult to insult and a bit of injury (in the form of legal fees) Tiger is pretty much being bombarded because he's the black king of a white sport. Love him or hate him, the base definition for Tiger Woods is that he's the best golfer that has ever played. The public and the news are the ones that insist on also adding the racial label and I seriously think it's because we really need to clarify race way too often. It's the 21st century and gender, race and religion should not be labels to market people, but they are. Venus and Serena can't just be superb athletes, they are superb black athletes. Danica Patrick can't just be one of the best NASCAR drivers ever, she's the best woman driver. Yuri Foreman can't just be a great boxer, he's the best Jewish boxer. Name a sport, name a demographic category, select and market your athlete. It's retarded, rude and degrading, but it also happens to be our modus operandi. And in case you want to insist that race has nothing to do with the coverage of the Woods case, feel free to leave a comment and let the debate begin.

Cheers

The Super sIzed Pad

Being a non techy, I can't say I'm as thrilled or disappointed with the iPad as some of my friends who don't listen to music from a CD. you see, technology and me could in theory get along, but I'm stubborn and I like my books to create clutter and my music to suffer wear and tear beyond my iPod crashing. Having established that background so you don't think I've gone all techy and shit, there's been a lot said about the iPad this week and I will sum it up in four points.

1. It's pretty much a big ass iPhone.

2. They passed great opportunities to create videoconferencing like what we've seen in future flicks that show people constantly talking via video feed.

3. It still doesn't play Flash.

4. You don't need it.

Unlike the iPhone which had a wow factor of about 20,000 gigawats, the iPad has arrived and I hardly feel it's going to conquer. True, Apple Pods (Apple product junkies) will probably flock in throngs to buy the latest gadget but unlike the iPhone people, I really don't think there's going to be iPad envy of any sort ie. people seeing your new little toy and kicking and screaming that they don't have it (sorry, that's how I see it).

Starting price is $499 but lord knows how much that could elevate especially with people going gaga over the latest greatest hype. To put it simply, this is yet another wonder toy fad that will pass me by while I keep writing with pen and paper, listening to cds and not being a tech junky. That doesn't mean I'm better, it just means that at least I'll save $499.

Cheers

I got a feeling that tonight is gonna be a good night to kick you in the balls.

That's it. I'm done! FUCK! People of the world! YOU NEED TO STOP SINGING THAT SHIT!

Honestly, this is the worst abomination of song, ever!

Do you realize your singing the modern version of the Macarena?

Will you ever stop singing that crap?

Fads like this one is what makes me lose hope in human kind.

Oh and by the way... every time I see a Facebook status with that line, I actually want to hurt myself.

Please, for the love of God. Stop it.

Cordially, the rest of the people of the world who are damn tired of watching you jerk off to that song.

Walk into the light Tangina

Zelda Rubinstein, best known for her role as Tangina in the Poltergeist series has passed away. As a kid I watched Poltergeist and was forever screwed up though looking in retrospect, I'm glad it happened. Poltergeist scared the hell out of me but it is still one of my favorite horror movies for way too many reasons to list.

Cheers luv, you'll always scare the hell out of me.

Now THIS deserves a Clio in my book. Explosions Galore = Great Fucking Ad

Huge Awwww moment coming your way...

THIS IS BRILLIANT! BRILLIANT! Between Two Ferns is the best show of all time.

Via Funny or Die. Enjoy.

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis from Between Two Ferns

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis from Between Two Ferns

Dorito Spot

So Doritos did another woohoo funny let's do a viral video contest. No big whoop.... except one of them is actually quite good. Kind of messed up that someone at their home with an $80 budget has done something ten times more memorable than what your average hack agency does. What do you think?

Cheers

How's this for Messed up?

Viral Coke

No this isn't a new drug, it's just a nice lil' vid courtesy of Papa Coca.

Cheers

Fortune Cookie 500 #'s 376-380

On frustration
Success is not designed to come easily.

On company loyalty
Souls given to companies shall not be returned.

On printers
The more important your print job, the worse it will print.

On breaks
Smokers have the right to more free time than you.

On Power Point Presentations
PPT should be rebranded as Visual Audio Sensory Torture.

Nice attack, deadly robots.

Fortune Cookie 500 #'s 371-375

On jargon
Never use words bigger than your idea.

On bad habits
Good manners can never cover for personality defects.

On being rude
Snap at a peon and you’ll answer to a King.

On awards
Funniest or most clever does not mean most effective.

On what we do
Advertising is nothing more than consumerist hypnosis.

Hurt Locker doesn't hurt that much at all.

If you have been reading WAS for a very long time, you know my deep dark fetish. I love. Love. LOVE army-related movies. If you have a gun and you are wearing some kind of camouflage, I'm watching. One of my favorite movies of all times is Black Hawk Down. I will press play with that movie at least once in a two month period.

So you can imagine my huge imaginary hard on when I learned that the Hurt Locker was nominated for a Golden Globe. I thought: fuck me, this movie is going to be excellent. I ordered it through my Netflix even when it was showing in theaters, had to wait all that time because I was shit busy and wasn't going to have time to go and see it.

This weekend it arrived and there I was pressing play.

And later, there I was, being dissapointed.

FUCK. ME.

Don't get me wrong. It's a decent war movie. It starts off extremely well. Good acting. Extremely well photographed. Nice story line. Yeah, this has potential, you think. Yes, this might be rightly nominated, you dare to imagine.

It grabs you and... then half way through, just gives a shit and lets go. That's the problem.

There was such a disconnect with me that I actually stood up and started doing something on my computer, watching the rest of it like a normal tv show, when you are not really that invested... What a waste.

So you might have to disregard my review... but trust me guys. This almost never happens. It's not that I hated it and stopped it completely. I did let it run, I do know what happened until the last moment. I just didn't give a shit at the end. Would I recommend it? Hm. Don't know. Maybe I have to see it again on HBO and respond to that question. Right now, no, I wouldn't.

What happened? There was a shift in the script that turned this great movie into another that I didn't particularly sign up for. Oh, how can I say this? Watch this trailer for a second.



What you saw above was the first part of the movie. The good part. Funny how the second act of the movie is not there at all.

Oh and another thing. To the Academy: this is NOT a movie you nominate for best picture. NO. IT. ISN'T. Get that clear in your heads. And to the academy voters: you must be on fucking drugs if you vote for this movie and not for Inglorious Basterds. Just sayin'.

Much love from the not so hurt Me.

Fortune Cookie 500 #'s 366-370

On working late
Leaving late at keeps you from clearly seeing all that you’re missing.

On working sick
Never confuse work ethic with stubbornness.

On working freelance
Working for yourself doesn’t mean you won’t hate your employer.

On working in a rush
The faster we work, the more often we fix.

