And the award for the best WTF video of the year goes to...

The Social Network Dirty Laundry: lessons I've learned while reading my news feed.

The glorious thing about very temperamental and emotionally retarded people is very simple: mix them with any Social Network tool and you will get soap opera deluxe. Don't know what I mean? By all means, let me explain myself. I'm talking about the douche who is so pissed off that he or she will literally post whatever grievance they have with their current company/boss/client on their status/twit/whatever.

"I cannot delegate for shit, since everytime I try someone shits all over things".

"If I wanted to do things right, I'd do them myself".

Yada, fucking yada, yada. Yeah. We get it, you're pissed beyond belief. But hello there, over-sharing dude or dudette, have you learned about shutting up and dealing with the shit yourself instead of publishing your emotions for all the world?

Get a blog. Do an anonymous twitterthon of your anger. Just be a little bit professional and don't shit where you eat. Your job might suck beyond your local toothless prostitute, but you know what? You're there, you get a paycheck. Fuck man, you're lucky you even HAVE a job. Most people I know are struggling trying to find anything that will pay the rent and you are Facebooking/Twittering your shit WITH YOUR ACTUAL NAME?

Don't like your job/CEO/Clients/Accounts/paycheck? By all means, do something about it. Just for the love of God, stop with the social whining, ok? I've seen people rip their jobs a new one on a daily basis and all I think is... how unprofessional! It's like those people who have NO problem sharing their problems with the next available ear. Really!

People talk! You say potato, I say what you said, get the client you just blabbered shit about and bingo, I have a new account and you have squat.

Besides. It's so... annoying. If you need to vent, do like we did. Get a blog.

You have the right to remain worried

The above statement is not only true, but a way of life in many companies nowadays. And why shouldn’t it be. Supposedly the recession ended last year but companies of all sizes are still hesitant to hire people. Hesitant is a nice way of saying they’re not hiring and there’s a lot of that going around. So naturally everyone is scared shitless in regards to their job security.

What many people don’t know is that in advertising, that’s pretty much par for the course. It just takes a budget cut or the loss of one account for people to start shaking in their chairs and asking when the hell the cuts are going to start. Hell, some companies I know of even have Black Fridays where every couple of months a selection of company personnel is targeted and fired even if things aren’t bad.

I’m not saying things aren’t bad now, I’m just saying is that at least for me in advertising, things were never good. Few industries are as instable as advertising and the turnover rate of an average agency is evidence enough. I’ve seen so many people get fired in 100 people offices that it’s alarming to say the least. Hell, I got the axe twice over downsizing and “corporate restructuring”.

I worked at agencies that lost accounts and it was a terrible wait while they decided who got the axe and who made it to the next round, like some fucked up reality TV show that doesn’t take people’s feelings seriously and who almost laugh at the simpletons that are at waist level management, because our existence blows that much. It was like waiting for some sort of execution and depending on the level of appreciation for the person; we either fought or whinnied like some pathetic animal. And yes, sometimes we rejoiced… that’s the way it was for me in a couple of agencies… and it got to the point where the selections didn’t surprise me. Assholes stayed put, nice people got fired and the work whores were allowed to remain.

So it’s up to you really, stay scared, stay worried and stay put or move on and look for a better answer to that question we all ask ourselves:

What the hell am I going to do with my life?

Cheers

And the last laugh goes to Katy Perry! Total Win!

Sunday Playlists - 80's joy

The 80's were whacky, weird, tacky and fun as fuck. Here's my playlist for the randomest decade where an actor became the president and the best toys roamed the earth.

First up...

1. The Clash – Rock the Casbah

By no means my favorite Clash song, but still a staple of the 80's if there ever was one. Rock the Casbah is a song tha's fun and funky. Plus, there's an armadillo an Arabian guy with a boom box hitchhiking with a rabbi. What else do you need?



2. Michael Jackson – Smooth Criminal

Possibly my favorite Michael Jackson video (yes even more than thriller) and one of my top 5 MJ songs. There's so much "shucutucuh" goodness to this video plus, he has a tommy gun :D



3. Fishbone – Party at ground zero

Before the 90's had its ska boom, Fishbone was hosting a party that still makes me smile big time.

4. Faith no More - Epic

When was the last time you saw an eye vomiting green goo? Click the name of the song above and enjoy. Btw, feelfree to check out more of Mike Patton (lead singer). He's one of the most versatile vocalists I've ever heard and he also happens to be apeshit (See anything from Mr. Bungle for reference). Oh and this song was released in january 1990, so please give me a break. :D

5. Oingo Boingo - Dead Man’s Party

There's no other decade where Oingo Boingo could have been given a fair shot. Hence this song appearing on Back to School. And damn... they were a pretty good live band... Revenge of the Nerds attire aside.

6. Guns N Roses – Welcome to the jungle

Celebrating frizzy hair, Budweiser and 80's hair metal greatness, there is no better song to represent 80's hard rock than welcome to the jungle... PERIOD. I'm just weirded out that either Axle Rose had David Bowie's hairdo from Labyrynth or vice versa.



7. Devo – Whip It

MTV should give Devo thanks because that video REALLY helped launch MTV and is still one of the most memorable pieces of music video history ever recorded.

