Rent this Movie and then: Exit through the Gift Shop

I'm on a mission. I need to see all the nominated documentaries for the Oscars so that I can see how fucked up their voting system is. You all know that I'm a documentary junkie, I rent every single flick that goes available during a month. So I already know all the ones that should be on the list but didn't make it for some weird reason... Last weekend my boyfriend and I cuddled up in bed and watched Banksy's Exit through the Gift Shop.

Interesting movie. Let me give you the basics: Thierry Guetta loves to film stuff. He's a quirky dude, a French immigrant living in Los Angeles with his wife and kids. He's sort of weird in a nerd kind of way. He loves his camera. Way too much, in my opinion. Guetta starts to film a friend, a street artist with a nice following. 

Long story short, he starts to get more street artists to film while they go apeshit on the streets. In his line of famous painters/grafitti artists, he moves up to Shepard Fairy. Then, out of the blue, he gets the ungettable-get: he films Banksy. And as as incredible this fact is - everybody knows that is identity is a very guarded secret - he befriends him and continues to work with him.

Banksy decides to ask Guetta to finish his documentary about street art. Guetta does. And now, what seems to be weird is that he edits the film - to a total piece of junk. Banksy takes the project, films and edits it to perfection.

I won't go any further so you can see what happens next. For me, "Exit..." is a love song... um, let me rephrase that. It's a fuck you song about the art world, about selling out, about buying art just for the hype, about egos and most of all... about a hoax?

There has been reports about this film not entirely true. To be honest, while this has been reported about Catfish as well (that fact seems impossible to me in so many levels), I got to admit that while watching the movie, I found some details kind of... weird, I guess. Sometimes it seemed like I was watching a comedy. Some of the details - mostly the fact that a complete unknown filmmaker found Banksy, and he actually was allowed to film; the fact that Guetta could film the shit about anything but could not edit a decent 30 seconds - shit, even I can edit and I didn't go to film school!

I just thought the movie was, for a lack of better words, too easy.

Another thing is... while this movie is entertaining and you get to see wonderful art, it still doesn't deserve a nomination. I'm sorry, but it's totally real. This last year had better work, more deserving movies should have gotten the nod. This is just one of those movies you watch on a Saturday afternoon, you get inspired to paint a little, you laugh... and then you go and do what I did... have a beer.

Me has left the building. Through the normal exit door. Fuck the gift shop.

Making up for lost time?

There’s really nothing cuter in an organizational context than evaluation time. Everyone loves each other, we’re the best team, and everything sparkles like diamonds. That’s because the best recipe for good results is obviously hypocrisy. It doesn’t matter you were an acidic cunt for the better part of the year. What matters is those three weeks before an evaluation where you put on your Colgate smile and memorize your Department Cheer. Hell you might even crochet a sweater for your boss, because after all, that class you’re taking should be for the benefit of the department.

Simply put, there is not enough Korporate Kool Aid in this world to make me be such a fucking hypocrite. Add to this the fact that I have a pretty decent memory and it makes this fucking Evaluation Season all the more shitty because I see the tactics, I read between the lines and I hate being the team player when all the other person is doing is applying the sacred art of saving their ass. I could get raped by the Company Kool Aid Monster and get showered by jizz stream after jizz stream of corporate porridge, but I ain’t gonna take it in. I’m gonna scrub like a motherfucker and say nay to the yays of the companay.

It’s just that getting me a gift card, a company sweater with my name stitched into it, and finally showing some type of appreciation JUST because it’s evaluation time doesn’t fly with me. I’m a much more sound and proficient hater than that and I hate bullshit. It’s just a shame that tis the season to say everything is alright and that people go along with it, for another year. Wow… it’s like the more things change, the more they haven’t and won’t.

What really matters

The fact of the matter is that any dayjob eventually becomes tiresome, annoying and probably retarded. Just in case, this isn’t a universal truth, it’s simply my own experience. Sure, there might be days where you think you’re grabbing the bull by the horns and doing your part in the world, but for every fulfilling day I’ve experienced, I’ve had week’s worth of hating what I’m doing with my life, not necessarily because my job is THAT sucky, but because let’s face it, we’d rather be doing something else.

We look out the window and fantasize about surfing, having a picnic or going on vacation. We see our workload and wonder if it’ll ever lessen off enough for us to get to what matters most, the things we really want to do with our lives.

Then you see a pattern emerge. Wake up, shower, brush your teeth, go to work, hate someone at your job because the universe has conspired against your awesomeness and all efforts to grow professionally are stymied by a variety of reasons. Everything becomes suspect, every word has an intention, the negative side of anything is clear to you and your hate is eventually justified so well that it would hold up in a court of law.

Then someone at your job dies.

There’s such a thing as throwing a wrench into the machinery of perception, but unfortunately life and death are not so well thought out, really. You think you have a plan but most times you’re so busy that you respond on mechanized instinct and get your stuff done only to continue putting your hate in a silo, saving it for that perfect day. But when someone dies in their office, it definitely puts things in perspective; quite a few things actually.

