Car Wash Goes Horribly Wrong

Ping Pong Loco

Isn't it someone's constitutional right to call the president a dick? Just saying...

Jobs we love to hate

After a couple of years in the ad biz, you see a tendency of repetitive types of jobs you get in your inbox. I don’t refer to what you have to do regarding non-traditional media, radio, TV, print etc. I mean the essence of what a job is… their personality. You start seeing a pattern and you almost know what headaches await you just for having drawn the short straw. Here are a few types.

1. Jason Jobs



The job that just – won’t – die. No matter what approach, what angle, what tactics or instructions you receive, it is regurgitated by the system so you can try again… and again… and again. These types of jobs also happen to be little shit ads that are not important. They suck, they’re stupid and they won’t go away.

2. Sparkle Poop Jobs



When you have a questionable exec come to your desk to tell you about a great new project, take the time to see beyond the glitter and realize it’s just a glitzed up piece of shit. The exec proceeds to talk in a peppy Splenda sweetened Red Bull tone and before you realize what it is you exactly have to do, you have a deadline and are left alone to deal with the glitter turd that’s looking up at you from your desk.

3. Fingerjobs



Sometimes you piss off an exec. You might have said something insensitive, maybe you told them the truth or maybe you just bit their head off for leaving at 6 while you were stuck ‘til 11. This is a retaliatory job, sent just to fuck with you and make you regret you had the gall to tell them they suck to their face.

4. Frankenjobs






If you see a reasonable deadline, ALWAYS read the fine print. Once you prune the email origami, you see that below is a monster job that has 27 parts to do and suddenly you realize you have been attacked by the Frankenjob. What was supposed to be a layout or radio ad from what the Subject reads turns out to be a communications Cerberus. Countless heads, no weak points and no obvious way regarding to how you’re going to survive.

5. The Jewel




Ah yes, you have to keep an eye out for the Jewel. It’s the project equivalent to a unicorn. It’s well explained, has a comfortable deadline, the potential to be effective and creative and the client is willing to buy good ideas. It’s a job species in danger of extinction and if you happen to be the go-to guy, you rarely get these because since you aren’t a diva and focus on damage control, you are needed in the land of fans during a shit storm. If you get a jewel job, polish it, treat it with care and count your lucky stars.

The ten Advertising Commandments – 2011 Edition

Commandments are supposed to be guidelines for you to live a full and righteous life. Advertising people often lose perspective of what matters so here’s a list of commandments that will lead you to enlightenment.

1. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s layout.

Envy is destructive and focusing on what someone else is doing will take your focus from what YOU have to do. Focus Daniel san or Danielle daughter.

2. Thou shalt honor the Sabbath and the Sundayeth.

If you always have to work late and weekends your job sucks. This is obvious and it’s sad you needed someone to tell you but hey, that’s what we’re here for. Your weekends should be sacred, your job shouldn’t.

3. Honor thy family over thy corporate family.

Fuck HR and their psycho babble. A corporate family exists simply because we spend more time working together than we do living life. Never dare to put your family in a balance with your profession or you will live to regret it.

4. Thou shalt not worship any type of bronze, silver or golden idol.

Advertising prizes serve merely to stroke your ego and possibly get more money. They also happen to often be fixed and just because you did the best work doesn’t mean it’ll win anything. It’s not an Oscar or an Emmy and regardless, if what you do to get that award makes you feel empty, then what’s the point.

5. Thou shalt not steal ideas from Archive magazine.

Success should not depend on a subscription and the ability to plagiarize.

6. Thou shalt not murder thy personal life.

Simple reminder: You have a life, live it.

7. Thou shalt not cheat on your chosen partner with your job.

If you spend way much more time working than spending time with your loved one, you’re wrong and it’s not too late. Every day that you do not remedy this is a lost opportunity to live.

8. Thou shalt not think thou art curing cancer.

You are making an advertisement. Have pride in your work, but never lose perspective of what you’re really doing. You might sell more chicken, maybe an extra car, maybe you’ll convince someone to try something new… but you are not saving the world. It’s just a job.

9. Thou shalt not be more creative in what you wear than what you do.

If your wardrobe is more creative than your work, you have a problem.

10. Thou shalt always have thy résumé updated.

Empower yourself and you will disarm your job from making you think that you HAVE to be there.

Hold the tits

For a few years I’ve been an anti titty bar advocate. Please don’t misunderstand, it’s not that I don’t enjoy beautiful naked women or breast in general, it’s just that the inversion in a night out to a strip club is so ridiculously expensive that I can’t help but get pissed off at myself to pay someone to slap their tits on my face, when I get that free at home. To be honest, my problem with strip joints in general has to do more with the people who go to a strip club than those who work at one. It’s the equivalent to a movie theater… sometimes you’d rather take that asshole that’s on the phone ruining your experience and saw him in half.

This past weekend I went to half a bachelor party and skipped the second act. First act was a congregation of friends having beer, talking, having fun and catching up… the second part included the visit to an undisclosed nudie bar in x or y place where the groom to be didn’t really want to go.

I’ve been to bachelor parties before and that’s why I expressly prohibited my friends from getting me a stripper. It’s not an honor code or that I have to be faithful. It’s just that I had two bachelor party experiences which were so bad that I’d rather avoid that scenario altogether.

Women often wonder what the hell happens in a bachelor party. What’s the mystique and what’s the big deal? Some guys may cry foul that I’m writing about this and say I’m a brownie point hogger who is so pussy whipped he’ll betray his fellow brothers. Those guys are EXACTLY the reason why I want to write this.

First off, the disclaimer: I’m a guy, I’m happily married and am still new at the marriage business since I’m only 8 months in, though I went out with Mrs. Joker for almost 5 years before tying the knot. I love my wife. We respect each other. She turns me on and I find her incredibly sexy. I would never dream of cheating on her. Oh and I also still watch porn. This is nothing to do with being against women who choose stripping as a means to an end… this post is about two experiences that weren’t fun and I don’t see the point of wasting $500 on.