8. Rush – Red Barchetta

I'm a big Rush fan and they are one of the best live bands I've ever seen. I wanted to pick something that was a little less typical than Tom Sawyer... so enjoy a ride in a Red Barchetta by clicking the name of the song above. :D

9. Billy idol – Rebel Yell

Billy Idol looked like a bad guy from the Die Hard Franchise or a distant cousin to Sting's character in Dune. He also rocked out with his cock out and he gave us this anthem to cry more more moreeeeeeeeeeeee.

10. Aerosmith – Dude looks like a lady

Great song that could very well be autobiographical for Steven Tyler, but who gives a damn?


11. Yes – Owner of a Lonely Heart

Though yes may have done too much acid while reading Tolkien, I don't care and 80's lovers shouldn't either. :D

12. Living Colour – Cult of Personality

how the hell did this song come out in 1988?? I dunno but it kicks delicious ass.

13. Cyndi Lauper – Hole in my heart


As if this song isn't 80's enough it comes off the soundtrack for a definite Guilty Pleasure that goes by the name of Vibes. Cyndi Lauper and Jeff Goldblum are psychics .... I don't think I need to add to the description with a start like that, I'll just do a guilty pleasure post later. :D



14. The Cure - Lovesong

I love the Cure and this song is one of my favorites. Robert Smith nowadays could use a stint on the Biggest Loser, but he still rocks and looks mopey as ever, so who cares? Btw, the resemblance to Dream from the Sandman series is just too much to ignore. :D



15. The Police – Synchronicity

You can enjoy either

Part 1

or

Part 2

The choice is yours. :D


16. Phil Collins - Sussudio

What the hell is a Sussudio? What does it even matter? Phil Collins is one of those polarizing forces which people seem to love or truly hate... I lean somewhere towards the first.

17. Van Halen – Hot for the Teacher

Waldo, you're a lucky little bastard. I got stuck with fugly teachers that only inspired one to study :D My fav Van Halen song.



18. ACDC - Back in Black

Quite simply the most overblown live show I've ever gone to. So excessive that I couldn't ask for anything more. Here's one of the best Acadaca tracks that's ever ripped into your ear drums.


19. INXS – Mediate

This video is Great



20. Tom Petty – Free Fallin

Tom Petty has a truckload of great songs, but this one really resonates form when I was a good ole boy.



21. The Cars - You Might think

You might think I'm crazy, but I really dig the Cars. A video so tacky it should have spawned it's own CBS show. :D


22. Tears for Fears - Shout

Click above and let it all out people.

23. Huey Lewis and the News -

Ah Huey... if only the 80's didn't have to last only 10 years, you'd still be successfull.



24. U2 – Where the Streets Have no Name

Possibly the best song for U2 to open a concert to. This was before Bono wanted to save the entire world and focused on good music.



25. A-Ha – Take on Me

In my top 10 80's videos/songs of all time for great reason.

This song is brought to you by the letter Ooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Let’s be clear on this, I’m not a Katy Perry fan by any means… but when even Elmo is staring at your tits, then you get a vote from me.

The video you can check out by clicking the post title is the skit they pulled from sesame street because it was too provocative. Seeing this vid again, and putting it into context… it almost seems as if Katy wants to put Elmo in a spin cycle between her legs.

Some facts if you will:

- She wants to play dress-up. Elmo asked her to.

- She wants to play. And so do her boobies.

- She wore something special for Elmo because he wanted to play. Extra points for Katy.

- Elmo was apparently intimidated by her perky self and ran away while she was striking a pose.

- He’s up and down. (Meaning his fuzzy little red weewee obviously)

What all of this means is that Elmo is nothing but a little cunt tease and so Sesame Street pulled a play out of Oscar’s book, and pulled the skit… so other kids wouldn’t pull themselves in the process.

Oh well, I just hope Katy grabs him and shamwow’s herself to a glorious California girl ending.

Cheers.

CTRL+F+U

Apparently we creative people are magicians. By creative people understand copywriters and artists and by magicians I mean that we're expected to make the waters of mediocrity and corporate bullshit part so we may get to the goal of whatever vision some jackass supervisor has.

And you know jackass is an understatement. If having to work on some crappy project isn't bad enough, there are times where you have an exec, a supervisor or even a client hovering just over your shoulder seeing what every click causes in your artwork or presentation.

For any supervisor that happens to land on this page and this post, please read the following.

SHADOWING YOUR CREATIVES DOESN'T MEAN TRANSFERENCE OF WHAT YOU ENVISION WILL OCCUR. YOU WILL JUST PISS US OFF.

The problem is that in their pea brained mind they have a vision of what the artwork should probably look like. The sad part is that even in their mind's eye, that artwork probably blows. I know this for a fact because you can't make a shitty 8 line design croquis with a lame headline scribbled on the right hand corner and not expect at least one set of eyes rolling.

So you’re sitting their while Jizmo the thought-o-naut tries to will their shitty design through your eyes and hands via telepathic instant messaging. You’re irritated as it is because you’re already late to something that’s endlessly more interesting than this. It could be anything and it doesn’t matter, but you have to stay there because you are the chosen one and you must see the mission through to the end.

Your teeth grate against each other, your eyes strain, your muscles tense, your spine punishes you for forcing it to be in a sitting position for upwards of 6 hours and you endure. Suggestion, after suggestion after inane suggestion and you start scanning the perimeter for things you can use for a surprise attack.

“Why don’t you reverse the watermark?”