For starters, dying at work must rank as one of the last places you’d ever pick to die. Simply because it goes against the adventuring nature that for me should be in all of us. Also because it’s like passing away in prison, a wild animal that expired in a zoo and various other similes that at first glance might not make sense, but when you really think about it, it maybe does.

Second off, add the fact that I always seem to find a nemesis to channel my bountiful hate. It might be justifiable, it might not. Hell it might just even be the tendency of circumstances falling unfavorably in regards to my professional development, but the reality is that at pretty much every job I’ve had, I’ve found someone that embodies enough hateful characteristics that they’ve earned a permanent spot in my reference book when I want to talk shit about a type of person. But is it really all worth it? What if that person suddenly died? Would I still harbor hate? Or would I switch to the sympathy we almost always phase into when someone fades away.

The third point, and probably what matters most to me about the passing of a coworker was my relationship with said fellow. We’re talking about someone who had a hard time summoning a smile for a good morning. But with charm, perseverance and the desire to get him to be a bit happier, he not only smiled at me, but called me by name, asked about my wife and life, asked how everything was going, commented about work and about how things are sometimes so hard. This person, who was inaccessible to 90% of the people he came in contact with, shook my hand, gave me pats on the back, and always managed to say thank you for the extra effort shown when I had to work on one of his projects. I’m sorry that he passed away, and sorrier that he passed away at work and though I could say I’m also sorry that some people in my department can’t show the same type of appreciation, that shouldn’t even be mentioned in a comparative context.

I hope that everyone who is kind enough to enjoy our ranting is ok and that you enjoy your weekend. After all, that’s what really matters.

Cheers

Fortune Cookie 500#'s 441-445

On job satisfaction
Money can’t buy my love... for a company.

On Christmas time
Like mistletoe, the asses of higher ups are expected to be kissed under.

On parking spaces
The closer your space, the earlier you leave.

On deadlines
Every single day rabbits are born from unwilling anuses.

On quality
Time directly correlates to quality.

There’s help, then there’s “help”

When you’re stuck with tons of work, there’s nothing better than someone going out of their way to help you. Maybe it could be a last minute proof, maybe someone knows how to do something on Excel that you have no clue how to do, or maybe they just helped you channel the idea that was unwilling to sprout from your brain. You feel appreciative and give thanks for having that person near you, so they could have your back. This post isn’t about those people. This post is about the other people who instead of help, only “help”.

You know the type. The ones who send you reference material while CCing the Department Head. The type that sends you images with some of the visual references you’d sent the day before when you asked for help. The type of person who helps you only when others are watching, but that could care two fucks if you’re alone and the boss is on vacation. THAT type of person.

You see, when someone “helps” you, those quotations mainly imply that they are just helping themselves. Carbon copying key figures and maintaining other conversations between you and said person in private is also one of the cute components of “help”, because quite often, those ideas you shared so the “team” could grow, benefit an individual, and probably one you’re not too fond of helping.

I wonder what makes these people tick apart from greed and an inherent yearning for kissing ass that delves into the realm of licking, biting and playfully caressing the bunghole of a superior. The funny part is that these same people who “help” you, always need you to help them. No quotations, no carbon copying, no nothing. Just real help… and like a jackass you do.

I dunno. I just think that if we can’t really help each other, why bother “helping” each other. Sure you might win in the short, middle and long run, but you’ll simply justify every single crappy thing that happens to you.

Oh well. And by the way, when I finally do resign, don’t call me, I’ll “call” you.

Cheers

Another design swindle

So Comcast is buying NBC Universal, which means.. NEW LOGO! The famed rainbow peacock will be no more. The new logo is above.
Now, the question is, How much did the design shop charge Comcast for this boring dud of a design?
I'm guessing something in the neighborhood of $55,000. Is it worth it?

I want this pill! Limitless Trailer

5 Things that weird me out about "checking in": The Dangers of location based social networking.

Ok here's the deal. I know you love checking in places with your iPhone or Android. It's cool. We all get to see where you are. Gowalla. Foursquare. Facebook. I can go on and on. I get it, I'm supposed to go "Yeah! Let's meet!" Wonderful, great idea.

Now think of this little detail: have you ever thought about all the bad things that happen when you publish your every move during the day? Let's give you five reasons why you need to think about this.

1) Check in far from your house - hours and hours - and if I'm a robber, I hit the jackpot. I just need you to be far enough so I can have decent time to bust through your door, get your Xbox, select from your DVD selection, eat your cookies and go home.

2) Check in at the bar with your current loved one - and if I'm a psycho stalker who is really pissed off that you left me for him or her, I can have enough time to get dressed, put on some cologne/perfume and go creep the shit out of you. Yeah. I'll look at you from afar. Silently. Creepy.

3) Whatever happened to disappearing, even from the internet? When you log off, you are free. No more Facebook, no more Twitter, no more emails. Don't you feel connected fully enough? Don't you sometimes long for people not knowing where you are?

4) If I'm any kind of platform and you connect by using your Twitter or Facebook accounts, then bingo. I got all your information, photos, friend names... and now I know exactly where you live, where you are, where you've been, what is your normal driving route, what your weekends look like... In short, you gave me more information about you. Information I can totally abuse of. Now I can send you more spam, more ads. Now I can sell your information to more clients. It's called Mother. Yeah. Pink Floyd had it right all along.