On work breaks
Take a break before you break.

What you slapping about Willis

Gary Coleman + Spousal abuse + arrest = THE news.

Since this is an ongoing news article... speculate as you will. I could go on a long rant... but seriously, Gary Coleman plus spousal abuse... WTF and then some.

3D is no Big D

Someone please explain to me why I should ever see a movie in 3D ever again. I saw Avatar in 3D. Cute gimmick, but after a while, it wasn't as if I was being blown away by the intricate immersion or the glasses. I was a bit disoriented mainly because I had to take my glasses off to watch the movie properly... which translates into a slight headache. Don't get me wrong, it was fun... but is it really worth the extra cash to see a movie in 3D? Not so if you ask me.

I'm sure some people will insist that some movies HAVE to be seen in 3D but I sincerely think it's just another way of the film industry to bleed more money off us so we gladly pay a 30% increase in a movie ticket just to wear some glasses and get some trippy effects?

But apart from the chic bullshit of being able to say that I saw a movie in "3D", what's the payoff? Because for all the wonders I'm supposed to be seeing.... I don't see it.

Not so Epic movie

This needs to be said, Avatar is not the greatest movie I've seen in my life or even in the year. In case you're wondering, I've also seen the highly enjoyable Up in the Air and the what the fuck goodness of the Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus. Both films rank higher than Avatar on my barometer because I both scripts and their endings trump anything not CGI related about Avatar. As for visual creativity, if anyone insists anything in Avatar is better than what I saw in Parnassus, then they bought into the hype.

So you don't misunderstand, I enjoyed Avatar a lot. Visually, I got exactly what I expected and was surprised with the quality of the visuals at every turn. In the first fifteen minutes you go "whoah, that effect looks cool" and before too long, you realize that you can no longer tell reality from CGI and that in itself is worth the price of admission. But you know there's a but in here. For its sheer beauty and breathtaking visuals, creatively speaking, I wasn't given many new things I haven't seen in other mediums. Floating islands? Seen it. Weird animals? Seen them though these were a treat for the eye. Glowing effects? Seen em but they looked incredible here as well. Huge ass beautiful tree? Seen it.

In case you're wondering, I've seen floating islands in the Final Fantasy Videogame Series. Weird animals I've seen in many a game though I did enjoy the treatment they got here. Glowing effects? The Abyss, Finding Nemo and a long list of video games. And as for a huge magnificent tree, please see Secret of Mana. What I want to focus on is that the movie is not super original in concept or ideas, but instead a potpourri of wonderful reference material pulled off as amazing as effects allow. Technically, the movie is a statement that special effects need not make a movie look fake, but other than that, don't look for much originality.

I'm actually quite shocked people were so blown away from the story when in fact it's so archetypical that you can't help but think it's some movie you've seen before but with new visuals.

Mrs. Joker called it "Republicans VS Al Gore in an outerspace version of The Lion King". She minded the tree hugger message though I wish there were more tree hugging movies to see if people can maybe change their ways a bit but I recognize her criticism because Wall-E did it twenty times better and rarely did it feel tree hugging in nature. Just in case, all that just means that this movie comes off as super preachy, something I'm sure bugged Mrs. Joker to no end. As per storyline, the typical story arc is done to death. New premise, outsider comes in, is accepted, learns way of tribe to find secrets to help them be defeated, gets to love his new people, new people get slaughtered, they rally, fight back, get their asses handed to them, then a Deus ex Maxina later and the world is saved. If you think I spoiled the movie, then slap yourself for thinking this wasn't going to have a hollywood ending.

Throughout the entire movie, the only actor worth noting is Sigourney Weaver. To be honest, I think she's done more for Sci-Fi than pretty much any other woman and she's a testament that if she's in a Sci-Fi flick, you better pay attention. Everyone else is ok but nothing stellar. The bad guy is really bad and mean. Michelle Rodriguez rivals Steven Segal in typecast roles. The other bad guy is a weasel. The good guys are discardable. And the main character has the same tried and true flaws and virtues embedded into many a hero. It's not that it's good or bad... it's just nothing to write home about or be surprised by.

The script runs the maneouvers, and in between we're shown that not only is James Cameron one of the true masters of pushing visual technology, he's also a pretty much the blood brother of George Lucas by writing scripts as weak as Lucas's. In case you're calling foul about my opinion of Papa Jedi, take into account that The Clone Wars Cartoon Network series and Empire Strikes Back are the best Star Wars written material and script... you know why? Because George didn't solely write them. So Mr. Cameron, for further Avatar outings, which you will obviously direct and produce, feel free to ask the help of a writer to give Avatar 2 and 3 the the only special effect you weren't able to manage through CGI... substance.

So in closing, Avatar is a movie you should watch, but don't let the hype fool you into believing this movie is more than what it really is... a stunningly beautiful movie... visually. The only other comment I can offer is that when Cameron wins best picture or director or whatever, he should thank the videogame generation for giving him the visual references necessary to envision the beautiful world of Pandora.

Cheers

What is up with the Brinks Home Security tv ads?????

Um. You mean to tell me that the guy just runs after breaking in? WTF? What about going in and going really postal? That's life, Brinks. Deal with it. Keep an eye out on the new spot, it's the same shit. Some guy breaks the door and then flees. Last time I heard, bad guys finish their business. I'd like to see Brinks dealing with a crazy psycho dude INSIDE the house.

An Open Letter to David Letterman and Conan O'Brien

First of all, let me say right off the bat: I love you both. Well, ok I love Dave a little but that's just 'cause I grew up watching his show when I was very little with my first black and white tv, but Conan, don't you fear, me love you long time as well.

So now that the love part is out of the way, here is why I am writing: you both got screwed by Leno. NBC can spin this any which way they want, it end ups the same: this is all Big Jaw's fault. We are all pissed off. Most of us will not, even if a life depends on it, will ever watch the Tonight Show ever again. Like a good mafia movie, I would say that the show after this Friday "is dead to me".

People that are also angry at this abomination that both of you have had to endure started talking. For some strange reason, all of us - well, at least where I live - are talking about the same thing: Dave should interview Conan THE DAY LENO RETURNS TO THE TONIGHT SHOW.

Yes. YES! What an evil and incredible plan! The two of you get talking about life and entertainment while giving Leno the most painful ratings numbers ever! Will we watch? OF COURSE! Will it affect in any way Conan's shot at Fox? WHO CARES, WE WANT YOU BOTH TO STICK IT TO LENO on his crappy return to late night!

Let's face it. You're both angry. You HAVE to have great stories to share. Go medieval on Leno's ass, will you?

Well, hope at least you entertain the thought. I would so watch that show... it would be history in the making.

And again. Me love you Dave. Me love you Coco. Much muaks. Me.