So what happens at a Bachelor Party? Well it obviously depends… but more than depending on the Bachelor, it depends on who organized the party. What happens is that in 90% of bachelor parties, the wishes of the groom to be are not obeyed. In my case I had to be specific and nasty so as to carry across the point that I wasn’t interested. People were bummed, they wanted to throw me a party with strippers and the whole sh’bang… I desisted, and resisted and snapped at people. Might have gotten people pissed off at me, but it saved money and it saved me a headache at the end of a retarded night. But I digress… what determines what happens in a party is who coordinates the event. For the time I was a best man, I let someone else find the strippers, I did the calling, collected the money and took my belt whipping like a man, putting on a happy face for the watchers on. Oh and the level of debauchery directly correlates with the amount of alcohol present in someone’s system.

In one of the parties, two hookers/strippers were called because of their libertarian views and elevated threshold for disgusting guys. They were flexible, moderately attractive and didn’t mind getting down and dirty. They are also known for doing any and everything. No rules barred, yada, yada, yada. They danced, they stripped, they beat the shit out of me with a belt and if I wanted I could have made out, finger banged or fucked any of the two… unfortunately the whole being a hooker thing isn’t my thing and I was just tolerating the experience more than anything. My point of view is that women I didn’t know, who weren’t exactly my type were naked in front of me… and a whole bunch of guys. Maybe I don’t have that frat gene in me, but I felt ridiculously uncomfortable. After the dance show, it turns out one of the girls “disappeared” with a guy. Who the guy in question was is up to conspiracy theories, head counting and whoever knows the truth but the fact of the matter is that someone played the STD roulette not thirty feet from where I was.

The second bachelor party in question had me luckily able to not be engaged in the scene. Same scenario: two girls, anything goes, they rock, they’re awesome, this night is going to be epic… when the strippers get to the house in question, it’s the same girl as the last time and another friend. Money is rounded up and I take a seat where I can kind of see the action but am close enough to the door so I can bolt if need be. I didn’t bolt and some part of me regrets that because I saw shit that was just wrong. Three guys groping one girl would have been bad enough, but no… I had to see three guys make a queue to eat the hooker’s pussy. I was grossed out and disappointed in most of the people there because I actually know the girlfriends or wives of the guys in question and all the while I had to ask myself what the fucking point was.

Seeing this reaction from me, I had to go back to my first bachelor party to remember a positive titty bar experience. I was pretty much a kid, we went to a strip joint, the groom to be got VIP treatment, I was in the front row, I got handed a wad of dollar bills and one particularly well endowed dancer was not only beautiful and sweet, but she danced to Pearl Jam. She was a stripper, but she wasn’t slutty and even in retrospect, I wouldn’t have minded having a fully clothed conversation with her. We had our drinks, dropped our bills, gave our thanks and said goodbye. Sure the groom got put on stage, his shirt was ripped and he got ice poured on his balls… but it was in a controlled environment.

What I’ve lived in other bachelor parties has included people drinking too much, making poor decisions and living to regret them the next day. Actually, this past weekend if the topic of the nudie bar had come up earlier when people were a little less drunk and we had a little more money in our wallet, I probably would have gone along… but when you mix alcohol, with “friends” who don’t listen to what you want to do, stupid shit is bound to happen.

So if you’re engaged and don’t necessarily want to go the hooker banana show in the apartment route, by all means say thanks for the party offer, but would you mind holding the tits?

Cheers

LebWrong and Yeswinski

NBA fever hit a refreshing high these past finals and though I didn’t watch most of the games because I’m superstitious like that, it doesn’t mean I wasn’t following the series. Far from being a diehard, I was one of the casual thousands that started watching when the drama was getting delicious, and boy, did this series deliver.

Now that things have finally cooled down, there’s still a few things that people will continue to talk about… mainly about Lebron James and how he’s to blame for the Heat getting KOd in 6 and Dirk Nowitzky biting the bullet and playing hard.

If you’d had to sum up the finals, you’d include the implosion of Lebron James, the close but no cigar effort of Dwayne Wayde, the annoying gnat-like brilliance of JJ Barea, Attack of the Jasons, Chris Bosh being the smallest of the Big 3 and the resurrection of Larry Bird, via a 7’ Power Forward.

What most people are still talking about is obviously Lebron James because after the series ended, he had some great lines to share to continue making himself easy to hate.

"At the end of the day, all the people that were rooting on me to fail, at the end of the day they have to wake up tomorrow and have the same life that they had before they woke up today."

Nice.

Then he backtracked, people defended him and he said he didn’t mean it like that. By that he obviously means most of the people in the United States who were rooting for the team that wasn’t supposed to win, but did.

There are so many reasons people throw in the Wilt Chamberlain comparison and say that he’s no Jordan.

Skill wise everyone agrees he’s one of the best players ever and when he’s on, he’s unstoppable. The same could be said for Jordan, but guess what, you could count how many bad games Michael had and he never stopped trying. He didn’t melt under pressure and if Lebron thinks he had pressure on him and spotlights, he should see taped reruns of NBA games in the 90’s. It was all Michael, all the time. So trust me, he could handle the pressure while Lebron has long been called mentally weak.

I’m not saying I could handle said pressure. I know I can’t. That's why I have a desk job. The constant scrutiny? Couldn't handle that either. But I do know one thing, if I were famous I’d be a little more grateful to the people who’ve gotten me there. Whereas other people stuck with their teams even if they never won a championship ring, Lebron did the smart business maneuver to switch to the Heat. Cleveland shall never forgive him and star haters will always use him as a punchline for that. But it’s his choice of profession plus his choice of words that have put him there and I’m sure his PR rep is also to blame.