5) Geotagging is the ultimate way to basically kill all what's left of your privacy. That's it. You don't have any more. You ran out. Now not only I know the name of the place where you live, where you go to lunch, where you like to have a few drinks, where you eat afterwards, where you end up late at night... now I have the exact routes to find you. Now think about all the creepy/weird/crazy/jealous like shit people who would give a nut to have that information. And no. You cannot stop it from leaking out.


Now... what do you think? By the way, I'd like you to know I wrote this from my house.

Somewhere in Earth.

An Open Letter to the Academy Awards: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice? No way.

Dear American Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences;

I am very saddened by this post. For as long as I can remember, ever since I was a little girl, I waited for your great show; the Academy Awards, to come washing over my tv set. I watched as all the rest of the world as you gave awards to people who deserved it. I sometimes watched lots of the movies that you thought were good and I agreed with you completely. We had a great time, right? You gave your little Oscar to great actors, incredible directors, amazing writers, gifted cinematographers.

All was well. We had a great relationship, you and I.

And suddenly, you changed. You started noticing not so good movies, but hey, we all make mistakes. You are entitled to your opinion. Sometimes I disagreed but still, I trusted you...

Then you went crazy on me. You were erratic. And then... you gave an Oscar to the Hurt Locker. Our relationship turned sour. I had problems with you, but I was willing to forgive and forget.

I would like to give you notice. I basically quit. Our relationship is over. I cannot trust you anymore. And no, it's not me. It's you.

You didn't nominate Waiting for Superman for the best Documentary award. I am devastated, and I think all the avid fans out there like me who are doc junkies would totally agree. You have made a major mistake.

You forgot to include a wonderful and inspiring movie in your list. You have ignored one amazing piece of cinema that I'm sure will change the lives of thousands of people, like it changed mine. I started caring about education. I started caring about what my future son or daughter will learn, where she or he will go to school, what can I do to make him or her have the best opportunities - even more than I had, and I had it good.

Documentaries are made for two things: record our world and our history and show us what happens when we're not looking... and they make a lasting impression on how we think, what we care about, how we can help each other in this little blue planet. Great documentaries are like getting punched in the gut - you are deeply affected, you feel physically moved and affected, and you never expect it coming.

Waiting for Superman should be watched, mandatory, in school. All parents should be shown this when they are having a baby. All parents who are having kids with grade problems should play this to their kids so they can be inspired to be better.

AMPAS, you made a huge mistake. Shame on you.

Waiting for Superman is awesome. They deserve the nomination. Period.

Are you a Creative Director? Then answer the WAS Challenge, dammit!

It hasn't ended. Not in my book. Only two brave men have come up to the plate and banged us some decent truths. But my triple dog dare continues. I can bet that I never get to five Directors who would be willing to answer this!

Come on, make me lose my bet! Here are the questions. Just copy and paste! Send your answers to adssuck@gmail.com.

1) Do you sometimes give changes on a campaign and/or ask for it to be redone... simply because you don't like it, even if it's on strategy and could be approved by your client?

2) Do you stay with your team if they have to work overtime, even if they don't need you for hours or do you leave and go play Golf or some other thing? If you do leave... do you feel guilty or not?

3) What things creatives do that REALLY annoy you beyond belief?

4) Why do great creatives get fired instead of crappy ones? Is it all about money at the end?

5) Tell the truth. Have you presented something that you know is a total crap of an idea but you had no other choice? How did that feel? Is it the creative's fault or do you think you might have asked for more time to do something better?

6) Do you realize CD's, by nature, piss creatives off at least 65% of the time? You know. You change stuff, you make us do "wittier" lines... difficult things. Do you live with that fact ok or does it bother you?

7) What have you done to NOT be the Creative Director you had previously that you just can't stand?

8) Why do you not buy other things that pizza when we are working late? Do you think that if a creative team is going to work overtime the agency SHOULD buy very decent food?

9) Do you agree that if we work after 11pm that we deserve beers as well?

10) Have you ever boldly gone where no CD should go? And yes, we mean have you ever banged a creative. Or thought of it.

11) When is it ok to say NO to a client with an impossible deadline? Or do you just ignore the fact that sometimes you need time and deliver the best crap your team can do in that allowed time?

12) Please clarify the main role of the CD: come up with good ideas? Inspire his subordinates to do their best? Run a solid department, on budget?

13) How important are awards? Do they bring more clients to the agency? Do clients care about the award their ad won or the business it generated?

14) Where do you draw the line between working for an award or making the client happy?

 
15) What happens to most Creatives after the age of 35? Where do they go?

16) Do you miss sometimes being a regular copywriter or designer... just like the rest of us?

Fortune Cookie 500#'s 436-440

On group dynamics
Team buildings do not a team build.

On company gifts
Never confuse gift with monetary incentive to not complain.

On being grateful
It always costs less to be nice to your team.

