Let me see if I can write this without getting too close for comfort...
A couple of weekends ago, life surprised me with an unexpected choice. Unexpected, apparently, only because I deemed it so. While I cannot go into gory details for reasons that are obvious - um, anonymity is a great thing - let's just say that, without looking, I walked into that little path in life we all have to take that changes things and you kind of have to decide if you are willing to walk it or go another route.
The thing is, that is the one single, little path I have always been afraid of walking.
Been there once. Did not enjoy the scenery. Got scared shitless. Thought I was better to just walk along the route and enjoy my life, sans being vulnerable.
I write this, because I need to. I need to work through my one huge fear, I need to understand that sometimes people do need to go another round in life, whatever it might ask you, no matter how beyond belief scared you are of doing it. Maybe by saying it out in the open you realize that all people at some point do fear change. Sometimes the big things scare us, sometimes small things.
Maybe this exercise helps you do what I'm doing - saying yes and going along for the ride. If I could give you an example of what this translates to, let's take roller coasters.
Once, I got in one. At first, I enjoyed the first moments of the ride. Then, I didn't. Then I really suffered the ups and downs. Then I just wanted to leave, but felt trapped. When I got out, I promised myself that I would never, for as long as I lived, got into one ever again. Nope. Let others enjoy that ride, let others laugh or scream. I wanna feel safe here, where I am the only one in control of how I feel.
Now, I'm back on the line, waiting to hop in that small car. You know what? I'm very happy to do so. I need to feel how it is, maybe I was on a wrong roller coaster, made of crap, and maybe if I get on a better one, built on solid ground and with a safer approach, maybe the ride will be one I will never forget and want to go again and again.
I'm a bit anxious, but it's ok to feel scared, I guess. But I cannot grow and really enjoy my life if I deny myself one more chance of testing the ride, right?
Wish me luck. Much love, Me.
3 comments:
It's the difference between going to a local fair with a greasy haired owner, rusty rides and no safety regulations and going to Epcot or Disney. I'd wish you luck, but you don't need it. Luck is only necessary when things are left to chance.
Godbless, much love and big hugs.
My thoughts exactly.
You two guys and my little sister are ONLY the three key people I would go to if my ride broke. Seriously.
And it's the true, honest to God truth.
Sometimes life is all about chance...
Hey. I'll gamble it all once again if you are with me, nearby.
Still scared but not more than yesterday, me.
PS: When are we going out for my bachelorette party?
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