Jul 8, 2011

I need a client decoder pin

For fuck’s sake, why is it so hard for clients to effectively communicate what the hell they want or need? Seriously, I feel like I need a Little Orphan Annie decoder pin to see if I can finally make sense of what the hell they want because I sometimes just don’t have the patience to translate gibberish into English.

I don’t need my clients to be creative when they want to tell me something. I need the facts. I need clear instructions. I need to know what the hell they need so we can finish this job and move on to the next poorly written project on the list. But instead, I just get cryptograms that contain big words to describe their big dreams but which make little sense.

Please, please, please God, I am praying for the heavens to part to see if I can have the answer to one of the biggest questions in a creative’s life rain down on me.








“It needs a little more of this, a little more of that, oh I don’t know it’s just not there yet.”

Oh really? Then can I get directions so I can get there? Or are you the corporate equivalent to a gas station employee named Buford Jebediah Joe?

The first time I ever lobbed one of my size tens was because of this very same predicament. It was like one of the shittiest jobs in my career. It made no difference whatsoever and not only did I lose more than one summer Friday on this shit, but I didn’t get any type of direction from anyone except this succulent nugget: “It needs a lil’ more gravy.” That was the first time I heard that shit and after 80 headlines and no help from the exec whatsoever, I snapped.

Looking back all those years ago, it was clear then and it’s clear now that with better communication and a little less bullshit, everyone in the ad game could have a life… but since some clients are selfish pricks who are borderline sadists, well, you know the rest… hence you read this blog and laugh at what we share in our disturbingly similar ad lives.

So to the client that may stumble upon this post, thanks for sucking and transforming something that’s textbook simple into something impossible to deliver because you can’t get a clue.

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