Someone did an interpretation of the current logo. I kind of dig it.
Mar 30, 2010
The London 2012 logo? Still sucks.
Someone did an interpretation of the current logo. I kind of dig it.
Mar 29, 2010
He bangs, he bangs...
News Flash! Ricky Martin is gay. Ok so I'm sure anyone who's read this blog before is probably waiting for puns galore and though Living La Vida Loca is as good a start down that road, I'm actually going to take a different route and be like the eleventh million person to congratulate Ricky Martin for coming out of the closet. No I'm not a fan of his music, yes I did get dragged to one of his concerts but music aside, I'm actually impressed with his decision to come out of the closet. And it's a good surprise by the way.
I thought it would be something that would surface posthumously or something since he does so many charities and is in such prime position to suffer true backlash from the media and the public at large, which just goes to show just how hard that has to be for a gay person. Here's a guy who can have anything in the world, who makes millions, who can get anyone he wants, and he wasn't able to be truly happy and gay, because he couldn't be openly gay.
Now take the same situation and take away the good looks, the success, the money, the power, the influence and the crappy music and that's your typical person trying to cope with their sexuality at a base level since they've been told being gay is wrong, wrong, wrong and we can thank conservatives in part and general prejudice on the other part. The pressure countless teenage kids face because of their true sexuality is an emotional shitstorm mainly because everywhere from sex ed, to religion and movies we're told that gay is bad or at the very least, highly entertaining in the ha ha you're so gay kind of way.
I can actually speak from experience because even though I think myself quite tolerant, that doesn't mean I've never said stupid shit. Once in high school I made a lurid remark about what something was going to happen to a class mate once he went to sleep. It went along the lines of gag ball, hands tied, shaving cream in the asshole and getting cornholed by another class mate who was actually quite gay. This kid in all his decency then asked me aside and asked why I said what I did and why I was acting like I was. I had a real good conversation with him and gained a newfound respect and appreciation for people in that position because even in a time period where being gay cannot possibly be more fashionable, an icon still felt the pressure to stay in the closet.
I write this because I've already read about so many people who are disappointed, who think he lied to them, who think he doesn't deserve what he's achieved and enough funny comments to make a gay joke compilation book. So to offer a different perspective, I support Ricky's decision and repeat that I'm happy for his decision because at the end of the day, those fans that say they love and adore you but fail to accept you for who you are, well... let's just think about our own lives and remember the people who were there when things were good but disappeared when shit was bad.
So to Ricky I say cheers mate. Be merry, be gay and make sure to rip the closet doors from the hinges.
Labels:
gay,
out of the closet,
relief,
Ricky Martin
Mar 28, 2010
Mar 27, 2010
Mar 26, 2010
Mar 25, 2010
No love for Short Men
Calling all female WAS readers, here's a few questions to try to help a vertically challenged brother out:
Why do so many women have height requirements?
Are women scared of short guys?
What is it about a short guy if anything that makes them even slightly less appealing?
Is there anything a short guy can do to overcome the heightus quo?
You see I have a friend who's a great guy to be honest. He's funny and smart, has good feelings and is short. That's four things used to describe him, but it's the last one that he feels deserves the most attention, because he's had a dry spell if you will. And while trying to explain his dry loins, he's found that maybe, just maybe, it has a lot more to do with his height than any other factor in his genetic makeup. He showed me clip after clip after clip of women saying a variety things that shouldn't affect short people, since these women are, well shallow (purumpum).
Which gets me thinking that maybe he does have a point, but rather than speculation, I'd like to hear a female perspective, or a couple to be honest. So by all means, leave a comment, write me an email at jokerwashere@gmail.com, or send smoke signals. And what the hell, I'd also like to hear from guys as well and their experience with height related issues or frustrations.
For my part I've heard a lot of women say that they won't go out with a guy who's shorter than them, or who's more than 1, 2 or 3 inches shorter than them etc etc. But I also know of a friend who is vertically challenged and he's gotten his fair share of betties. So let us know what you think. Ask a friend; ask a friend of a friend and let's see what kind of answer we can get to mon amie.
Cheers
Why do so many women have height requirements?
Are women scared of short guys?
What is it about a short guy if anything that makes them even slightly less appealing?
Is there anything a short guy can do to overcome the heightus quo?
You see I have a friend who's a great guy to be honest. He's funny and smart, has good feelings and is short. That's four things used to describe him, but it's the last one that he feels deserves the most attention, because he's had a dry spell if you will. And while trying to explain his dry loins, he's found that maybe, just maybe, it has a lot more to do with his height than any other factor in his genetic makeup. He showed me clip after clip after clip of women saying a variety things that shouldn't affect short people, since these women are, well shallow (purumpum).
Which gets me thinking that maybe he does have a point, but rather than speculation, I'd like to hear a female perspective, or a couple to be honest. So by all means, leave a comment, write me an email at jokerwashere@gmail.com, or send smoke signals. And what the hell, I'd also like to hear from guys as well and their experience with height related issues or frustrations.
For my part I've heard a lot of women say that they won't go out with a guy who's shorter than them, or who's more than 1, 2 or 3 inches shorter than them etc etc. But I also know of a friend who is vertically challenged and he's gotten his fair share of betties. So let us know what you think. Ask a friend; ask a friend of a friend and let's see what kind of answer we can get to mon amie.
Cheers
Mar 23, 2010
5 Things that Technology destroyed according to: Me.
The running gag with some of my dearest friends is this: I am standing firm on the theory that I won't ever see the flying car. Ever. Period. You can try to tell me about the hover-thingy that is all over the internet... no. I mean Flying and I mean Car. Think Jetsons. Yep, a flying car. Think that special DeLorean that we love. I mean that one. Not only have I been saying it for years, I can go on a little more and say that my kids won't see it as well. But that got me thinking... there are some things that I miss terribly. Things, objects that actually did happen, did exist... but for reasons of technology, have died and gone to heaven. Sucks.
See, technology has been so fucking awesome but in a way, it has also killed many things that we used to love. And I can think of five things that I miss, terribly. In order of preference, here are mine:
1) The Past.
Think about it. You had people from your past and had people from the present. That means that you, at some moment during the year, thought about that person or that other person and wondered how they were, what they were up to, etc. Not anymore. Now people who life should have erased from your current present (example, idiot high school friends who you really didn't give a rat's ass about; ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriends, that one night stand you really want to deny) are suddenly all with you. All of this, courtesy of your garden variety social networking tool. Great.
2) Rotary phones.
You gotta give it to me. Getting that finger on that phone and hearing the dial move was ah-mazing. AMAZING! They were huge. They were bulky. But you know what? I can bet that they didn't fail as much as our regular phone these days. I miss those. Making a mistake and starting over? Classic! Hours untangling the cords? Ah. Those were the days.
3) The Typewriter.
OOOOOOOH just the memory of it and I get all hot and bothered. Sitting down at the Typewriter meant business. You had to have your shit together. Why? As much as you liked the idea of WhiteOut, any decent writer knew - YOU NEVER DELIVER A PAGE WITH IT. Your pages HAD to be clean of mistakes or, at least in my case, you had to start all over. The sound that it made... Ah. Music to my ears.
4) Regular Mail.
Remember? Besides getting junk mail and bills... you actually at one time received a letter from someone. A true letter, made by hand! The insanity! They wrote to tell you about their stories and ask about how you were doing. It took a shitload of days to get there, but when you opened your mailbox... wasn't it wonderful to get that, specially for you? Say thank you to e-mails for that.
5) Buying CD's.
Oh. Come on! Don't tell me that you still actually do that!!! Um. Nope. I am not admitting to the fact that I get music from the internet... Um. Uh... It's... people want to share it with me, so who am I to say no? Ok. OK! Between you and me, Madonna, Prince, Metallica... they all have shitloads of money. I gave them my money during my younger years. Now, it's payback time. Long live Bit Torrents, dammit.
Feel free to add the stuff that you miss!!! Much love, Me.
See, technology has been so fucking awesome but in a way, it has also killed many things that we used to love. And I can think of five things that I miss, terribly. In order of preference, here are mine:
1) The Past.
Think about it. You had people from your past and had people from the present. That means that you, at some moment during the year, thought about that person or that other person and wondered how they were, what they were up to, etc. Not anymore. Now people who life should have erased from your current present (example, idiot high school friends who you really didn't give a rat's ass about; ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriends, that one night stand you really want to deny) are suddenly all with you. All of this, courtesy of your garden variety social networking tool. Great.
2) Rotary phones.
You gotta give it to me. Getting that finger on that phone and hearing the dial move was ah-mazing. AMAZING! They were huge. They were bulky. But you know what? I can bet that they didn't fail as much as our regular phone these days. I miss those. Making a mistake and starting over? Classic! Hours untangling the cords? Ah. Those were the days.
3) The Typewriter.
OOOOOOOH just the memory of it and I get all hot and bothered. Sitting down at the Typewriter meant business. You had to have your shit together. Why? As much as you liked the idea of WhiteOut, any decent writer knew - YOU NEVER DELIVER A PAGE WITH IT. Your pages HAD to be clean of mistakes or, at least in my case, you had to start all over. The sound that it made... Ah. Music to my ears.
4) Regular Mail.
Remember? Besides getting junk mail and bills... you actually at one time received a letter from someone. A true letter, made by hand! The insanity! They wrote to tell you about their stories and ask about how you were doing. It took a shitload of days to get there, but when you opened your mailbox... wasn't it wonderful to get that, specially for you? Say thank you to e-mails for that.
5) Buying CD's.
Oh. Come on! Don't tell me that you still actually do that!!! Um. Nope. I am not admitting to the fact that I get music from the internet... Um. Uh... It's... people want to share it with me, so who am I to say no? Ok. OK! Between you and me, Madonna, Prince, Metallica... they all have shitloads of money. I gave them my money during my younger years. Now, it's payback time. Long live Bit Torrents, dammit.
Feel free to add the stuff that you miss!!! Much love, Me.
Mar 22, 2010
Ad Obituaries: The Media Planner
Darren Givcawk
1984-2010
Darren Givcawk, best known as “Jizz Blitz” from the Media Department has just passed away after four weeks in intensive care.
Known as “that guy” in the rest of his agency, Darren was known to his peers as the only guy to work in the media department that wasn’t gay. A straight B student, Darren always showed a talent for applying such highly regarded natural laws as the law of minimum effort, the law of alcohol leading to easy one night stands, and the law of being invisible enough to never be considered for a roster cut at the agency.
An avid user of MS Office and able to type 42 words per minute while sipping coffee, Darren was probably best known for that one time he tried to talk in a client meeting only to be silenced by the executive who simply ended up flying through the media slides of the presentation.
His head supervisor, Rachel Jones had this to say about him: “I warned him that I was a cougar, but he insisted he could handle this. Poor little boy, he never got the chance to say the safe word…[sniff] it was flow chart.”