Michael Jordan is known as the greatest, one of the best clutch players in the history of the sport, a legend and a likeable guy. This is one hell of a job PR wise because his disgruntled comments when he was accepted into the hall of fame and his asshole attitude was apparently par for the course… but no one knew, ever. Lebron for the most part has been constructed to be an emotionally fragile player. Someone who can’t clutch. Someone who does vanishing acts in fourth quarters. Someone who’s a little baby and runs off his mouth because he’s a sore loser. Someone who for one series was the Maverick’s 4th quarter bitch. That’s what the news made him out to be, because of actions and comments that have been deemed as beneath his greatness. That he openly refers to himself as the king or the chosen one doesn’t help either and being a cocky sumbitch all the time also shows he is lacking.

Then he says wonderful things like: "The Greater Man upstairs know when it's my time. Right now isn't the time".

I love it how it’s basically a given that he will win a title. Some people say he’s too good and others buy into the hype, wear his shoes, wear his jersey and chew his gum. Has anyone ever thought that this would be the single greatest motivator for top level athletes? Keeping a cocky great player down? Keeping him from his dream? Seriously, denying someone what they want because of their behavior is not below anyone. It’s spurred on actually and Lebron has done just about everything to put a target on his back making the road to a championship even harder.

Apart from the other storylines mentioned, there’s Dirk Nowitzki. Viking assassin. Heat killer. His run for the money was focused, sharp and tough. He singlehandedly pushed the Mavericks past most games. He was made to be a hero and he delivered falling short in only one game to not be the one man gang (game three where he missed what would have been a game tying two pointer). Torn ligament, playing with a high fever, clutch playing, making plays, scoring winning baskets and being the modern day Bird. I’ve heard Larry hates the comparisons mainly because he’s the type of guy that doesn’t want to take anything away from any player, but the fact is the closest comparison is Bird. Tough, hard working players who compensate others assets by practicing and nailing big shots. Dirk scored so many important shots that anyone else getting an MVP would have been an insult.

On the other team the only guy playing for keeps was Dwayne Wayde. He kept pushing but when you have deadweight the likes of Lebron on your back and you have a team who just won’t go away and give you the title you deserve, well crazy things happen… like losing to the team you were supposed to shut out. And people ate it up. People were happy the Heat lost, me included.

The funny thing is that people have said the hate for the Heat is based on race. Dirk’s white and the Big 3 are black, hence we have to go with the great white hope.

Such a comment is a dick, sore loser idiotic thought at best. I’m not saying no one was rooting for the Mavericks because of the race card… I’m saying that the Heat did most everything in their power to have people hate them short of throwing flagrant fouls as nasty as the Lakers.

I’ve heard people say people have gone against Lebron because he’s black, rich and talented… Last I checked there were a lot of black guys who have had a big fan base and didn’t get as much hate: Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippen, David Robinson, Tim Duncan, Charles Barkley, Dennis Rodman, Isaiah Thomas, John Salley, Magic Johnson, Julius Erving, Kareem Abdul Jabar, Akeem Olajuwon, Dikembe Mutombo, and Shawn Kemp to say a few. As you can see, I also took the liberty of going through a couple of years, a couple of teams, a couple of levels of fame and a couple of nationalities. But all of these guys had fans and people at some time or another rooted for them.

As you can also see, I didn’t mention Alonzo Mourning, Shaq, Kobe, John Starks, or Karl Malone for a reason, I never liked them and I rooted for them to lose. They were the heels, the villains in many of the series I watched and even when he got a kidney transplant, Mourning was still very much unliked even if off the court he was a great guy.

What I guess I’m trying to get at is that apart from the on court drama and the exciting series we were able to watch, there was a subplot of personalities, real and fabricated, comments, real or taken out of context, and players both great and small. Lebwrong and Yeswinski was a storyline and we all fell in love with the series for giving even casual observers a reason to read articles and watch games... regardless of who won the series in the end, the reality is there was one really big winner… The House. And just like a casino, the house always wins.

It doesn’t figure

Pounds, kilos, calories, fat content, protein, low gluten, hi fiber, mid range, size eight to size four in only two days, lose now, buy later, pay in four easy installments, get the body you want now. Be a better you, lose those unwanted pounds, eat better, feel healthier, washboard abs, only six minutes a day, free trial, shipping and handling not included, buns of steel. Life changing, historic, save your life, save money, spend less, eat more, eat whatever you want. Don’t suffer, no pain no gain, no purchase necessary, stop the insanity, fun for all the family, the secret of the juice, magical berries, ancient Chinese secret, detox, delightfully delicious, fat free, sugar free, low sodium, home style goodness.

The “civilized” world at large is obsessed with weight. This isn’t rocket science, it’s not a new discovery, it’s just something people should be periodically reminded of so they don’t forget that it’s ok to gain a pound or two and that watching your weight isn’t a bad thing unless it becomes an obsession exclusively focused on poundage rather than health.

I admit that lately I’ve been trying to modify certain things in my normal day to day because I’ve felt the waist band tighten a bit. But that’s due to bad eating decisions, worse eating habits and the lack of physical activity, but with every effort I NEED to remind myself that I’m doing whatever I’m doing for my health as much as to maintain my weight.

As a society, American culture will always be obsessed with weight. Image is everything, substance is a nice to have and your own brain? Well that’s a prized possession nowadays. A while back I heard a five year old girl say that she was fat. Five years old… and already thinking about her figure. I’m not saying one shouldn’t take into account a child’s weight especially since child obesity is at an all time high, but seeing a perfectly normal and very adorable five year old projecting learned behavior of angst was heart breaking at best.

I then look at friends of all ages and see the suffering men and women go through because of their weight. Btw, yes ladies, men have feelings too and if you say he’s so cute and chubby, there’s a chance it hurts just as much as it does when you say it to a girl. The difference is that a man is expected to take it since social standards are much more flexible when it comes to penis porters.

