As I sit here enjoying some bit of alcohol during Cinco de Mayo - but not enough drunk enough to go into my I love everybody posts - I realize I haven't written about one key thing that happens to all people who work in advertising.
I'm talking about one word: Fear.
You see, when I started working in this business, something was wrong with me. Although I don't know what it was, I sure know what it felt like: scary. I was scared out of my ovaries. At what? Who the fuck knows? I worked, every single day, scared.
Scared about presenting to people and clients in general. Scared about committing the ultimate sin, a typo. Scared that my concepts sucked donkey balls. Scared that I got to work late. Scared that I went over an hour on my lunch time. Scared that I wasn't creative enough...
It was crippling. This is why I need to write this post, because I know that a lot of students are just joining us and have no idea on how much mistakes they will make, so if I write this, maybe you learn from my mistakes and avoid soooooo much! Does this make sense?
Wait. * Sip from white wine *. Ok, let's move on.
Listen boys and girls. You cannot, and I repeat CANNOT work afraid. You cannot work under the premise that if you don't deliver you will get fired, get a memo or be a failure. You know what? Life is 50-50. You cannot function fearing the worst, all the time. Ad agency life is tough. TOUGH. But you cannot fear the reaper every step of the way.
Get a one hour 10 minute lunch and don't worry so much. Stand up for your concept, even if it's not in strategy - it's not about if you are right or wrong (ok, if you're not on strategy, you're wrong); it's about having some sort of balls and showing them. Scream and fight all you want. Get to work late (once in three months and with a very good excuse). Do a crap ad and own it - it's not your fault, you do not suck, it's just that we are not gems of creativity all the time and it's ok to acknowledge it.
I was one of those who was so afraid of everything, I never truly grew up. It was until the moment I decided to do some very difficult and painful things at one point of my life that I realized that being scared leads to nowhere. You don't move. You don't experience growth. You just stay there. Not being able to move. When I decided that enough was enough, when I faced my fears and went all in, I realized that there were many years when I wasted my career and my opportunities because I didn't believe in myself. How simple, how cruel.
To all my young padawans out there... Don't be afraid. It's ok. Be your best and be your worst. Do one great campaign and three suck beyond belief ads. Let your creative director rip you a new one from time to time, but once in a blue moon, fight for that concept you truly believe will get approved.
So what if someone gets pissed off about your hour and a half lunch time, so what if your ad sucks. Life is not perfect all the time. Neither are all of us.
Be imperfect, have fun. Much love. Me.
May 6, 2011
May 4, 2011
How to enjoy a long yet mediocre career in advertising
- Never complain about how much work you have. Smile as much as possible.
- Agree with whatever your supervisor says. You can feign intelligence by saying “I was just thinking that very same thing!” or “You took the words right out of my mouth.”
- Turn your enthusiasm up to 11 when the office drones “celebrate” your birthday.
- Go crazy on the karaoke machine at the office Christmas party.
- Work late every now and then and put in a few weekends during the year.
- Don’t ever gossip.
- Don't ever like whatever the Creative dept. presents. Always say that you have a concern that you cannot express for some reason.
- When a colleague has too much work, offer to help, but don’t actually do anything. The important thing is that you offered.
- Show up with a box of Krispy Kreme every now and then.
- Don’t take credit for your achievements. This shows what other people call “humility.”
- Use the jargon du jour: 360 approach; algorithm; three-pronged strategy; umbrella concept; communication pillars; sustainable; socially responsible; network cloud; platform integration; copydeck (as opposed to “text”); graphic identity (as opposed to “logo”)…
- Dress somewhere in the middle of Executive and Creative.
- Don’t be the first one to get to the office in the morning, but don’t be the last.
- Don’t be the last one to leave the office, but don’t be the last.
- Limit yourself to two chain mails a month, with the Subject Line: “I never do this, but…”
- Sacrifice a son’s Goofy Games every other year.
- Be discreet about how much you make. This might mean downplaying your exotic vacation, luxury car, nice house, expensive dining habits, etc.
- Don’t ever partake in an office romance.
- On Christmas, Halloween, Easter, St. Valentine’s Day, put a bowl of candy on your desk.
- Don’t impose your intelligence on others.
