Nov 5, 2010
Nov 4, 2010
Bruce Willis rules. He has ruled for me ever since I saw this handsome man busting through a door in a little show called Moonlighting. I was hooked. I loved him. I loved his voice. I loved how funny he was on the show. Later in life, I enjoyed all his movies while still thinking he was damn hot. I eventually moved my desire (as any woman does) to my other love, George Clooney... but my teenager idol, my all time love was still Bruce Willis. If you're a man I can only give you an example of Mark Hamill or Harrison Ford... I don't know. All I know is that every single human has a group of people that become sort of idols. Mine was Bruce.
I was reminded of this little story while watching Oprah. She had a show today on meeting your childhood idols and I suddenly remember how it felt like to meet mine. And it was FREAKING AWESOME. AWESOME!!!!!
Ok so let me give you the basics. I'm at a press conference and inside the press pit of one of his movies. In my mind, I already knew I was going to that conference, but I didn't know how close I would be, if I could take pictures... anything. So all I know is, well, I'll be in the same room as Bruce Willis. I was glad with that fact.
Fast forward to me waiting at the pit for the press conference to start. We're all just doing nothing. Some journalists are finishing their previous conference reports. Some photographers are sending their previous shots to their agencies to be sold right away. Some of us are just chatting. I remember that I'm sitting at some corner of the pit, doodling with my iPad. I'm going to see Bruce Willis, I'm going to see Bruce Willis, I'm going to see Bruce Willis... that's all I'm thinking. Suddenly, the one time I've had real balls in my life pops up. I decided right that this man HAD to know how much I adored him.
I mean, come on. You have one shot. One shot to meet one of your childhood idols and you are going to let it go? Just see him and that's it? Bullshit, man! You need to do something, I thought. You need to make eye contact. Hm. What to do, what to do. I see my iPad. FUCK! BRILLIANT! I'll draw him a sign on my iPad using Sketchbook Pro.
Bruce, I (heart) you. BRILLIANT! A shiny sign in a very dark place, he will see me for sure. Perfect. So I start doodling. Restrictions tells me that he noticed that some press guy found my doodle so funny that he took a picture of me while I drew it. I am 100% concentrated on my sign. I'm doing perfect lettering, a beautiful red heart. This will be awesome. So I don't notice what's happening behind me that much. My boyfriend comes over...
"Hey babe, did you see Bruce Willis behind you in that corner?"
Holy Fucking Fuck of Fucks. WHAT? Bruce Willis is near me? And my almighty sign is done! Well guys, for one woman who is sort of shy when she doesn't know people... I grew the biggest pair of balls and I walked over where he was. Security was there, but I didn't need to go any further. I press a button, I flash my sign, someone sees me and knudges Bruce..................
He looks at me. I repeat... HE LOOKED AT ME! And he said hi!
I start going nuts. I start jumping and screaming (security left me alone). I throw kisses, he laughs. Later I watch his conference. Even my boyfriend is laughing seeing me lose it completely while watching him. At the end of the conference I flash my sign again, and he laughs and says hi again. It is one of the coolest moment - while it seems such a simple and idiotic thing - of my life.
Why? Because now I know how it feels to meet a childhood idol. Yes, I have other idols of substance. Writers, politicians, etc. But this is about being a child, about remembering when you were little, when you had crushes on people, not knowing that you would ever meet them.
All I remember about that moment is that I was a teenager for 20 minutes, again. I forgot all my problems, my work, my past, my adult life. I was truly, truly a kid. People tell me my eyes glowed and could not stop smiling. For me, it was just like when I sat down in front of my tv, when I glued his posters in my bedroom walls. If you can tell me that you can actually not remember but FEEL that young again... well congrats. And not remember being young. Nope. I mean BEING a child again. Getting in that state of mind, going back in time and feeling and acting like an idiot teenager. For me it took Bruce. And it was good.
So here's my doodle for you guys to see. And if, by some extreme sheer luck someone who knows this wonderful man reads this and knows him... by all means, pass it along. Tell him that he is still awesome and I still wear my watch - 20 something years later - in my right hand.
Here's to feeling like a kid again. It rocked. Much love, Me.