A service will be held at his favorite sports bar, where jäger shots will be at 2 for $5.
Darren is survived by his pet cactus Murray and his converted Amish parents Jebediah and Sue Anne Givcawk.
1984-2010
Darren Givcawk, best known as “Jizz Blitz” from the Media Department has just passed away after four weeks in intensive care.
Known as “that guy” in the rest of his agency, Darren was known to his peers as the only guy to work in the media department that wasn’t gay. A straight B student, Darren always showed a talent for applying such highly regarded natural laws as the law of minimum effort, the law of alcohol leading to easy one night stands, and the law of being invisible enough to never be considered for a roster cut at the agency.
An avid user of MS Office and able to type 42 words per minute while sipping coffee, Darren was probably best known for that one time he tried to talk in a client meeting only to be silenced by the executive who simply ended up flying through the media slides of the presentation.
His head supervisor, Rachel Jones had this to say about him: “I warned him that I was a cougar, but he insisted he could handle this. Poor little boy, he never got the chance to say the safe word…[sniff] it was flow chart.”
A service will be held at his favorite sports bar, where jäger shots will be at 2 for $5.
Darren is survived by his pet cactus Murray and his converted Amish parents Jebediah and Sue Anne Givcawk.
The Awk-Awards
In life there are many moments when truly crazy things happen and instead of knowing how to handle it, we fumble an excuse, act as if it didn't happen or immediately change the topic. Every single person you know has been on some side of these situations and that means that you're included. In no particular order because there is definitely no need for prizes here are the nominees:
The missed shot
There are actually two of these and I will go with the dumber one first. Everyone at one moment or another seems to get the need to lob a paper to a basket in some fashion quite similar to their basketball hero of choice. You've seen people do the Patented Kareem Abdul Jabar hookshot(Quite a favorite I've noticed), the Jordan tongue out jumpshot, hell, even the Bill Cartwright Chronic Arthritis free throw with full thumb extension. What you have also seen though is a person whose athletic prowess does not go beyond the realm of video games. So you have this poor excuse for a physical specimen tossing the paper, missing, picking it up, going back to exact place where they shot for the first time, trying again, and missing. For anyone that takes it lightly it's a funny situation, for our dear Skeeter McCockface though, this is a childhood trauma expressing itself in an office context as he fumbles with failed shot after failed shot until someone passes gets bonked by the paper in the head and the damn "ball" goes in. So for every missed shot you've ever taken way too seriously, we salute you Skeeter. The second case of the missed shot though is when you have someone you know who has a nasty ass habit of spitting. Indoors they behave but outdoors, it's a free for all. What I've actually witnessed is a person that has hawked a loogie only to have it land on the president's car, while he's parking (luckily we were on a second floor), and the second one would be to have the wind take justice into its own hands and blow at precisely the right moment to boomerang that phlegm gem back at em.
The "he's behind your back" scene
This is a hackneyed cliché in these situations, but I've actually seen it happen and it's just as awkward if not more so when it happens in person, especially because you'd think this guy/gal would have watched some TV in their lives to avoid the embarassin situations.
The "we used to go out but now he's/she's getting married with that other bitch/asshole"
Oh yes, I've seen this one... wasn't pretty especially since the girl who got dumped would have given a lung for the guy. But that's just one of the reasons why I say don't crap where you eat. But still people desist and some messed up love polygons get etched in company culture turning every lunch into a custody settlement.
The "we both know" moment
People fart.... it's a body's reaction to too much gas. But in a closed environment like an elevator where there are two people, it gets hilarious when the person who obviously cut the fromage insists that some flatulent ghost haunts this particular elevator. Seriously dude.
The saboteur
Continuing with the anal lingo and I'm not referring to some type of sphincter lick-a-thon, we sometimes unfortunately need to use the can. That's totally fine because even superstars, the pope and L Ron Hubbard when he lived have to shit. That being said, sometimes you work at a place where there's only one toilet per floor... (I know,nasty shit, LITERALLY). Ok, so one thing is to stink up a bathroom and since we sometimes indulge in indian, asian or mexican cuisine, we're entitled to not have roses sprouting from our rectum. What is awkward though, is going to take a leak, seeing someone exiting the john and you have to tear up from the stench since they apparently were keeping a score of cabbage hidden in their colon. 3 minutes later when you're at your desk, still sniffing hand sanitizer to recover consciousness, you hear this go through the PA: "Maintenance to floor X, the bathroom is stuck again". You look to the person who threw down the bowel snake and he's doing the move where he looks around to try and "see" if anyone is the culprit and they then see you looking at them. Priceless.
Open Season
Continuing yet a bit ore with the bathroom talk, if there's anything a supreme power was wise in doing was creating the physiological technology to urinate, defecate, eat, drink and have sex. The bad thing is that the same system was not equipped with the technology to always realize if one's fly is open. But everyone else does and if you've been in that moment, you know you feel for that person, but it's not like you want to admit you were looking at their crotch in the first place so enjoy the draft.
What other priceless moments do you think deserve a mention?
The missed shot
There are actually two of these and I will go with the dumber one first. Everyone at one moment or another seems to get the need to lob a paper to a basket in some fashion quite similar to their basketball hero of choice. You've seen people do the Patented Kareem Abdul Jabar hookshot(Quite a favorite I've noticed), the Jordan tongue out jumpshot, hell, even the Bill Cartwright Chronic Arthritis free throw with full thumb extension. What you have also seen though is a person whose athletic prowess does not go beyond the realm of video games. So you have this poor excuse for a physical specimen tossing the paper, missing, picking it up, going back to exact place where they shot for the first time, trying again, and missing. For anyone that takes it lightly it's a funny situation, for our dear Skeeter McCockface though, this is a childhood trauma expressing itself in an office context as he fumbles with failed shot after failed shot until someone passes gets bonked by the paper in the head and the damn "ball" goes in. So for every missed shot you've ever taken way too seriously, we salute you Skeeter. The second case of the missed shot though is when you have someone you know who has a nasty ass habit of spitting. Indoors they behave but outdoors, it's a free for all. What I've actually witnessed is a person that has hawked a loogie only to have it land on the president's car, while he's parking (luckily we were on a second floor), and the second one would be to have the wind take justice into its own hands and blow at precisely the right moment to boomerang that phlegm gem back at em.
The "he's behind your back" scene
This is a hackneyed cliché in these situations, but I've actually seen it happen and it's just as awkward if not more so when it happens in person, especially because you'd think this guy/gal would have watched some TV in their lives to avoid the embarassin situations.
The "we used to go out but now he's/she's getting married with that other bitch/asshole"
Oh yes, I've seen this one... wasn't pretty especially since the girl who got dumped would have given a lung for the guy. But that's just one of the reasons why I say don't crap where you eat. But still people desist and some messed up love polygons get etched in company culture turning every lunch into a custody settlement.
The "we both know" moment
People fart.... it's a body's reaction to too much gas. But in a closed environment like an elevator where there are two people, it gets hilarious when the person who obviously cut the fromage insists that some flatulent ghost haunts this particular elevator. Seriously dude.
The saboteur
Continuing with the anal lingo and I'm not referring to some type of sphincter lick-a-thon, we sometimes unfortunately need to use the can. That's totally fine because even superstars, the pope and L Ron Hubbard when he lived have to shit. That being said, sometimes you work at a place where there's only one toilet per floor... (I know,nasty shit, LITERALLY). Ok, so one thing is to stink up a bathroom and since we sometimes indulge in indian, asian or mexican cuisine, we're entitled to not have roses sprouting from our rectum. What is awkward though, is going to take a leak, seeing someone exiting the john and you have to tear up from the stench since they apparently were keeping a score of cabbage hidden in their colon. 3 minutes later when you're at your desk, still sniffing hand sanitizer to recover consciousness, you hear this go through the PA: "Maintenance to floor X, the bathroom is stuck again". You look to the person who threw down the bowel snake and he's doing the move where he looks around to try and "see" if anyone is the culprit and they then see you looking at them. Priceless.
Open Season
Continuing yet a bit ore with the bathroom talk, if there's anything a supreme power was wise in doing was creating the physiological technology to urinate, defecate, eat, drink and have sex. The bad thing is that the same system was not equipped with the technology to always realize if one's fly is open. But everyone else does and if you've been in that moment, you know you feel for that person, but it's not like you want to admit you were looking at their crotch in the first place so enjoy the draft.
What other priceless moments do you think deserve a mention?
Labels:
awkward moments,
ugh,
weird things in life,
wtf
Mar 20, 2010
Ad Obituaries: The Creative
Sarah Dumlotabich
1976-2010
Sarah Dumlotabich, lovingly known as Ass Hat, the Copy Nazi, Scumfuck and the bitch that really needed some dick has just passed away.
Sarah was a charismatic and passionate individual, traits she would most assuredly share with you even if you were witness to the Ode to Apathy that was her career. An extrovert by nature, which would help understand the continuous stints of verbal berate that was her general tone and manner when dealing with fellow professionals, this true angel of creativity was a true gift onto the world of copywriting, penning such classics as the 30 second Pine Sol Classic – Tears of Joy, the Clorox epic – Clean Undies, and the venerable Hemmorhid spot – Ouchie Poo. Sadly, her quest for creative perfection met an untimely end when she was prematurely submitted for heaven approval, due to wounds inflicted by a stapler. Metka Navil, a highly successful executive had these kind words to say about Sarah’s passing, “She just screamed at me for like the sixth time and everything else is just a blur. The next thing I remember is being covered in blood and people either screaming or applauding. I’d say I’m sorry but since she always said she valued honesty above else, well fuck that.”
Memorial services will be held at St. Mary’s Buddhist Church of Christ at 11:00 PM which is when she said she felt the most creative. In her memory, her ex-boyfriend chef is naming one of their steaks in her honor. He describes The “Sarah” as “thirteen ounces of tough steak that looks like a million bucks but that no one would ever eat… except me.”
Sarah is survived by her parents who still don’t know what she did for a living, a sister who was a successful lawyer and never took her seriously and her pet amoeba named Mo.
1976-2010
Sarah Dumlotabich, lovingly known as Ass Hat, the Copy Nazi, Scumfuck and the bitch that really needed some dick has just passed away.
Sarah was a charismatic and passionate individual, traits she would most assuredly share with you even if you were witness to the Ode to Apathy that was her career. An extrovert by nature, which would help understand the continuous stints of verbal berate that was her general tone and manner when dealing with fellow professionals, this true angel of creativity was a true gift onto the world of copywriting, penning such classics as the 30 second Pine Sol Classic – Tears of Joy, the Clorox epic – Clean Undies, and the venerable Hemmorhid spot – Ouchie Poo. Sadly, her quest for creative perfection met an untimely end when she was prematurely submitted for heaven approval, due to wounds inflicted by a stapler. Metka Navil, a highly successful executive had these kind words to say about Sarah’s passing, “She just screamed at me for like the sixth time and everything else is just a blur. The next thing I remember is being covered in blood and people either screaming or applauding. I’d say I’m sorry but since she always said she valued honesty above else, well fuck that.”