“How about if we include a 7th logo?”

“I think you should include some pictures related to what we’re talking about.”

Gems people. That’s what you get thrown with and it isn’t pretty because every idea almost sounds like an insult. You’ve been doing this for years. You’ve nailed it often enough to trust in your skills. But here you have a corporate gargoyle on your shoulder just pissing you off… and there’s no sunlight to take care of that problem.

Then they want something done that takes about 2 hours to do. You let them know how long it’ll take and the answer to the information?

“But isn’t there a command that let’s you do that quicker?”

You think for a second and respond.

“Let me try something.” Click, click, click. “Damnit.”

“What’s wrong?” they respond.

“The command I’m trying isn’t working. I think it’s a bug in the system.” Click, Click, Click. “ See? Nothing’s happening. Control-F-U. Nothing. Control-F-U. Control-F-U. Control-F-U. Damn. I guess I can’t do that. But let’s keep trying.”

That you don’t need a life doesn’t mean that other people have to suffer the same fate Mr. or Mrs. Supervisor. So kindly, let’s finish this shit so we can be on our merry way. Good beer and hot sex wait for us living humanoids that don’t shit in patterns resembling the company logo.

Cheers

Cool kid alert!

Bring the double dragon beat back yooooooooooo

Five Beatles songs that define: Me.

I cannot believe we have done this list. What are we, stupid? THE BEATLES ARE THE BEST BAND IN THE UNIVERSE! No, this is not my opinion, this is PURE fact. Before the Beatles, there was just noise. After, the world was created, human beings breathed, plants grew and everything was ok for a minute or more.

The sad thing about this incredible music is that this young generation is being raised missing out on amazing music. My mother loved The Beatles and I used to hear it blasting on a weekly basis. I grew to love it, and not because of simple repetition... I just loved it because it was perfection. Nothing I've ever listened compares to their music. I plan to make my child love all the Beatles, because if there is one thing that human beings can do is pass along really important things.

The funny thing is, making this list is totally impossible. More so, it changes from time to time, depending at what time of your life you're in. For 5 years some songs might define you, then something happens that you suddenly love another song for 10 years... and so it goes. If you can tell me another music library from just ONE artist that can literally define your childhood, your college years, your loves, your frustrations, your sadness, your hopes... and not be a joke, by all means, tell me about it.

But let me tell you, they have to be immortal, they have to pass the test of time. Another thing that Beatles music does that no one can ever come close to.

So, attempting to do this, let me tell you the five Beatles songs that define me right now. In a couple of years, I will read this list and see if it still holds up. Oh and impossible to put them in order...

My Five Beatles Songs that define Me are:

1) I am the Walrus.
Who really knows what this song means, I just know I blast it on a weekly basis and feel the incredible power of John Lennon. He makes me the Walrus. And this makes me happy. Even if I don't understand what the fuck he's talking about...

2) Here Comes the Sun.
This is the one song I play when I need to know that everything is going to be ok, that there is hope somewhere. George Harrison at his best, the most simple and lovely song you can ever hear.

3) Here, There and Everywhere.
I don't believe in marriage. I believe in making a promise to give your all to someone and do all the best to make it work for as long as you can. I believe in just enjoying a great relationship and being yourself, without trying to change the other person in what you need them to be. But. If I decided to break my rules and actually get married, this is one song that I would dance to at my wedding. There is no other more beautiful song that a man can sing to a woman.

4) In My Life.
The one great thing about life is the memories. This song reminds me of all my friends and the good times we've had... and still having. Some I miss (yeah, Facebook can make you know what they are doing right now, but it cannot make you be with them instantly in a bar or at the beach with beer in hand, you know?), some I have on my life every day. This song just makes me happy 'cause I know I've had a great life with them.

5) Blackbird.
Since I've written about this song and what it means to me on the previous post "Five Songs that Define Me"... all I can add to this song is this: a couple of months ago, I saw Paul McCartney on concert and he sang this song. I have never cried so much or so intensly, it was one of those moments that I will never forget. I felt like when I was a kid and my mom used to play guitar for me to go to sleep... It was incredible.

The Tv ad Apple hates: iPad SMASH!

Fake Hypnosis with Kevin Pollak. Hey. It has a Walken Impression. So, there you go.

College: You can always go the other way.

Barf alert. I couldn't watch it all the way. Can you?

Good move, Heineken.

More proof that Dogs Rule.

Sunday Playlists - 90's goodness Part 2

1. Sublime – Santería

That Bradley nowell od'd just before the release of their hugely succesful major debut album is just more evidence that good talent gets snuffed early while mediocre hacks live long and fruitful lives. Regardless, this song still makes me crack a smile.

2. Semisonic – Closing Time

The album where this song came from is surprisingly awesome. By all means, go to your local shop, check the used album bins and score it for like 3 bucks, It's worth that and much more.

3. Smashing pumpkins - Hummer

Smashing Pumpkins today is a far cry from the epic band it was in the 90's. I blame it all on BIlly Corgan... meaning the good and the bad and Hummer is a pretty kick ass song.


4. U2 – Thrill me, kiss me, kill me

Part of the Batman Forever one two soundtrack punch, here's a U2 track that has no flaws whatsoever.



5. Seal – Kiss from a Rose

Seal is suave beyond measure, always dresses like the smoothest motherfucker in existence and has a voice that ignites panties on fire. Plus, just look at them pecks.



