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And now, a moment of zen. Puppies!

Top 25 women you’d love to take home to mom - 6-10

10. Ana de la Reguera

Ana De la Reguera is the super sweet version of Paz Vega. On the hotness scale she might be edged out slightly, but when it comes to beauty, let’s face it, Nacho Libre wasn’t the only one checking out the gorgeous nun. Add to this that she’s Hispanic and well you have the recipe for a beautiful family. Or so thinks your mom, and who are you to argue with your mother?





9. Giada De Laurentiis


Jesus age Christ… I’m not sure what’s more amazing, this woman’s beauty or her talent to make mouth watering dishes. Thanks to her and Nigella, the term food porn becomes more than appropriate and don’t be surprised if you start seeing kids take copies of Gourmet to the bathroom instead of copies of the JC Penney underwear section or an occasional National Geographic. Apart from this, there’s just something about Giada that screams joy, life, beauty and happiness. Besides, she’s a cook, if anyone has the perfect recipe to make mommy’s little prince happy, it’s this goddess.





8. Ingrid Michaelson


Success stories aren’t necessarily sexy. They’re inspiring, touching, and just what you need to put things in perspective. Ingrid Michaelson is a success story in the sense that she’s this sweet girl who writes catchy bubbly tunes that put a smile on your face. One Old Navy spot later and her hit song is on the airwaves and she’s successful. Some people might be tempted to become super douche bags, but not Ingrid. She’s still the sweet redheaded beauty who wears glasses that would make Lisa Loeb proud and probably envious. You see, here’s the thing… women have no idea how sexy glasses can be and when you combine that with natural beauty and a woman who looks real… well the combination is something like Miss Michaelson.





7. Natalie Portman

Barring her performance as Queen Amidala and her appearance in Mr. Magorum's Wonder Emporium, Natalie Portman has shown talent to spare. To balance this out she also studied law at Harvard and if that weren’t enough, she’s one of the few women who look absolutely amazing with long hair or a shaved head. Add to this a level of grace that made her a shoe in to be a ballerina in a movie with a swan in the title, and you have Natalie. If that weren’t enough, it’s not like she doesn’t have a sense of humor and can’t cuss with the best of them… and though mommy doesn’t approve of a potty mouth, we all know you do.




6. Rachel Ray

The highest rated culinary goddess on this list. Rachel Ray might not be the hottest chef on this list, but she is definitely a shoe in for most likely to charm your mom to death, call her up to check up on her and basically be an overall awesome asset to any family outing. You see, friendly, chatty, quirky and bubbly is cool and sexy and Rachel Ray pretty much floats about getting people to smile with a joke, a compliment, a delicious dish or just her smile.

Top 25 women you’d love to take home to mom - 11-15

15. Audrey Tautou

Did you ever meet a foreign exchange student that was just too good to be true? I mean seriously, a woman that seemed to have been designed by your inner female yet stimulates all that is man in you. That’s Audrey Tautou, a refined woman who is intriguing, looks sweet as a cherub, is probably smarter than you and can still turn you on. She’s beautiful in the kind of way starlets from the 50’s and 60’s were, but in her own modern way. Oh and she has an accent. Advantage, you.

14. Claire Forlani

I’d like the make an asterisk regarding Miss Forlani. If you ever sat through Police Academy Mission to Moscow, like me you were probably just trying to get your eyes on that beautiful Russian woman who was part of the cast. No acting chops to speak of, but with a piercing stare that can melt an iceberg faster than climate change. The thing is that to me, she was perfect in this movie in the sense that she wasn’t too thin and I admit that I have a big problem with the standards of beauty at times. Skinny isn’t necessarily pretty, and Claire when she indulges in a couple of brownie delights is a sight to see. Add to this the velvety soft voice and you have a winner for yourself and your momma.





13. Sophie Marceau


I am still unable to think of someone who is more regal looking as Sophie Marceau in Braveheart. She was so hauntingly beautiful that she seemed like a marble statue animated just to mock mortal women into envying perfection.








12. Mila Kunis

Oh my Mila… Just thinking that Mila Kunis does Meg’s voice on family guy automatically makes Meg desirable, and if you’ve ever watched Family Guy, you know that’s saying something. The level of natural beauty of Mila Kunis is simply ridiculous and she can go from sweet to raunchy in a blink of an eye. That she has the ability to pull off Meg Griffin and Lily from Black Swan also points to a range of talent and interests that are not only impressive for mom, but utterly sexy for someone who needs to have their mind stimulated. Oh and if you saw that scene with her and Natalie Portman… well just make sure your mom doesn’t.





11. Kate Winslet

Few women can look grungy beautiful like some Aphrodite version of Janeane Garofalo and at the blink of an eye dress up to look like a more than worthy Ophelia (from Hamlet lore). From the things that really stand out about her, apart from her beauty and charm, is her ability to look relaxed in any setting, look great in a Christian Dior dress or in Crocs and she has a quiet confidence to her that is just something to see. So obviously your mum will know you’re in good hands.

Top 25 women you’d love to take home to mom - 16-20

20. Jayne Wisener (Sweeny Todd)


If ever a woman looked like a water nymph capable of melting even the harshest heart, it’s Jayne Wisener. Her role in Sweeny Todd was played to perfection because if anyone could make you believe she’s a beautiful ward, placed into the guardianship of an evil man that could only be played by Allan Rickman, then Wisener is your choice. Simply put, she’s beautiful and looks so sublimely sweet that if your mom doesn’t like her, at least she’ll love the way she makes you look.





19. Nigella Lawson


Even the Marlboro Man would find it hard not to watch the Food Network when Nigella Lawson is on. This 50 year old beauty not only justifies the term food porn, she revels in it. So off the bat, you’re presenting your mom with a mature, sexy, successful woman that will definitely feed you. Apart from this, she’s beautiful and if your mom still has issues, they will quickly melt away once she bites into one of Nigella’s chocolate creations.




18. Leelee Sobieski


Tell me Leelee doesn’t look like Helen Hunt’s daughter. Apart from that remarkable coincidence, Miss Sobieski is a decent actress but more importantly, sounds and acts like she has a plan and is just the dose of maturity your mom always says you need in a suitable partner. She’s also easy on the eyes in a non-pretentious in your face kind of a way, so your mom will swear you’re being well taken care of while maintaining that wholesome image of her son.




17. Norah Jones


Norah Jones is the type of woman that makes men sigh like girls looking at their favorite pop star. She’s like a kinder sweeter version of Michelle Rodríguez (hold the tomboy badassness as well). She strides rather than walks and is confident without being cocky. Simply put, she’s sexy because she is who she is and that’s a whole lot more than most women put together.





16. Mary Elizabeth Winstead

Mary Elizabeth Winstead is like a girl next door version of Anne Hathoway. She looks accessible, friendly, beautiful and someone who you can approach. Did I mention she was absolutely beautiful? Oh yeah that too. Besides, if your mom does a twenty item questionnaire, odds are she’ll ace the test.

Top 25 women you’d love to take home to mom - 21-25

25. Vanessa Carlton

There was a time where I would walk a thousand miles for that girl. Call it one of those illogical crushes you have on someone with minimal star power, but I always had a thing for her. Something about that girl next door non-threatening beauty about her and the fact that she looks like someone your own mom would try to hook you up with. So this would be a cake walk if you got to your mom’s home with your arm around her waist.