Memorial services will be held at St. Mary’s Buddhist Church of Christ at 11:00 PM which is when she said she felt the most creative. In her memory, her ex-boyfriend chef is naming one of their steaks in her honor. He describes The “Sarah” as “thirteen ounces of tough steak that looks like a million bucks but that no one would ever eat… except me.”
Sarah is survived by her parents who still don’t know what she did for a living, a sister who was a successful lawyer and never took her seriously and her pet amoeba named Mo.
The recipe for success is in a huge ass cupcake
Rhyming announcer that sounds like Krusty the Clown, creepy kid licking her lips like some dungeon troll (56 seconds into the spot), huge ass cupcake. Apparently this is the greatest deal on earth... or so we're told. In yet another product spot for something you'll never need, here we have the super duper cupcake. Just what your kids needed to go straight into insulin shock. I need a 4 month vacation to come pu with something stupid...
Travesty vs godsend... the reality of an attractive teacher fucking a teen student
A teacher student relationship is rarely something to write home about. Only on rare occassions does it go beyond the wow this boring ass person is reading to me in class phase. But at certain times it does go beyond, and on even rarer occassions it goes WAY beyond. Case in point Amy Beck committing statutory rape.
Now hear me out, I know some concerned parents wouldn't want their kids near this deviant, but rest assured the kid got high fived and was the envy of all his male classmates. Don't believe me? Then by all means, ask your male co-workers about this case. Sum it up by telling them that a mildly attractive teacher seduced, raped, or talked the student into having sex with her... The mere fact that you mention a 14 year old boy should be reason enough to know that it's quite possible she didn't have to talk him too much into him showing her what he thought about during those half hour shower sessions, but that's me speculating. What ISN'T me speculating is the fact that 3 out of 4 guys will say something on the lines of oh what a lucky little bastard, why didn't she teach at my school and someone might even bring up the fact that there's actually a website called My First Sex Teacher (Thanks to T man for the referral).
The reality is that we don't know if this traumatized the kid or if he thinks he's god's teenage gift to women and we probably won't find out because it'll be drilled in his head that what he did was so wrong, that if the act itself didn't screw him up, the runoff surely will. This is the moment where he needs a man in his life to tell him that what he did is not totally wrong. It's not smart, it's a bit ahead of its time but it isn't wrong in the act of itself. In this time and age it might be a topic for debate, but in olden days, he's just doing what he's supposed to and from my thousands of conversations I actually know two men well into their 60's whose first sexual relationship, factual or fictional, was with an older woman that let a nip slip and offered them some lemonade on a hot summer day and they're far from traumatized because it was kept between them.
The difference between that case and this one is that in two cases there was no remorse at all and in this modern case, there's massive guilt in the internal sense of the word. So is this a judgment call saying that it's ok to fuck little kids? Not really, but seriously where was this teacher when I was in detention?
Now hear me out, I know some concerned parents wouldn't want their kids near this deviant, but rest assured the kid got high fived and was the envy of all his male classmates. Don't believe me? Then by all means, ask your male co-workers about this case. Sum it up by telling them that a mildly attractive teacher seduced, raped, or talked the student into having sex with her... The mere fact that you mention a 14 year old boy should be reason enough to know that it's quite possible she didn't have to talk him too much into him showing her what he thought about during those half hour shower sessions, but that's me speculating. What ISN'T me speculating is the fact that 3 out of 4 guys will say something on the lines of oh what a lucky little bastard, why didn't she teach at my school and someone might even bring up the fact that there's actually a website called My First Sex Teacher (Thanks to T man for the referral).
The reality is that we don't know if this traumatized the kid or if he thinks he's god's teenage gift to women and we probably won't find out because it'll be drilled in his head that what he did was so wrong, that if the act itself didn't screw him up, the runoff surely will. This is the moment where he needs a man in his life to tell him that what he did is not totally wrong. It's not smart, it's a bit ahead of its time but it isn't wrong in the act of itself. In this time and age it might be a topic for debate, but in olden days, he's just doing what he's supposed to and from my thousands of conversations I actually know two men well into their 60's whose first sexual relationship, factual or fictional, was with an older woman that let a nip slip and offered them some lemonade on a hot summer day and they're far from traumatized because it was kept between them.
The difference between that case and this one is that in two cases there was no remorse at all and in this modern case, there's massive guilt in the internal sense of the word. So is this a judgment call saying that it's ok to fuck little kids? Not really, but seriously where was this teacher when I was in detention?
Labels:
sex teacher,
statutory rape,
teen student
Mar 19, 2010
Face it. We will all die one day and our agency will just move along.
This week a friend of mine has been very sick and complaining quite a lot about having to go to work feeling like shit. I gave him a ring and suddenly I knew: I had to write about this theme, again, because somewhere in this world, people are not getting the basic idea:YOU ARE NOT GETTING A MEDAL FOR BEING THE BEST ADVERTISING WORKAHOLIC. EVER. IT'S NOT HAPPENING!
There. Now, since I've noticed that many of you are not getting this simple, clear idea, I will gladly go back to explaining why you should just stay at home if you feel sick.
Guys, we're not doing something that is critical to the world. Normal, average human beings DO NOT depend on you going to the ad agency while you are:
• Puking really gory shit
• Shitting out really gory shit
• Bleeding of any orifice
• Experiencing fever that can make you really go berzerk and mental
• experiencing so much pain, it's not even funny
Face it! Sick people need rest! Now. Many people resist logic and actually go to work while not feeling well. While I have no problem if you want for your coworkers to hear you hurl/poop/bleed/agonize, I can understand why some of you out there cannot resist going to work. Here are some reasons. Tell me if you "suffer" from any of them:
1) You feel guilty for your coworkers = FUCK THEM. Honestly. I know that they will have to carry your stuff while you are gone. SO WHAT? You will do the same one day as well! It's supposed to be like that! Your coworkers are there for a reason - to do the job! If you're not there, then tough luck, it's their turn at the bat. Crying is for wimps.
2) You fear getting fired = this can only be tricky if you actually take a shitload of sick days. Yeah, I know some people are very sick by nature, but you have to find a balance. I've known a couple of people that consider a headache as sick day material. I've known chicks who count Menstrual pain as fact to stay at home. Yeah. This is bullshit. If you have a realistic balance and only skip work when it's actually needed, you really have nothing to fear. Just to go a doctor and get your papers together. Your boss will need them.
3) You honestly think the ad agency will go to the shithole if you don't go = are you THAT important? NO! Honestly! You MIGHT think you're all that, but honey, people can actually work without you. Yeah, it will be difficult finding that artwork that you have buried under many folders at some dark place at your Mac, but they will find it. My recommendation is: be organized and have all your shit easy to find. That way you will avoid stupid calls from the office while you have 103 fever. Just sayin'.
4) You really don't feel that bad and you think you can handle it = the beauty of the human body is very simple. If you betray it in some way, it will gladly fuck you up the ass in no time. Your body wants some cooperation. If it feels bad, it's expecting for you to get your sorry ass to a bed and lay down in it until the pain is gone. When you actually neglect to give it time to heal, it will nail you to the wall. Oh, you thought it would get better? No way man - says your body. Bend over. I will go medieval on your ass, right about now. Crank the pain, elevate the fever to 11. Fact. Your body will turn on you. So go home, rest.
5) You feel sick but are not worried about your coworkers = yeah, there is nothing better than sharing more than uncomfortable company parties with huge amounts of alcohol and ungodly kareoke singing. When you go sick to your agency, you are actually sharing your shit. Your puking/pooping/fevering/sucking germs are being shoven up our throats and honestly, we really don't want to go there with you. While maybe your sickness is not that bad, think of the rest of us. It's one thing to have one person sick, another to get us all sick because you didn't feel like staying home and watching Little House on the Prairie. Stay home. Go to work when all the bacteria has gone, ok?
6) The last and most important bullshit reason to go to work sick: you honestly think that this is the perfect way to prove how dedicated you are to the agency, therefore making your Boss notice how cool you are = WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? Your boss won't give a shit! You can do all the greatest work ever and trust me, fuck up just once and it'll make no difference how many days you came in sick! Don't believe me? I went working 9 years in an agency and I honestly could count the sick days with both my hands... and it didn't make any difference. You are regarded the same as that 50 year old hypochondriac graphic artist at your agency (why do we all have one where we work?) who goes on monthly sick days. Your boss will not give you a medal, boys and girls. It's a fact.
So there you go. Feel like crap, stay in bed. Find a balance. Get healthy and then go to work. Your body is more important than any header or logo, full page ad or tv spot. And there is no one who can tell you different.
Here's to hoping that you take care of yourself like you should, Me.
Mar 18, 2010
Mar 17, 2010
Mar 16, 2010
Dear Joker
Oops, I did it again. I’ve once again caved into the temptation of yet another As Seen on TV product.
First it was Mr. T’s Flavor Wave, which is still helping us pull off miracles in our kitchen… in just minutes. Then it was the Magic Jack, which we’re not actually using that much since neither my wife or I like to spend too much time on the phone.
This time the charms of our favorite Israeli, Vince Offer Shlomi (aka Mr. ShamWow!) drove me to purchase – at an ungodly hour of the night, mind you – the Slap Chop. Yes, I have it… and it is GREAT!
We inaugurated the thing by making the most fantastic pico de gallo dip you could fathom. Margarita’s Who? Aurorita’s What? Our concoction was the bomb (is it ok to use this expression in 2010?) and, as my boy Vince promised, clean-up was a cinch. I hate to sound all scripted and stuff, but the thing really does what they say it does. I still don’t know about the whole “
I think we’re set to host an As Seen on TV dinner party soon, using nothing but kitchenware purchased from TV… Oh dear, how did I end up here?
Now THIS IS ABSURD: ABBA to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame?
Ok. Now I'm mad. Nah. Wait. I'm fucking furious. We had to endure the enormous bullshit of the Hurt Locker winning the Oscar this month. Ok, we took it with dignity. We didn't agree one bit with it, we stated our opinion and moved on. Oh well, I did move on. In my mind, Tarantino got up there and went haywire on Hollywood. He thanked Satan, even. It was lovely. One day I will do a storyboard of that acceptance speech so you can see what happened. Most epic.
So today I'm just doing my thing and suddenly my sweet, tender, loving Google tells me one thing that totally made me go want to hit someone. Hard.
You ready? ABBA is getting inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Yeah.