“Thin is in” is a dangerous motif if you apply it to your lifestyle irresponsibly and I’ve seen beautiful women subject themselves to insane diets just in the name of “looking better”, becoming more appealing, fitting into that sexy black dress or “taking control of their lives”. It’s not that one shouldn’t look after one’s figure, lord knows maintaining a healthy weight is good for your spinal column, your feet, your knees, your heart, your liver and your kidneys just to name a few, but losing weight unhealthily is often much worse than being slightly overweight and the exact same things that could benefit from a lower weight are affected directly from achieving the number results through bizarre diets.

The amount of existing products, programs, routines and services to help people lose weight is ridiculous. Now saying advertising is to blame for this social weight complex might seem far-fetched, but saying our industry is devoid of responsibility is just rude. You just have to see a casting for a commercial to see the standards of beauty expressed in the selection process. It doesn’t matter whether you’re cool or nice or talented, it just matters that you have a pretty face, a nice ass and the required hooter size to please the targeted demographic. But that’s the point, advertising responds to people’s interests, and people want to see thin people – beautiful people – tanned people – perfect people.

A tummy tuck here, a breast augmentation there, chin lift, eye lift, botox treatments and voila… you have ceased looking like the person you really are. Sometimes the effects are positive, but often times, people focus more on the outside than the inside. Vanity and Fear are two hellish motivators that will forever push the economy. All I’m saying is that one should be happier with whom they are and if not start from there. A one night stand depends almost exclusively on physical chemistry but a relationship depends on the intangibles, the nuances, the details and on interpersonal chemistry.

You should like the person you are. You should feel comfortable in your skin. You should eat healthy to be healthy. You should live healthy to enjoy life. All the things people subject themselves often weaken the spirit by embedding importance on what’s on the surface. A person should be beautiful from the inside out and wilting a child’s innocence to project your physical fears as a parent is unfair. Let the child have its chocolate, let them relish on a twinkie. But also insist on the goodness of eating all types of food. Of following a balanced diet and of being active. If you hear your child saying that they are fat, maybe it’s time to have a chat and what better excuse for a nice long calorie burning walk, than to nurture what really matters, which isn’t what appears in TV screens or magazines.

Cheers

For those of you who actually care: US Ad Agencies at Cannes 2011

Via The Knot Collective. Click to enlarge and for more info, at the name of the post. For the rest of us who really cannot give a rat's ass about Cannes and think that the real prize in advertising is getting home early and seeing your family... enjoy all the posts below. Life is good, huh? Yeah. I know.

Coffee: The Greatest Addiction Ever

Introducing the Chromebook. Interesting.

Thoughts? I kind of think it's very clever. It's not a Mac, but it's ok. Feel free to tell us what you think. Besides. I kind of like the ad.

TED Talk: The Internet is hiding things from us, and we don't even know it.

A comment worthy of a post: A Tired Creative writes back

What is it with ad people and stress? That was the post that got this amazing response, so brilliant that we had to post it. Thank you, TiredCreative. You made our day.

Here is the comment in full:

I find that 70% of the stress is created because the people hiring us, whether it's the CEO, the Executive CD, or the clients, react to any error, however minor, like it's the end of the world. I don't know about at your agency, but at mine (my former, I'm gone, and honestly thinking about quitting the business for good), one broken link on a website precipitates panicked, angry phone calls from the client at 4 o'clock in the freaking morning.

The general attitude is "We're charging/spending a lot of money for you stupid creatives to play with pictures, which the rest of the world views as highly irrelevant, so it'd better be perfect."

As a woman in the industry, as well, the subtle and blatant sexism both add to the stress. I have been denied basic work materials while my male counterparts (and subordinates!) received them in triplicate. I've had men on the same level as me try to act like my boss, and when I (and my co-workers) told them "No you may not," they persisted, and it was just fine, because they're in the Old Boys Network. I have also had the pleasure of watching a man's name being put on an award I won! Men are viewed as inherently creative, funny, witty, whatever...women are viewed in this industry as...kinda in the way.

Finally, the other 30% of it is inept Account Executives. Jay-sus. If you add up all the time they spend either sitting on a job so you have to slap it together in miracle-worker time, or not following up with a client so something that should've had a two-week timeline needs to be done in three days, or simply giving me stupid-crazy deadlines without ever negotiating with the client (because EVERYTHING is an emergency), you'd have the rest of the stress right there.

Why am I even remotely considering staying in this field? I dunno...because I can make cool stuff and wear "whatever" to work. But I've also learned that the higher you climb in the agency, the less chance you get to do even those two things.

I'm considering paying my bills with phone sex. And that's no joke. It's got all of the sexual harassment and creativity of advertising, but I can do it from home and make my own hours. Failing that, I could rob a bank, like that middle-aged man did, for the healthcare.

Oh, and I'll add to that, poor time management. My pie chart is full, so I don't know what percentage of stress poor time management contributes, but it's a damn domino effect, and it starts with the client.

1. Client demands something with an impossible timeline.
2. AE, scared of the client, accepts.
3. Traffic Manager, knowing the job is impossible anyway, sits on scheduling it.
4. Creative team sits on it further because they're panicking about how they're going to get 3 print ads and 2 radio spots banged out before 6 p.m.
5. Creative Director sits on signing off on creative because s/he has his/her own schedule and will get around to it whenever s/he feels like it.
6. Creative team stays late for the 40th night in a row because the ads aren't signed off yet.
7. Client requests 40 jillion rounds of revisions. Due IMMEDIATELY.
(Sometimes) 8. Client "takes back" half of those revisions. "On second thought, I liked your previous version better." Or, worse yet, "Let's combine my revisions with your original idea and create a hodgepodge of fuckery! It looks ugly, it sounds ugly, but I am the client!"