By the way... if by some miracle you like the idea and want to say thanks... I just want tickets to both guy's shows. Write back to adssuck@gmail.com!

Next time you buy that plastic donger from Sextoys.com... beware.

Just click at the name of the post to see the weirdest social networking tool ever: a live stream of your credit card. Because sharing your most personal stuff has gone above and beyond... What's next? A site that reveals your bodily functions, blow by blow? Jesus H. Christ.

Fortune Cookie 500 #'s 361-365

On negativity
Pessimism prevents you from enjoying the small victories in life.

On rude people
Unfortunately there is no sanitizing gel for manners.

On reunions
In a maelstrom of discussion and revisions, decisions are made instead of real work.

On lunch meetings
Food automatically becomes less delicious when eaten during a meeting.

On appearances
Eventually, every truth surfaces.

Gervais was the best thing of the Golden Globes.

Your agency got your back?

Here at WAS we’ve spent the greater part of five years talking about how much we hate the ad biz. This past weekend I was hit face-to-face yet again with the harsh, cruel and inhumane side of our beloved industry.

A good art director friend of mine is in a dire situation. Both her parents (with whom she still lives) are extremely ill: mom is in the hospital and dad is at home, seriously sick. Both have ongoing medical conditions that complicate the matter. She’s practically spent the holidays in the hospital and caring after her parents.

Oh yeah, she has shed tears… but not for her parents. Her greatest worry right now is not whether they’ll recoup. It’s her job!

Of course she’s had to take some time off. She’s exhausted her vacation, sick, and personal days… and now there are rumors going around that because of her many absences, her job may be at risk. That is to say, when her parents get better, she may not have a job to go back to.

How can this be? Well, it seems that her creative boss is using the opportunity to try and get his old pals jobs at the agency. Like all new bosses, first on the agenda is to get your friends together under one roof.

It kinda sucks that in a time of personal crisis, the agency she’s given 10 plus years of her life to is not ready to return a simple favor.

Top ten office events that shouldn’t make you THAT happy but do

Sometimes we have great things happen in life, and we get happy. This is a normal reaction because even though we’re too busy complaining that we don’t have enough money to buy the entire Fraggle Rock series, we are somewhat appreciative of what we achieve in life. Other times we actually get happy over mundane things that perfectly demonstrate the level of routine lameness we at times live. This list is about those lame things. Feel free to add your own.


10. They put good napkins in the lunch area, allowing you to be able to take out one or three without the need of a surgeon’s hand so the paper won’t rip.

9. You finish the week with the same amount of pens as you started. Pen stealers might be low level kleptomaniacs, but that doesn’t mean we have to continue searching for a means to write.

8. You find an extra bunch of post-its in the desk of someone who just got fired. Like maritime law, if no one claims a certain property after a certain period of time, it is yours to claim. Arrrrr….

7. The microwave finally smells normal or doesn’t smell at all. The aroma of a radioactive rodent should never be infused into our food, but sometimes we must compromise.

6. You find the long lost Starburst in your desk drawer… and it still tastes alright.

5. Your lunch order is finally delivered complete and in good quality. Small miracles CAN happen.

4. Every single print job comes out toasty warm and without problems forever causing you to name that day the official “Finally my work didn’t jam and I wasn’t the cause of a print traffic jam so you don’t have to look at me as if I actually caused this incident” Day.

3. The thermostat has finally found the perfect midpoint in between smoldering cauldron and a walrus’s bung hole, allowing you to finally be able to get some work done.

2. For one single day, your computer decides not to crash or slow down without the need of being at work after 10 pm for that to happen.

1. You find that the toilet water is still pink, which means you are not sharing ass cheek germs with a coworker and are popping the daily toilet cherry.

Fortune Cookie 500 #'s 356-360

On office supplies
You shall always have an abundance of red pens.

On success
The sharper your knife to stab someone in the back, the larger the target on your back.

On humility
Arrogance is a sound investment for eventual humbling.

On graciousness
When complimented, desist from convincing otherwsie.

On prudence
Imagining a coworker has a venereal disease shall forever save you the trouble of an office relationship.

When the past comes back to bite Leno in the ass.

Jay's 2004 Announcement - watch more funny videos

Extra thoughts regarding Robertson and Limbaugh

I must offer my thanks to Keith Olbermann for expressing what I want to on national television.



Having listened to both Robertson and Limbaugh I am inclined to make one clarification, Robertson to me has simply never served any interest except his own and I genuinely think he is either part of the Legion or at the very least enjoys sucking on Satan's cock. His track record is marred with racism, idiocy, ignorance, anger, hatred, corruption, fraud and pretty much representing nothing that his particular God holds in esteem. Maybe that part from the Old Testament about hating gay people, but apart from that, he seems to have skipped the New Testament as a whole and instead serves to promote this lovely trend of people hating Christians.

As for Rush, this time around he wasn't as decidedly hateful as others because in between shit that I hardly agree with and instead clench my teeth, he did bring up points that might be something to watch out for, namely, what the hell is going to happen with the Haitian government because as is, there are two options, take over or leave things as they were and either option will have backlash.

If you've read any of my numerous rants about Limbaugh in the past, you'll know I'm not a fan and that deep down in the darkest most sinister recesses of my soul, I probably wished him dead during his holiday vacation just to see if American ideology has one less chauvinist, racist asshole. But this is me trying to be fair and show that I did listen to part of his radio show if only to offer a less biased opinion, even though it's still quite biased. From his show I heard the following clip:



From this I don't want to focus on the facts he says or the reality that Haitian government will be a huge issue in the coming months. I already said I thought it was a topic worth mentioning. But apart from that message, there were three comments I did want to focus on:

1. Obama took a full three days to talk about the terrorist.

Last I checked the Bush administration had the shittiest response time record for ANYTHING. Katrina, pathetic, the shoe bomber,almost a week, the tsunami, Hussein, Osama, etc. There wasn't one swift response (maybe the tsunami) and to boot, even with that extra time, he had no idea what he was talking about. But I compare to Bush which is like comparing a Harvard grad with a toddler. So he took three days to respond to something because he needed to know who fucked up to offer a message and wanted to clear out the bullshit from the facts. Who knows what really happened, but he responded even if he was on vacation. In case you don't know, time is of the essence when people are in a disaster. But it seems you don't, and neither did Bush, hence people dying for no reason.

2. The President has the gall to ask people to shell out money for Haiti.

This is an odd point because Limbaugh did say that we step up to the plate every time help is needed but he still decided to bash the president. Seems age is kicking in and he can't seem to agree to disagree with himself. The main thing is that Limbaugh focuses on the economic status and blames it on the President. Thank your former President and age old fuckups that have not been remedied for decades for the current situation. I'm not saying Obama is a messiah or that I agree with all his policies, but his administration is definitely trying to do something for the country instead of just running down the clock like other administrations. You are simply hellbent on hating democrats and can't see any merit on anything being done by someone that isn't on your side.