24. Christina Hendricks


Ok, I’m sure you’re rolling your eyes at me for picking a real life Jessica Rabbit, but guess what; moms love it when their sons have beautiful girlfriends. It makes them feel like their little prince found a woman worthy enough to marry their child. Add to this that she is anything but anorexic and you know she’ll be a hit when they roll out the Thanksgiving feast. Plus, I can guarantee that your dad will do EVERYTHING in his power to convince your mom that this girl is the one, since living vicariously is what dads sometimes do best.




23. Christina Ricci

One of the more polarizing women on this list, men either love her or think she’s plain weird looking. Why on this list though? Simple, if your mom doesn’t like her the first time around, Ricci can have a makeover and look like a whole other person. Looks aside though, for some years she’s been a spokesperson for RAINN which is a network that assists survivors of Rape, Abuse and Incest, an admirable cause if there ever was one. Just make sure she wears something to cover all the tattoos on her body and you’ll be fine.




22. Paz Vega


As far as women go, Paz Vega has to be one of the most beautiful in the world. Period. So why this far down on the list? Well simple. This is a list of women you’d love to take to your mom, not your wettest of wet dreams, and if mom happens to realize that Paz was in Lucía y el Sexo playing the lead role, then it’ll be a hard sell. Lucky for you though, she was more recently seen in Spanglish and quite simply, she can play the sweetheart role just as well as the bombshell role.




21. Morgan Webb


Drop dead gorgeous and she can beat you at any video game. You can finally take a girl to your mom and tell her “Mom, she gets me”. The long hours of gaming, the dozens of titles finished and the 4 controllers broken out of frustration have been justified. I wonder if they have Bach’s sleeper’s wake played in 16 bit midi for the wedding. Hmm….

Art collecting is for suckers

So today I saw "Exit Through the Gift Shop." An excellent documentary film by all standards. The official WAS review was posted a while back, so I'll be brief in my assessment. Among the highlights:

1 - Artists vs. Art Lovers. In this film, street artist extraordinaire Banksy exposes "filmmaker" Thierry as a fraud, a poseur who buys his way into the contemporary art scene by riding on the coattails of real street artists. The thing is, Thierry manages to hustle Hollywood's elite art collectors, selling his work for millions. Which begs the question, Who's the biggest douche: the fake artist or the snobs that value his work?

2 - What is Art? This age-old question will never be answered, but Exit does posit an interesting view. The film suggests that "good" art is dangerous, subversive in its purpose and unifying in its message. History's great artists (take your pick) became great precisely because they defied conventions and had something to say. From the Renaissance Men who sprinkled their works with jabs at the Church and Picasso's socio-politcal statements, to Warhol's deconstruction of the art world, the thirst to shake things up has always fueled great minds.

As we see in the film, this all goes to shit when a Desperate Housewife of Beverly Hills has Warhol's "Mao"... somewhere in her closet.

Top 25 women you’d love to take home to mom - Intro

Simply put, there are women that are pure bombshells and then there is the type of woman that can best be described as a marriage prospect. You see, it isn’t all wham bam thank you ma’am for guys. Yes we men are visual pigs that know no better than to ogle when we see a beautiful woman. But if you want to know if a guy is taking you seriously, it’s pretty easy. It has nothing to do with messages, letters, gifts, or flowers and no, there won’t be much need to read between the lines… he’ll simply take you to his mom.

Taking this into account, when you think of famous people, there are those you’d love to just get manhandled by and then there are celebrities that quite simply surpass mere physical attraction, and whom you can’t simply think dirty thoughts without feeling some sort of guilt. So I made a list of the top 25 women whom you’d love to take home to mom.


Notable Mention

Cat Power (Chan Marshall)

Before you start calling BS from the first entry, let me make a case for Miss Marshall. First off, yes she was an alcoholic, used drugs and was leaning more towards purgatory than the real world, but she’s cleaned up her act quite a bit, has taken responsibility for her past mess-ups and shown maturity and the will to be a better person. That she’s supremely talented and beautiful doesn’t hurt either. So an example to follow and a woman who seems to know where not to mess up on. Oh and remember, this is a notable mention, so ease off please. :)

Holy TechBalls!

Scenes From A Hat: 5 Minutes, Mr. President.

Ask WAS: RestrictionsApply answers a race question

Do blacks or hispanics get favored OR would they have to work twice as hard? In general advertising, not multicultural/hispanic agencies. I know the industry is looking for diversity, but is there still racism?

General Market ad agencies in the U.S. skew white, which is why there are so many “ethnic market” agencies – Black, Hispanic, Asian-American… I’ve even seen agencies that specialize in the Gay Market.

I wouldn’t go so far as to use the term “racism,” but as with ANY American corporate setting, minorities and women are dealt the weaker hand. You really have to prove your mettle if you want to “make it” in a general market agency. Many years ago Leo Burnett’s CFO and World Creative Chief were African American. The head of FCB Chicago was brought in directly from Chile, so I guess it all comes down to talent. The head honcho at PepsiCo is an Indian-born woman, so go figure. If you don’t make your race an issue, other people will be less likely to.

Do good work, and the color of your skin will be the last thing on people’s minds.

Ask WAS: Joker answers a race question

Do blacks or hispanics get favored OR would they have to work twice as hard? In general advertising, not multicultural/hispanic agencies. I know the industry is looking for diversity, but is there still racism?



There are two reasons why this answer has taken so long to be given. First off, I’m still waiting for replies from some friends in the industry who may offer different points of view on this question. I’ve written Asian, Hispanic and Black professionals whom I know will offer different points of view for sure. The second reason is that a few years back I wrote a post titled Reality Bites and being enraged and ignorant, I assumed everyone who has read this blog knows that I’m Hispanic. Not the case and some people had some choice words to talk about one of my comments, one I’ve refused to edit because I still feel it is the case in some companies. The quote? Something on the lines of:

Some agencies hire spics, chinks and niggers to fill out the mandatory affirmative action quota.

A member of the Ad Jive collective (actually a very good blog) found the use of those words as part of the problem when I was trying to make a point. But that was then, and this is now. There’s a question instead of a comment and I can choose my words more carefully.

First off, I am a Hispanic copywriter. I’ve worked in Hispanic agencies and typical agencies. I was an intern in a minority student program and it was a wonderful learning experience. From there I learned a lot about the variety of places you could work at. We visited agencies who are creative, wonderful work spaces that truly promote diversity as a recipe for success instead of compliance. I also got to hear good stories and bad.

In the good stories, I can tell you that I met Hispanic Creatives that have been able to work on great accounts. They worked their ass off, they delivered the goods and they got recognized. I can also tell you about a very nice ACD from a New York agency who has an extensive collection of hats, is a great cat and has not only been successful as a creative regardless of the color of his skin, he’s also served in the Armed Forces even when he was already on relative easy street. I’ve met a Black production VP who is a brilliant guy and tough as nails. He was the agency’s sole minority employ in that department for a long time but he’s there because he’s good… he’s real good actually. I met a Black VP who is possibly pushing 50 and has a lot of stories to share about diversity. He’s also one of the more diplomatic people I met. I also had the chance to interview a female Black copywriter from another agency and she gave me some of the best pointers I’ve ever gotten in my life and here comes the first funny part.