Rinse, repeat. Sound familiar? Hope so, 'cause this has been the story in every agency in my experience!

Floyd can duck fighters, but not the law

If you’ve read this blog long enough, you know I’m a boxing fan… as in a serious boxing fan. You’ll also have realized by now that Floyd Mayweather is probably my least favorite boxer in the world but one of my favorite topics to write about. People say Floyd is the man, number one pound for pound and I’ve ALWAYS had a beef with staying quiet over said statements. Simply put, Floyd’s skills have not matched the level of his opposition on too many occasions. Shane Mosley last year was a case for his greatness, but given Shane’s dismal outings as of late, you can’t help but ask if Floyd waited for the right time to fight Shane… meaning when he WASN’T a threat to his undefeated streak. I’m not saying he hasn’t got skills, he has INSANE skills… but that’s just the point. Floyd is the Lebron of boxing regarding skill… arguably the most talented boxer on the planet, loves the media hoopla, but almost unwilling to reach the finals in the sense that though his fights are built up to be huge and he fights only big money fights, his legitimacy has ALWAYS been in question because of his selection of opponents.

Manny Pacquiao has always said he’ll fight anyone they put him up against. It doesn’t matter who, he’ll go into the ring and do his best. And his best is something to behold. Face it, if Pacquiao has ever been in a boring fight, it’s because his opponent doesn’t want to engage him… not vice versa. Floyd has always been known as a safety first fighter and though it leads to a great record and to a largely unblemished face, it also leads to boring fights… fights we know he’s going to win. You put him up against Sergio Martinez, Paul Williams, Antonio Margarito and other people his size or larger, and things don’t seem nearly as clear in regards to the result. By the way, I refer to Sergio Martinez now, Paul Williams before he got knocked out last year and Antonio Margarito before he was caught cheating, got destroyed by the once great Shane Mosley and got his ass handed to him by Manny Pacquiao.

So now Floyd’s going to face Victor Ortiz… and to be honest, it was never on my mind. Ortiz is a legitimate title holder, young, strong, can punch and fast. He’s also left handed, something that has actually been a factor against Floyd in the past (Zab Judah was no walk in the park and Floyd is thankful Judah just doesn’t have that much stamina). Unlike many other fights, it’s an interesting prospect because it represents something we haven’t seen Floyd face… a legitimate challenge.

Does this mean I think Ortiz has a chance in hell? Well if you’ve read any of my boxing posts, you know I don’t like Floyd, but that I think he’s insanely talented. You should also know better than to ever bet against Floyd... and yes even if it is against Pacquiao. I’d just like him to put his money where his fists are and this fight is a start.

Another extreme sport milestone: the Triple Backflip

Instead of writing a long ass post of why this is awesome, just watch the damn clip. JESUS!

Crazy is ageless… I think

What’s 67, older than you, younger than you and probably creeping you out a little? The marriage between Doug Hutchison and Courtney Alexis Stodden.

Though it may be fun to make judgment calls, I’m writing about this because like many people I saw the news article and was a little creeped out about it. But at having that reaction, I decided to ask myself why is it so creepy… though it’s fucking obvious… a 51 year old man marrying a 16 year old aspiring country singer ex-beauty queen is food for thought if you happen to have had too much to drink, need to vomit and the images of a naked grandma aren’t doing it for you. Add to this that she looks like she’s already had at least 4 plastic surgeries and I think there’s enough material here to begin writing at least 3 Lifetime movies. Oh did I mention that they had to go to Nevada AND get her parents’ consent? Yeah… not exactly normal.

But that’s just it, because we’re so grossed out we don’t even accept the possibility of real love existing between a middle aged character actor and a mall girl (no I didn’t leave out the S). He says she came at a difficult time during his life… disturbing sentence when taken out of context that’s for sure, but maybe it’s true. Maybe the love is genuine, the circumstances are true, and the commitment to marriage is real… or maybe it’s a publicity stunt. Maybe it’s the workings of a disturbed man who wants a legitimate run at pedophilia. Maybe both scenarios are true… or maybe we just care too much about other people’s lives instead of our own.

Yes friends, there is a point to this rant. Though some people might feel obligated to give a damn whether a 51 year old man’s marriage to a 16 year old girl is morally correct, I choose to sit this one out because it’s not my life and these people will face enough scrutiny and tabloid fire to last about seven lifetimes. So what’s my judgment call? Simple… to not judge and mind my own business. Does it, can it and will it creep me out? So what? If they don’t care, we really shouldn’t either.

Cheers

Over and Dunn

Ryan Dunn from Jackass lore died in the morning of June 21… I’m not going to say I’m weeping about it. I’m not. It’s sad to see anyone pass away even under the circumstances. It’s possible Dunn was either speeding, drinking and driving or all of the above. Right now Bam Margera is waging war against Roger Ebert for Ebert’s debatable tweet about Dunn’s passing. Below is the excerpt from the tweet that has people buzzing.

“Friends don’t let jackasses drive drunk.”

Afterwards, Bam Margera lost it and went on a twitterriffic tirade saying Ebert was cruel, insensitive, and vicious (obviously in much more choice words as is the case of Bam’s vocabulary). Perez Hilton later backed up Bam on this one and Ebert yet again replied:

"Perez Hilton's readers agree with me and not with Perez about my tweet on Ryan Dunn. He drank, he drove, 2 people died."

So in less than 24 hours of Ryan’s death, the focus has passed from a horrendous car crash that claimed the life of a 34 year old crazy but likeable guy and his passenger to a tweetathon about written sticks and stones. The attacks against Ebert have been heinous and there has been a palpable wave of support for Dunn.