On underqualified supervisors
A cape does not a superhero make just as a suit does not a supervisor make.

On Christmas bonuses
Bonuses are your reward for making it to the finish line of another year.

There's crazy shit, then there's this

In a time when people feel the need to risk their lives constantly and up the ante, in comes Mark Visser and takes the step towards the ludicrously dangerous. In good conditions Peahi (Commonly known as JAWS) on the island of Maui is a wave that can kill you. Dave Kalama and Laird Hamilton pretty much put the entire surfing world on its ass when they refined tow in surfing to the point where it wasn't just functional, it opened the door to new realms of surfing, never before thought to be able to be surfed. JAWS is a reef break where waves that are often too fast to paddle into breaks on a jagged reef with deep sharp trenches. It's also one of the few places that has a huge wave that actually offers makeable barrel time. Imagine a tube big enough to fit a house or a moving truck, and you get some perspective on the power of this thing.

I say this because to surf JAWS you need to have an itch to put your life in peril in the hopes of finding something deep within you. It's a big wave spot that though accessible through jet skis, is thoroughly unforgiving and the only reason why more people don't die is because to get there you need to know what you're doing, you're probably wearing a life vest and you should have a two man crew on water vehicles ready to get you if shit just happens to hit the fan. Surfing JAWS is no picnic... so the thought of surfing it at night is beyond description.

Visser says he's making a video called nine lives. A documentary where he will put his life in harms way throughout the entire year... if this is the intro, I'm scared to even try and imagine what the hell he'll do at the end of the year.

Cheers

10 Cold Hard facts about working at an Ad Agency.

Advertising, I always say, is for people with a different DNA. We're a special kind of breed. We're obnoxious, have a weird sense of humor, some have egos bigger than what they think their penis is, some have mental problems that can only be resolved by working in the shit hole we call ad agencies.

We. Love. Our. Work.

As much as we like to bitch and moan here in our little space in the internet, I can vouch my ovaries that we at one point will admit - with some sort of help from alcohol - that we love what we do, that it's a riot, that we have a blast. Then we sober up and realize that basically it sucks most of the time.

Going with that theme, I realized that there are some hard core truths that we just cannot ignore about working in this business - and that maybe some cannot get being a lawyer or a doctor... who knows.

Here are my 10 facts. Feel free to add yours. In fact, please. Write something down. I don't even care if you write something with no meaning. I just need to know that I'm not writing for myself... Um, uh, where was I? Oh. 10 facts about working in advertising. Let's do this.

1) Your closest friends, the people that know you the most worked with you at some point in one agency.
All my friends come from agencies. None, and I repeat, none of my dearest friends come from places like college or even high school. These people have seen you at your worst, they understand how it feels to get home so late, to never see your family. They became yours and viceversa one day at 4am while doing a presentation and you never noticed. Life is funny that way.

2) You will always miss one important day in your life or your family's life at one point during your work - and it will be because of one simple ad.
Don't fight it. Just let it be. Make sure, though, that it happens just once. You will learn a lot about this experience. Trust me.

3) All agencies have one person you will hate with all your guts.
I do. Restrictions does. I sure know my man the Joker has a shitload of people he would love to cut their balls off. Just remember to keep it controlled. At one point life will just find the way to do justice for you. Or you could pay us to kick the ass of the person you despise. We have different offers to choose from! No money down!

4) Every agency has one person who you deeply doubt has an IQ or was educated at one point.
Morons, idiots, really stupid people. I don't know why this happens, but I've seen it repeat itself over and over again. Sad part is, all my list of idiots have been, for the most part, women. Shame is not a word that describes how I feel about that.

5) Media People are women and they get drunk at least every 2 months.
I don't know why this is true. I've seen media girls lose all dignity at places like karaoke bars... it is just sad.  Also, they get tickets for every show, movie screening, concert and kids activity you can ever imagine. Oh, and they don't share shit.

6) In your creative department someone right now is copying one old art found either at Communication Arts or Archive.
Deal with it. Plagiarism happens. Like shit... you know?

7) You will find the love of your life in an ad agency.
Happened to me, happened to Restrictions, happened to many of my friends. We just understand each other better.

8) During the year, you will at one point always want to quit on a moment's notice.
You will think about this, usually when you are very pissed off. Take a breather, relax. My recommendation is: start looking for work, send out your resume. When you do find a job, give a week's notice. It's the same fuck you feeling but with a decent twist.

9) Someone married is fucking someone else who is married in your agency.
Wait. We have to add the following: someone is fucking the CEO, someone is fucking the Creative Director, the Creative Director is fucking your Account Director, two creatives banged in a car, the copy hit on your wife, the designer hit on your husband. Basically... it's a fuck fest. Just wear a condom and don't judge. It's not your business.

10) One job was forgotten at someone's desk this week. And the next week all your team is going to get home late because of it.
If I had a penny when I heard "Can you help me out with this job?", I'd be writing this post from a house in Bora Bora. Dammit.

Will you Tweet our Twitter Tweets and make us have more tweeps to tweep to?