3. The US is the only country helping.

Check your facts. Mexico, China, Russia, and countless countries are trying to help. You are right that the US is probably the country that can help the most, but we aren't the only ones. Unlike you, people actually give a fuck.

So why the note? Easy, I really dislike Rush Limbaugh, but I want to try and be fair and objective just so I can have yet another thing to separate me from him. As for Pat Robertson... you're 79 so by all means become compost any time you feel like it.

Fortune Cookie 500 #'s 351-355

On productivity
The more you do, the less you own.

On rainy days
Much like soil, intelligence in traffic erodes with too much water.

On professional attire
Dress to impress, not depress.

On tact
How to say is often more important than what to say.

On anger
A typo should never be a reason to lose one's temper.

Jimmy Kimmel is my new hitman.

Pack your stuff and get your wallet out.

It's a very small planet. And we're in it, together. Sometimes because we live so isolated from the rest of the world, we sometimes forget about other people. Haiti has been the most forgotten place of all earth. And now, Mother Nature has decided to screw them over once again. My question for you is very, very simple.

Do you have 10 bucks to spare? 5 bucks? $25?

Hey, it's your money, you do whatever you want with it. But today I'm going to give you a challenge. It's Friday. I'm going to let you think this for a moment and let you choose what you want to do this weekend.

You can go to the movies. It'll cost you around $30 bucks, right?

Maybe you wanna go have a few drinks with a friend. That will sum up to $50 bucks, easy.

Maybe tomorrow you get that 5 dollar foot long urge.

Or maybe, just maybe, you take that money from whatever plan you had for that day, and donate it to the suffering people of Haiti, who need something a little bit more important than a ticket to Avatar, a Cosmopolitan or even a sandwich.

They need water, over the counter medicine, clothes, doctors. They need electricity. They need our help. You cannot stand there and tell me that you don't have anything to give. Oh, on a tight budget? Go to your closet. Take out clothes that you haven't worn lately. Good clothes. Pack them all and take them to your local Salvation Army or Red Cross. Thinking of getting new towels and bed linens? Pack them as well and take them. They need this stuff there, people.

Worried about where to send your money? I was. But Clinton knows best. Go to The Clinton Foundation to see all the different places you can send in your money. It's very safe and ALL the money will be transferred. ALL OF IT.

Now. If you just want to write something nice and clever in your social networking tool of your choice, go right ahead. But don't preach if you're doing nothing. Sending your warm regards is very nice... but sending in tangible stuff to help, THAT is making a difference.

So... let this idea simmer for a while. And if you're still not that convinced on sending even a buck... watch this.

The Gospel of Douche

It's 2010 but somehow people insist on saying shit that makes me feel as if we're back in the middle ages. If ignorance is truly bliss, then few people have tapped into a more pure source of religious Kool Aid than his Assholiness Pat Robertson. In a time when comprehension, sympathy and solidarity should be key points in any comment regarding Haiti, Mr. Robertson (also known as the First Douchesciple or the sixth Crapostle) has been kind enough to speculate that the fate of the Haitian people is actually the will of God in retaliation for them selling their souls to get the French out of Haiti. If you don't believe me, you haven't heard Robertson open his pie hole before, but by all means, click the title of this post and read what else he had to say.

Seriously, it's the type of shit senile Catholic grandmas usually say but instead, Robertson, who insists he IS coherent, was the one doing the talking. The main problem is that unfortunately stupidity, bigotry and ignorance are not exclusive traits to this Earth stain known as Pat and there are people who share his sentiments, so since they were kind enough to pass judgement, why don't we do the same for them.

First off, a person of true faith is an incredible human being and people with bonafide faith can tap into resources we can only dream off. On the other hand, fanatics just listen to what's convenient to them and for the most part speak without thinking and are a hybrid between a talking parrot and religious soldiers. They listen, repeat and obey. In a Christian sense of the word fanatic, these are the type of people that insist that Jesus was white and had green eyes, even if he was Jewish, the son of a carpenter and a Jerusalem local.

Robertson is everything I hate about fundamentalist Christians. A religious bigot that justifies and explains everything through divine intervention and human interpretation, how fucking convenient. To boot, the guy was originally a Faith Healer... what is also known as a Spiritual Snake Oil Salesman. So by all means people, if you chance upon this post, then feel free to start praying, because if the Robertson theory of divine intervention is anything to be taken seriously, then an Asteroid should be a few weeks away to send us back to the Stone Age.

So by all means Mr. Robertson, feel free to pat yourself in the back with a rusty axe. After all, if it isn't God's will it should be in agenda.

Cheers

I don’t want to be like Mikey

Mikey Hicks is eight years old. He also happens to get searched every time he goes to the airport. By the way, you should know that this has been happening since he was 2. I’m not really sure what the current rate of pederasts working in airport security is, but I do have an idea that one of the job requisites appears to be a slight grade of incompetence. I don’t know, maybe they saw Robo Cop 2, The Good Son or Home Alone and really think this kid is dangerous, but when it all comes down to it, it just happens that the only problem is the poor kid’s name. You see, his parents had the great idea of calling the child Michael Hicks, a good Christian name by all means; and although there are thousands of Michael Hickses in the continental United States, it also happens that one Michael Hicks ruined it for everyone by being a terrorist. Pretty much like anyone called Adolf, Fidel, or Katrina, they’re paying for other people’s dirty laundry.

What is interesting about this case though is that no child should be on this list and that this isn’t the first time this has happened to Mikey. Any time he flies, he is detained, questioned, patted down and questioned some more. Some people even think it might be a case of another Gary Coleman wreaking havoc to take over the world, but alas, it is mere incompetence, gross incompetence by the way and more evidence that when it comes to security, all it really means is delays, annoying searches and preposterous demands from airport security. From drinking breast milk, to being frisked for having an 8 oz. antibacterial gel on hand, trust that odds are strongly in favor of innocent people being hassled rather than people with explosives in their shoes or underwear being detained. I’m not exaggerating; it’s just what I read in the news. The funny thing is that where the system failed, the people did not. The shoe bomber and the undies bomber got a fair whooping old school from people and was kindly escorted to their holding cell more due to the intervention of pedestrians and average citizens than of supposed professionals highly trained in the art of intervention.

True, I am potentially omitting hundreds or thousands of terrorist threats that ARE detained, and I recognize that, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that where security should be air tight, leaks abound. And what’s the funniest thing of all? I’m probably going to be profiled for writing the words terrorist, bomb, airline, security, and leaks while someone is asking for their second scotch while their cocaine cargo sits a few feet below.