6. Red hot chili Peppers – Breaking the Girl

The Peppers have so many great songs that I wanted to pick a random one that did have a video, did get airplay but is probably not in the first ten songs mentined by fans. I actually adore this song and think Chad Smith has some of his best drumming in the song.

7. Primus - Mr. Krinkle

A while back I said I'd be putting this clip up... Did ye think I would forget? Looks like something out of Halloween Horror Nights. :D
Enjoy the randomness.



8. Dave Matthews – Crash Into Me

Bands should be better live than recorded. DMB knows this and so do I, so click the link above for a clip of their 90's classic, played to perfection. Cheers

9. Mazzy Star – Fade into you

A song to listen to with a half drunken bottle of vodka and suicidal tendencies if there ever was one. Still a hell of a good song. :D

10. Primitive Radio Gods – standing outside a broken phone booth (or phonebooth)

Wow, I actually got through four songs off this album before accepting that this band is truly a one hit wonder. Maybe I'll check it again just to laugh... but regardless, this song is pretty damn good. Clickey the linkey.

11. Pearl Jam – immortality

Live version of a song I've listened to a lot in my life. All hail Pearl Jam:




12. L7 – Pretend that we’re dead

When you achieve becoming a grunge cliché you know you did something right. The chords are basic, the song has the intellectual depth of a hair band and it fucking rules. Besides, how can you not love a girl band that has a song called Wargasm.

13. REM – Man on the moon

The great thing about REM is the huge variety of song styles they are able to play while still sounding like REM. Man on the moon is a good song for any Sunday, be it sunny or rainy so by all means... click on the link and enjoy.

14. Alice in Chains - Rooster

I love Alice in Chains and though Layne was a tragedy since it was so obvious he wasn't going to make it, and still succeeded in surviving as long as he did, the darker side of my psyche loves this band and the simple minor key chords they use to get the point across. This is my favorite AIC song and this is my favorite MTV unplugged.



15. Foo Fighters - Everlong

One of my fav videos of all time and probably my fav Foo song. I just wish Dave wouldn't yell YEAHHH so much in his live versions. Oh and this album is just too fucking solid.



16. Oasis – D’you Know what I mean

Oasis might be a bunch of drama queens, but they can belt out a good tune, even on an album as hammy as be here now. D'you know what I mean is probably one of my fav 5 Oasis songs... click the play button to see why.

I still don't get why people think Liam is one of the best front men ever.




17. Silverchair - Tomorrow

I was debating whether to include the video or live version of this song so I'm gonna do both. It's funny cuz they hate playing this song nowadays since they've grown up but last I checked... success came thanks to the song so singing it once in a while is fair I'd think. Besides, it crosses Nirvana and Pearl Jam so it's hard for me not to like the song.

Video

Live

18. Presidents of the United States - Lump

I'd describe this as Swamp Garage Music... and boy do I enjoy it. :D the POTUSOA kids were a fun band that I still enjoy.

19. The Prodigy - Firestarter

There's probably pictures, videos and vivid memories of all my friends and me doing the Fire Starter dance... I think those are the only 4 minutes in my life when I actually consider a double hawk. Classic track.



20. 311 – Down

If you like levitating Samoans, the Jambi floating head trick and dreaming of juice... this song and video is for you.

21. Beck - Loser

In the time of chimpanzees I was a monkey.... If you can think of a better line, keep it to yourself. :D

What can I say, teens doing calisthenics, the adventures of the Coffin Cab and the hispanic cousin of the Naked Cowboy... This is gold... mellow gold, but gold nonetheless. :D



22. Deftones – Be quiet and Drive

Hey, some 90's aggression never hurt anyone right? Random video of DEftones playing on shark cages while a Great White lurks beneath. I still like the song though.

23. Chumba Wumba – Tubthumping (or as everyone knows it I get knocked down)

Little did Chumba Wumba know that their song would become a staple at lame weddings til the end of times. It's good if you're smashed and want to jump around but for the sober people, this song is probably kryptonite... I still find it funny how much it was played. By the way, what the hell was up with that librarian singer or the singer that looked like a cross between Rob Thomas and Johnny Lee Miller. WTF.

24. Ace of Base – All that she wants

Long before Lady Gaga thought she was the mastress (rumors of he-sheism are still around) of the universe, there was Ace of Base. That she happened to take credit for the beat to her douche song "Alejandro" makes me chuckle even more. Or hell... maybe she just wants another baby. I don't know, and as with most things related to Lady Gaga... I don't care. Here's the track that helped "inspire" her.



25. The Offspring – Come out and Play

I listened to smash the other day and was quite pleasantly surprised that at 30, I can still enjoy an album I bought in highschool and that SOUNDS like I bought it in highschool. So click along kiddies and come out and play.

Come ON people. I mean... Really.

Pavlov's theory of Classical Conditioning = LMAO

Learn how to clean your balls

Now that I've spewed forth some ad hate, here's some ad goodness that makes me wish I had the opportunity to do a ball ad.

Looking for Me's baby: The Update.

Well I just realized that you could write a whole blog or book about this experience. We're now up to almost a year of going little by little and doing - pun intended - baby steps in order to get there. And today was one of those days where it was sort of funny and hopeful and suddenly it dawned on me... I haven't told you guys about it!

