May 4, 2011

How to enjoy a long yet mediocre career in advertising

  • Never complain about how much work you have. Smile as much as possible.
  • Agree with whatever your supervisor says. You can feign intelligence by saying “I was just thinking that very same thing!” or “You took the words right out of my mouth.”
  • Turn your enthusiasm up to 11 when the office drones “celebrate” your birthday.
  • Go crazy on the karaoke machine at the office Christmas party.
  • Work late every now and then and put in a few weekends during the year.
  • Don’t ever gossip.
  • Don't ever like whatever the Creative dept. presents. Always say that you have a concern that you cannot express for some reason.
  • When a colleague has too much work, offer to help, but don’t actually do anything. The important thing is that you offered.
  • Show up with a box of Krispy Kreme every now and then.
  • Don’t take credit for your achievements. This shows what other people call “humility.”
  • Use the jargon du jour: 360 approach; algorithm; three-pronged strategy; umbrella concept; communication pillars; sustainable; socially responsible; network cloud; platform integration; copydeck (as opposed to “text”); graphic identity (as opposed to “logo”)…
  • Dress somewhere in the middle of Executive and Creative.
  • Don’t be the first one to get to the office in the morning, but don’t be the last.
  • Don’t be the last one to leave the office, but don’t be the last.
  • Limit yourself to two chain mails a month, with the Subject Line: “I never do this, but…”
  • Sacrifice a son’s Goofy Games every other year.
  • Be discreet about how much you make. This might mean downplaying your exotic vacation, luxury car, nice house, expensive dining habits, etc.
  • Don’t ever partake in an office romance.
  • On Christmas, Halloween, Easter, St. Valentine’s Day, put a bowl of candy on your desk.
  • Don’t impose your intelligence on others.


Me said...

Copydeck has GOT to stop.

ben said...

Like the article, but you kinda went all over the place. thought it was a list of things to do/not to do, but a few of them had me confused.

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