While walking down a street and talking to this woman, who was kind enough to spare her lunch hour during a campaign launch week to talk to me and give me pointers, a man who seemed to be from Pakistan screamed at her asking if her father knew that she was with a white man… she looks at me and she responds “but he isn’t white.”

What I’m getting at is that racism is alive and well in the world. True, it’s not all lynch parties, it’s just a hell of a lot more subtle. But from adverts, to talents, to the people around you, race is still a card being played and that’s why people asked if America was ready for a Black president, because though it’s a dumb question, the behavior of some people make it a relevant one to ask regardless.

Ignorance is always going to be around and there is racism to be found anywhere.

"But are things better?"

Well define better and I’ll answer. If by better you mean more tolerance, more opportunity and less prejudice, then yes, things are better. Are they ok? Well the answer depends on where you work at and who you work with.

From my experience, I can honestly tell you that an HR rep at a place I worked at always got tense when I went into her office. I know I’m a hot blooded latino, but it’s not like fucking or raping a white woman is on my agenda every day. The problem there was lack of communication and ignorance. She asked if I needed work Visa papers among the various prized questions she asked, and hey, maybe it isn’t her fault I got the job, but at least you should have a clue as to where the person is from. I’m just saying.

As for getting favored or do minorities have to work twice as hard, the answer is the same… depends on where you work and the connection you achieve with other people. I saw Jewish people get picked over others to work in one department while being shunned in another. I saw the token black guy, the lone latino and the quiet Asian in quite a few places, but I also saw people who were completely comfortable in their skin and in their surroundings. Actually, many of the complaints we talk about on this blog know no skin color or nationality, but other issues are a lot more race specific.

More than anything I think it has to do with whether you allow yourself to get sucked into the race game. I’ve heard of racism in places where you have to wonder why there’s still racism whereas an agency from Virginia has some of the nicest people I ever met in a job fair or in the ad business period. And it’s not a small agency. They’re well respected, I’ve been a fan of their work for a long time and truth be told, I never met one person from that agency who was rude to me because I was Hispanic. In fact, they were all kind, courteous, professional and welcoming of diversity. I’m not saying 2 people, I’m talking about 8 different professionals from the same agency in 3 events where only one person overlapped, and she was nice enough to introduce me by my first name without looking at my name tag.

I actually worked with two Jewish people, one Italian American, one pure bred white woman and one Irish American. Both Jewish people were extremely nice, the Italian is a blast, the white woman has been one of the most wholesome people I’ve ever met in my life and the Irish gal, well we didn’t super click, but there was never animosity. In that case, I was the lone Hispanic and it wasn’t an issue at all.

The industry has been clamoring for diversity for years and it’ll keep doing so, not because there need to be hotter combinations to try out in an orgy, but because when you embrace diversity for the sake of quality and team work, great things happen. That doesn’t mean there aren’t places that simply hire to put a check mark next to the required Black, Hispanic or Asian person on staff.

And that’s the thing: nothing anyone says on this topic is universal because of the nature of the issue. Racism isn’t just about one equation to produce an undesirable result. Whites aren’t exclusive in their practice of racism… and please, read that sentence again. White people aren't the only racist people.

On a side note, one of my best friends is an Asian guy I met through those adventures in internships and what we have transcends race, age and distance. There’s mutual respect on a personal and creative level and we never let race be an issue, unless it was to make a grossly inappropriate joke.

But the reaction I got from my point of view those years ago always stuck with me. It’s not that I minded someone having a different point of view than me; it’s that they focused on one word or a series of words and allowed those words to aggravate them. It’s pretty much the most commented post on this blog because things got heated and whereas I was open to dialogue, this person pretty much put a cross on me for using the words nigger, spic and chink in a sentence, and I’d actually like to put that sentence or a variant back into play:

Even though there are places that embrace diversity, there are still others that just hire spics, chinks and niggers, because that’s how we are viewed. They are truly color blind in the sense that you’re either white… or you’re not white and although things have gotten better, labels exist because there are people who are short minded, lack vision and are afraid of having to step up their game.

If there's any real piece of advice I can give you in regards to this topic is that instead of wondering if you have to work twice as hard because you’re White, Black, Asian, Hispanic or a Martian, work twice as hard because that way you earn what you get rather than have it given to you.

Hope this helps and as soon as I get more answers to this, I’ll let you know.

Cheers

You need to stop the ad nonsense. Now.

I have a short temper. That, I admit. I get annoyed easily. This has been going on for many years and no, I have not been able to correct it, all that I have managed is to control it a bit - like Hulk in rehab. But once in a blue moon, in comes an ad person sending me an email about a campaign or reviewing some crap print ad and I get angry. And I think that I do have a point about getting fired up about this topic because of one simple reason:

Ad people only talk about ad shit... and it annoys me.

If you've been in this business long enough, you start to notice this a lot. Ad people, for some strange reason, seem not to have a life beyond making ads. Some of us don't drink the Kool Aid and really love NOT talking about that agency that delivered that crap tv spot, or that copywriter we used to hate which made the single worst radio spot known to man. Yep, ladies and gentlemen, there are few people out there, we call ourselves the Others, and we don't give a rat's ass about what you do that is so fucking awesome. We just want to move on to the next job, get it approved, go home, eat, watch a movie and bang our loved ones before bed.

You cannot imagine how pissed off I get everytime I receive an email - in my personal account, no less - with 50 people discussing IN DETAIL a TV spot from Argentina or France. The Replies can go on forever - and the clichés as well.

Words are thrown around. Witty. Awesome. Different. Budget!

Then, there are the phrases I cringe everytime I see them...

We don't get shit like this approved here! That's a great Creative Director, they let creatives there do anything they want! I want to meet the client that approved that... and the almighty one: when you have that amount of budget, this is what you get. LORD KILL ME.

It doesn't end in just emails. Oh no! Try to go to a bar where ad people are getting hammered and you will take that mundane conversation to eleven. Alcohol impairs not only the way that you drive, for ad people it impairs the way you talk about anything else beyond a campaign, agency, client or boss. Seldom are the moments that I've heard at a shindig anything more than what we do day by day. At first it was cool comparing notes with peers, but years have passed and I am now dreading hearing about the same conversations, which I will gladly point out just so that you confirm what I'm saying the next time you go out with them.

If you go to ANY bar or party that contains more than 10 ad people together, they WILL eventually talk about:
1) That Creative Director that nailed the Account Director and both got fired.
You cannot imagine how many times this shit happens in advertising. And while I do have to say that interagency screwing does happen in all types of positions... it has been very interesting fact that in the last months we received TWO great stories about this exact theme and we're deciding if we're running them or not. I'll give you two hints: one place is the 50th largest country in the world and the other was where the Piña Colada was invented. In the first case, there was even a blog written with all the girls that banged such CD - with pictures, dates and everything. Ouch!

2) The Huge Ad Agency that lost that Huge Account.
Happens all day long. Stop yapping about it, this is a cycle and it repeats itself. Now go on, enjoy life. One day it will happen at your agency. Deal with it.