What strikes me as shocking though are two things: that it took this long for one of the members of Jackass to actually die and that it was Ryan instead of some of the less stable people (Steve-O comes to mind). These people had so many close calls with death (which they purposely put themselves in) that maybe they all thought they were some sort of counterculture immortals; frat versions of Evil Knievil, if you will.

The evidence Ebert based his comment on is the picture of Ryan having a beer with friends hours before the crash and of course, the state of the vehicle in question which barely resembles the carcass of a car. The reality is that since Twitter became the big shit, PR representatives have had to up the dosage of their meds since they can’t control what people tweet. But I’m not going to delve into that topic just yet, because that’s not the point. And neither is the bitch fit fights between Perez, Bam and Ebert. The point is that a kid died last night. Some people will mourn, some will have their opinions, the coroner will say a couple of things regarding the reason of why it happened, but the reality is that two people died in a car crash… along with other thousands of people, thousands of friends, and a million other things that happened and weren’t on the news. Life goes on for those of us who are still alive and we should make our lives count.

Dunn might have been a jackass, but in his frat boy insanity, he led what he possibly believed was a full life. He lived on the fast lane and died on it… it might be tragic to some, poetic to others or logical and stupid to others more. But ask yourself, what does that mean in your life?

After you answer that question, take out your phone, scroll down the names and call 5 random people to see how they are. Then you’ll hear news that relates to you and matters more to your life than the passing of a celebrity.

Cheers

I’m an excited muggle and I’m proud of it

I like Harry Potter. I’m not ashamed. I’m proud even. I’m not alone either.

If you’ve been hiding under some rock anywhere in the world, the last decade has definitely been marked by a lighting scar that has burned fiercely in the hearts and foreheads of millions of fans of the boy wizard.

The collective fortune generated by the books, movies, videogames, merchandise and theme park is simply ludicrous. It probably makes Scrooge McDuck’s life savings look like a puddle in the ocean of money known as the Wizarding World.

There are two Wizard countdowns going down at the moment. One includes the final installment of the Harry Potter series. If you read the book, you know what happens and the ending seems like an epic finale for the fantasy film ages. The other countdown is mere hours away and it has to do with the website you can access by clicking here or on the title of the post.

So what the hell is Pottermore? I haven’t the foggiest… and neither does anyone. Speculations are running rampant from new books, to an online community with games and stories, to a Wizarding Wikipedia to a direct connection into JK Rowling’s brain.

What it is, none of us know, but I can bet I’m not the only excited muggle in the world. That’s because this series has been a key to helping me keep my inner child alive and healthy. For the movie I’m re-reading the entire series and I’m up to the Order of the Phoenix (Book 5 of 7). As a fan, I can’t ask for more from this series because the books were great, the movies for the most part have been fantastic (Goblet of Fire was kinda sucky though), and the theme park was something else. This is something I look forward to sharing with my children so their dad can be their very own personal audio book.

What the hell is Pottermore? Only time will tell and I for one am glad that the Fat Lady from the Gryffindor portrait has not sung yet.

Cheers

Fifty People One Question: PostSecret

Ok. I'll tell you mine.

Months can go by and I don't need to see my family - but it makes me feel very guilty that I can do that.

Shit, that was hard.

The Truth In Ad Sales

Sort of reminds me of "Truth in Advertising"...

The Dog and the Elephant. This was an news assignment?

Don't get me wrong. I love dogs! But... a news assignment? Come on.

Must watch! 30 Years of BAD Pictures

Great script alert: 50/50

"What is it with Ad People and their stress?"

That was the line that hit me like a ton of bricks yesterday. Why?

Because, for the life of me, I could not find a way to answer the question.

Let's start from the beginning. It's simple, I just have a huge muscle pain in my neck from moving some heavy boxes. Well, that's what may have happened - along with other things in my life like too much stress, long hours working and some big changes in my life. I guess it was all too much emotions in a couple of weeks and my body went: Fuck you. Pain started a couple of months ago and when yesterday I couldn't take it any longer, I went to the doc.

So as I was sitting there getting my hit of good old medicine, my doctor started asking me from where did I learn about him. I told him that he treats RestrictionsApply and that he recommended him to me, that we used to work together and that we were great friends, yada yada yada. Oh, he said, what do you do? Advertising.

And then he asked the question: why is it that all of you ad people have so much stress?

As I sat there with a needle going in my back, I was more in pain with the fact that I could not answer him right away than the injection. I could not, for the life of me, tell him a decent reason. I vaguely answered that we work under limited time - but honestly, that is a shit excuse. He laughed, told me that stress usually manifests itself in sickness and strained muscles, that I needed to chill and that he would see me in two weeks. Great. Wonderful. Now I feel great but confused.

I went home and asked my boyfriend the same question. He also works in advertising and, you guessed it, he could not really find a decent answer. He voted for the "it's the bosses and clients' fault" - and he also knew that it was not a decent reason.

We sat there in silence. We don't know why ad people have so much stress. In fact, we do know some of the causes, but it's all bullshit:

• We have a small amount of time to do the creative.
Sure, why not. But sometimes we do have quite a lot of days to do our jobs. Maybe it's the fact that we're fucking around with our toys and watching some idiotic videos in YouTube and THEN we have a small amount of time to do our shit.

• Our clients demand too much out of us.
Who doesn't demand a lot from any person in the world? A patient demands his doctor to treat and save his or her life, for God's sake! How in the world can we actually say this without shame? They demand a lot because it's completely normal!

• Creative work is usually a mental exercise, therefore we drain ourselves.
Come the fuck on. Being an engineer is exactly the same. Christ, even working in Burger King demands some sort of thought process. Telling people that we have to think way more than any other profession is a turd of an excuse.

• If we make a mistake, it costs a lot of money.
Yeah. Sure. Great! Try comparing your job, your average stupid job of making a tv ad, a print ad or a boring radio spot to this: try to operate on a man who has cancer and try not to make a mistake - or you will KILL HIM. Ok kiddies, listen up: there is NO TYPO that compares in cost to losing a life. So... another shit line down the drain.