So... last time I wrote about this little adventure, we were about to find out if at last we were having a baby. It had been a month and some change that I was late, if I don't remember correctly, and we had high hopes. Well, turned out that it was just the beginning of a new phase in this rollercoaster.

Of course, I cried that night after getting my hopes up. My babe held me and didn't let me go until I just slowly got the nerve to smile again and start all over. So close, yet so far away, right?

Let's fast forward to right now and where we are today. Seems that my body is slowly learning how to cope without the pills and although it's fighting me still about it, we're now at least living together in almost peace. It has turned out to take almost a year of me leaving the pills and my body accepting the fact that it's over, a baby is coming our way.

This. Is. Not. Easy. Having a baby is not so simple for some of us women out there. This has been blood tests, different dosages of medications, adverse reactions, side effects, confusion, shitload of money spent, arguments with mom (she knows everything, according to her, about doctors and ob/gyns), confusing answers from every doctor/book/blog/friends... etc.

It is astounding how much your brain can want something but your body thinks different. I went from having a normal life with my pills, to a total nightmare without them. Yep, I almost quit a couple of times because I felt so damn weird and sick... but I didn't. I'm not quitting.

Today it was funny, I went to my new fertility/obgyn doc, I had a student doctor there with her. At this point in my search, I don't give a shit who sees my poonany, just help me get a baby and I'll flash the damn thing so I didn't mind at all this weird strange little boy/man being with us while I got my sonogram on. Trust me, this is not me a couple of months or even a year ago. I would have kindly just left the office and changed docs. Funny how one stops caring for stupid things when you have bigger priorities in mind.

So the good news is, I can have a baby after all. I mean, my doc said I could with no problem. That was the good news of the year! I thought I couldn't and today I got my confirmation, we still have a go. Me can reproduce herself, people! She's just going to give me a little help on the way to make it easier.

Yup. Fertility drugs are next in line.

Get ready for some fucked up emotional posts from me, I guess. And she told me the best line in the whole wide world today, which I would like to quote:

"Get ready, drink your multivitamins. This baby is coming very soon!"

Oh my God. We're going to be parents... *HUGE SMILE*

Wish me luck, until next time and I hope with good news... Me.

Why didn't someone think of this before? The Human Centipede!

HOLY SHITBALLS THIS IS AWESOME! Check out the connections! BRILLIANT!

Commercials I Hate: Capri Sun Disrespectoids

Seriously, are these ads resonating with anyone that hasn't been smoking a joint? I mean, what the flying, landed, swimming, running and burrowing fuck?

I know kids ads are supposed to be weird, but this borders on the incomprehensible with a healthy dose of moronic. That it got approved shows the marketing people were clear on their goals and that they change agencies in a year and half means they'll be clear that it wasn't their fault either.

Shit, I know getting good ads isn't easy and I know that your good campaign surviving to the end and still somewhat resembling what was in that presentation is damn near impossible, but seriously.... whadafuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu?

Oh and between Disrespectoids and Respect the Pouch, I'm not sure what's dumber.

Loved this: What I remember most about Legos

This was completely stolen from a friend's facebook feed (Hey Yee!), had me giggling this morning. Spot on. Enjoy.

Before clicking send, read your emails

That I insist on giving some people the benefit of the doubt that they actually have a brain should be reason enough to slap myself. I should approach every single person I have to deal with on a daily basis as if they’re purposely trying to fuck up my day because often times, that’s what seems to be the case, and that’s JUST what they do.

Email after email of inane responses that prove my point that people don’t read what I send them and much less what they send. Rude 15 word replies, everyone commenting and not one single constructive recommendation and inflated egos having a blast at your expense. Ah the beauty of corporate warfare.

“We’re a big corporate family.”

Oh right, so that’s why you send me to do your chores and then run to the proverbial mommy to show how good you are. Fucking AGH!

If I had a nickel for every time I got a douche email, I’d melt all of it and pour it over the slosh pieces of shit that dare call themselves coworkers.

A real coworker plays for the team. The caliber of cunt droppings I’ve had the delight to work with are always focused on their own agenda, which often includes sounding like Napoleon Bonaparte and expressing themselves like Napoleon Dynamite.

But let us read that wonderful title again. Now if you’re like me, you wish upon a bright red burning star for people to actually read what they send. But they don’t. Most people don’t because they’re so busy that they do a bit of everything, which ends up translating into a whole lot of nothing. But still the emails keep rolling and you find yourself surrounded or beneath a bunch of people who mostly reply to emails all day long.

It’s sad to see that a sign of the times is the inefficiency of people in their personal and professional communications. Messages get truncated and our sense of self gets diluted beyond recognition. 8 word emails that contain directives, chastisements, reprisals and a prewritten Thank you next to the signature. That’s what I receive. People with their head so far up their corporate worshipping asses that of course they’ve lost the notion of reality beyond the comfort of their cubicle.

I simply look at what lies beyond the vacuum sealed window and I dream… and dreams are a powerful thing when you listen, pay attention and obey.

Cheers

Commercials I Hate: Olive Garden

There's just some brands that have to be the shittiest accounts to work on, period. It's like I see this spot and I can imagine the most depressed creatives in the agency, flipping through kiddie porn and snorting mashed cocoa pebbles and cocaine just to cope with their existence. That the client insists that the music matters is probably the ultimate insult to injury to these people and by the end of the ad, I'm sure some people have contracted some type of cancer.