Fortune Cookie 500#'s 496-500
Well we got to the finish people. I'd offer up some words to finish up this long series of posts, but it would sound like some bullshit Oscar acceptance speech. I will say that this exercise has helped me put a lot of things into perspective and I just hope you've enjoyed this particular series. There are various others I haven't finished like the Diary of an Advertising Intern and the Adventures of Soppy Copy... Who knows, I may actually get motivated to finish those as well. Regardless, thanks for reading and hope you keep enjoying. And now...for the final 5 fortune cookies.
Cheers
On life
Life is a roller coaster ride and work is the crappy line you have to wait in to enjoy that ride.
On success
Your body is wiser than your brain, always follow your gut.
On love
The fact that you put your career and love in a balance means you need to reprioritize.
On advertising
If most people don’t take your job seriously, why should you?
On fortune cookies
Always remember: knowledge and inspiration can arrive from anywhere.
Cheers
On life
Life is a roller coaster ride and work is the crappy line you have to wait in to enjoy that ride.
On success
Your body is wiser than your brain, always follow your gut.
On love
The fact that you put your career and love in a balance means you need to reprioritize.
On advertising
If most people don’t take your job seriously, why should you?
On fortune cookies
Always remember: knowledge and inspiration can arrive from anywhere.
May 3, 2011
5 Stupid things I have to have in my office: Me Edition.
It all started with the moment I went berzerk because I didn't have my Post its. I mean... come on! How can a human being work without those little yellow squared sticky papers from heaven? I stopped all that I was doing in search of them, to no avail. The horror: we're out of Post its. Lord in heaven, help me during my time of need. Life has no meaning... this has to get solved, asap.
Food for post. What simple, idiotic and mundane items you cannot live without at your office? What missing items make you lose your damn mind and make life a living hell? Come on, you know you have them. We all do. It's called Item OCD, and we all need certain things close by to know that the day will be easier.
Here is my list. 5 Items that make working bearable. Here... we... go!
1) Post its.
I need the normal square ones. No. Don't you dare come in with those tiny ones. I need the correct size or it won't be pleasurable. No, I don't need them big as hell also. I need them in the way god intended them to be. Squared, perfect. Color is no issue.
2) Gum.
All anxiety is lost when you unwrap a gummy, sticky little strip of cinnamon heaven. If it's able to make bubbles, count me in. No mint flavors please, it makes me go yuck.
3) Three Medium and two Big Ass Sharpies.
Not having them really makes me angry. In fact, in my office a certain someone usually "asks" for them for "just a second" and they go missing. I've had heated discussions about the fact that my Sharpies cannot leave my immediate sight unless someone is in danger. Lay off of my black delicious markers, dammit! Mine! MINE!
4) My Chronometer
Alas, a copywriter CANNOT live without a decent and most kick ass Chronometer. No, your computer clock does not work for timing your spots, trust me. You NEED a decent one that won't break if your Creative Director rams it up your butt for a bad radio copy. You need something durable. My recommendation is to go to any sports store and splurge on a good one. It will be with you almost forever, so don't be cheap.
5) A Wall Calendar
You will not believe this but I need to print it out and place it near my face or I will go nuts. A printed calendar helps you visualize and better manage your time. For all the advances in technology, this is where I draw the line. My calendar needs to have passed on some sort of print machine and has to be hanging near my body. I need to be able to see it, I need to be able to - in a second - tell clients when I am delivering their ads, how much time do I have to make them, etc.
Bonus and Honorable Mention: Beer.
If you are working late, your ad agency needs to make this bearable. I'm not talking about getting shitfaced, but I do think that working after 11pm deserves a cold one. So in my shop, we do have cold beers to be used late at night to make it easier to handle. Besides, after a few ones we've come up with some weird and cool concepts!
There it is. My list of Non-negociable items. Any of these go missing and you will have a very disturbed Me. Maybe I will not function very well, maybe I will just stop working, get on a car, get my stuff and come back.
Again. I'm serious. Don't touch my sharpies.
Much love, Me.
A world Sans Osama Bin Laden.
Um. Is it Usama or Osama?
Wait. WHO THE FUCK CARES?
Let me start off by saying a very well deserved Congratufuckinglations to all the brave men and women in the armed forces!!! How 'bout them amazing killing, mein friends! You brought to justice one - if not THE SINGLE ONE - most evil motherdouchebag in all mankind, only second to Hitler!