If you really think about it, and I mean just take a breather, sit down and try to explain in a decent manner that actually makes sense to someone that doesn't know crap about this industry why the freaking fuck are we so stressed out all the time.

I mean. For what? What can possibly be so stressful about making a print ad? Does life in this world depend on this full page full color? No, man! And it's the same for any other campaign! Why are we thinking that the world depends on our creativity or why do we channel all our energy to the point of sickness to this really normal job we call advertising?

It's just an ad!!!! What is wrong with us??????????

Much love from a very confused Me.

Fast Lane by Volkswagen. Most epic!

Frankenstein was not born, it was created. Deal with it.

It all started with a phone call. Then the monster growled and all the people got scared and ran away. The funny thing about life is that sometimes it resembles a very B-Movie drama/horror flick. I guess it's our choice to stay the course, eat the popcorn and watch - or leave the theater early to have some fun doing something else.

This post is about family. It's about the impact family members can have on people. As you know by now, I'm the worst cynic ever. I find it hard to believe in people. Jesus, (pun intended) I don't even believe in God. And also, I have some issues with family as well. Sometimes, it's just not for me.

Maybe it's that I was raised basically alone with my mom. Maybe it was the fact that when I tried to reach out to my family, they looked at me like I was some wicked witch and they had no trouble in burning me. Why? I was the first child of a family that came from divorce. Holy crap, call the Pope. This is a child that has come from the loins of two people who decided not to live together anymore. The infamy!

I had a great childhood, but it was slightly mixed with some sarcasm and weird looks from most of the members of my family. At first, I could not understand what it was. Being to young, I could not get people and their dramas. I could not fathom the idea that people would reflect their frustrations on others, less a small young girl who had no clue of what happened before she came into the world.

I started noticing some weird comments when I was a teenager. Oddly enough, the worst part was that I realized this was happening while I decided to look for my dad. While I was on a journey to sheer pain - it took a while to understand that he just didn't have an interest in me as his kid - my family started to make me feel even worse because I stopped trying. At the point that I removed one specific family member of my life, because I wanted to be happy... they turned on me.

They insisted on chastising me on issues of not calling him, not going to see him, not talking to my siblings... then, as I didn't enjoy being there that much, they started on the "you need to be here" thing, "you need to call". Funny thing was? They never called me. I was supposed to do all the work. Call the dad, call the siblings, call the uncles - but no, not one called me.

I stopped dialing that phone. I stopped driving that car. I stopped going to family gatherings. I preferred to stay home rather than come crying after a BBQ or a birthday party. I guess there are few people who can say that they have come back mentally drained from a family gathering... or depressed. The mental abuse was so awful, I started to disappear. And I felt better. I felt free. Granted, I had almost no family left, but I felt better, alone.

THen... I discovered that true family can also be the great friends you make. These people actually call me - and I'm glad to call back. They are with me on my tough moments, they nail the shit out of me if I'm doing something wrong, they listen if I have doubts. And like a true family, there are some that resemble siblings, there are some that resemble father figures - the two things I never could have.

The point is simple. I write this because - as much as that call hurt a bit - I sailed through it. But there are some people out there that cannot overcome this huge hurdle. If you have kids, if you have a family - take one moment to see how you impact them. Is it in a good way? Is it sort of shitty? Do you criticize almost every time? Do you pass your values on to others and don't accept any different? Have you abandoned your children? Have you not gave a shit about other people's feelings or situations?

Then don't come whining if they are not interested in being part of your weird science anymore. Don't you see? You created this person. You made that person not want to be around you anymore. Yup. You plugged in too many things and something went awry. Instead of a happy camper who always says "yes" to every order you scream, you got a green monster, who wants not to be tied up and told what to do or what to think.

I'm so sorry if I escaped, but I had to. Life is so much better this side of the fairytale...

*Growl*. Me.

Is this painting or just playing around?

Interesting food for thought. Thanks to RestrictionsApply for this great link!

Must Watch: Symmetry

Symmetry from Everynone on Vimeo.

Questions to Ask clients Prior to Designing a Logo: The WAS way

While waiting for revisions I stumbled upon a great post from thedesigncubicle.com (click at the name of the post for the actual post). It's called 20 Questions to ASk Clients prior to Designing a Logo. Trust me, you need to keep this very close, because it's an actual great guide for them to fill out before you start working on their project.

But...

While their questions really do help a lot (How would you describe your services and/or products? What are the long term goals of your company? What do you want your new logo to accomplish?)...

It left me thinking... come on. Let's talk about what we REALLY want to ask, but don't dare to. You know what I'm talking about. You're about to start and already you know the shitstorm that is coming your way. And what if you could ask 10 Really Great Questions before you do that logo?

1) When I give you the quote for the logo, will you take days or hours to tell me how expensive it is without thinking of how much hours will it take, how much expertise it is needed to do a great logo... or just because you don't respect designer prices?

2) Can you be able to choose wisely or will you show it to your 80 year old granpa, your wife and your 3 month old kid?

3) Can you be able to visualize the logo with slight changes and approve a line of design or are you so limited that you will kill it, just because?

4) Will you have a revision fest with it?

5) Do you promise not to mix and match different versions and make me do a crap design?

6) Can I stop you from letting me know what logos you would like it to be similar to?

7) Will you understand that the logo you did on Microsoft Office is NOT a good starting point for me to design?

8) Do you understand that if you make hundreds of revisions, I will charge you for them?

9) Have someone ever told you that if an artist gives you a jpg of your logo as a final arwork... you really don't have it? You just have a crap jpg?

10) If by some reason you choose another artist to do your design... can you make sure he or she does in in vectors? I really can't stand people who design logos on photoshop and I refuse to redo yours someday down the line.