It's like, you see the ad starting off, you see the sweaters and you know there's no way you're not going to hate this. To boot, the OG failed at "tokening" this ad. If you're not clear on what tokening is, just browse a few Olive Garden commercials (have your porn or favorite cartoon ready to recoup afterwards) and see how many Asians, Hispanics and Black people you can spot. Oh and if you're wondering, the breadsticks aren't all that.

Commercials I Hate: Freedent

Dating back twenty years, this humdinger of a piece of shit ad still pisses me off to this day. Having a douche talent is bad enough, having a smarmy voiced dildo with a combover, a dry mouth and pederast glasses would be enough to make me ultra hate the ad... but no... they had to throw in that lame ass trophy wife that admires her put a mili second after she "hits" the ball. We know you didn't sink the put. Hell, we know you didn't even hit the ball. But alas, Freedent wins and we're stuck between flipping the channel and missing 20 seconds of American Gladiators, or enduring the grind and seeing Lazer tackle the shit out of some hopeless dental assistant.

Labor Day Sunday Playlist - 90's Edition

I am a child of the 90's. Period and I have a bunch of albums and favorite bands that come from this particular decade... so here's my first of a couple of 90's lists to remind you what you've been missing thanks to shit like Fall Out Boy

1. Sponge - Molly

Sponge is one of those bands I've always liked a lot. True, their best work is far behind them, but I still by their albums and enjoy the music. Here's one of their bigger hits off their great debut album, Rotting Piñata.


2. Green day - longview

A Green Day... though people still love Green Day and think they've gotten better with time, I disagree. I stick with Dookie and Insomniac and let the new tweeners enjoy the black mascara goodness of today's Greenday while I listen to some longview.

3. Tool – Prison Sex

One of my five favorite bands has videos that would make HP Lovecraft proud. Twisted, crunching and oh so fucking good. Come to the dark side won't you?



4. Eels – Novocain for the Soul

Another 90's band I hold close to my heart. Ever since I heard Novocaine for the Soul I knew I'd listen E's music for a long time to come. Plus, the video is pretty fun for me.



5. Blind Melon – Sleepy House

I think I've mentioned before that I took Shannon Hoon's death a lot harder than Kurt Cobain's. Don't get me wrong, I think they were both great losses, but with Shannon... I think someone I really would have enjoyed meeting died way too soon. Here's a fantastic song from their eponymous Debut album.

6. Radiohead- Airbag

Just how many good songs can a band have... Listen to Radiohead and learn. First track of the OK Computer album and one of my fav bass lines.


7. Guns N Roses – November Rain

Say what you want about Axl and Slash... this song was a super classic in the 90's and after it settled down from being played to death, you can see it's a fucking classic. Besides, how many 9 minute music videos do you know of that don't suck?




8. Pearl Jam - Daughter

Come on... you knew it was coming. Another classic PJ track. No other words are necessary.

9. Screaming Trees – I nearly Lost you

The 90's band that never was. I'm actually a bit bitter that Screaming Trees weren't that succesful because I really really liked that band. Mark Lanegan has since established his whiskey smoke voice as a classic in rock but before that, he nearly lost someone.

10. Days of the New – Shelf in the room

Travis Meeks is proof that you can get a second chance. How the hell you can fall from grace to the level he did, and still be around playing, I don't know. But I've bought all Days of the New albums because it's a treat for me. Here's one of my favorite songs from the debut album which is pretty much acoustic grunge greatness. The fact that he's the only person I've seen sing The End by the Doors convincingly should be enough reason to check em out.



11. Stone Temple Pilots – Big Empty

I think this is possibly my favorite STP song. Maybe it has to do with it being in the Crow Soundtrack... maybe it's the great slide guitar... or maybe it's just that the song is fucking golden. Eitherway, my childhood and adulthood has heard this song plenty... and I don't think it'll get old ever. Here's the song off their extremely solid MTV Unplugged




12. Counting Crows – Recovering the Satellites

Adam Duritz often gets accused of being whiny... to those people I say, fuck off. The guy went out with Jennifer Anniston AND Courtney Cox and you're envious. Period. Though their August and Everything After is a real 90's classic, it's Recovering the Satellites that got me into the Crows. Click the link above to see a very good live version of the title track of that album. Also... is it just me, or does Duritz look like the long lost brother of Gutter from the Classic film PCU. And yes, I can blow you where the pampers is. Click here to see what I mean.

13. Filter – Hey man Nice Shot

Filter be good. To be honest, it's a band I don't think could pull off most of its songs live because Richard Patrick screams so hard... Hey, we all have the right to be wrong. Click the link for a pretty good live version of the song.

14. Soundgarden – Limo Wreck

Soundgarden defines many moments in my life. This song is dark, it's brooding and it churns along. Definitely Superuknown is one of the best albums from the 90's hands down.

15. Marylin Manson – the Beautiful People

Some people think Manson is a douche or a poser... though both descriptions might be upheld... you can't deny this song makes you want to break things... and I like that. Throw in some fucked up visuals and you have a 90's metal classic Tell me Silent Hill didn't take a few visual ideas from this video :D




16. Live – Lightning Crashes


To me it's sad that Ed Kowalczyk turned out to be such a shit head with his high school friends turned band mates. Since last year, he's gone solo and the band took up shop with the lead singer from another 90's classic band, Cracker. But before he became a dildo, Ed worked with his band to put out three great cds in The Distance to Here, Secret Samadhi and their landmark Throwing Copper. Click the link for a ballad that doesn't piss me off.