By the way, here's the picture of the future terrorist.

Jack Bauer’s got legs

If you haven’t heard by now, Kiefer Sutherland appeared on the Letterman show dressed in a … well dress. Sporting a sassy verbena green outfit and unmatching army boots, Father Bauer showed he’s a man of his word and someone who is pretty much going to keep his end of a bet no matter what's at stake.

I could go on a rant about how he didn’t really have to don a dress but that gets me thinking, just think about what he’s going to bet against the guy he lost to next time around, if they're even speaking after this one. All I really know for sure is that if SNL needed someone to pick as a celebrity guest again, Kiefer has got my vote and then some just to see Special Agent Jack Bauer knocking some heads and decapitating some terrorists without tearing his pantyhose.

To those without a frock, we salute you.

Cheers,

And now, a word to the wise from Papa Dave.

EFFIN ROFL! Hitler hears about Conan vs Leno.

Let me make this totally clear: I'm down with Coco.

Last time I heard, when you retired from your job... you actually meant that you were not going to do anything related to it, right? Well... Can someone please tell Jay Leno what this means? Really! Go knock your balls out, drive your hundreds of cars... play with your testes, whatever you need to do, but leave Late night alone!

Here we were, on a new era in Late Night. We had Coco. We had Jimmy. It was not perfect, but it was going on the right track. We just needed to give it time for it to get comfortable for us, make the necessary changes and bingo, we were set for maybe 20 years. Well, nope. In comes Leno and his chin, whining. I want a show! YOU SCREWED IT, DUDE!

I am a total Conan fan. What's happening to him is a total bullshit move. No respect, whatsoever. And it seems that people all over the world are joining in the defense of our beloved Coco. And hence, the reason of my post.

I never join Facebook groups or any other type of that stuff. But this one, you gotta give it to the secret NBC personnel who made the group, is genius. Go to the link at the name of the post and join the Team Conan. If you're not that happy go lucky for the fact that Conan might lose his show, then join in. There are also tshirts with the illustration, which by the way, kicks some serious ass - and if you buy them some of the money will be donated to a charity helping Haiti. How about that?

Coco, me love you long time, even with your red weird hair. Hang in there and fight for your right to party. Much love, Me.

This is what happened yesterday night:



And this was the first official jab. Enjoy.

I want to have a kid just like this one.

Shhhh. Daddy's working.

"It took me 15 seconds to start feeling it." EPIC!

In London, I stumbled on to Avenue Q...

The greatest thing about my relationship with my boyfriend is... when we travel, there are no plans. It's all very organic. We let the day tell us what it wants from us. We never make a schedule. We never put hours on our days. We walk. That's the extent of our days. We let the place do the work.

So one cold night, we were walking the theater district at London and suddenly we took a turn. Avenue Q signs, all over. Honey, I heard from a friend that this play is cool, I said. Wanna go? Sure, he said.

Ladies and gents... If you happen to catch this play... GO SEE IT!

It's currently playing at NYC, London and Australia. Go see it. Trust me, you will laugh your ass off.

Not that convinced? Let me leave you with one of my favorites, from the Broadway cast. "The internet is for porn"

Every little Step!

When I was I don't know how much old, my mom told me one night that we were going to New York City. Out of the blue. It took me 30 more years to learn that she was trying to escape one of her most difficult times as a young woman, she was going to get divorced in less than a month later... I guess she wanted to have a happy memory before the shit came. Who knows. Hey Mom (she's reading my blog now, can you believe this?)... What ever convinced you to do that trip?

Anyway. We had a great time. We stayed, if I remember correctly, at the very famous Plaza (my mom didn't have money, she worked her ass off so this was a very big deal). We had a blast. I always remember us two at that time as her "single years". Her being single is one of those moments where we had the most fun of all our lives. Maybe it was because we had each other... who knows. We were partners in crime. But this isn't the reason of the post. It's cause I remembered a movie that I saw a couple of months ago that reminded me of that moment, sort of.

In that lovely trip, my mother took me, at that time a 7 - 8 year old to a Broadway show: A Chorus Line. I can remember little about that night, but she has always told me the story. I sat down there, a little girl, and she thought that I wasnt going to get it. Way too much comlicated for the little chick, she thought. Wrong. What happened, was? The tale goes that I sat down and didn't move an inch, wide eyes, laughing and singing my lungs out. She says, to this day, that I was engulfed in the story. That, I can remember.

Cut to 2009. Netflix is like a drug for me, I get all the flicks I would never get to see where I live. I rent a little documentary called "Every Little Step". Fast forward a couple of hours, I am leaking like a bad car. Um. I don't cry. I leak. Crying is for weak people... right Alberto?

I am suddenly remembering that amazing night with me and my mother. This movie is a gem. It revolves about getting the musical back on Broadway, the casting and all the incredible people that auditioned for it. Trust me, if you like the theater, you will love this film.

Yes. I am biased. It brought back a dear memory. A happy, incredible moment of my life. One of those which will never be able to be imitated. But still, it's a great movie, trust me. If you enjoy going to the theater and getting the thrill of a live performance, this is your cup of tea. You will laugh, you will cry your eyes out... This is a great feel good movie! Available now at Netflix.

PS: I think Netflix should pay me. Damn it.



Sing it with me! One... singular sensation...

YES! YES! YES! WE MADE IT!

The one thing I desperately wished for has come true, guys! We actually made it in Advertising Age and a decent ranking to top that! Holy Jesus of Wisconsin! We're the little blog about hating this job that could! How 'bout them apples?

My man Joker and Restrictions, I think this calls for a night of booze and sashimi!

And to our readers, those loyal dudes and dudettes who actually read our posts, get mad at us for not writing but still click sometimes to see what are we up to, for the few of you who actually write back and give us hope that there are humans out there who enjoy our little lives... THANK YOU!

We'll keep writing if you keep clicking back to us. Please don't make me cook my way through Julia Child's Mastering the Art of French Cooking or try to be a No Impact Woman to make this blog get noticed...

Crack open that Colt 45! I'm drinking tonight!

Followup to Me's Top Frontment List

DISCLAIMER, I was going to post this as a comment... Blogger asked if I was kidding. So here's my comment to the Best Frontment post by Me. Debate away.

The weirdest thing is that I was writing this post when Mrs. Joker's brother mentioned you'd posted it lol. I mean seriously, wtf. Anyways, seeing as you beat me to the punch, here's my version of the list but alas... I did a top ten lol. WITH honorable mentions. So here they are, debate away.

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

Sting – The Police is pretty much the best power trio in existence. Better than Cream? Yes simply by way of longevity because both rock hard. If you’ve never seen a Sting or Police concert. You’re missing out. Period.