3) Job Hunting Hour.
Basically it can be defined as people starting to list all the available spots so that we all know who got fired and who quit and moved on to another agency. You cannot believe how many people find jobs this way.

4) That poor Traffic dudette who takes her kid to work - and annoys everyone in the process.
I will gladly say what other people won't tell you to your face. We are very sorry that no one can take care of your kid and you have to bring him to work... but YOU HAVE TO FIX IT. An agency is NO PLACE for a kid. Once in a blue moon is ok, but every day is just ABSURD. Fix it. Why? We can't work. Sorry, but it's true. Loud noises, being careful that we don't talk about penis, shafts or fisting is not cool. Also, we're not their parents, so when they fall we cannot be there to get them up all the time. Get a nanny, call your sister, get more money and get your kid a decent place for he or she to be while you are working. They deserve way much better.

5) Coworkers hating on other coworkers.
In 80% of the time, ad people hate each other to death. They have egos so big that they cannot tolerate other people doing good. So as much as your coworkers praise you, behind your backs and most of all with alcohol inside them they will shred you to death. They will talk about your crap design, your shitty copywriting skills... rumors will start to fly about you snorting coke, about you banging that secretary... just sad. This you just have to accept it. You don't see it but you have to believe it happens. Like Jesus.

I can go on and on. Seriously, people. We need to start engaging in much more cool conversations. There is a world out there filled with cool and interesting topics, such as movies, dogs, sex, shit, getting plastered at a beach, traveling, eating Ortolan (hey there Restrictions!), the huge moon a couple of nights ago, the fact that no person should watch Skyline without some sort of penalty, the war situation, stocks, great films, streaming Netflix at your house and... oh yeah, porn.

Longing to enjoy more decent conversations, Me.

PS: Stop sending me ad related crap to my email.

I will have to hunt you down and kill you.

Ode to the Stock Photo Girl

She’s in ten magazines,
Displayed across fifty ads,
From skimpy Penney Underwear,
To holding a bag that is Glad.

Royalty free,
Or is it Rights Managed,
Verify those legal terms,
Before heart and wallet are damaged.

She’s kind of Hispanic,
Kind of Indian,
With a little bit of magic,
(And a little bit of Photoshop)
She might even be Korean.

She’s everything and nothing,
A nobody in sixty pictures,
A hottie who gets men frothing,
With a rack that causes seizures.

All I did was search for peppers,
And there yes she was,
Amidst greens and veggies,
Perking up that wonderful ass.

Oh please sweet picture girl,
Tell me you exist,
Don’t just come in dreams and visions,
Or in theatthird insert of a press kit.

Truth be told,
She really is the best in stock,
A woman many would marry,
And one that stirs my… curiosity.



Cheers

2010 in music - Stone Temple Pilots – S/T -B

Lyrics to Stone Temple Pilot songs have rarely if ever been a highpoint of the band. The reality is that more than something deeply meaningful, Scott Weiland has always delivered lyrics that seem incredibly deep but upon further inspection have more to do with achieving a rhyme than meaning. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, but for the first time it’s REALLY evident that the lyrics are not the prime currency in the STP Bank. That quibble aside, the performance of each musician on this album is solid, as they usually are. Everyone is playing with energy though my only complaint is that I hear more Army of Anyone than STP in more than a couple of songs. Maybe it’s a stylistic shift in the De Leo Brother approach to music, and it isn’t bad… it just isn’t Purple or Tiny Music from the Vatican or Core or any other STP album. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want a repeat album but during the hiatus, the side bands and the solo ventures by Scott Weiland, something got a little screwy. I know it sounds like I’m trying to justify this record, but more than anything, I want to leave it clear that I’ve always been a big STP fan, I don’t want to be a hater and that I listened to this album with open arms and open music and though I enjoyed, it’s not like the album got stuck in craw. Yeah it’s good, but it falls short on anthems and songs I feel a burning need to listen to. Sure there’s some country swagger to many songs, and it’s good listening, but again, good not great. It’s not like I’m writing off STP or that I’m not going to buy the next album if it gets done, but I will be a lot more cautious with my expectations until at least Scott writes something that isn’t soulless flotsam. For now, it’ll do, but if you thought Shangri-La-Dee-Da was a letdown (which it wasn’t, I really like that album), then you should look elsewhere for your rock and roll. If you need an even better perspective, then consider this album better than both titles from Velvet Revolver, better than Army of Anyone but not as good as any STP album.

Highlight Tracks: Between the Lines – Take a Load off – Hickory Dichotomy – Dare if you dare – Cinnamon – Hazey Daze – Fast as I can – Maver

Every Bone Steven Seagal Has Ever Broken

Emerson is scared by blowing noses.

Fortune Cookie 500#'s 481-485

On gadgets
Technological advances require mental evolution


On professional duality
The less your work life intrudes into your real life, the happier you’ll be.


On blowing up
Eat your words enough and you’ll eventually vomit the truth.


On your life
Don’t work late on what can wait until tomorrow.

On work loads
The early bird often leaves as late as any other type of bird.

Newt Gingrich – Passion for the masses from his masses

In case you need a disclaimer, at WAS we are tolerant of political views that vary from ours. Actually we don’t always agree on who we’d like to see in office or on certain topics because we’re different and we accept and love each other unconditionally. That doesn’t mean we don’t save some of the cockles of our heart to spew forth some pure bile in regards to certain individuals who in some of our views have done harm to the country in general.

I’m particularly passionate about certain people and on the top of my list are Newt Gingrich and Rush Limbaugh. The fact that these sacks of shit have a say in the opinions of certain people is sad beyond belief because though I’m tolerant, I’m not blind and I despise amoral shit for brains who have been successful and can influence public opinion and public perception. My beef with these two moral gnats is USDA prime choice and cut with the sharpest knife.

About Rush Limbaugh… well you just have to be female, a minority or have some sense to see that the guy is the tapeworm of America. But my little Newt has been at this being a poor hapless parasite for so long that I wish it would get sad, or that it would get old… but it isn’t and it doesn’t. He continues to walk a high wire of moral ambiguity that defies logic. That this lard blooded (that wasn’t a typo) asshole has the balls (even though he has none) to talk to people about being moral while enticing an overlap in relationships while he was married should be a clear indicator to his moral fabric. But it’s not enough that he cheated on his first wife and served her divorce papers while she was in the hospital recovering from surgery for cervical cancer, a woman who was his high school geometry teacher and whom he was involved with before it was legal. It wasn’t enough that afterwards it became public knowledge he’d been cheating on her with a congressional assistant. It wasn’t even enough that he cheated on that wife with his third wife… it’s the reason that counts and Newt does a doozy of a job in justifying his ways:

“There’s no question at times of my life, partially driven by how passionately I felt about this country, that I worked far too hard and things happened in my life that were not appropriate”.

Like his existence.

This is the same guy who was pushing for Clinton to be impeached for infidelity while he himself was cheating on his wife.