17. Hole – Doll Parts

Simply put, I want to see Love in a roast again. She's such a train wreck that it's a wonder she was able to get her shit together long enough to churn out Live Through This, a 90's classic album that truly shows what she could do if she weren't such a head case. Click the link to see her doll parts... no worries, it's the video not some snatch shot.

18. Nine Inch Nails – Perfect Drug

Trent Reznor has put forth so much good music, you couldn't expect anything less from his contribution to the Lost Highway soundtrack. Absynthe, dark colors, one of the coolest videos from the 90's and a great fucking song. What else do you need?



By the way, I could write a short story based on this video alone.

19. Nirvana – All Apologies

Another guy that shouldn't have died so young.



20. Jane’s Addiction – Been Caught Stealin

One of the awesomest 90's videos ever... Fuck a man dressed as a pregnant lady stealing a pineapple while Perry Farrel has a stocking on his head and there's a dance off on aisle 4??????????? SHIT YES

Been Caught Stealing - from A Cabinet of Curiousities Boxed Set @ Yahoo! Video

21. Veruca Salt - Seether

Veruca Salt gave sweet girls who want to rock a forum to express themselves. Or that's what I could come up with while writing the description for this song. Just click the link and remember this random 90's track :D


22. Hootie and the blowfish – I only wanna be with you

Wow, Hootie pretty much blows the fish if you see all their catalogue, but this song still makes me giggle from sheer nostalgia. Click the link above and remember the good times when they DIDN'T appear in BK ads.


23. The Cranberries – Linger

A song that I still enjoy to this day especially when my nipples are a little sensitive and I'm craving chocolate. JK. This is a great song and a band I really liked... and still do.




24. Kyuss – Demon Cleaner

When you get your songs covered by Tool, you've done something right. I'm a big Kyuss fan and a lot of people don't even know they existed. What a shame. But no worries, one of their best tracks for your enjoyment is just a click away.


25. House of Pain – Jump Around

Forever allowing white people to think they can dance Hip Hop, here be some jumping around for your enjoyment.

Fuck you Totino's

Ok now that I got that glimpse of sunshine out of the way, let's look at a commercial I truly hate.



Quite simply, I'm not sure which of these two girls I'd slap first. They're such BFFs that it just pisses me off cuz I know one is going to blow the other one's BF eventually. And there's something about adoring Katy Perry and Lady Gaga that causes me to reflux. Oh, and if your favorite thing is to listen to music on your headphones while hanging out, then woe is me for not feeling bad when you're in your 40's depressed because you married Porkchop, the star linebacker from high school football with a 2.0 GPA and a tobacco chewing habit.

Totino's... you fail.

100 Things That Don't Suck

Here at WAS we're pretty much experts at things that suck. But in a change of pace how bout a list of things that DON'T suck. It's a challenge in itself to focus on the good rather than the bad, and hey... it's a long weekend, so this deserves to be a long list. So from your resident Joker, here's my list of 100 things that don't suck:

100 things that don’t suck

1. Mrs. Joker
2. My Family
3. My real friends (From the WAS crew and beyond)
4. Surfing
5. Good movies
6. Good beer
7. Writing for the pleasure of it
8. Casual Friends
9. Long emails
10. Cherry Cola
11. Ice Cream
12. Reading a good book
13. Seeing a silly movie
14. Videogames
15. Boxing
16. Juan Manuel Márquez
17. Sushi
18. Steak
19. Cds
20. People who say please and thank you
21. People who say good morning
22. Obeying the laws of traffic
23. Seeing someone pick up trash that isn’t theirs
24. Making someone laugh
25. Helping someone out
26. Equality
27. Overcast days with no wind and good waves
28. The ocean
29. Lighthouses
30. Getting inspired
31. Bringing your own booze and having a blast
32. Playing guitar
33. Singing in the privacy of your own shower
34. 80’s cartoons
35. 90’s music
36. Pearl Jam
37. Tool
38. Soundgarden Reuniting
39. Seeing a great concert live
40. Great conversations
41. Cotton Candy
42. Popcorn
43. Wine
44. Finding random knowledge
45. Talking to anyone
46. My favorite sushi place and my favorite Italian place
47. Nice people
48. Having someone open the door for you or saying thank you when you do the same
49. Small talk
50. Sunny days
51. Beautiful landscapes
52. Finding $20 in your pant pocket
53. Writing something truly creative
54. Writing something someone else can relate to
55. Recycling
56. Really going green
57. Technology for the benefit of mankind
58. 2D movies
59. Going on vacation
60. People who have your back
61. Good news
62. People who say excuse me
63. Playing a videogame that makes you feel like a kid
64. Doing something silly because it’s fun
65. Being the same though evolving just enough to show you have matured
66. Making out
67. Making love
68. Giving a big hug
69. Helping an old lady cross the street
70. Having manners
71. Making someone spit their soda from laughing so hard
72. Lunch breaks with old friends
73. A good cup of tea
74. Finishing a videogame that has haunted you since you were a teen
75. Surprise phone calls
76. Real mail
77. Waking up feeling refreshed
78. Being motivated for no reason whatsoever
79. Amusement Parks
80. A really good pen that writes perfectly
81. A long warm bath
82. Eating something new that you absolutely love
83. Ice cream
84. Underdogs winning
85. Friends who call to offer help without you needing to beg
86. Writing a good song
87. Singing karaoke and not sucking or sucking WAY bad
88. Buying a round for friends
89. Being able to help someone in need
90. Walking around and exploring a city like New York
91. Sunsets
92. Sunrises
93. Long weekends
94. Having a good memory
95. Going for coffee and good conversation
96. Traveling
97. Finding new Music
98. Knowing a little about everything
99. Being there for a friend who needed you
100. You for reading a list this long

By all means, add your own.