It's simple, we need more people to read us and Twitter seems to be the right way to share the love around the internet. Please, when you can, tweet our feed to someone you love - or give a shit, we don't care - so that we can get more people to read our blog!

It's: @WhyAdsSuck
Thank you my tweepers tweeps!

Want proof that the Education system is failing? Watch.

AND THE BEST PART IS? EVERY PERSON YOU SEE HERE VOTES.

YEP, THEY DECIDE YOUR FUTURE, THEY DECIDE MY FUTURE.

WILL YOU NOW DO SOMETHING ABOUT HELPING YOUR SCHOOLS?

PEOPLE ARE NOT BORN MORONS!

Apple sure knows how to make some decent dough.

It's Thursday. Where in the world are you, that's it's not here? Seychelles edition.

Long time I've not done this horrible tradition of pointing out some great places we are not currently in at the moment... because we're working. Sucks. Anyway, here is one amazing beach down in The Seychelles Islands. If you are interested in learning more, click at the name of the post. If you decide to go, please invite me.

Gervaisgate 2011: Did Ricky Gervais go too far?

This is a tricky question to answer. The topic of the day wherever you click is that old man Gervais was too extreme in his Hollywood-hate filled rants yesterday night during the Golden Globes. So let's join in the fun and go there. In my book, it was 50/50.

Why I think he was a riot:
In short: fuck stars and the horse they rode in. Ricky gives it like it is to all of them. Hey listen Hollywood guys and gals: you are there because the fans put you there. We pay for your movies, for your books, for your cd's, for the cable that has your tv programs. Ricky knows it and he wants to have fun with the fact that you are basically out of the norm people who have what they want when you want it. So if you can't take a little jab from time to time, screw you. Yes, Gervais was right to point out the flops that you've had, the shitty characters you have played, the fact that you are getting old or have sometimes no talent but still get to be famous. What he did yesterday night was to make fun of you while you celebrated how wonderful your life is. You see, normal people don't get to get all glammed up hundreds of times a year and get prizes. We work for a living. Our prize is going on vacation. Get over yourself!

Why I think he went too far:
I just wondered at one point if he didn't have any other material than artist-bashing. It just became the same thing over and over again. I've seen one or two of his stand ups, and while he has a LONG way to go to even come near to the greatness of George Carlin - in fact, even to Chris Rock or Eddie Izzard - I just thought that he should have mixed it a little more. Take politics, take whatever, just take a break from all the bad (still funny) bashing. Repetitive, I guess would be the argument. Hence he looked like an ass because he wouldn't switch to any other theme beyond the people that were sitting in front of him.

So there you go, my two cents in the Gervaisgate. What do you think?

10 Things Jack Bauer does that you can't do.

This past week I've been introducing my boyfriend to the wonderful and sleepless world of "24". Yes, the "let's watch one more" world, where you start watching one DVD and you end up not sleeping for a month type of deal. The "24" series, at least during the first few years, was pretty damn good and addictive. And since Lost has come and gone, we don't have any decent program to watch anymore. I stumbled upon the series at my local Costco and I went berzerk, bought the first three years and bingo, now you can hear the beeps coming through our apartment from time to time.

And since it has been quite a while since I've seen my old friend Jack, I've started remembering all his amazing talents. In fact, let's just say it: Jack Bauer is the most amazing human being ever. Why? Let's count the ways.

1) He never, ever gets sleepy at any point of his hellish day. Yep, the bastard can run, diffuse five bombs, nail a couple of bimbos, kill 20 people, save the world and not even want a cup of joe to make him not go to sleep.

2) He never poops nor takes a leak. Unless he goes to the john during commercials, this man has no bodily functions. Weird.

3) He has amazing mobile phones that can scan shit, print shit, send GPS of anything... and the best thing is? He ALWAYS has a signal. Damn lucky.

4) He's completely sane for someone who has seen loved ones killed/raped/tortured/taken hostage. Also, he has done some weird shit to people and still goes around like nothing. I'd be in therapy and with meds all day long, but who am I to judge, I'm just normal.

5) Jack can fly any type of vehicle. Cars. Motorcycles. Helicopters. I even bet he can fly a damn plane. He's like Neo in the Matrix. Suddenly he knows how to navigate a submarine if needed. Whoa.

6) He's the one man even the President is afraid of. Really! Have you noticed that he's always fighting with higher ups all the time? He even tells the Prez how to do shit! Who's the commander in chief, man?

7) Jack is the one man who has a phone on all day long but cannot be reached by the FBI or CTU when he's gone rogue. I guess GPS does not count for intelligence agents. Oh well.

8) I've never seen him eat. How can a man can run/kill/deactivate bombs and not even have nuggets and fries? Going around not eating is not healthy, man.

9) He can call ANYONE on a moment's notice and they actually answer him on the spot. President. Vice President. Chief of Whatever department. He calls, they answer. Period. Damn! Even when I call my mom I have to wait a while until I reach her!

10) Even though he always has saved humanity from ultimate horror - he always returns. Damn! I would ask for more money or even maybe a bigger position in my company! I saved the world, dammit, I should be boss! Tell others to work the day shift and let me be the one that monitors the shit from somewhere safe!