“It wasn’t that Clinton was unfaithful, it’s that he lied to the country…”

Nice. How I love a politician talking about honesty. It’s like a $5 hooker talking about hygiene. Yet the reality is that my friends, Newt Gingrich will probably be a presidential candidate for 2012. I’d like to say I’m surprised but after the major swing vote this past November when people voted for candidates who had as a sole purpose the derailing of healthcare reform and to make sure Obama was not reelected, I’m not. I’m really not. I just have to force a Hispanic accent and let my beard grow to see the moral fiber of a lot of people in this country. I just have to see Nielsen ratings for Rush Limbaugh’s show. And I just have to see that the definition of newt is one of many types of salamanders native to North America and Europe.

I know people are anxious for the end of the world, but can we at least save some face when we meet our maker? Who knows, maybe that’s asking for a bit much.

Cheers.

2010 in music - Filter – The trouble with angels – A-

For some reason, the public at large gave Richard Patrick a pretty hard time for the last Filter album, and to me, Soldiers of Misfortune isn’t a bad album at all. It’s not like it’s Sgt. Pepper’s or anything, but Filter has never been a band that will truly transcend into the upper reaches of rock and roll. They’re a solid band and then some, they have albums I really like and some tracks I love, but they aren’t epic by any means. However, with their new album, Patrick and company have put out the best Filter album since Title of Record and serves as a true return to form to the shrieking front man that could. Where Soldiers of Misfortune was kind of political in its lyrical content, The Trouble with angels is slightly existential or philosophical with its content and honestly, these are some of the better lyrics Patrick has put out in a while. True, they cater to existentially frustrated teens and the like, but that doesn’t diminish their punch one bit. The album has 10 tracks, little filler and decent variety for starters and the paydirt is in the rockers for the most part. The funny thing is that the single chosen for the album is also one of my least favorite tracks on the album. The Inevitable Relapse is not a god awful song, but supposedly the lyrics “Drink it, drink it, snort it, smoke it - Every little thing I love about it - Drink it, drink it, snort it, smoke it – yeaaaah” come from a little mantra Richard Patrick would recite while getting high… whatever. In reality it’s a decent song, but it sounds so much from Hey Man Nice Shot that you can’t help but focus on the other tracks. It might also have to do with the deliberate attempt to cash in on the Filter dollar, but hey, Fades Like a Photograph seems like the mandatory ballad and it’s actually quite good. The funny thing is listening to the track during the music video where there is a definite clash between what they’re playing and how they look like they’re playing. That poser potshot aside, The Trouble with Angels is definitely a worthy add to your collection. SIDENOTE: Unlike King’s of Leon’s Deluxe Version of Come around Sundown, the Deluxe Edition of The Trouble with Angels is a very worthy buy, including 4 solid tracks and one throwaway remix for over 20 minutes worth of extra content. So be sure to check those extra tracks out.

Highlight Tracks: Drug Boy – Fades like a photograph – Catch a Falling Knife – The trouble with angels

Movie Titles in Movies.

Morgan Spurlock takes on Advertising! The Greatest Movie Ever Sold

Cool TV Campaign alert: Bangkok Insurance's Probability

2010 in music - Brothers – A+

Possibly the best album of 2010, Brothers is the type of musical offering that shows that good music can still come from relatively new acts. The Black Keys have been around since 2001, but their sound is timeless. It’s musky dirty blues with a helping of bourbon and a whole lot of soul and there’s no need to offer a long winding description. This album has got the goods.

Highlight Tracks: Everlasting light - Next Girl - Howlin for You - Too Afraid to Love You - Ten Cent Pistol - Sinister Kid - I’m not the One - Unknown Brother - Never Gonna Give you Up - These Days

Fortune Cookie 500#'s 476-480

On work hours
When you get in doesn’t define when you get out.

On attitude
Pity there is no rudeness tax.

On adverts
Creativity through consensus often leads back to the box.

On agency fees
Advertising is business not charity.

On BlackBerries
Sexting should never replace focus.

A Few Days Ago in a Desert Not So Far Away...

Must Watch! Ferris Bueller's Day Off: Indie Style.

Five Death Row Last Meals that define: Me

I'm about to see what religious people blab all about, and I have one last meal before I learn if I'm right or wrong... the menu is all open, I can choose anything I want. I can eat my way until I bleed from some place not friendly - and I intend to, it's my last day on Earth.

Which plates of food give me pleasure right before I expire? I will do this without research, without thinking it. It needs to be totally organic. Pun intended. If I think about it too much, it's crap. Let's go.

1) A perfectly made Whopper with cheese, a bucket of fries, Chocolate Ice Cream Shake and Apple Pie.
Talk about calorie heaven! Let me have cholesterol death! Since I avoid eating this crap because at one point it caused a lot of hospital visits, this is one treat I really miss and seldom enjoy. Death seems like a good enough reason to forget healthy.


2) A huge bucket of Haagen Dazs' Vanilla Swiss Almond.
Just place the ice cream in some sort of bath, give me a cooking spoon and I'll murder myself via cold madness. This is the greatest flavor of all time. Period.

3) Foie Grass Terrine with toast & five bottles of white wine.
Call PETA anyday. Say hi from me.


4) Moo Shoo Pork, eggrolls, steamed rice, dim sum and fortune cookies.
Ah. Great chinese food gives me comfort in moments of need - and the rest of the time as well.

5) Mackerel Sashimi, Eel/CreamCheese/Avocado Rolls, Dragon Rolls, Japanese Carrot and a bottle of Tequila.
Japanimexican style of gorging, yes sir.

When it ends, make it quick, I'll have nothing to say.

Death is just a state of mind. And body.

Much love from the not going to heaven Me.

5 Emails that ad agencies send that annoy: Me.

The power of an email is unsurpassed in many ways. It can inspire you to be a better employee. It can destroy a relationship. It can mend a broken heart. And also, it can annoy the living hell out of me. Ad agencies have a special "je ne sais quoi" when it comes to sending the same boring emails that... well... I'm tired of receiving. You know the ones. They come in different parts of the year, I always think that some douche is hitting that copy and paste from a couple of years ago, rewriting mundane details and hitting send... just so that I can get angry at life.

Let's celebrate those yearly gifts of technology, shall we? I'll write down the basics for Five emails you WILL receive this year... or already have in your inbox. Let the douchiness begin... now.

1) The "We did a great job" but we lost the account anyways.
It usually comes from the CEO, which we have to mention that DID NOT even come close to helping any of the people at any point because he was golfing or going on boat tours. It usually starts off telling people that they are a great team, in fact, he insists that HIS team is the greatest of all ad agencies. Nope, the account did not leave because of service nor creativity! What can possibly give you that idea? They left because of budget (see how it doesn't hurt so bad, it was all about money). Second paragraph is for congratulating the big honchos - who also did not spend all the time with the regular people who gave their ass for that account) and then, if by some chance he remembers some names, he writes them down. Look for the badly written name that probably his secretary gave him wrong. The turd ends with the scary "we will keep working and delivering greatness"... but it doesn't mean that in two weeks it will include you.

2) The "You are supposed to arrive at 9am sharp each day", dammit.
Your company does not give a rat's ass if a train plowed into your house and destroyed your car. It doesn't care that you woke up early but drove by a massive accident. It even doesn't care that you are human and sometimes get up late. You are supposed to be there sharply at 9am, and screw if you think otherwise. Yeah. The email will be very nasty, written by someone who is a true workaholic and has no idea of a life beyond a full page ad. Disciplinary measures will be needed if this type of situation occurs again and fuck you if you come telling how long you work after 6pm. Yeah, you are supposed to work until your fingers bleed, so complain to Mommy.