Phil Collins – Some people hate Phil Collins and I’ll give you that the guy is SEVERELY not everyone’s cup of tea, but that doesn’t mean he’s not a great performer and doesn’t put it all out there for every show.

Meatloaf – When you sing so much and shake around so violently and passionately that you need oxygen after a show, you make my list, even if only an honorable mention.

Prince – One of the most underrated performers of all time. Prince is simply the bomb and we’re still partying like it’s 1999.

David Lee Roth – Diamond Dave and his cocaine goodness can’t be denied as the showcase in a true Van Halen show. High kicks, crotch grabs and spandex. Viva la Roth.

Steven Tyler – Steven might have fallen off the stage like an idiot a few months back, but that’s just because he wants to put on such a show. When you swing over the crowd during a song and then keep singing, you definitely get worth mentioning.

Bruce Springsteen – The Boss… 3 hour shows don’t happen often, unless you’re a Springsteen fan. He’s called the Boss for several reasons, but my main one is that on the stage, few people can catch him and he just narrowly lost to the top 10, though if I do this list again, I wouldn’t be surprised if he cracked it.

AND NOW THE LIST.

10. Bruce Dickinson – It doesn’t matter if you adore the Maiden or hate them, if you’ve gone to a concert, which I have, you’ll see that this guy just dominates the stage… and when you get as elaborate with a stage as Iron Maiden does, that’s really saying something. Soaring opera vocals, fist pumps and enough charisma to rub off on some of the lamer people to take the stage nowadays, Bruce trumps most of em. Children, take note… metal is alive and well.

See any Maiden song.

9. Peter Gabriel – Speaking of excessive, I don’t think there is one person more excessive on this list than Peter Gabriel. Hands down the best stages you’ve ever seen and to boot, the guy is a class act live. True, in the Secret World tour he was a man in tights and yes he did do some rather unnecessary pelvic thrusting, but just see the clip of Talk to Me and let’s leave him right here alright.

Songs to watch: Talk to Me, Mercy Street, Downside Up and Digging in the Dirt.

8. Brian Johnson/Angus Young – The Devil’s Duo know how to bring the house down. These aging rockers just know how to perform and when you can’t take your eyes off a person, you know they got something special going on. I added Angus Young for one simple reason… I saw them live and had to accept that the Front Man position for AC/DC is a dual bill, and pretty much one of the best I’ll ever see in my life.

Songs to watch: Ball Breaker, For those About to Rock, Hell’s Bells

7. Eddie Vedder – Yes I’m a Pearl Jam mark, sue me. But there’s a reason I’m such a huge fan. When you have a guy who talks earnest and doesn’t depend on pyro and explosions to get you riled up, there’s some special sauce to his recipe of being a front man. Having seen the concert in the first row… the opinion hasn’t shifted one bit because he focuses on the entire audience. From letting light shine off his guitar to reflect onto the crowd, to just really talking to the crowd, Eddie is by far the best front man to come out of the 90’s.

Songs to Watch: Blood, Given to Fly, Light Years, Wishlist, Rocking in the Free World, Rear View Mirror

6. Roger Daltrey – Lusciously long curly blonde hair, an Ultimate Warrior Jacket, and more energy than an atom bomb, that’s what Daltrey brings to the table. Inspiring bands to go marathon like concerts, it was amazing to see all of the Who still ripping it by the end of the concert and Roger leading the way.

Songs to watch: Love Reign o’er me, Won’t get Fooled Again

5. Mick Jagger – What can you say about this flamboyantly effeminate rock god that hasn’t been said? True he dances like a crack smoking swan, but that doesn’t take away from his performance. A singer that gives it all to the show and truly trumps the Beatles in terms of stage presence, Jagger truly shows that when it comes to a live setting, there is no debate, Stones win.

Songs to Watch: Anything with Jagger swaying to and fro.

4. Bon Scott – The only band to have two mentions on this list. Bon Scott was something else. With jeans chest high and tighter than spandex, this guy showed why AC/DC was the show to watch. Blue collar charisma has never been cooler and with few exceptions, few people gave less of a fuck as long as people were partying. Bon, you were the shit.

Songs to watch: Let there be Rock, A whole lotta rosie, TNT, It’s a long way to the top….

3. Bono – Signature voice? Check. Charisma? Check. Alter egos? Check. Bono simply knows how to work a crowd. From dancing with a fan and kissing her to doing that kind of gay bull fight with the Edge, Bono works the crowd hard and makes every penny you spend to get to a U2 concert worth it.

Songs to watch: Where the Streets have no name, Mysterious Ways, With or Without you

2. Jim Morrison – Mrs. Joker’s bro made such a solid case that I had to give it to Jim. When you sing surrounded by the entire Miami Police force and you don’t give a fuck, you’re the shit. And Jim WAS the shit. He might not have made it to manipulate entire arenas of fans, but in a semi intimate setting, there’s just no one who can top this crazy Lizard King except… maybe a Queen?

Songs to watch: The End, Break on Through, Light my Fire, Roadhouse Blues

1. Freddie Mercury – Hands down the most charismatic, flamboyant, enchanting bastard to ever take the stage. When people stop debating over this just take into account from my perspective that I can’t take the image of Freddie Mercury clapping in Radio Gaga and the entire Wembley Stadium following suit. (BTW me, you said the name of the DVD and I looked at my pile with Superbad… memory seems the first thing to go when you’re about to turn 30 and are soon to get married. :D )

Songs to Watch: Radio Gaga, One Vision, Bohemian Rhapsody (in the 70’s specifically)

See why I was making an entire post??? lol

5 Worst Fonts of All Time, according to Me.

Since this week has been "greatest of all times" galore, let's go the other route, shall we? Each day we have to endure opening our set of fonts, yada yada yada. But when we open our Illustrator (are you STILL using Freehand? YUCK!), there are some black sheep that we would never, ever use. You know the ones. The really ugly ones. Those fonts that under no circumstance you would ever use. Even for an invitation for someone you really hate.

Well, let me see what happens when I load the program and choose the five fonts someone would have to kill me to use. If you want to join in the fun, don't cheat. It's the default font list that we all get when we load the program, ok? Mac Users as well, dammit. You PC people... go away!

1) Papyrus. The fact that James Cameron used it, not only for the name of his movie Avatar but also for the subtitles is just an act of Satan. That was the only thing of the movie I didn't like. Shit font.

2) Comic Sans. Not even for my first kid's birthday would I use this crap. If I were a comic artist, I would be extremely pissed off that this font is referred in some way to comic books. Vomit.

3) Braggadocio. This is my joke font. Oh. Haven't told you? I have a secret wish that one day some crappy client comes along and I hate them so much I use this piece of turd in one of their ads. They love it, and I am laughing secretly at them. Evil plan. Someday... someday...