Dude. I miss Lost. Dammit.

You never, ever get to say that you had a bad day. Ever.

Yep. If you actually get to stomach viewing this and listening Ralston all the 6 minutes and 36 seconds then you'll see what I'm talking about.

All our licences to whine have been revoked. Period.

If you have a kid, you need to see this.

There is no P in Pool. Really.

Things we need to do before we die: La Tomatina, Spain

If you are interested in going this year, click at the name of the post for travel/dates info. Salud!

Earth at Night. Most epic.

Great commercial about what men wish they could do.

Five Random things that People do to annoy: Me.

It creeps up on you... you are just living your life, happy go lucky and suddenly... boom. You find yourself being annoyed by another human being. The wonderful thing? It varies from person to person. What I find disturbing, you can just ignore and viceversa. But you and I have little buttons that people usually don't know they are pushing, if you will. And both of us get annoyed.

It can be little things. It can be huge things. No matter what, they disturb our peace and inner happiness.

Here are my five things, totally in random order. Don't do them near me. I might want to hit you in the balls. Let's begin.

1) Don't go out to dinner with me and start "BlackBerrying" while I'm talking to you.
There is one difference to check if a client called and just flat out opening emails, sending text messages and "Facebooking" while I'm giving you my whole attention. Rude. Just rude.

2) Don't think that you can publish all the pictures you want of me on any social network.
Do what normal photographers do on their job. Edit your stuff. If you happen to catch me drunk as hell with a beer up my ass, please consider the fact that that moment was between you and I. Not everything needs to be shared. Don't think so? Next time I see you nailing that secretary at the copy room, don't yell because I used my flash to get a better shot.

3) Asking permission to do stuff in a relationship.
A couple of weeks ago I talked with someone about going somewhere and she told me that she had to ask to see if she could go. News Flash: you are in a relationship, this is not your mother or your father. If you left home, then basically you don't have to ask permission to go anywhere or to do anything. I know people who have to double check if they can go, even together, to any activity - and if someone doesn't want to go, the other stays. WHAT? Whatever happened to "hey, I'd rather stay, you go and have a great time?" Meh.

4) People who don't drink alcohol.
You cannot be trusted in any way shape or form if you don't drink. Period. I don't care what you do, I don't care how good a person you can be or are. If you don't hit the glass from time to time, there is something wrong with you. I don't care to go out with you either. There is NOTHING like sharing some decent beers or a nice shot of Tequila with your friends and those you love. Boring.

5) Daily Mobile Uploads to any social network.
I get it: You ate pie. You found a cool dog. You saw someone famous. Your kid made something cool in school. But please, you need to tone down your mobile camera usage, for God's sake. Think of all the trees that are being cut just so that servers are installed for stupid pictures that have no use but to share momentarily what you are doing. Limit yourself like a good addict to one or two a month. It's all for the best, trust me.

BONUS: Stop talking about your kid every time I see you.
Yes, kids are wonderful and being a parent is awesome. But we don't need your kids' resume every time we go out! Seriously! He loves karate and boxing! She loves ballet! WE KNOW! Can we just limit our conversations to ANYTHING ELSE than what your kid did last weekend? Can we talk like we used to, about shit, balls, advertising, drunk people and gossip about that Account Executive who got drunk and hit on his boss? THANK YOU!

I remember when I couldn’t shit at work

There was once a time, way back when I was starting my career where I couldn’t will myself to take a dump at work. I could be bursting, my colon could be sending warning signals and my bung could look like some rock-monster-gopher was taking an occasional peek, but there was no way I could will myself to let a Lincoln Log pass through the not so pearly gates of my anus.

That’s what happens when there is still innocence within you. But all it takes is a couple of sessions of cheap Chinese food while burning the midnight oil for your body to realize what is going on and giving up on you. That’s right; your asshole gives up on you.

Simply put, our bodies and our minds are not designed for 15 hour work days for three straight weeks. On one part, your mind insists that you have to be there, that you have to get the job done, that you need to cure that advertising cancer with your clever witty lines that came after 14 brainstorms. Your body however is often wiser than your mind. It doesn’t justify anything, it simply responds and tries to speak sense to you with reactions to your idiotic work schedule. Diarrhea, migraines, allergies, lower back pain, you name it, it isn’t a problem, it’s a warning sign that what you’re doing isn’t good for you.

I remember the first time I actually had to take a shit at work. Think of it as losing your butt cherry in a bathroom stall. Not pleasant to say the least. I didn’t cry but somewhere deep inside me, a part of me was going to die. First was the debate over whether I could hold it or not. I look at the clock, I look at my work cache, I look at the clock, I feel the nudges of Fiberian the Conqueror sounding the trumpets of my lower intestine, I look at the clock and I finally accept that there’s no way I can finish my work, get in my car, drive home and let out the waste baby longing to breach into the world. Finally I acquiesce to the poopie pangs and go to the bathroom. I look at the toilet and I fear it. It’s white porcelain, but there’s something satanic to this fecal altar that doesn’t let me just do the deed. I undo my belt, pull down my trousers and control my legs so they don’t shake from the terror of giving in. I pull my pants back up, I get soap and paper towels and do my best to clean the toilet. It looks half decent, I turn around, pull my pants down again, pull about half the roll of toilet paper to create a barrier between my virgin ass cheeks and the foreign porcelain and sit. It still feels dirty. My asshole is looking down at the toilet water, it doesn’t like the look of this pond, it’s not the familiar offwhite color it’s used to. It knows something is off and wants to cry, which is translated in anus language as rhythmic puckering. But like its master, it yields to the toilet tyrant that wants to break free. Slowly and unwillingly my hygiene hymen breaks and relief comes… later mixed with guilt and a general sense of filthiness that’s disturbing in its nature.