Let me repeat this holy turd of a sentence, so there is no question about it. ABBA, that incredibly annoying 70's band that created aberrations such as Fernando (holy shit, I'm already vomiting) and Chiquitita... That band which inspired the worst idea ever for a Broadway show, Mamma Mia... THAT band is getting inducted in the... ARE YOU READY? ROCK AND ROLL Hall of Fame.
Rock and Roll. ABBA.
Can someone explain this shit to me? Really? I need to know! How come? How? HOW? Look at them! LOOK AT THEM!
You mean to tell me that THIS piece of shit deserves to be inducted? COME ON!
What about KISS? What about the Red Hot Chili Peppers? The Cure? PUBLIC ENEMY, Bitches? We have Chicago... Heart! JOURNEY! You could have chosen any of these bands! But NO! You chose four idiots who loved to sing about Waterloo!
Who comes up with this crap? Lord Kill me. You wanted to know when all hope was lost for humanity? When this got acknowledged as really good music:
So today I'm just doing my thing and suddenly my sweet, tender, loving Google tells me one thing that totally made me go want to hit someone. Hard.
You ready? ABBA is getting inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Yeah.
Let me repeat this holy turd of a sentence, so there is no question about it. ABBA, that incredibly annoying 70's band that created aberrations such as Fernando (holy shit, I'm already vomiting) and Chiquitita... That band which inspired the worst idea ever for a Broadway show, Mamma Mia... THAT band is getting inducted in the... ARE YOU READY? ROCK AND ROLL Hall of Fame.
Rock and Roll. ABBA.
Can someone explain this shit to me? Really? I need to know! How come? How? HOW? Look at them! LOOK AT THEM!
You mean to tell me that THIS piece of shit deserves to be inducted? COME ON!
What about KISS? What about the Red Hot Chili Peppers? The Cure? PUBLIC ENEMY, Bitches? We have Chicago... Heart! JOURNEY! You could have chosen any of these bands! But NO! You chose four idiots who loved to sing about Waterloo!
Who comes up with this crap? Lord Kill me. You wanted to know when all hope was lost for humanity? When this got acknowledged as really good music:
Mar 15, 2010
Every Friday, I am a little giddy kid: The Ricky Gervais Show RULES!
If there is one thing I would love to do is to thank Ricky Gervais for turning me into a laughing idiot every Friday night. Let me tell you, this is one of the funniest shows ever - if you share our sense of humor, definitively.
The idea is so very simple and yet, so fucking brilliant: three guys, talking about... anything and monkeys. Ricky is joined by Stephen Merchant and Karl Pilkington. The conversations are totally what the holy fuck random and Karl... well, you never expect what can come out of that man's mouth. I mean... Cavemen wore pants. Bear pants, according to Karl. When Ricky asked how he could come to that idea, Karl simply said: footage. Brilliant.
I can care less if those are real conversations or the best writing of all time, for me it flows perfectly and has me cracking up in a second. I wish that it would come in an hour format, even.
So next Friday, get your popcorn out and join the fun!
The idea is so very simple and yet, so fucking brilliant: three guys, talking about... anything and monkeys. Ricky is joined by Stephen Merchant and Karl Pilkington. The conversations are totally what the holy fuck random and Karl... well, you never expect what can come out of that man's mouth. I mean... Cavemen wore pants. Bear pants, according to Karl. When Ricky asked how he could come to that idea, Karl simply said: footage. Brilliant.
I can care less if those are real conversations or the best writing of all time, for me it flows perfectly and has me cracking up in a second. I wish that it would come in an hour format, even.
So next Friday, get your popcorn out and join the fun!
Mar 14, 2010
Mar 13, 2010
Mar 12, 2010
See? I like cute stuff!
Mar 11, 2010
Mar 10, 2010
How's this for a cover???
The Floyd would be proud.
Labels:
acoustic goodness,
acoustic guitar,
Echoes,
Pink Floyd
You might work in advertising....
So Jeff Foxworthy is far from my favorite comic,but he does have a good gimmick ... so trust in a creative to take something that worked elsewhere and apply it to advertising.
ADVERTISING
1. If carpel tunnel is a career ending injury, you might work in advertising
2. If you forgot what the sun looks like, you might work in advertising.
3. If your children have grown a beard since you last saw them, you might work in advertising.
4. If you punch your ATM number into the microwave, you might work in advertising.
5. If your idea of research is watching ten hours of youtube a day, you might work in advertising.
CREATIVES
1. If originality consists of taking one headline from one ad and a visual from another, you might be a creative.
2. If your greatest achievement is winning a prize for a diaper rash ointment ad, you might be a creative.
3. If you need three weeks to come up with a headline, you might be a creative.
4. If you massage a layout for three days citing the creative process as having its own time frame, you might be a creative.
5. If the most creative part of your existence is the shirt you wear, you might work in creative.
MEDIA
1. If your idea of sugar for your coffee includes brandy, you might work in the media department.
2. If you see everything in black and green, you might work in the media department.
3. If your idea of professional development includes holding a keg stand an extra minute, you might work in the media department.
4. If you’ve lost more than 5 pairs of underwear at happy hours, you might work in the media department.
5. If you chug your Listerine to freshen your breath “from the inside”, you might work in the media department.
ACCOUNT SERVICES
1. If your idea of teamwork includes the phrase “Well I never really liked that layout”, you might work in account services.
2. If you need something done rush just before you have another thing done rush but without forgetting that one thing that needed to be done rush, you might work in account services.
3. If you have a nervous breakdown when your Blackberry or iPhone runs out of battery, you might work in account services.
4. If you’ve had staplers, shoes, notebooks or an entire telephone set thrown at you, you might work in account services.
5. If you ask your twelve year old for insight in their demographic, you might work in account services.
ADVERTISING
1. If carpel tunnel is a career ending injury, you might work in advertising
2. If you forgot what the sun looks like, you might work in advertising.
3. If your children have grown a beard since you last saw them, you might work in advertising.
4. If you punch your ATM number into the microwave, you might work in advertising.
5. If your idea of research is watching ten hours of youtube a day, you might work in advertising.
CREATIVES
1. If originality consists of taking one headline from one ad and a visual from another, you might be a creative.
2. If your greatest achievement is winning a prize for a diaper rash ointment ad, you might be a creative.
3. If you need three weeks to come up with a headline, you might be a creative.
4. If you massage a layout for three days citing the creative process as having its own time frame, you might be a creative.
5. If the most creative part of your existence is the shirt you wear, you might work in creative.
MEDIA
1. If your idea of sugar for your coffee includes brandy, you might work in the media department.
2. If you see everything in black and green, you might work in the media department.
3. If your idea of professional development includes holding a keg stand an extra minute, you might work in the media department.
4. If you’ve lost more than 5 pairs of underwear at happy hours, you might work in the media department.
5. If you chug your Listerine to freshen your breath “from the inside”, you might work in the media department.
ACCOUNT SERVICES
1. If your idea of teamwork includes the phrase “Well I never really liked that layout”, you might work in account services.
2. If you need something done rush just before you have another thing done rush but without forgetting that one thing that needed to be done rush, you might work in account services.
3. If you have a nervous breakdown when your Blackberry or iPhone runs out of battery, you might work in account services.
4. If you’ve had staplers, shoes, notebooks or an entire telephone set thrown at you, you might work in account services.
5. If you ask your twelve year old for insight in their demographic, you might work in account services.
USA vs. the rest of the world
VS.
Americans like to rub people the wrong way. As the rest of the world makes sense of things with the metric system, the
A very interesting analysis of the war over international design is provided when you click and the name of the post. I highly recommend you take two minutes to read. What do you think?
And I'm not letting this go: Five War movies that are Way better than Hurt Locker, according to: Me.
Screw the bomb exploding dude story. I can go medieval on Hurt Locker's ass in five easy steps. Oh yes. I'm not letting go on this theme. It might be a while until I recover. Deal with it. War movies are my thing. I feel... touched badly down there. It was just wrong. So! To make myself happy and remember when good war movies were made, here we go. Five War Movies that can kick Hurt Locker's ass any day of the week. This will be in order of my preference, thank you very much. And you can add yours if you want, or move titles around. Join in the Anti-Locker-Oscar movement. We are many.
Enjoy.
1) Saving Private Ryan.
First of all, let me get this out of my system. Yes, I am a girl, and from time to time I act as girly as possible. But when I watch this movie, I totally want to be Private Jackson so hard it kills me. I want to be a sniper. I want to kiss that cross before I perfectly hit my bullet in some nazi's head. I want to be the hero. But apart from me daydreaming about having balls and carrying a rifle... Script? Epicly perfect. Photography? Do you remember the scene where the guys are walking in the rain and the drops fall perfectly? I can still remember frame by frame that movie. There are some effects - see James Cameron, you don't need to do 3D to astonish people - that are gems. Acting? Oh lord. And the different stories woven together, the different messages you take out from this movie... Impeccable.
2) Black Hawk Down.
A simple movie, yes. Based on a true story, yes. A deeply moving flick about how far a soldier will go for both country and fellow soldiers? Chickity Check! This movie was just as tough to watch as any 12 round fight. It just wears you down. You cannot understand how one dead soldier, a mission, a promise... can make so many young dudes die. The rule is simple. No man is left behind. You gotta finish the mission, take care of the guys and move on. And in the end... it may count for nothing. Sad. Real. True. Amazing.
3) Apocalypse Now.
Talk about fucked way up. The beauty of this film is... I bet it felt this way. Drugged, confused, angry, tired. While Apocalypse is definitively a LSD sort of trip movie, for me it reflects the bizarre world that these poor guys had to endure while fighting a war that honestly had no good end in sight. Oh and by the way, this movie has to be accompanied by watching the Documentary "Hearts of Darkness". If there is one movie that could have possibly ended Coppola's career, life, marriage and actually killed Martin Sheen was Apocalypse, and the greatest thing was that Coppola's wife saw it coming and decided to film it, just in case the shit really hit the fan. Brilliant.
4) Jarhead.
This is one of the most scariest war movies ever made. Think about it. It covers: guys going crazy from boredom in a war that simply won't ever start or finish, the bureaucracy, the loneliness, the bizarre, being way to young or idiotic, having no purpose in life... It is like someone took Full Metal Jacket and finished it. (Everybody knows the first part of FMJacket is awesome and suddenly it turns to crap).
5) Three Kings.
Ok this is my sentimental pic. But I think I have a reason and at least let me give you my take. Corruption. See, not all war movies are made like this one. Soldiers are supposed to be heroes. Not corrupt assholes who want gold. What I loved about this movie was it's funny take on three soldiers who just didn't buy the "be all that you can be" fiasco and decide to go take Hussein's gold. While this is a total bullshit movie... you gotta give it to me, it's very possible that this type of shit happens on a daily basis. This is what I love about it. Yes, we get the happy sappy end, Hollywood style, but I've started just ignoring when it happened. For me, it's a different take on war and that's why I like it. People are not saints. Reality Check.