Cheers

This just in: Boob Apron!

Thanks to Jake P, first for being a nice guy and writing to us and second, for sending us this way kick ass link which made me laugh extremely hard. Enjoy!

Advertising has crossed the line

Further proof that advertising is full of self-serving assholes, a big multi-national shop thinks it is going to solve the crisis in the Middle East. Forget the fact that the situation has been bubbling for thousands of years. Check it out at TheImpossibleBrief.com

People, when will we realize that advertising in not that important? We don't cure cancer, and we sure as hell ain't gonna make Jews and Muslims love each other.

Sometimes advertising comes to bite you in the ass: The Reality Check Moment.

I've been on this business quite a while and it still amazes me how much damage it does to people on a daily basis. I've seen marriages crumble, friendships fucked over, people get sick as hell, kids missing their parents... I currently know some people who have no life, their relationships are almost up to the breaking point and the thing is, they haven't noticed that the train is coming, full force.

Well, one of my dearest friends got a reality check and has decided to move out of the way. In "Lemonade" fashion (the documentary about leaving advertising and changing careers), she has finally seen the light. She doesn't really want to do this anymore. Hallelujah. One more has joined my camp.

Let's backtrack a bit. A couple of weeks ago I went to lunch with my best friend of all time, my almost sister. We sat down, ordered the mandatory white wine and started yapping away about life. And around the time when we started talking about how different we thought about marriage - me not so interested in getting hitched and her all excited about her new husband - she got serious. Very serious.

She was concerned that she was working way too much. For the first time in all her life, this worker bee who absolutely loves the thrill of advertising and all its "glory", suddenly is seeing the light. She doesn't have quality of life. She's working all day until 8-9 pm. She hardly sees her husband, only at nights and she's usually very tired. She's worried that if this type of work is ongoing, she's only headed back to divorce.

Well, she's right. But not only because she got married and she wants to be a good wife. She is right also because NORMAL HUMAN BEINGS DESERVE TIME TO ENJOY LIFE.

Look. Advertising is great, we do crazy shit. We meet cool people. We sometimes get to do something creative and get people to kiss our behinds, telling us how amazing our brains are. Yeah. That lasts for maybe 5 years or so. Then it hits you. You are just doing this ad campaign. That is all. That ad campaign that you worked so damn hard for months or maybe a year will maybe last less than whan you worked on it. Sad, but true.

The thing is, there are two types of people. There are ones - like me and RestrictionsApply - who know for sure they don't want to do it anymore. Not because they want to do something else just for the fun of it. Nope, we just outgrew the hype of the job. It has become mechanical.

Get brief. Do creative. Show campaign. Get revisions. Publish. Repeat.

When it dawns on you that your life is very close to a shampoo instruction, it's time to let it go and move forward. This is what my friend is noticing. That all this time is being wasted on a cycle that never ends.

Either you can choose to do this when you are fifty... or you can just walk away and do something else. Explore a new future.

Ah. But I'm prepared to do this and only this. WRONG. If you have a decent brain, you can do anything you want. If you are responsible, organized and a decent human being, you can learn any new trade, you can work anywhere NOT related to advertising. If you really want to, you can.

So yeah. My friend is now exploring a change of careers. How wonderful, another ad person, recovered. And while I still do work in advertising, I've left the "big agency" game. That means that I do have a life, I do have time for my family, my boyfriend and friends.

And when my baby comes - soon, I hope - I will have time for him. Or her.

Now the question is... when will YOU get reality check?

Food for thought. Enjoy.

Love, Me.

Team Coco all the way!

You Had to See It Coming

The more things change, the more they stay the same. Just got a company-wide email from our Agency President announcing that one of his many Senior Vice Presidents has decided to leave the agency after 15 years… to spend more time with her family.

Why is this a WAS-worthy post? Because once again the Agency vs. Personal Life Theorem is proved correct: One cannot have a life AND work at an agency.

What made this announcement even more shocking was the SVP in question: the hard-core, über-executive, fridge-in-the-office, lunch-at-my-desk, sleep-is-for-pussies type. I didn’t even know she “had a family.”

The other shocking thing was the tone of the email. You could totally sense the president’s disgust and disappointment. The message between the lines was clear: This woman has betrayed us and is going to become a no one because she chose family over career.

HOW DARE SHE!?!?!?!

Oldie but Goodie: Vendor Client relationship

I need to go to the beach right about... now.

Bubbles... BUBBLES!

Barf Alert! It's time for Riki-Oh. AGAIN.

DONT PRESS PLAY IF YOU DONT LIKE STUPID OR GORY STUFF. THERE. I WARNED YOU.