3) The "We don't have parking for all the Agency" reminder.
We're so sorry, but could you please not park your piece of shit Toyota in the CEO's parking? He needs to park there when he comes once a month. You can walk five blocks to a special parking spot we have downtown. Parking at the agency is only permitted to people who drank the Kool Aid and have been with us a gazillion years. No, it doesn't matter that you have been with your agency five years now. Wait... who are you, again?

4) The "There are too many errors" memorandum.
All ad agencies want five hundred campaigns for Monday and you know what, they don't care that you don't have a chip inside your brain. You are not supposed to make ANY mistakes at all. Those are for weaklings who cannot hack it in today's work environment. No typos are allowed, ever, for as long as you shall live, and if you do that, we will not write it down in this email but it will feel like we WILL murder you, your family and your friends. Didn't you know that you are supposed to be a machine of sheer perfection and quantity? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

5) The "We will be so sad to see this DOUCHE go" farewell.
Ladies and Gentlemen say goodbye to OUR DEAREST COWORKER - who is secretly hated and talked about - who we love SOOO MUCH. He decided to move on to be one of our clients - that usually means to kiss that sweet ass or make up all the shit you already have fought about - and we are SOOOO HAPPY to keep him in our family... which means that that sleazebag better not take the account away from us, that traitor. Maybe you receive a different email that talks about how she decided to become a full time mom - which translates to what a loser, she wants to enjoy life with her kids, she must be crazy. Expect some idiotic lunch in a couple of weeks with a cake, lots of stupid gifts, a cartoon of the moron who is leaving... and fake tears at the end. Take the doughnuts home.

There you go. You can add more if you want!

Much love and less emails, Me.

The Power of a Great Photograph

Tv Spot alert! "Lean Meat with a Crusty Top.

The Best Anti-Bullying PSA EVER!!!

Kid Fights Back With Devastating Body Slam! from chris harrison on Vimeo.

YouTube won't let me post this video, so please click at the title of the post to see how a school bully gets a taste of his own medicine... TOTAL WIN!!!

Five Great Rock Voices that totally kick ass, according to Me (and her boyfriend).

It all started because of just one song. And the fact that we had some alcohol inside us. Last Sunday we were driving home while listening to some music. Pandora decided to surprise us with an old Journey song, "Separate Ways". After the first flinch of listening to music that we haven't heard since we were 13 years old, we looked at each other and, at the same time we said: that man's voice was awesome!!!

Like the really evil character Hans Landa would say: That's a Bingo. I had another idea post for my Five week series! So we hit a detour, ordered some tequila (damn yummy) and we started arguing our way to the top five greatest rock voices of all time.

We've done many lists regarding songs, bands, concerts, frontmen. But we've never done this type, because it's sort of different. It's not what define us (well, it's sort of our own opinion, so maybe it does); it's just what we think of when we think of voices. And so because I know that this list will be highly questioned, let me give you the rules of this list before you try to change or make your own list.

The greatest rock voices of all time must have reach; they have to sing their lungs out up or down, they have to hit those notes and kick you on the ass at the same time of sheer amazement. A great voice needs to be something that no one can duplicate, can imitate. A voice that you can totally recognize until you are 80 years old, rocking in your wheelchair. A voice with sheer power, the kind that you know if you blast in your car - you maybe end up with broken windows. Rock, all awesome rock of mankind was meant to be sung with utter force and you could not even come close. You cannot do a list with your own preferences, you have to really think about who deserves the spot beyond if you like the band or not.

Deal?

Ok, let's do this. Five Greatest Rock Voices of All Human History. Aaaaaaare youuuuuu reaaaaaaadddddddyyyyyyyyyy!!!

1) Freddie Mercury - Queen

Still the man, still the legend, still one amazing voice. I can sum it up in two words: Bohemian Rhapsody. I will not argue this one. Fred was the man and you have to kneel before him. Period.

2) Steve Perry - Journey

Just try to hit that perfect song at the end of "Separate Ways" without bleeding through the nose. Try it! Steve was and is that voice that you will never forget, and that you will never be able to come close to while doing some obscure karaoke. Journey is crap without him. Life is shit without him. But we all learn to survive.

3) Robert Plant - Led  Zeppelin

Another amazing voice that holds on to sheer power over all these years. Bob's voice makes you want to do things. Ugly things. Kinky things. Nasty don't call the police things. Rock at full throttle.

4) Roger Daltrey - The Who

Rock is all about screaming and Roger does it like no other man walking this planet. All I can say is, listen to "Won't get Fooled Again". Yeah. You go cry to mommy now.

5) Chris Cornell - Soundgarden/Audioslave

During my college years (and Joker's high school years), Grunge was the thing. And as much as I'd like to include Pearl Jam's Eddie Vedder in this list (Joker, you need to breathe now, it's going to be ok, I know this is hard for you), you gotta give me the fact that Cornell's voice... well he took it to eleven. This cat has some pipes there and he used them in all their glory. I'm not arguing which singer is the best, I'm just putting it out there that Chris has more range and can hit the high notes more clearly and sharply than his counterparts. Black Hole Sun is all you gotta listen to get the picture.

Honorable Mentions!

Yeah. It's impossible to not mention some key people. In this section we DO include such amazing wonders like:

• Eddie Vedder - Pearl Jam

• Paul Stanley - Kiss: which should also be included in my Five Frontmen of all time

• Sammy Hagar - Solo/Van Halen: why do people not respect him, I will never know, this man took Van Halen to another level, different from David Lee Roth (who is also a great frontman)

• Axl Rose - Guns N' Roses: We can debate if he is truly a singer, but he does have range

• Meatloaf

• Bruce Dickinson - Iron Maiden

You can add yours, revise ours... whatever you want. Abide by the rules, ya' hear?

Much love and yes, we will, we will... rock you.

Five Reasons why you should not think you made a bad ad, according to Me.

It all started because of one little argument and bingo, there was my food for another post. Funny how people’s opinions about one thing can totally start up another issue, and this one I’m taking here to WAS so maybe people join in the fun and give us their opinions.

So. Here is the question: Can you tell me, in all honesty, how do you know if an ad is bad?

I mean… what is bad, anyway? For me, it’s totally relative. Like witty, beautiful, boring… bad is such an abstract word that at least in my book can’t totally be defined. We all have our own idea on what it means to each of us and I can bet you a shitload of money that my bad is kind of your bad but not the same bad... sorta. I'll try to think up all the arguments against bad advertising I've heard while slaving away at advertising and give you the other side of the coin on why bad is sometimes.. good?

An ad truly sucks if...

1)... it doesn't stand out of the clutter.
Total bullshit. I can think of a gazillion arguments why this is sometimes not so. People sometimes don’t notice ads, not just because they are a turd on paper, just that they are not looking for that special product or service. Sometimes creatives and clients think that their design stands out like a total atheist at a church (we do look awkward, you gotta accept it) but in all honesty... I've seen normal people browsing the internet or the newspaper and you know what? They just pass the page, honey. All the prizes in the world cannot make your ad be looked at carefully.