My One Honorable Mention is for my man Clint Eastwood in what will definitively be my next BluRay purchase: Letters from Iwo Jima. In-fucking-credible movie. Eastwood is the man. Period.
(Oh and let me not forget this other not so known fact about Me: I think that Tom Sizemore does THE BEST soldiers ever. Period. If I was a little kid, I would want to be the amazing Sizemore in either Ryan or Black Hawk. See those two films again and you will see what I am talking about. Fearless and dedicated. Talk about irony and how really fucked up he is in real life, right? How sad. Tom is one of my favorite actors to this day. Hope he leaves the drugs someday... Crack is wack!)
So there you go, here's my five cents on war movies. And yes, again, I'm a girl. I do wear pink, love teddy bears and flowers. But... my ovaries get hot when it comes to war movies. I guess I want to be all that I can be.
Make love, not war. Much love, Me.
Enjoy.
1) Saving Private Ryan.
First of all, let me get this out of my system. Yes, I am a girl, and from time to time I act as girly as possible. But when I watch this movie, I totally want to be Private Jackson so hard it kills me. I want to be a sniper. I want to kiss that cross before I perfectly hit my bullet in some nazi's head. I want to be the hero. But apart from me daydreaming about having balls and carrying a rifle... Script? Epicly perfect. Photography? Do you remember the scene where the guys are walking in the rain and the drops fall perfectly? I can still remember frame by frame that movie. There are some effects - see James Cameron, you don't need to do 3D to astonish people - that are gems. Acting? Oh lord. And the different stories woven together, the different messages you take out from this movie... Impeccable.
2) Black Hawk Down.
A simple movie, yes. Based on a true story, yes. A deeply moving flick about how far a soldier will go for both country and fellow soldiers? Chickity Check! This movie was just as tough to watch as any 12 round fight. It just wears you down. You cannot understand how one dead soldier, a mission, a promise... can make so many young dudes die. The rule is simple. No man is left behind. You gotta finish the mission, take care of the guys and move on. And in the end... it may count for nothing. Sad. Real. True. Amazing.
3) Apocalypse Now.
Talk about fucked way up. The beauty of this film is... I bet it felt this way. Drugged, confused, angry, tired. While Apocalypse is definitively a LSD sort of trip movie, for me it reflects the bizarre world that these poor guys had to endure while fighting a war that honestly had no good end in sight. Oh and by the way, this movie has to be accompanied by watching the Documentary "Hearts of Darkness". If there is one movie that could have possibly ended Coppola's career, life, marriage and actually killed Martin Sheen was Apocalypse, and the greatest thing was that Coppola's wife saw it coming and decided to film it, just in case the shit really hit the fan. Brilliant.
4) Jarhead.
This is one of the most scariest war movies ever made. Think about it. It covers: guys going crazy from boredom in a war that simply won't ever start or finish, the bureaucracy, the loneliness, the bizarre, being way to young or idiotic, having no purpose in life... It is like someone took Full Metal Jacket and finished it. (Everybody knows the first part of FMJacket is awesome and suddenly it turns to crap).
5) Three Kings.
Ok this is my sentimental pic. But I think I have a reason and at least let me give you my take. Corruption. See, not all war movies are made like this one. Soldiers are supposed to be heroes. Not corrupt assholes who want gold. What I loved about this movie was it's funny take on three soldiers who just didn't buy the "be all that you can be" fiasco and decide to go take Hussein's gold. While this is a total bullshit movie... you gotta give it to me, it's very possible that this type of shit happens on a daily basis. This is what I love about it. Yes, we get the happy sappy end, Hollywood style, but I've started just ignoring when it happened. For me, it's a different take on war and that's why I like it. People are not saints. Reality Check.
My One Honorable Mention is for my man Clint Eastwood in what will definitively be my next BluRay purchase: Letters from Iwo Jima. In-fucking-credible movie. Eastwood is the man. Period.
(Oh and let me not forget this other not so known fact about Me: I think that Tom Sizemore does THE BEST soldiers ever. Period. If I was a little kid, I would want to be the amazing Sizemore in either Ryan or Black Hawk. See those two films again and you will see what I am talking about. Fearless and dedicated. Talk about irony and how really fucked up he is in real life, right? How sad. Tom is one of my favorite actors to this day. Hope he leaves the drugs someday... Crack is wack!)
So there you go, here's my five cents on war movies. And yes, again, I'm a girl. I do wear pink, love teddy bears and flowers. But... my ovaries get hot when it comes to war movies. I guess I want to be all that I can be.
Make love, not war. Much love, Me.
Mar 9, 2010
Thank you Lord for my Good Hair. A review.
I can remember when I was little, my mom combing my hair and being happy. She told me that I had "Good Hair" and I didn't understand what she meant. What could possibly be good about having long black straight hair? But I loved her curly hair! It seemed cool and so easy to maintain! What could she possibly mean??? Ah. The beauty of being 4 years old.
Last night I saw Chris Rock's "Good Hair", a documentary that, yes, talks about hair.
Ok let's take a break for our male readers so they can understand, ok? Cool.
Hey men out there. Hi! So to give you the basics, "Good Hair" is considered wavy, soft hair. Hair that moves, isn't so curly. Think Farah Fawcett. Bad hair is anything from afro to really curly hair that just puffs up like it's a really bad marshmallow. Hey. HEY! This is NOT my definition, ok? This is just what it is, from as long as I can remember, having heard it all my life. Curly equals bad. Flat or wavy equals good. If you don't believe me, walk into a salon and count the people that actually leave with curly hair instead of a sleek blowout. If there's any one sporting their natural curls, take a picture. It's a miracle.
What compelled Rock to do this documentary? The best reason in the whole world. His daughters. You see, they are really young and already are sad because they don't have good hair. And their dad really wants for them to embrace their natural looks and don't fall to the traps of advertising, Hollywood and beauty - like the rest of us have. So he embarked on a trip to learn why natural curly or afro hair is considered a no-no. Why weaves, wigs, blow outs and relaxers are so damn popular. Trust me, it is one of the funniest documentaries you will ever see this year.
Beauty is a very dangerous business. Look. I have straight hair and even I wanted to have it even straighter (if that is a word). Once I put on relaxer, because I wanted to have hair like Japanese women - totally flat. Of course, it worked, but it hurt like hell. The lengths of how idiotic we can go to look good... it's amazing.
So, rent it if you can, it's available on your cable On Demand movies and at Netflix. A very cool couple of hours, indeed.
Dear George Clooney, Volume 3.
Saw you at the Oscars. Man, you know I love you. But. For the love of God.
GO GET A HAIRCUT!
Haven't you noticed you are currently sporting a mullet?
Not cool. You are way better than Billy Ray Cyrus. Really. Just stop this nonsense.
Take care of that thing. Now. I'll be waiting.
Much love. Me.
Mar 8, 2010
The Hurt Locker is this year's Slumdog Millionaire. And I didn't get the Memo.
First of all, let me say this again - I'm dead set in my review and I'm sticking to it - Hurt Locker DOES NOT deserve that Oscar. Maybe in your books, sure. But not in mine. In fact, I am still astonished. Really. Yes, it could have deserved many of the garden variety awards that are given throughout the year. But the golden almost naked Osky? No fucking way.
So maybe I didn't get the memo. Maybe I will have to sit through it again and try to decipher what the fuck did I miss. But... I'm sure I saw an average army movie. The one thing I pride the most is having photographic memory. I saw a movie about a dude who likes to explode bombs and doesn't like real life. There you go. That's Hurt Locker in a sentence. Try to write Saving Private Ryan in a sentence. Or Black Hawk Down. Or Jarhead. Or Apocalypse Now. Or Platoon. I can do this all night, people.
The thing is, it happened again. Last year, it was that crappy sappy Slumdog movie. Yes. That movie that ends with people line dancing. Another totally hyped movie that just didn't deliver. Did that movie change me in some way? Nope. Did it make me feel good? Nope. Did it inspire me? For what? No way. Shit man. Oscar movies are supposed to be incredible. FUCK! How the FUCK did this happen?
What about Up in the Air? Jesus H Christ, members of the Academy! How did you come up with that vote? Ok so you couldn't take Inglorious Basterds. Maybe you guys are such pussies you can't understand the sheer art that was that Tarantino movie. Ok, I get it. Spraying evil men with machine guns in their faces or carving swastikas on Nazi's heads are not your cup of tea. Totally understand.
But Hurt Locker over Up in the Air? Screw that! I still haven't seen Precious, but I can bet $50 bucks that even that movie should have deserved the nod, instead.
So please, Academy members, can you send me the memo on making Hurt Locker win? Please. I really need to know why this happened. I need to know if all hope is lost. You can send it to adssuck@gmail.com.
Thank you.
PS: Thank you for the total What The Fuck moment of this year. Those dancers made me want to hit myself in the ovaries.
And the wiener is
Oscar night it was and an Oscar revolution we were promised, but when it was all said and done, it was like an album from Creed: cheesy, sappy, runs too long, it’s anything but original and you’re almost embarrassed to admit you listened to it (or watched it in this case). If you want the nutshell version, let’s sum things up by repeating what many people have written online, this wasn’t a terrible awards show, it was just ho-hum and like so many people, I just think that the fact that we finished a decade has gone unnoticed. Instead of a long winded rant, let’s slice and dice this to keep this post from being a drag.
1. The Red Carpet - I’m not a huge fan of “la alfombra roja”, but this year there were two things that really stood out.
A.) Kathy Ireland is officially non-biodegradable because she couldn’t be more plastic in her interviews.
B.) I'm gonna channel that inner gay guy we all have and just blurt it out... it was friz central. Seriously, it had rained and a lot of people looked like crap… and then there was Sandra Bullock and Kate Winslet looking downright regal just to make all the frizzy critters hate them even more.
2. The opening: Neil Patrick Harris finally got the chance to channel his Brokeback Blind Side and did a showtune to open up the event. It was kind of funny but after last year’s Hughtastic opening, it felt coke-bottle-open-for-three-days flat in comparison. Nothing against the guy, lord knows Harold and Kumar need him to have me interested, but it was just ok and he’s not half the singer Jackman is.
3. The hosts. Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin weren’t bad. They just didn’t downright blow me away. Not even close. Far from close. Distant. Eons away. Well you get the picture. They were just ok but had some great moments, just too few and too far between. Which means the Oscars writers were as epic as ever…………………….. not
4. WTF moments:
A. Kanye West’s nanny stealing the mic. Who was that lady and why didn't they start cat fighting?
B. Ben Stiller making an ass out of himself again. It was sometimes funny, sometimes weird, and always Stiller, which is either great or nauseating depending on whether you like him or not.
C. The dancers interpreting the music… It would have been nice if the routines had anything to do with the music. To me it felt disjointed, weird, and stupid, while still showcasing a massively talented crew… maybe that’s what they meant by the Oscars being revolutionary, or maybe it was just always a bad idea to have people doing the Robot to interpret Up.