4) Tekton Pro. Oh! I'm an architect! From the 70's! My handwriting is so awesome, it can make you crap instantly! The pain. The pain. Why is this available still and doesn't just go away?

5) Mistral. There is NO reason why you should use this font, ever. It is an abomination. They "tried" to do retro and ended up with typographic diarrhea.

So there you are. My five type enemies of all time. Which are yours?

Pregnant in America got me shit scared.

As you all know, my Baby hunt is on its way. Trust me, this hasn't been easy. Leaving all the pills, inyections and whatever behind is hard but my body is slowly leaving all that behind and trying its best to be baby friendly. So, in my process, I decided to rent a little movie about being pregnant, just to learn a thing or two before it happens.

Jesus Holy Fucking Fuck, not a good idea. I sat there, scared shitless, more confused than ever. My boyfriend looked at me like... "what the fuck are you watching?". Let me give you the basics.

Steve Buonaugurio and his wife Mandy get pregnant like we are about to do, for the first time. They do a little research and find a little problem with the data they got. They are trying to figure out the difference between a natural childbirth and the usual, normal birth which includes the very famous pitusin or the cesarean.

You gotta give it to them. They are into natural stuff, healthy living, information. They just don't take things like the rest, they research and make informed opinions. Hm. Sort of.

They start interviewing doctors and mothers about their experiences giving birth. It might seem like the hospital-pitusin-cesarean way is extremely painful and not a great memory for both doctors, nurses and mothers. Interesting, one of my best friends had a baby a couple of months ago and he told me that it was short of a zombie movie, really bad.

Does it go on a natural-or-no-birth way sometimes? Yes. Did they all seemed a little biased against hospitals? Sure. Do they have also a point that women CAN have their baby at home? Sure. Does it mean it's safe? There lies the problem and hence, my confusion.

It is sort of a great movie for extremely green people, but with a sort of a lesson behind it, somewhere. I noticed it. Sad thing was, the people who made the movie didn't, at least that's what I got out of it at the end.

So this is sort of a review post but... also a cry for help. This movie confused me and even scared me a little. Not about getting pregnant. Not at all. In fact, I was at my doc yesterday and for a moment there, he was going to put me back in the pills for a month. Between you and me (don't tell my boyfriend), I almost cried. I didn't want to stop my search even for a second. At the end, the doc told me it was ok, let's keep trying. Yeyyyy!

Anyway. Where was I? Oh. I need mommies to give me their opinions. What happened when you gave birth? Did someone go the no-medications route? Am I right to be shit scared about giving birth at a hospital? What do you recommend, natural or normal hospital birth?

Come on ladies. I know you are out there, I know you read! Maybe I pissed you off with another post, maybe I am a little bitchy sometimes and opinionated... but you gotta help a sista' out! It's our first baby, and we're just trying to learn how to do this properly! We need help!

Pregnant in America is available at Netflix. Rent it and tell me what you thought, will you?

Much love from the soon to be pregnant Me.

The Five Greatest Frontmen of all Time, according to: Me.

Ok so my boyfriend was watching me write the last post and we started talking about the previous list - while we're watching Queen at Wembley (fucking epic concert, damn it!) - and bingo, when we saw Fred come in the stage, it dawned on us: while the greatest bands come from the UK... not all frontmen do. Bingo, another post. Sorry, I couldn't leave it for later...

Let the arguments begin.

Freddie Mercury is the greatest frontman of all time. Period. No, I don't want to hear any arguments that try to take this man down. He is and will always be the greatest. He controlled the audience like no other. He was larger than life. He rocked your balls out. All hail Freddie.

Now... so first place is his. But... what about the other four greatest frontman of all time? Who would I choose? It took 15 minutes. I had them all in my head. Join in the fun and write down yours. Here are mine:

1) Freddie Mercury. You bow down everytime you hear his name, dammit!

2) Mick Jagger. This man is the original Energizer Bunny.

3) Bono. He sings and saves the world. Try to Trump that one.

4) Jim Morrison. I honestly think that if Sex had a smell, it would smell like Jim.

5) David Lee Roth. Second in command of being larger than life. Mid-air splits? Yes.

So those are mine. You are totally entitled to your list, but if Mercury isn't on your list, there might be help for you. Call your doctor today.

5 Simple Reasons why the best Bands of all time come from the UK, according to: Me

Ok let's not beat around the bush. The best bands of all time, of all the days, years, centuries that man has walked the earth have come from one place only. The United Kingdom. Period. Long live the Queen, hail mary, whatever. The UK has it, and it has it good.

Not only they have produced the best bands of all time, they still are turning them out as we speak. Muse? Coldplay? OOh yes. The british know how to rock. Me love them long time.

Do the math. Don't believe me? Let me give you five amazing reasons.

1) The Beatles.


2) The Who.


3) Pink Floyd


4) Queen.


5) Led Zeppelin.


Jesus... This is way too hard. People we have to mention because if not someone will come and shoot us are: Black Sabbath, Iron Maiden, The Rolling Stones, The Clash, The Kinks, Radiohead... Lord have mercy, this post will never end. I have to stop here.

Feel free to revise this list as you wish. And if you can write back with an USA argument... go right ahead, I double dog dare you. If you can up this list with american bands - NOT ARTISTS, the game is on.

No Impact Man had No Impact on Me.

Sometimes people do stuff that makes me go... really? Is this totally necessary? Let's explore the wonderful world of a little documentary I saw while sick as a dog this week: No Impact Man. (Oh yes, I almost died, dammit. I saw the light. Nothing there, but that is another post)

What seemed like a genius idea for some strange reason just felt a little flat for me. The basics: some dude in Manhattan decides to go completely off the grid. His no impact zone means:

1) No electricity. No heat. No appliances of any kind.

2) No food that isn't organic and local (in this case, only New York food.)

3) No coffee. (WTF?)

4) No makeup, creams or even bought shampoo for the wife. (WHAT?)

5) No electronic/gas transportation.

6) No elevators.

7) No meat, no fish (IS THIS GUY NUTS?).

8) Watch the trailer to see the whole list. It's about as fucked up as you can imagine.

Oh and by the way, let me tell you that this man decided to include his wife and his amazingly cute little girl in this experiment.

Ok so what happened for me? I ended up being not inspired that much. I mean... Yes, I know mankind sucks and has been fucking the environment for quite a while now, but this is taking it to eleven. It may be a little bit drastic, just to prove a point, you know?

Suddenly the "coverage of the coverage" that he had while making this experience killed the idea, at least for me. I know people would end up noticing his plan, but this seemed like a-movie-about-a-dude-who-did-something-that-was-going-to-be-a-movie-anyhow instead of truly just an experiment. I don't know how to explain this... shit. Um. It seemed a little gimmicky. And the fact that the movie ended and we didn't get to see how much he truly not-impacted... Um... Yeah. Loose ends.