2)... it has to be memorable.
Oh come on! In this age when you cannot remember a damn thing because of all the ad bombardment? In fact... can you remember any 5 tv ads that you love and honestly tell me that you know all the brands for each one? COME ON! Maybe you remember three of them. And as well as bad or tasty, memorable is also relative. Why? You forget. Get over it.

3)... it isn't creative/witty.
Ok this one I won't even go there. ... ... ... Ok. OK! I will, dammit. Creative? You mean to tell me creative? Everything is creative! Sometimes it's really crappy creative, sometimes it's way too creative. So there you go. Try to figure how much creative you want with your ad.

4)... if you don't get the message clearly.
Dammit, maybe there you got a point. It does has to be clear. So... yeah. Point taken. Let's move on.

5)... if it's ugly or badly designed.
Tom Cruise is not beautiful for me, people. Ugly is EXTREMELY relative. As well as badly designed. Take, for example, a couple of years ago there has been a trend where you use the ugliest fonts, the most fucked up photographs and you make such a weird ugly design it actually looks fucking awesome. But some of those arts that you see today would have not seen the light of day 10 years ago. Yeah, you know the ones, the funky fonts that you sometimes cringe of using? Yeah. Those ads. Totally would have gotten fired for doing that years ago.

Man, I mean... Jesus Christ. I've seen mediocre ads sell an OBSCENE amount of money. I mean... buttlicking donkey sex obscene. Sometimes clear but not so witty ads will do totally the trick and then some. I've seen clients be so thankful for an ad I was deeply ashamed of because it spiked sales in a huge amount, I've seen award ads of mine go totally unnoticed - only at boring prize shows. You do the math.

This might be a small list and I know the debate can go on for quite a while, but all I want you to really think about is... is your really crappy ad that crap? I do this because all of us sometimes doubt ourselves and sometimes we overthink way too much our creativity. I'm not saying that now you just need to chill and don't produce great concepts. In fact, you shouldn't! But you have to realize that not all the crap that you think of is bad. There are many factors that affect it. Clients, time, your boss, your problems at home, your hormones, your lack of coffee... you are the ad you create. So take it all with a grain of salt.

Embrace the crap within, people. It not all stinks.

Much crappy love, Me.

Fortune Cookie 500#'s 471-475

On newbies
Interns are the altar boys for the priests of advertising.

On having doubts
To err is human, but to question is mandatory.

On the outside world
Pop the perception bubble of your office or miss out on life.

On selective memories
Tempers steal attention from your virtues.

On portfolios
Initial illusions are dissolved with two ingredients: time and work.

Ask WAS: Joker answer - can posting my portfolio online hurt my chances

Would viewing a portfolio via pdf hurt ones chances of being offered an internship? Even in another country?

Interesting question and I’ll give a few different takes on it.

First off, would viewing a portfolio via PDF hurt your chances? The answer: it depends.

A good portfolio transcends the medium in which it is presented and a great portfolio completely embraces it. If your ads suck, it won’t matter in which format it is offered… it will always suck.

However if your portfolio is solid, viewing it via PDF will not hurt your chances and truth be told, ad people are pretty much always devoid of free time. So it can actually help your chances. If however you also have a solid blog/website with your work, creative content and show that you are connected and up to date, it can actually really increase your chances.

Think of it this way. Compare the reaction to receiving a polite email with a spectacular PDF vs. a business card with the link to your kick ass website. In one you can show your work while in the other you can show a lot more of your personality.

Now I do have to mention one thing so you have it in mind, because shit happens EVERY day. If you send your portfolio in any way shape or form, creatives from that agency are very capable of stealing your great ideas. I’m not saying this to deter you from sending your portfolio, I just want to soften the blow if it ever happens because trust me, I’ve seen some shit in agencies that would make you puke.

If you’re going to take anything away from all of our answers, take this… you NEED to stand out. You have about 20 seconds to get someone’s attention. That means that your best work goes in the front, something I’ve often ignored because I try to get an interview and try to talk them into giving me at least 15 minutes of their time to talk. It worked a couple of times, but it’s risky as fuck. Most people put their best work up front and for a reason, it is the first impression. Now if you can also combine this with a kick ass creative website… then you’re golden.

Anyways, hope this helps and best of luck.

Cheers

Ask WAS: Joker answer - Can I call myself an Art Director and... do all of us think we suck most of the time?

Q1: is it bad to call yourself an AD if you can’t design well or not an expert (yet) at the creative suite?

Ok, since I read Me and Restriction’s answer, let me offer you a different perspective, though I should confess that my initial reaction was to offer something along the lines of what they’re saying. But let’s see the question in a new light. You’re asking if it’s bad to call yourself an Art Director if you can’t design well. Quite honestly, it isn’t a bad thing if no one notices. Rather than simply take the high road, sometimes to have success in advertising you need to bullshit your way to the top. Does that mean that you should stop learning? Of course not. But calling yourself A or B isn’t necessarily a wrong thing… ESPECIALLY if you’re trying to get into someone’s pants.

But back to the righteous way… to be honest, calling yourself a full blown AD when you’re a junior is possibly asking to get bitten in the ass by the system. Simply put, if you say you’re an AD but your work looks like a junior designer, people will notice, and normally the end result blows. When you can create a full blown campaign, are able to respond to design demands and last minute requests while still preserving quality to a certain degree, then you’re not necessarily in AD territory, but you’re at least on the right path. Main recommendation though is to not shy away from any challenge and always look to improve your skills. If not for the benefit of your company or the client’s you’re working on, for your own benefit.

Q2: is it normal to sometimes think(or have a near anxiety attack) and say "shit, I suck at advertising, I have no good ideas, should I be doing this? Am I gonna get better? Am I kidding myself?" and sometime you think: "hey! I'm great! My ideas were the best in the room, I kick ass!!!" does that happen to you guys?
Not sure if this is a normal thing but it's definitely a crazy thing.

There are good days and bad days. Period. Your professional self esteem will rarely reflect your supposed reality or what people are thinking about your work. Restrictions said it aptly in the sense that a lot of agencies have a “No-this sucks-try again” attitude and there are a lot of shitty ad execs who consider themselves God’s gift to their agency, their client, advertising in general and the world at large.

And then there’s the good days where you nail it. And that’s where you gotta be careful. I lost count early on how many good ideas I had shot down. Ideas that to this day I think would have worked and my track record when they followed through on some suggestions proves that at the very least, it might have had a slight shot. But no… they shot it down, they frankenfucked it to no end and the end product really sucks. But the idea was good and you can’t forget that.

And yes, there are shit days no matter how long you’ve worked in advertising. You can get blocked on any given project and I’ve called and been called on countless occasions because sometimes we need the help, we need a fresh mind outside the agency trenches that isn’t exposed to the same stress.

It’s actually a lot more normal than you’d think, so don’t freak, take a breather, try and disconnect for half an hour and try again.

Fortune Cookie 500#'s 466-470

On feeling jaded
Professional complacency leads to emotional mediocrity.

On inspiration
With frustration as a muse, anyone can be a Shakespeare of self loathing.

On complacency
A soul is never settled when all it does is settle.

On reality
Ad campaigns create no heroes.