D. George Clooney looking like Seth Gecko about to go Tarantino on Martin and Baldwin. Seriously Georgie, why the scowl?
5. Fail moments
a. Miley Cyrus in general. If you demand to be treated like an adult, act like one. “Oh my god we’re just so nervous.” What the Flying, Floating, Running, Sinking or Buried fuck? Someone please lock her up and throw away the key.
b. The hosts not ripping into Zac Effron and Taylor Lautner. You had your chance… and you let it slip away. Shame on thee.
c. The dancer interpreting the music. It was WTF AND a Fail.
d. Basterds not winning anything except best supporting actor. This movie was better than that even if the Academy Awards had a different agenda.
e. Avatar beating The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus in Art Direction. Unlike the huge movie that blue, Parnassus was brilliant in its weirdness daring your imagination to go places it never thought of instead of taking you to places all too familiar in Pandora.
f. The Original Song category. Crazy Heart won… but not much going on in that category. Serious fail.
g. Coraline not being nominated for best score. Seriously people. I know I’m a mark and love the movie too much, but ignoring that score is as bad as overlooking The Fountain’s.
h. No Farrah Fawcett, Bea Arthur or Henry Gibson in the In Memoriam… seriously WTF.
6. Success moments
a. Christoph Waltz winning. If you haven’t seen Inglorious Basterds, you ARE a basterd.
b. Jeff Bridges getting the nod. I’m bummed for Clooney, but there has to be a winner and a loser. Jeff was channeling his inner dude, and I like that he uses 'man' in every sentence. $20 he smoked before the carpet.
c. Sandra Bullock giving the best speech of the night.
d. The short films guys showing how to accept a speech. Seriously classy guys all around.
e. Up winning for best score. It WAS the best score and I’m so glad Avatar didn’t win. It has the most personality and really knows how to tug at your heart strings without treading trodden ground.
f. Mo’Nique winning for best supporting actress. Still haven’t seen Precious, but if anything, the awards have made me want to not be ignorant about this flick.
g. Steve Martin citing that the audience was the motherlode for any Jew hunter.
7. Who got snubbed
a. Up in The Air – Great movie that didn’t win anything…. Seriously... nothing….?? If you say so Oscar.
b. Inglorious Basterds – We knew this was coming. It still hurts to see it happen. Quentin should be used to it by now, but alas… I am not.
c. Coraline – I loved Up. Please don’t take my comments as if I was an Up hater because I’m not. My gripe with the movie if any is that the beginning (first 30 minutes) and the end (last 8 minutes) are so strong, that the middle part kind of feels wanting. Coraline however blew me away from start to finish. And I’m clear that I’m a minority in this, but that the movie didn’t get a nod in other categories did bother me a bit because if it wasn’t going to win, then so be it… but that it doesn’t get mentioned? Well I cry foul.
8. Who got overhyped
a. The Hurt Locker – I haven’t seen the movie because 6 people have said it’s good, but that it isn’t amazing. A Saving Private Ryan this isn’t. But hey, if it gets James Cameron off the podium, so be it. I’m glad it’s the first woman to win a Best Director nomination… I just wish she had actually been the best director.
b. Avatar – Clearly the movie deserves the Best Visual Effects category. But that’s about it. Maybe Sound Mixing and Editing. But Art Direction and Cinematography? Really? Ok, Oscar, whatever you say.
Though the Oscars are on their way to becoming a slight joke, it still does hold a hell of a lot more credibility than oh say the Grammys. I just feel as if every year there’s some new agenda that’s on the plate. The night was predictable based on the hype, my highlights included a couple of acceptance speeches and seeing James Cameron be denied but apart from that… I seriously can’t figure out why I stayed up so late. What did you think?
Anyways, below is a list of the winners in case you were wondering.
Cheers
BEST PICTURE: "The Hurt Locker"
DIRECTING: Kathryn Bigelow "The Hurt Locker"
ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE: Sandra Bullock "The Blind Side"
ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE: Jeff Bridges in "Crazy Heart"
FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM: "The Secret in Their Eyes (El Secreto de Sus Ojos)" Argentina
FILM EDITING: "The Hurt Locker" Bob Murawski and Chris Innis
DOCUMENTARY (FEATURE): "The Cove" Louie Psihoyos and Fisher Stevens
VISUAL EFFECTS: "Avatar" Joe Letteri, Stephen Rosenbaum, Richard Baneham and Andrew R. Jones
MUSIC (ORIGINAL SCORE) "Up" Michael Giacchino
CINEMATOGRAPHY: "Avatar" Mauro Fiore
SOUND MIXING: "The Hurt Locker" Paul N.J. Ottosson and Ray Beckett
SOUND EDITING: "The Hurt Locker" Paul N.J. Ottosson
COSTUME DESIGN: "The Young Victoria" Sandy Powell
ART DIRECTION: "Avatar": Art Direction: Rick Carter and Robert Stromberg; Set
Decoration: Kim Sinclair
ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE: Mo'Nique in "Precious: Based on the novel 'Push' by Sapphire"
WRITING (ADAPTED SCREENPLAY): "Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire" Screenplay by Geoffrey Fletcher
MAKEUP: "Star Trek" Barney Burman, Mindy Hall and Joel Harlow
SHORT FILM (LIVE ACTION): "The New Tenants" Joachim Back and Tivi Magnusson
DOCUMENTARY (SHORT SUBJECT): "Music by Prudence" Roger Ross Williams and Elinor Burkett
SHORT FILM (ANIMATED): "Logorama" Nicolas Schmerkin
WRITING (ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY): "The Hurt Locker" Written by Mark Boal
MUSIC (ORIGINAL SONG):"The Weary Kind (Theme from Crazy Heart)" from "Crazy Heart" Music and Lyric by Ryan Bingham and T Bone Burnett
ANIMATED FEATURE FILM: "Up" Pete Docter
ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE: Christoph Waltz in "Inglourious Basterds
1. The Red Carpet - I’m not a huge fan of “la alfombra roja”, but this year there were two things that really stood out.
A.) Kathy Ireland is officially non-biodegradable because she couldn’t be more plastic in her interviews.
B.) I'm gonna channel that inner gay guy we all have and just blurt it out... it was friz central. Seriously, it had rained and a lot of people looked like crap… and then there was Sandra Bullock and Kate Winslet looking downright regal just to make all the frizzy critters hate them even more.
2. The opening: Neil Patrick Harris finally got the chance to channel his Brokeback Blind Side and did a showtune to open up the event. It was kind of funny but after last year’s Hughtastic opening, it felt coke-bottle-open-for-three-days flat in comparison. Nothing against the guy, lord knows Harold and Kumar need him to have me interested, but it was just ok and he’s not half the singer Jackman is.
3. The hosts. Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin weren’t bad. They just didn’t downright blow me away. Not even close. Far from close. Distant. Eons away. Well you get the picture. They were just ok but had some great moments, just too few and too far between. Which means the Oscars writers were as epic as ever…………………….. not
4. WTF moments:
A. Kanye West’s nanny stealing the mic. Who was that lady and why didn't they start cat fighting?
B. Ben Stiller making an ass out of himself again. It was sometimes funny, sometimes weird, and always Stiller, which is either great or nauseating depending on whether you like him or not.
C. The dancers interpreting the music… It would have been nice if the routines had anything to do with the music. To me it felt disjointed, weird, and stupid, while still showcasing a massively talented crew… maybe that’s what they meant by the Oscars being revolutionary, or maybe it was just always a bad idea to have people doing the Robot to interpret Up.
D. George Clooney looking like Seth Gecko about to go Tarantino on Martin and Baldwin. Seriously Georgie, why the scowl?
5. Fail moments
a. Miley Cyrus in general. If you demand to be treated like an adult, act like one. “Oh my god we’re just so nervous.” What the Flying, Floating, Running, Sinking or Buried fuck? Someone please lock her up and throw away the key.
b. The hosts not ripping into Zac Effron and Taylor Lautner. You had your chance… and you let it slip away. Shame on thee.
c. The dancer interpreting the music. It was WTF AND a Fail.
d. Basterds not winning anything except best supporting actor. This movie was better than that even if the Academy Awards had a different agenda.
e. Avatar beating The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus in Art Direction. Unlike the huge movie that blue, Parnassus was brilliant in its weirdness daring your imagination to go places it never thought of instead of taking you to places all too familiar in Pandora.
f. The Original Song category. Crazy Heart won… but not much going on in that category. Serious fail.
g. Coraline not being nominated for best score. Seriously people. I know I’m a mark and love the movie too much, but ignoring that score is as bad as overlooking The Fountain’s.
h. No Farrah Fawcett, Bea Arthur or Henry Gibson in the In Memoriam… seriously WTF.
6. Success moments
a. Christoph Waltz winning. If you haven’t seen Inglorious Basterds, you ARE a basterd.
b. Jeff Bridges getting the nod. I’m bummed for Clooney, but there has to be a winner and a loser. Jeff was channeling his inner dude, and I like that he uses 'man' in every sentence. $20 he smoked before the carpet.
c. Sandra Bullock giving the best speech of the night.
d. The short films guys showing how to accept a speech. Seriously classy guys all around.
e. Up winning for best score. It WAS the best score and I’m so glad Avatar didn’t win. It has the most personality and really knows how to tug at your heart strings without treading trodden ground.
f. Mo’Nique winning for best supporting actress. Still haven’t seen Precious, but if anything, the awards have made me want to not be ignorant about this flick.
g. Steve Martin citing that the audience was the motherlode for any Jew hunter.
7. Who got snubbed
a. Up in The Air – Great movie that didn’t win anything…. Seriously... nothing….?? If you say so Oscar.
b. Inglorious Basterds – We knew this was coming. It still hurts to see it happen. Quentin should be used to it by now, but alas… I am not.
c. Coraline – I loved Up. Please don’t take my comments as if I was an Up hater because I’m not. My gripe with the movie if any is that the beginning (first 30 minutes) and the end (last 8 minutes) are so strong, that the middle part kind of feels wanting. Coraline however blew me away from start to finish. And I’m clear that I’m a minority in this, but that the movie didn’t get a nod in other categories did bother me a bit because if it wasn’t going to win, then so be it… but that it doesn’t get mentioned? Well I cry foul.
8. Who got overhyped
a. The Hurt Locker – I haven’t seen the movie because 6 people have said it’s good, but that it isn’t amazing. A Saving Private Ryan this isn’t. But hey, if it gets James Cameron off the podium, so be it. I’m glad it’s the first woman to win a Best Director nomination… I just wish she had actually been the best director.
b. Avatar – Clearly the movie deserves the Best Visual Effects category. But that’s about it. Maybe Sound Mixing and Editing. But Art Direction and Cinematography? Really? Ok, Oscar, whatever you say.