I’ve worked in many places since that sad day, and I think I kind of understand what a hooker feels like. Even though I don’t like what I’m doing, every time I take a shit, I mind less and in the end, I realize that I’m just doing this for money. So here's to you still virgin assholes. May your purity of your sphincter never be stained by the foul waters of your workplace.

Cheers,


* Image borrowed from http://loscuatroojos.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/07/scary-toilet.jpg

If Ad Agencies planned a Birthday Party...

Why haven't you seen Waiting For Superman?

I've seen it two times already and every time it ends, I always think the same thing: when I have my kid, I will play this movie to him to get him inspired on his education.

Yes. If there is something you really need to do if you have a kid, and I mean that you have to do this TODAY - is that you have to rent this movie.

Waiting for Superman will win the Oscar for best documentary - and it deserves it, all the way.

I studied in a public high school. But I was lucky. My public school was regarded as one of the best high schools in the country, so I had an awesome experience. I was surrounded by great teachers and a very inspiring atmosphere that gave us a shot to want to be more. Still, among my group of teachers, I did have the rotten ones who were, well, basically a shampoo-style teacher. Teach, repeat. Teach, repeat. But that was not the norm. The thing is? After watching the film I suddenly realized how truly lucky I was. Well... I didn't realize how bad public schools and the system can actually get.

Waiting for Superman is about two things. One part explains - in detail - how the system is NOT working, how bad teachers remain on your schools, how YOUR KIDS have NO shot on a great education because NO ONE is doing anything about it. Yeah, I mean YOUR KIDS have awful teachers and they cannot be fired, for example. Your kid is bound to have more than one bad teacher, one that will not give a shit if he or she fails... in fact, there can be the case of a teacher who simply doesn't even want to teach the class anything! No? It doesn't happen where your kid goes to school? HA! Watch the film and go... whoa. The US education system is so extremely flawed it's amazing. But the thing is, if we all actually give a shit and fight, we can make our kids get the education we want them to get - the one that we didn't get a shot of having.

The other part of the documentary is that it explores the life of a group of kids, different ages, who are so determined to go to a great school that they embark on the grim path of charter school lottery. It is not easy. Charter schools will have, for example, 600 applicants for 10 spaces. 10 spaces for an education DEDICATED to not failing even ONE student. Yep, you read it right. A school, dedicated 100% on making your kid make the grade, no matter what.

Not even I had that kind of a school.

This is why you need to play this movie to your kids. Mostly, I would recommend this to any kid from the age of 12 up to 18. I also recommend you talking about this movie in your kid's school, in your parent-teacher conferences, in your family reunions. Get a bunch of popcorn and make your kids watch it. I promise they will like it.

Please watch. Available now on iTunes!

Note to Sarah Palin's ad team: take responsibility for your design and its repercussions.

There is nothing that pisses me off more than when people don't acknowledge the fact that advertising DOES impact people, sometimes on a very bad way. For example: we here at WAS have written time and time again about the way women perceive themselves and are deeply affected by the way beauty products are being sold; using highly retouched and skinny women. Now little girls are not eating, downing laxatives and smoking just for the fact that they can lose weight that way...

And now, someone got shot and NO one has the balls to admit that they made a bad call when designing a campaign.

Grow some balls and admit it, Palin team. Your design is a definitive call to arms. In this day and age, you cannot sit there and tell us that your design MIGHT have caused this douche idiot to grab a gun and go on a shooting rampage. Oh no, you retort?

FACT: YOU HAD CROSSHAIRS FOR ICONS - which, according to Wikipedia and, well, basically all people are "most commonly associated with telescopic sights for aiming firearms."

FACT: YOUR COPY STATED "IT'S TIME TO TAKE A STAND".

I'm not saying that your design is a definite call to get your gun and go shoot somebody. I'm saying that after this horrible incident has happened, the fact that the media went into the ad campaign and found this design so... let's just say a coincidence of some sort, you have to agree that it might have stirred something evil.

I think this is the time to rethink how we create advertising for politicians, people. We need to do them with respect, we need to acknowledge the idea that EVERYTHING WE DO AFFECTS HOW PEOPLE THINK. If you make an ad campaign that slightly resembles a shooting range then be ready to stand by it when something happens... if something happens.

Politics is a very dangerous territory to create in. Be responsible, people. Think before you design.

Kid and Dog drive. And it is way too cute.

Hipmunk, I love your ad!