Yeah, I don't give a rat's ass if you think that we should not celebrate the death of a human being. Tell that to all the people who have lost loved ones in all of his operations. In fact, YOUR LIFE has been affected by this low life scum example of a human being (I don't even think he deserves to be called a human), so you know what, pop that champagne bottle and say cheers, 'cause at least I'm celebrating the fact that there is ONE LESS MASS MURDERER FUCK walking this earth. Period.
You don't think he (and his organization) affected our day to day? Let's go back in time and try to remember what it was like, shall we?
Before Bin Laden...
• You could go on a plane with a shitload of water, cologne, toothpaste, sodas or any sort of liquid/cream. Now try to get that Old Spice in that flight, and you will get your ass chewed, big time.
• You could talk about politics, you could joke that you had a bomb, you could even wait in line and talk about your neighbor being a terrorist without getting nailed in security or even get arrested or questioned.
• You were not that afraid to get on a plane or thought that every weirdo in it could actually kill you.
• You could get late to the airport and sort of make it to your flight.
• You would not fear a forgotten bag in a subway, or a street.
• There was NO color coded terror alert of any kind. You either knew that a country was having problems or not. You didn't have to "wonder" what could happen when traveling.
• You could walk the plane back and forth all that you wanted without worrying half of the people in it.
• You could use your electronics at the end of a flight without explaining to anyone that it was made by Apple, not by a fucker Jihad idiot.
• You didn't know about the virgins and suicide bombers. And if you would have, you would not know how much idiotic this premise is.
• The news were a little bit nicer, not geared to scare you out of your body.
So there you go, there it is, life was much easier and happier. It will never be like that again, but still, I am damn glad those brave men and women erased that evil man our of earth, forever.
Suck my balls, Al-Qaeda.
Wait. WHO THE FUCK CARES?
Let me start off by saying a very well deserved Congratufuckinglations to all the brave men and women in the armed forces!!! How 'bout them amazing killing, mein friends! You brought to justice one - if not THE SINGLE ONE - most evil motherdouchebag in all mankind, only second to Hitler!
Yeah, I don't give a rat's ass if you think that we should not celebrate the death of a human being. Tell that to all the people who have lost loved ones in all of his operations. In fact, YOUR LIFE has been affected by this low life scum example of a human being (I don't even think he deserves to be called a human), so you know what, pop that champagne bottle and say cheers, 'cause at least I'm celebrating the fact that there is ONE LESS MASS MURDERER FUCK walking this earth. Period.
You don't think he (and his organization) affected our day to day? Let's go back in time and try to remember what it was like, shall we?
Before Bin Laden...
• You could go on a plane with a shitload of water, cologne, toothpaste, sodas or any sort of liquid/cream. Now try to get that Old Spice in that flight, and you will get your ass chewed, big time.
• You could talk about politics, you could joke that you had a bomb, you could even wait in line and talk about your neighbor being a terrorist without getting nailed in security or even get arrested or questioned.
• You were not that afraid to get on a plane or thought that every weirdo in it could actually kill you.
• You could get late to the airport and sort of make it to your flight.
• You would not fear a forgotten bag in a subway, or a street.
• There was NO color coded terror alert of any kind. You either knew that a country was having problems or not. You didn't have to "wonder" what could happen when traveling.
• You could walk the plane back and forth all that you wanted without worrying half of the people in it.
• You could use your electronics at the end of a flight without explaining to anyone that it was made by Apple, not by a fucker Jihad idiot.
• You didn't know about the virgins and suicide bombers. And if you would have, you would not know how much idiotic this premise is.
• The news were a little bit nicer, not geared to scare you out of your body.
So there you go, there it is, life was much easier and happier. It will never be like that again, but still, I am damn glad those brave men and women erased that evil man our of earth, forever.
Suck my balls, Al-Qaeda.
May 2, 2011
Fortune Cookie 500#'s 491-495
On work hours
Just because it’s a dayjob doesn’t mean we have to spend the ENTIRE day at the job.
On hacks
Mediocrity should be punished by law, not rewarded with promotions.
On your job
You are not defined by what you produce.
On balance
More work means less you.
On excellence
A job well done should not mean a life poorly lived.
Just because it’s a dayjob doesn’t mean we have to spend the ENTIRE day at the job.
On hacks
Mediocrity should be punished by law, not rewarded with promotions.
On your job
You are not defined by what you produce.
On balance
More work means less you.
On excellence
A job well done should not mean a life poorly lived.
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