Though the Oscars are on their way to becoming a slight joke, it still does hold a hell of a lot more credibility than oh say the Grammys. I just feel as if every year there’s some new agenda that’s on the plate. The night was predictable based on the hype, my highlights included a couple of acceptance speeches and seeing James Cameron be denied but apart from that… I seriously can’t figure out why I stayed up so late. What did you think?
Anyways, below is a list of the winners in case you were wondering.
Cheers
BEST PICTURE: "The Hurt Locker"
DIRECTING: Kathryn Bigelow "The Hurt Locker"
ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE: Sandra Bullock "The Blind Side"
ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE: Jeff Bridges in "Crazy Heart"
FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM: "The Secret in Their Eyes (El Secreto de Sus Ojos)" Argentina
FILM EDITING: "The Hurt Locker" Bob Murawski and Chris Innis
DOCUMENTARY (FEATURE): "The Cove" Louie Psihoyos and Fisher Stevens
VISUAL EFFECTS: "Avatar" Joe Letteri, Stephen Rosenbaum, Richard Baneham and Andrew R. Jones
MUSIC (ORIGINAL SCORE) "Up" Michael Giacchino
CINEMATOGRAPHY: "Avatar" Mauro Fiore
SOUND MIXING: "The Hurt Locker" Paul N.J. Ottosson and Ray Beckett
SOUND EDITING: "The Hurt Locker" Paul N.J. Ottosson
COSTUME DESIGN: "The Young Victoria" Sandy Powell
ART DIRECTION: "Avatar": Art Direction: Rick Carter and Robert Stromberg; Set
Decoration: Kim Sinclair
ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE: Mo'Nique in "Precious: Based on the novel 'Push' by Sapphire"
WRITING (ADAPTED SCREENPLAY): "Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire" Screenplay by Geoffrey Fletcher
MAKEUP: "Star Trek" Barney Burman, Mindy Hall and Joel Harlow
SHORT FILM (LIVE ACTION): "The New Tenants" Joachim Back and Tivi Magnusson
DOCUMENTARY (SHORT SUBJECT): "Music by Prudence" Roger Ross Williams and Elinor Burkett
SHORT FILM (ANIMATED): "Logorama" Nicolas Schmerkin
WRITING (ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY): "The Hurt Locker" Written by Mark Boal
MUSIC (ORIGINAL SONG):"The Weary Kind (Theme from Crazy Heart)" from "Crazy Heart" Music and Lyric by Ryan Bingham and T Bone Burnett
ANIMATED FEATURE FILM: "Up" Pete Docter
ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE: Christoph Waltz in "Inglourious Basterds
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Show me the money, Jerry!!!
In case you haven't heard, the $100 bill is undergoing a slight redesign.
So a friend of a friend of a friend, who is a graphic designer, decided to have some fun and tinker with the look of the almighty dollar.
Above are a few samples. Click at the name of the post for more.
Interesting.
Mar 5, 2010
Mar 4, 2010
Dear George Clooney, Part Deux.
So today I will present my "case". Yes. I will go ahead and formally introduce myself, so you can fall madly in love with me and take me to your house in Lake Como. Don't worry. My boyfriend won't mind.
Right of the bat: I'm really bendy.
Ok. OK! Maybe I was a little bit too forward. Let me start with the basics. I was born to write but I got sidetracked into believing that I could make money being a copywriter. I am thirtysomething but people always say that I look twenty-ish, so there you go. I'm a brunette and carry the legacy with pride - um, that means that I'm a little bit feisty and no dumb idiot.
The men that have come in and out of my life report the following: I am not a psycho, I am a totally not jealous woman at all, I give total liberty to do what you want and never are needy, I am totally low maintenance. Also, I don't require jewelry or fancy purses to be happy.
I'm on the small side, but that just means that, again, I am really flexible and light to carry. Yes! LOL.
I don't have any vices - just wine. Oh and I really need to travel. A lot. But something tells me that you totally wouldn't mind, right? Nope. I will not travel with Pitt and wife. That chick has way too many kids for my taste.
Oh did I mention I love movies? My Netflix account is a constant stream of movies galore. So maybe when you take me out to Cannes and people take wonderful pictures of us... you take me to meet your pal Martin Scorsese, I would totally make you proud taking the correct shit about flicks and stuff.
What else... what else... Apart from the fact that I'm really bendy (repetition is key for success), I have not had any children. Yes, I am currently looking to have a baby with my boyfriend. But... but... Um...
Ok George. I have to call it quits on our relationship. Yes. On our second "letter date".
You see, I truly love my man. Sorry. You can be the handsomest (is that a word?) man in the world, but only second place. I cannot leave my Travis - as much as you want me to right now, I can tell. I love him way too much.
Can we be friends? Oh... Don't cry George. Don't worry. I will keep writing you as much as you can. As friends. Hope you understand.
It's not you. It's Me.
2009 in Music
To be honest, in 2009 I heard a lot of music I'd never heard before, but they were old albums I found in bargain bins. I noticed this when I looked back on the year and noticed that with a few shining exceptions, it was a rather tame year in terms of albums that came out that were really awesome. Yeah, there were quite a few standouts, but with the exception of Pearl Jam, nothing really blew my mind. So here's my 2009 rundown of music of note. If you think anything was left out, by all means, add to the list so we can share and share alike.
Pearl Jam - Backspacer
The single cd I've listened to the most from top to bottom in all of my life. When I say top to bottom, I mean starting on track one and finishing the entire album. If you want a guesstimate of just how many times I've listened to Backspacer in its entirety, if I said 90 times, I wouldn't be exagerating. This might have something to do with the 37 or so minute duration but it has a hell of a lot more to do with pacing and just sheer great music. I saw them live twice at the Spectrum in the last four shows ever in that venue and if you see footage from one of the nights, you're going to see me in front row jumping like some crazy madman. Putting my fandom to one side. Backspacer had the hype to get me riled up and for me it delivered on all fronts. A throwback cd with hints of 60's pop goodness and to be honest the first Pearl Jam album to be uptempo and happy. A full review will be offered on my other blog eventually, but suffice to say, expectations were high, and they delivered.
Key tracks - Got some, The Fixer, Breathe, Amongst The Waves, Speed of Sound and the End
Alice in Chains - Black Gives Way to Blue
How do you replace one of the best singers in modern rock after he's passed away? You don't. Unlike other bands that have tried to make up for their fallen comrades, Alice in Chains has revelled in accepting that there is no replacing Layne. As such, William Duvall has done his best to do Staley justice and the band are as tight as ever. True, this is no Dirt or Jar of Flies, but it's a hell of an album and there are more than a handful of tracks to keep you interested.
Key tracks - All Secrets Known, A Looking in View, Black Gives Way to Blue
Them Crooked Vultures - S/T
Some people insist on saying that TCV aren't as good as Queens of the Stoneage, Foo Fighters or Led Zeppelin. My reply to that? So what? This is a damn good album and it's so dirty and raunchy that you can't help but not mind them indulging. The music here is best served hard and loud so put the pedal to the medal and ignore the haters.
Key tracks - Elephant, New Fang, Caligulove
Franz Ferdinand - Tonight Franz Ferdinand
Tight, fun and a worthy follow-up to their ST hit album. If you liked what was on the first album, trust me, you won't be disappointed.
The Prodigy - Invaders Must Die
Some people are still not over Fat of the Land... and it's understandable, it's their most accesible album. But Invaders Must Die just begs you to shake that ass. This is the type of album you want to have in a night club when you want to warm that blood up and do some serious zipper shining.
Tori Amos - Midwinter Graces
One of two Tori releases for the year and one of two "more winter than christmas" albums of the year (the other one being Sting's). A very different and interesting musical experiment that has some really solid moments and offers a very different aspect of the artist that earlier in the year threw out some of her darker material in recent memory. To be honest, not all of the album is spectacular but it does hold enough tracks to be more than worthy to be mentioned on a best of list.
Key tracks - A Silent Night with you, Jeanette Isabella, Holly Ivy and Rose,
Tori Amos - Abnormally attracted to Sin
Sexy, dark and a lot more personal than some other more conceptual offerings from one of my favorite artists. Tori does it again in delivering a real earnest album with incredible lyrics and wonderful delivery. The only criticism is the same as some of her other recent releases, which would be the running time. It just seems as if the album runs a tad too long, but it's not like I can say there's any weak track. So by all means, keep bringing it long madame Amos.
Key tracks - Maybe California, Abnormally attracted to Sin, Welcome to England, and That Guy
Dave Matthews - Big Whiskey and the GrooGrux King
Absent from many a best of list is this hell of an album by the Dave Matthews Band. After having lost one of their members, you'd think they'd put out an album full of sorrow, morose and whatnot... What you get in Groogrux is the most aggresive album the band has probably ever done just to show that you can celebrate someone's life while mourning their loss.
Mars Volta - Octahedron
The tamest Mars Volta offering yet. It's a different side to the band and probably something they needed to write after the mammoth Bedlam in Goliath. Regardless of its subdued nature, it still has enough bite to show why there's still hope for new rock bands.
Sting - If on a Winter's Night
The other of those funky winter but not christmas albums of the year. In comparison to Tori's outing, I think Sting delivered a similar result in the sense that some songs are simply wonderful and others are just interesting exercises. Regardless, Sting's voice and the different musical arrangements bring a flavor to this album that makes it a very interesting listen indeed.
Key Tracks - There Is No Rose Of Such Virtue, The Snow It Melts The Soonest, Christmas at Sea, Cold Song, The hounds of Winter
The Eels - Hombre Lobo
If you like Eels you will like this CD. If you don't, you won't find anything to convince you otherwise. For me as a fan, it's another solid outing by Mr. E and company with a delicious array of fun little tracks to nibble on.
Key tracks - In my dreams, Tremendous Dynamite, Fresh Blood
The Black Crowes - Before the Frost
To put a spin on the recording process, The Black Crowes recorded this album live. By live I don't mean that this is a concert they recorded, I mean that instead of a studio they went to a friggin gig to record. How's THAT for awesome. Dirty blues, some almost disco goodness, and slow churning folk songs intermingle to bring yet another solid effort from a band I would love to see live.
Key Tracks - Been a long time, I ain't hiding, kept my soul, and the band played on
U2 - No line on the horizon
Expectations from U2 are something of an unjustice because for all efforts, this is a good album, but the hype behind it was so big that I felt short changed mainly because the guitar work and lyrics weren't that good. However, for the first time ever in a U2 album, Adam Clayton and Larry Mullen Jr. are the stars in the sense that their contribution to the album truly brought the effort qutie a few bars higher than it would have been otherwise. It's not to say that Bono and The Edge sucked throughout the album, but in many tracks either one was the reason why I wasn't that enthused with a song, and to be honest, mainly Bono's lyrics in like three tracks. Regardless though, still a great album from a must see band.