Anyways, there is cool things to take away from it anyways. Being No Impact is hard. Very hard. And tiresome. And cool. And healthy. And interesting. And weird for a little kid. And weird for your friends... By making his life sans tv and limiting his travel options, for some reason he now had more time with his family. The days ended up being longer and the evenings much more fun. Go figure.

I have mixed feelings about this one, but I would still recommend it for those of you out there who really love documentaries like I do. It's now available in Netflix and also On-Demand via Cable.

Enjoy!

To all our male readers: You're welcome.

Oh. My. God. This guy is amazing!

Crazy Lady on a Plane.

Addiction now includes Video Games. Truly WTF.

A week ago I stumbled on a documentary on Netflix that sparked some interest: Second Skin. Since I love playing video games (and have ended up playing at 4-5 in the morning), this flick seemed like it was going to be very interesting.

And then some.

Ok let me give you the basics: Second Skin is about one thing only. MMORPG's. Ok, let's break it down now: massively multiplayer online role-playing games. Nothing yet? People who play games like World of Warcraft. Got it now? Good.

So. It's very simple. You install a garden variety game to your computer. You connect to the internet. You play as a monster, evil whatever, dark lord... any nerd thing you wish to be. Little by little you get to connect with other video game geeks from around the globe. And then?

And then... you start sleeping less. You work and get home as fast as you can to keep playing. You pay people in China to get you swords, coins or whatever. You lose contact with society. You don't play any attention to your mother, wife, brothers, friends, boyfriends, husbands, etc. You (and I'm not kidding) actually think hard when your baby comes and you know that your gaming hours will be affected.

This is what Second Skin is about. It's about how some people get lost in the video game and can't find their way back to reality. Some just make poor choices (women trying to find dates on the game), some just give up (one young man killed himself because he was too addicted to the game and could not quit it).

It's very good. If you're into anything related to video games, internet and tech stuff, marketing... you really need to see this. A big what the fuck awaits.

Fun with Chroma Key

Stuck in the Airport with you...

I WILL GLADLY SHOW MY BOOBS AND POONANIE.

Yes. I used caps in that title. It's me, screaming my lungs off. I will show anybody my boobs and womanly privates WITH PLEASURE if that means that I am going to survive a plane flight.

Am I referring to the use of scans at airports. Yes. Am I not "worried" about privacy? FUCK THAT. In fact, let me state it, very plainly. Fuck my privacy. Fuck your privacy. We've seen tits. We've seen ass. We've seen dongers and big hairy balls. YES. BALLS. You've seen balls. I've seen balls. Not a big whoop anymore.

Are you really thinking that you need to worry about showing your butt in order to live????

Well sorry guys. If you are worried about a stupid thing like that, I totally get you. Travel by boat and leave the rest of us the option of NOT DYING when some idiot decides to tape some dangerous chemical to his balls.

Why am I so angry? Oh! Let's explain.

Let's start with the fact that I got on a plane on December 26. A day after that idiotic buttmuncher Nigerian decided to play kaboom with the lives of 250+ people. I went on my vacation and when I got back to the airport, I spent 4-5 hours - and I am not exaggerating one bit - from the front of the airport to the terminal.

Some lady almost, and I mean almost, went boldly where only my boyfriend goes. My luggage was completely screened. Both our carry on bags were denied at the gate, we had to hurry and put all we could in my bag so we only had one thing between us. Oh, and when we got to the gate... surprise. Another screening, another woman wanted to see if something fit under my boobs (Um. Honey, I pass the boob pencil test. My boobs are perky, even if I wanted not one little explosive would stick... Beeyatch!). Another dude actually opened up my makeup, opened my wallet. They looked in every nook and cranny.

Did I mind? Hell NO! I would have bent over and shown them anything they want. But now, the thing that pisses me off. People are actually bitching about not having body scanners because, gasp, it would mean the loss of their privacy. WHAT? Dude! They are looking inside your bag! Your plastic shlong WILL be seen! Your candy panties will be the talk of the gate anyways! Why not just make the process easier and faster and let a scanner do the rest!

Look. I want to live after going to Hawaii, Greece or any other country in my bucket list. If that means that we all have to look at our little boobies and dicks, so be it. What matters the most? I say my life.

There. Jeez. I feel so much better.

A very nice surprise: Julie and Julia!

Sitting at my airplane seat, the options for movies were many. I could go the nerd way and reach for some Potter. I could go nostalgic and go for Juno. But in the list, there was a little movie my mom told me that she liked and I thought, oh well, let's see if she's right. She was.

I saw Julie and Julia on both plane rides and I fell in love. This is one of those movies you think are just chick flicks... but in reality, they're not. This is an excellent movie from one of my favorite writers of all time, Nora Ephron. How good? I'm buying Child's book and yes... people of earth, I will attempt to start learning how to cook beyond burgers and sandwiches.

First of all, let's get this Meryl Streep thing done: this woman is out of this world. Truly. I think she might be an alien. How, pray tell, did she literally become Julia Child? Please tell me! Did she cook up some DNA and manually inject herself with this woman? Look. If you don't believe me, give the movie exactly 10 minutes of your time. If when Streep first starts talking your jaw doesn't drop to the floor... then... oh well you won't enjoy this movie. This woman made this film a truly joy to see. She's funny - SO FUNNY! Lovable to the point of madness.

Amy Adams is also brilliant. Her character is one of those people who are looking for purpose in life (who isn't?) and when she finds it, well, she just goes a little berzerk. I loved her vulnerability, desperation and watching her cook made me actually want to learn to cook, if you can believe that.

If you lived under a rock and don't know the story behind the movie, here's the basic idea: Julie Powell decided one day to write a blog because she was bored and wanted to do something cool (this story sounds so similar, ha). She decided to cook, in one year, all the recipes from Child's "Mastering the Art of French Cooking" and blog about it. What happened next? Her blog became a total success and she got offered to write a book (this story now suddenly seems not so familiar); and then came the movie (yeah, like the WAS movie is ever going to happen... damn).

The movie is a mix between both of their stories and the way they intertwine is so very interesting to watch. It's a very simple movie, don't get me wrong. This is not, for example, Doubt - which leaves you wanting to die from brain exhaustion. This just is a nice movie to feel good, happy, laugh, want to bake a chocolate cake and yes, go out to eat. Mainly, in France.

Streep deserves the Oscar. Period. So, enjoy. Bon Appetit! Link to the actual original blog is by clicking at the name of the post.

Here's to hoping someone actually offers to do a movie about our little rants. Although... it would be a sort of gory movie... LOL.