Some people miss a day from work and you can honestly miss them. Others could take a permanent vacation and you could care less. This fact often escapes both types of people, but more so those who are not that missed when their Out of Office announcement gives you the good news that for a short period of time, you don’t have to see their mug in the office hallways.
So to you whom we didn’t miss, here is a letter from us to you.
Dear waste of space:
Whereas other people taking a vacation may signify that we will be a person short in the lunch room, you can extend your stay as long as you like. Actually, if you could permanently change your work address, none of us would mind. True, we’d probably get another suckup to fill your shoes, but still, it would be better than still having you because quite frankly, apart from nauseating, you also happen to be boring. It’s interesting that you don’t notice the lingering aroma of fart we all so kindly leave in your work area and that you’re kind enough to clean the pubes we left on your keyboard as if they were your own, but seriously, since you can’t take a hint, here’s the full answer: most of us don’t like you. It’s not that we envy you professionally or think we can’t compete, it’s that seriously, you’re a lousy person. That you don’t notice the ass smell we deposit in your area is pure evidence that your nose is stuck so far up the ass of the boss that you have become impervious to any butt related aroma. So yeah, that’s about it, we’d like to do a going away party, but for that, you have to first go away so we can have a party to celebrate. And just in case, it’s not us, it’s you, it’s always been you and it will always be you.
Have a nice life, and if not, please be sure to fill out an organ donor card,
Your work group.