Key tracks - No line on the horizon, Get on your boots, FEZ-being born, White as Snow, Breathe, Cedars of Lebanon
Porcupine Tree - The Incident
Consider this band a midpoint between Tool, Dream Theater and King Crimson but with their own brand of rock. Sound weird? Well it isn't. It's super solid actually and if you want great musicians showing you how to play prog with passion (though not as much as Rush) you best check these guys out.
Key tracks - The Entire incident track.
One Eskimo - One Eskimo
Mellow, fun, trippy and definitely an album your girlfriend can enjoy. Something I found randomly and I'm very happy that I did.
Key tracks - Hometime, Astronauts, Kandi, Giving up, Amazing
The Lonely Island - Incredibad
Funny albums rarely last the test of time... this is not your typical funny album. With the cooperation of so many artists you'd be amazed, The Lonely island get you spitting your drink from laughing while getting your hips a moving. Bring on the Santana Champ and let's get it on peopleeeeeee.
St. Vincent - Actor
Good, mellow, different in the Regina Spektor meets Imogen Heap vein. St. Vincent has more than a handful of tracks to keep you interested.
Wilco - The Album
Wilco apparently insists on putting out better music with every outing and though I still think Yankee Hotel Foxtrot is still their best, this eponymous delight definitely merits your listening attention. Click play and run the damn thing through.
Mt. St. Helen's Vietnam Band - Self Titled
One of those indie bands that sounds like a different version of Modest Mouse with enough twists to keep you interested. I was actually super surprised I'd never even heard of these guys because it's the type of band that's perfect for a surf vid. Stupid ass name if you ask me but hey, if they rock, who cares?
Key tracks - Who's asking, Masquerade
The Swell Season - Strict Joy
Once upon a time Marketa Irglova and Glen Hanssard fell in love while making an album and a movie, everyone fell in love, they won an Oscar and then they broke up... but that doesn't mean they stopped making great music together. Enter their sophomore effort. To be honest, it doesn't have the memorable tracks from the first outing, but as an ensemble they are definitely meshing a lot better musically and I like what they're putting out there. Keep it coming guys.
Key tracks - Two tongues, Low Rising, In these arms, Paper Cup, High Horses, The Verb, I have loved you wrong.
Grizzly Bear - Veckatimest
Another indie band that put out a cd I thought was definitely worth mentioning. Good variety, interesting arrangements, and fans of reverb.
The Dodos - Time to Die
Acoustic, folksy, indie rock that is high on energy and definitely one of the more interesting listens I found from last year. I can easily imagine those one man bands with cymbals tied to their knees playing this music.
Key Tracks - Fables, the strums, this is a business, longform,
Pearl Jam - Backspacer
The single cd I've listened to the most from top to bottom in all of my life. When I say top to bottom, I mean starting on track one and finishing the entire album. If you want a guesstimate of just how many times I've listened to Backspacer in its entirety, if I said 90 times, I wouldn't be exagerating. This might have something to do with the 37 or so minute duration but it has a hell of a lot more to do with pacing and just sheer great music. I saw them live twice at the Spectrum in the last four shows ever in that venue and if you see footage from one of the nights, you're going to see me in front row jumping like some crazy madman. Putting my fandom to one side. Backspacer had the hype to get me riled up and for me it delivered on all fronts. A throwback cd with hints of 60's pop goodness and to be honest the first Pearl Jam album to be uptempo and happy. A full review will be offered on my other blog eventually, but suffice to say, expectations were high, and they delivered.
Key tracks - Got some, The Fixer, Breathe, Amongst The Waves, Speed of Sound and the End
Alice in Chains - Black Gives Way to Blue
How do you replace one of the best singers in modern rock after he's passed away? You don't. Unlike other bands that have tried to make up for their fallen comrades, Alice in Chains has revelled in accepting that there is no replacing Layne. As such, William Duvall has done his best to do Staley justice and the band are as tight as ever. True, this is no Dirt or Jar of Flies, but it's a hell of an album and there are more than a handful of tracks to keep you interested.
Key tracks - All Secrets Known, A Looking in View, Black Gives Way to Blue
Them Crooked Vultures - S/T
Some people insist on saying that TCV aren't as good as Queens of the Stoneage, Foo Fighters or Led Zeppelin. My reply to that? So what? This is a damn good album and it's so dirty and raunchy that you can't help but not mind them indulging. The music here is best served hard and loud so put the pedal to the medal and ignore the haters.
Key tracks - Elephant, New Fang, Caligulove
Franz Ferdinand - Tonight Franz Ferdinand
Tight, fun and a worthy follow-up to their ST hit album. If you liked what was on the first album, trust me, you won't be disappointed.
The Prodigy - Invaders Must Die
Some people are still not over Fat of the Land... and it's understandable, it's their most accesible album. But Invaders Must Die just begs you to shake that ass. This is the type of album you want to have in a night club when you want to warm that blood up and do some serious zipper shining.
Tori Amos - Midwinter Graces
One of two Tori releases for the year and one of two "more winter than christmas" albums of the year (the other one being Sting's). A very different and interesting musical experiment that has some really solid moments and offers a very different aspect of the artist that earlier in the year threw out some of her darker material in recent memory. To be honest, not all of the album is spectacular but it does hold enough tracks to be more than worthy to be mentioned on a best of list.
Key tracks - A Silent Night with you, Jeanette Isabella, Holly Ivy and Rose,
Tori Amos - Abnormally attracted to Sin
Sexy, dark and a lot more personal than some other more conceptual offerings from one of my favorite artists. Tori does it again in delivering a real earnest album with incredible lyrics and wonderful delivery. The only criticism is the same as some of her other recent releases, which would be the running time. It just seems as if the album runs a tad too long, but it's not like I can say there's any weak track. So by all means, keep bringing it long madame Amos.
Key tracks - Maybe California, Abnormally attracted to Sin, Welcome to England, and That Guy
Dave Matthews - Big Whiskey and the GrooGrux King
Absent from many a best of list is this hell of an album by the Dave Matthews Band. After having lost one of their members, you'd think they'd put out an album full of sorrow, morose and whatnot... What you get in Groogrux is the most aggresive album the band has probably ever done just to show that you can celebrate someone's life while mourning their loss.
Mars Volta - Octahedron
The tamest Mars Volta offering yet. It's a different side to the band and probably something they needed to write after the mammoth Bedlam in Goliath. Regardless of its subdued nature, it still has enough bite to show why there's still hope for new rock bands.
Sting - If on a Winter's Night
The other of those funky winter but not christmas albums of the year. In comparison to Tori's outing, I think Sting delivered a similar result in the sense that some songs are simply wonderful and others are just interesting exercises. Regardless, Sting's voice and the different musical arrangements bring a flavor to this album that makes it a very interesting listen indeed.
Key Tracks - There Is No Rose Of Such Virtue, The Snow It Melts The Soonest, Christmas at Sea, Cold Song, The hounds of Winter
The Eels - Hombre Lobo
If you like Eels you will like this CD. If you don't, you won't find anything to convince you otherwise. For me as a fan, it's another solid outing by Mr. E and company with a delicious array of fun little tracks to nibble on.
Key tracks - In my dreams, Tremendous Dynamite, Fresh Blood
The Black Crowes - Before the Frost
To put a spin on the recording process, The Black Crowes recorded this album live. By live I don't mean that this is a concert they recorded, I mean that instead of a studio they went to a friggin gig to record. How's THAT for awesome. Dirty blues, some almost disco goodness, and slow churning folk songs intermingle to bring yet another solid effort from a band I would love to see live.
Key Tracks - Been a long time, I ain't hiding, kept my soul, and the band played on
U2 - No line on the horizon
Expectations from U2 are something of an unjustice because for all efforts, this is a good album, but the hype behind it was so big that I felt short changed mainly because the guitar work and lyrics weren't that good. However, for the first time ever in a U2 album, Adam Clayton and Larry Mullen Jr. are the stars in the sense that their contribution to the album truly brought the effort qutie a few bars higher than it would have been otherwise. It's not to say that Bono and The Edge sucked throughout the album, but in many tracks either one was the reason why I wasn't that enthused with a song, and to be honest, mainly Bono's lyrics in like three tracks. Regardless though, still a great album from a must see band.
Key tracks - No line on the horizon, Get on your boots, FEZ-being born, White as Snow, Breathe, Cedars of Lebanon
Porcupine Tree - The Incident
Consider this band a midpoint between Tool, Dream Theater and King Crimson but with their own brand of rock. Sound weird? Well it isn't. It's super solid actually and if you want great musicians showing you how to play prog with passion (though not as much as Rush) you best check these guys out.
Key tracks - The Entire incident track.
One Eskimo - One Eskimo
Mellow, fun, trippy and definitely an album your girlfriend can enjoy. Something I found randomly and I'm very happy that I did.
Key tracks - Hometime, Astronauts, Kandi, Giving up, Amazing
The Lonely Island - Incredibad
Funny albums rarely last the test of time... this is not your typical funny album. With the cooperation of so many artists you'd be amazed, The Lonely island get you spitting your drink from laughing while getting your hips a moving. Bring on the Santana Champ and let's get it on peopleeeeeee.
St. Vincent - Actor
Good, mellow, different in the Regina Spektor meets Imogen Heap vein. St. Vincent has more than a handful of tracks to keep you interested.
Wilco - The Album
Wilco apparently insists on putting out better music with every outing and though I still think Yankee Hotel Foxtrot is still their best, this eponymous delight definitely merits your listening attention. Click play and run the damn thing through.
Mt. St. Helen's Vietnam Band - Self Titled
One of those indie bands that sounds like a different version of Modest Mouse with enough twists to keep you interested. I was actually super surprised I'd never even heard of these guys because it's the type of band that's perfect for a surf vid. Stupid ass name if you ask me but hey, if they rock, who cares?
Key tracks - Who's asking, Masquerade
The Swell Season - Strict Joy
Once upon a time Marketa Irglova and Glen Hanssard fell in love while making an album and a movie, everyone fell in love, they won an Oscar and then they broke up... but that doesn't mean they stopped making great music together. Enter their sophomore effort. To be honest, it doesn't have the memorable tracks from the first outing, but as an ensemble they are definitely meshing a lot better musically and I like what they're putting out there. Keep it coming guys.
Key tracks - Two tongues, Low Rising, In these arms, Paper Cup, High Horses, The Verb, I have loved you wrong.
Grizzly Bear - Veckatimest
Another indie band that put out a cd I thought was definitely worth mentioning. Good variety, interesting arrangements, and fans of reverb.
The Dodos - Time to Die
Acoustic, folksy, indie rock that is high on energy and definitely one of the more interesting listens I found from last year. I can easily imagine those one man bands with cymbals tied to their knees playing this music.
Key Tracks - Fables, the strums, this is a business, longform,
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