On ego maniacs
Reality is the aspirin for fevered egos.

Ask WAS: Can I call myself an Art Director and... do all of us think we suck most of the time?

From Twitter comes another question:

I have a question for you guys. I'm a Jr AD, just started my career a couple o months ago and I love advertising,I love strategy and I even love to write. Here's the thing. I'm a good idea person, I know my way around software but I won't call myself a designer. I'm definitely not a designer. (I can design... But I have a long way to go)

Q1: is it bad to call yourself an AD if you cant design well or not an expert (yet) at the creative suite?
 

Q2: is it normal to sometimes think(or have a near anxiety attack) and say "shit, I suck at advertising, I have no good ideas, should I be doing this? Am I gonna get better? Am I kidding myself?" and sometimes you think: "hey! I'm great! My ideas were the best in the room, I kick ass!!!"  does that happen to you guys? Not sure if this is a normal thing but it's definitely a crazy thing.

Help. Id love to hear your input. And by the way, your blog kicks ass!

Restrictions writes: 

A1: The term Art Director implies mastering certain skills and possessing certain talents. Unless you master these, consider yourself a designer who will eventually become an Art Director. As I’ve said before, you must first be a cook before you become a chef.

A2: In the ad world, NO ONE will ever say that you are great. The agency universe is a NO environment, where everything sucks, nothing is good enough, and your work can always be improved upon by the Account team and the client. Ours is a world of rejection and ugly feedback. Get used to it… but most importantly, don’t let it get you down. Get tough skin and believe in your work. Learn to choose your battles.

Me writes:

A1: I agree with Restrictions. You are a designer. Director implies that you are the king or queen of your domain, so you need to suffer - I mean, work a little bit more. Soak up those lost weekends working. Try to design a campaign in less than 48 hours and make it awesome. Then we'll knight you AD.

A2: If you meet someone in this business who doesn't question his/her talent, voilá, you met a hack. A total douche. Trust me, 80% of the time we think we suck, even when we kind of know we did something great. Not being so sure of yourself makes you want to do better, makes you give that extra mile to your creativity. Never lose it. And by the way. We do suck, because we work in advertising.

Ask WAS! RestrictionsApply answers: "How do I know if I'm meant to be a copywriter or an Art Director?"

The resident Guru gives us his opinion on the matter: 

Really good copywriters and art directors essentially do the same thing: communicate a message in the most effective manner possible. They both generate and execute ideas. The tools used to accomplish this are different: A copywriter uses language and an art director uses design.

I emphasize the “really good” qualifier because otherwise, you just have a writer and a designer. Not all cooks are chefs. Not all bartenders are “mixologists.” Not all writers are copywriters. Not all designers are Art Directors.

As for what you are meant to be, I guess it all depends on which environment you feel most comfortable working in. Do you have a passion and skill for expressing your ideas with words? Copywriter! Are you more of a visual communicator? Designer!

There’s nothing wrong with experimenting and trying out both fields. Go ahead and see what sticks.

Ask WAS! Me answers: To email your portfolio or not. That is the question.

The questions keep on coming and we're eager to help you out! I mean, let's not waste all these years of experience just in alcohol, right? Oh yes. Alcohol. Get familiar with it, because at the end, we all become drinkers. But I digress... The new question is:

Should I send my portfolio on a pdf via email? Even if it's another country?

Ah. This is a tricky one. I will have to go by what has happened over the 16 years I've been doing it and over all the agencies I worked on. And now, as a agency owner, I will give you my own opinion on how I would hire for internships - and paid work.

First of all let me get this out of the way: if you live in another country, don't send me your book. If you cannot be here by Monday if I want you, I will be very pissed off when giving you a call. Send the portfolio when you are ready to go and live near the agency. Period. Now that we got that clear, let's move on...

Let's start with the basics: in agencies, time is the single most important thing, and usually it's wasted on people not being organized, clients demanding loads of artwork for tomorrow, creatives taking their sweet time on doing stuff... so you can imagine that if you want to walk in and have a meeting, you have a great surprise coming. In all my years, seldom was the time I saw my Creative Director interviewing anyone... and usually they left it to me to handle it. So, you by now know that NOT ALL CREATIVE DIRECTORS WILL INTERVIEW YOU IN PERSON.

It is usually left for people like Seniors, and well... we're just busy sometimes, you know? So you can try to get an interview and see what happens, but in my book, just send your book on a great pdf format.

Now the most important part is this: you need to send it to as much key people you can get your hands on. Call the receptionist on the hellhole you want to work for - damn, I keep making that mistake, I meant ad agency - and tell her to give you the names of the CD, all his seniors and if you can, ask for the Traffic Director's name as well. Now send each person a separate email with the attachment. Be brief, be funny, don't talk crap. Give in less than two sentences what you are interested in doing and click send. DON'T SEND A MASS MAIL, ok? It'll just get lost.

Now. If you are looking for an internship - or work - you will have to bug the shit out of people. And I mean by phone. Yup. Get your ear warm and ready, 'cause you need to make some calls. If you are looking for an internship, I would call any senior, the Human Resources or the Traffic chick to see if they are spots available. If you are working for work, then hold on to your horses: you need to call a bit more. Call the CD, call his assistants. Try to get a date when they will see you and get your butt there IN TIME. Get ready to wait for a lifetime, by the way.

So yes, I would vote to send your portfolio by pdf because even if they are not looking for people right now, your files usually end up in a mass pile of all the people like you, looking to get in. When they need people they do browse to see what's in the pile...

And now comes the big question: is your book cool? For God's sake don't sandwich your doodles with a blank page and click save. You need to have a very cool resume. You need to stand out and trust me, an old boring resume tells us that you're not that interested in coming and that your artwork will be as that page: lame. So get cracking, the first great ad you will ever do is your own. Your resume is the one thing you have to sell yourself, so don't send the first crap that you come up with.

And now that we are talking about what you need to have, at least I like books that have the following...

If you design:

1) Image Campaign Examples

2) Retail Campaign examples

3) Logo design

4) Packaging Design

5) Collateral Designs (Flyers, Brochures, Billboards)

6) Websites (if you can do it, show it)

If you write:

1) Five amazing radio spot scripts

2) Three great TV spot scripts (Have them on storyboard? That would rock)

3) Examples of brochures, long copy items.

4) Image Campaign Examples

5) Retail Campaign Examples

Rule of Thumb: NO MORE THAN 20-25 PAGES. Yep. We don't have much time, so make it count.

More ideas? Sure! Start up a simple website with your work. If you are a writer and you have a blog that doesn't include the profanity that here at WAS we love to engage in, by all means send your URL. Open up an about.me profile and send it via email to anyone you want. Not everything needs to be so strict.

Did you get an offer? Did you get the job? Then grab on to it, kiss some ass (you will need to), don't be cocky, don't be a douche that thinks that by graduating you now know everything (honey, you don't), learn, listen, arrive early, don't bang the secretary and don't touch my desk or my toys. You'll be ok.

Much love to all our interns and Juniors out there, keep tweeting your questions. Look forward to Joker's or Restrictions' answers soon. Me.

UPDATED! Restrictions writes:
No. It'd be even better if you had a website and put in online in the form of a gallery... (See? He does agree on the net thing. Explore it!)