This is how you can do easy and fun ads without a huge budget. Oh and BTW, I love the accent!!!

Holy Shit!

I'll have a McCat with Fries and a Diet Coke, please.

Eat. Pray. Suck.

It is amazing how sometimes a really bad movie can take you. This will be the most incomplete review of a movie I have ever done, but I think my argument will be a solid one. Let's begin ripping a new one on Eat Pray Love.

This movie blows. And how do I know? Well, let's just give you my setting of watching this film and you be the judge. I was flying on my vacation and this movie was available to watch from a variety of flicks to choose from. It was free. It was a nine hour flight. I had nothing else to do, so it seemed like a normal thing to give it a try.

What ended happening is that I had to stop it quite a lot of times because of the sheer boredom. It even induced me to sleep at one point - and I was wide awake, it was almost 10 am in the morning. This movie is totally absurd and I am one of those who is not jumping on the bandwagon. I disliked this so much I ended up not watching the last 15 minutes of the film and deciding on playing on my iPad anything else for 7 hours more.

That bad.

Why oh why didn't I enjoy old Julia Roberts on this piece of crap? No, don't start with the "you hate chick flicks, Me." I hate bad movies with cliches of women in some sort of duress. But this movie takes the cake. And since this movie is about a memoir, I now have another beef, but this time with the author and the millions of people who took this as a sort of self help book.

WAKE UP!

Let me tell you something. Divorce is hard and wonderful at the same time. While it is a struggle to keep your mind focused, the possibility of a new and happier life with someone else keeps you centered on the end of the proceedings. It costs a lot, and not only in money. It costs time, it costs emotional health, it costs fatigue (moving out is hard!).

Been there, got a tshirt. In fact, I know many people who share my tshirt and we are all extremely happy. But not one - NOT ONE OF US - ended up having this "traveling wonderful self exploring moment" like this chick did. This movie is TOTALLY UNREAL in so many ways, it's disgusting to think it has a following of some sort.

Take any - and I mean ANY of your divorced friends - and ask yourself if they ended up traveling the world in search of... well, themselves. No! They got back to work, they got working on their new houses, they started talking to their kids... moving on, trying to get back to a normal life and erasing their previous life. At no point did I ever say "hey, I'm going to Amsterdam to see if I can smoke pot and find my inner Me".

What bugged me is that this experience, while it was amazing to her, it simply doesn't resonate with normal real life - which starts to bug me because I know there is a plethora of women out there, so desperate after their divorce, that they need to believe that this is a path to happiness. Nope. Italy is great. Bali is wonderful. But we just cannot just pack our shit and go to find joy. We normal people just keep on walking and find it, day by day.

Apart from the beautiful settings, this is a sob story homage to desperate women and divorce. I could not, for the life of me, even when I had all the time and the other choice was boredom in my flight, end the movie, even if it had only 10 minutes to go. I didn't care what happened, if the character found love - or hepatitis - at her last stop. It lacked a connection with me, I didn't care about one single character in that story. So that is how much I disliked it. Nope, I didn't hate it. I hated Skyline. I just was annoyed at the fact that I could have spent my time doing something else or watching some other movie.

Funny thing is? Watch how Julia Roberts gets nominated for an Oscar and this piece of turd maybe gets nominated for Best Movie.

Don't believe the hype people, it's just advertising.

Cat teaches Gator a lesson.

I LOVED Erasing David

The beauty of going on a trip is that I get to watch many great films during my flights. This is one of those awesome films I get to discover with glee: Erasing David.

Let's backtrack a bit. You see, I'm obsessed with returning to a semi-normal life without so much social network sharing. While I do still respond to my Twitter and Facebook friends, I am trying my best to eliminate the need to do so and it's working out great. (No, this is the one thing that I do enjoy: this blog - and I will never quit on sharing my stuff with you guys, so don't worry) You might call it the Catfish syndrome, and well, I'm glad I catched it. I need to feel privacy again, with all my heart.

So this documentary touched a nerve. And then some.

While Catfish is a nice little flick about us and the internet - and the weird things that can happen along the way; Erasing David is a shit scary movie about what you THINK when the words "your privacy" come into play in this society. You see... you can find anyone online. And you can find EVERYTHING about them, as well.

David Bond decided that he wanted his privacy back - one way or another - and was willing to test how much would he had to do in order to get it back. The experiment was brilliant.

David would have to disappear for 30 days, without a trace. He would leave his social network pages open as well as any other information about him online. Two detectives have to find him. How long would it take and how much information they would gather about him? Interesting thought.

It is amazing and disturbing at the same time how much information about us is on the net. You only need a name and hours behind a computer and you can find where someone works, their parents, their photos... yeah, you get the point. The thing is, if someone was truly dedicated and had more than a regular joe's knowledge of the internet (basic hacking skills), you can track one person down without the need of subpoenas and lawyers.

If you want to see how far people can go with just normal curiosity... or you sometimes wonder how easy it can be to get all the ugly facts about you, I'd recommend you rent this movie quickly. It is available on Netflix and on iTunes.

Enjoy!

Apart from Skyline, it was a very good year to go to the movies!