Nov 2, 2010
I remember that I used to think that by this time I would have had my baby and not so, I'm still searching, but now something has happened. But first, I have to update you guys. So! The last time I wrote about this, we were just "starting" the more hardcore-doctor-oriented way to having a baby. I started popping pills left and right, started getting shots to get my system going more steady...
I start noticing that my doctor is very hands on. Very. She explains every single detail. This, while very educational, can be also very draining. You sometimes don't want to know every nuance of the process because you will then think about them with passion instead of just not knowing shit about what's happening. It seems when looking for a baby, it turned out that ignorance is bliss, in some weird way.
So everything is being explained to perfection. Nice. The nurse is very nurturing as well. Like a mother. Very cool! But... sometimes she does give me grief when I don't remember every single detail of dates of my cycles, dates when I needed to have a test done, etc. I suddenly start to dread going to the doctor because now I feel like I'm getting quizzed. But I don't notice how I'm feeling as a whole about this...
Fast forward to a small trip I had to do. I am with my boyfriend, having a laugh somewhere in Manhattan and suddenly my phone rings. It's my doc's nurse. I have to start a round of pills that sunday and I have to go to the doctor on October 28 in the morning, stat.
All I can remember is that I lost my way and got separated from him when I listened to my voicemail... and when he found me, I had teary eyes and felt all the weight of the process on me... he looked at me and he knew, for some strange reason, that it was about the baby and started hugging me. It's ok, he told me, let's take it slowly, don't let this get to you...
I did go to the doc, and when I sat down, I had a purpose. While she has the best intentions in the world, she also is going way too fast for us. She believes that I need to start on fertility drugs, we believe that we can do this on our own without any pills or more injections. We really do want to try to find our little baby, but in our own terms. So that means no pressure, no more tests. But we had to be responsible about this, so we gave ourselves a decent deadline.
We will give ourselves a decent time to try our best, the all natural way. If by the start of the new year we don't have any progress, it's injection time.
This process has taught me a lot. It has made us even more closer than ever, if that even is possible. It has made me understand that I am not invincible, that I do have feelings and that I cannot control every single detail and do things exactly how I want them. Impossible as it seems, I am now understanding that I am not the "Master of My Domain" like I want to think, that sometimes I cannot put so much pressure on myself and that it's ok if I don't deliver on my own goals. The baby will come when he or she wants to, not when I have scheduled it to come.
All I know after all this has happened is that I know that it's all going to be ok. How? At one point during that phone call weekend, after even how sad and anxious I felt about the doctor, the overwhelming pressure and I don't know what else... I was walking at a small toy store and gazed upon a very cute yellow plush toy.
I smiled and paid for it without thinking.
The little plush toy is not for me. It's for my baby.
I bought the first toy for my unborn baby. And it felt awesome.
What a long, strange trip it's been. I'll keep you posted. Love. Me.
Nov 1, 2010
I am the only male employee at a 12-person agency. I am the fifth oldest person of the group. I am one of the two people married, with children. So it cracks me up every time I hear the other girls in the office – in their Sex & the City bubbly attitude – refer to my lifestyle as “having settled down”. They say it with such pity for me.
Settled down? What gives them the idea that having a family is the equivalent to “settling down?” I’ve never been so active in my life!
I wake up at 5:30 a.m., endure rush hour to get my girl to school before 7:30 a.m., endure more traffic to get to the office, have breakfast at my desk, slave the day away behind the computer, put up with other people’s crap, leave the office at 6:30 p.m. (if I’m lucky), endure even more traffic on the way home, feed/walk the dog, do homework with a sleepy child (fun!), swallow dinner, put child to bed before 9:30 p.m., do shit around the house and/or any freelance gig I may have, shower, and bed by midnight. Repeat. Weekends are for taking the child to volleyball practice, doing groceries, laundry, housework, and basically too exhausted to do anything else. IF I have any spare time, I’ll go mountain biking, read a book, see a DVD, surf the net, see friends… but that’s a big IF.
I’m not complaining. I love my life and wouldn’t have it any other way, but if this is “settling down,” then girls, I have news for you: Partying like it’s an endless summer gets old quick.