Thank you.

Love, Me.

Yup. There is no greater place than NYC to get engaged.

Griffin & Todd from McKenzie Miller on Vimeo.

Awwwwwww. Congrats to Griffin & Todd. I hear that NY is awesome to do that. :O)

PS: Ok guys, I'm a girl. I need to post girly shit from time to time. Sorry.

Fifty People, One Question: New Orleans

HBO Go: The Greatest Invention of the 21st Century.

I cannot fathom a life without HBO. It seems like the worse torture ever. Nope, Hulu does not work for me. Apart from movies, you get to watch great original series, kick ass documentaries and the best part of all... sports programming like no other. HBO has been in my life ever since I was a little girl and stat with glee during that amazing traveling shot of the letters...



Booyakasha.

Anyway, now you can enjoy the intense pleasure of watching the greatest cable channel of all time in your iPad, laptop or computer - and it's like God loves you oh so very much. Yep guys and gals, this little application is simply amazing.

Just enter your cable service and bingo, you're in. It is so freaking cool! I now get to enjoy my HBO programming when I'm at the office at lunch, when I need to get a break late at night - or during the NBA finals, because my hubbywubby has claimed the tv during this week.

Trust me, install it or run it wherever you are and you WILL get hooked. Crack cocaine hooked.

HBO Go is so great - it even got me pregnant.

Ok. Just kidding.

Much love, Me.

This is why I Hate Twilight Fans: Breaking Dawn Trailer Reaction

I mean. Really??? This seems like a grown woman...

The Deal with some people's "Social-Media Personas".

I've been noticing a sort of friend's social media persona for quite a while now, and it has been so deeply interesting and weird at the same time, I started talking it over with my dear pal RestrictionsApply one day... to find out he noticed this thing too.

Let me backtrack a bit so you can understand where I'm going.

We have a friend in common at all our social media networks. This friend... well, he has some deep problems, I guess. He's always complaining. He's always pissed off. He always boasts how he and only he can do the job better than anybody else and how important him being at the office really is for earth to keep on moving. I mean... I can go on an on. Basically, if you could sum up all his posts, tweets and status updates... it would read: life sucks.

Here comes the interesting part. If you met the guy, you would not think - at least right away - that he could be such a complainer. Yes, he has issues - but his social media persona is 200% augmented... for no particular reason.

At least, so I thought. But... what if I'm wrong?

I read somewhere during a hard core StumbleUpon clicking night that we all have social media personas. From the photos we chose to share, to the information we post, to the way we even write our tweets/statuses/random emails: we treat ourselves like a brand. Yup! We have an image to uphold. We have a brand identity we must protect - and sometimes, at least most of the time in my opinion - we do this totally unconsciously.

Or... do... we???? NO! Think about it!

Go back to your social website of choice. Go on, I'll wait.

* Filing my nails until you browse your feed *

Ok, welcome back. Now tell me instantly who you can bet will have a bad day this week. Who will go out to drink quite a bit? Who is the best mom in the whole wide world? Who is soooo sad it's not even funny? Now you're getting my drift.

While there are people out there who really want to share with their closest friends whatever they are doing - there are some people that follow a script, a guide, for one single reason: they need to get some sort of reassurance. They really need to feel noticed - and I believe that it's because they lack complete self esteem.

Take the "I have so much problems, I'm so sad" person. All of us have one of those at our websites. I'm so lonely... but I'll go out for a drink later. Oh wait, I'm having such a bad time at work! I've never felt so much sadness... or I could hit someone right now... and I'm off to Dunkin' Donuts! What does this translate to? Acknowledge me, care about me, I'm lacking so much self worth that by you reaching out to me I feel validated.

Let's try my "problem friend". "I cannot leave the office because shit always hit the fan." Work sucks. My feet hurt. What to do now, movies or going to sleep? I hate trusting people and getting screwed when I knew it was going to happen. Life sucks, then you die. I really need to give a rat's ass more often. What does this translate to? I am so scared of people achieving more than I can do, I will do whatever it takes to damage it so I'm the only one that shines. I am so unsure of myself, that I fear when others do better.

Hey. Take mine! My social persona is simple. I enjoy life. To. The. Max. And yes, I have no qualms about celebrating it. I go out, I travel, I drink, I go out to eat, I watch hundreds of films... And yep, I'll say it with joy. While I do struggle sometimes, the most that I focus my life on is on the little time we do have to smell, taste, live and enjoy the time I have on this planet. Do I get angry and shout it out? Yep I do sometimes. But if there is one thing I purposely DO NOT DO, ever, is let others see me sweat. I can have a bad day, a really sad day, and you will never know. Oh yeah, if I'm tired I'll let you know. If I'm frustrated with work? Never. If I'm having a bad time with someone? Prohibited. There are some things that I truly protect and only share with few people - and I'm amazed that I've never gone the "look at how miserable". I never air my relationship dirty laundry, nor my family or my client's. Why?

Why do you think THIS blog exists? WAS is where I write about what's bugging me, what scares me, what pisses the fuck out of me - with the pleasure that no one can pass me judgment because, hey - apart from the two lovely men that contribute from time to time - no one knows who I am. I'm more real here than any other place in the internet... with a great blanket of security wrapped around me.

So what's the point? Well, if we are now behaving like brands, then examine your copy and your design. Are you cool and make people want to have you... or is your campaign so full of crap no one really cares?

Food for thought. Much love, Me.

Sometimes you have to take a Leap of Faith.

Let me see if I can write this without getting too close for comfort...

A couple of weekends ago, life surprised me with an unexpected choice. Unexpected, apparently, only because I deemed it so. While I cannot go into gory details for reasons that are obvious - um, anonymity is a great thing - let's just say that, without looking, I walked into that little path in life we all have to take that changes things and you kind of have to decide if you are willing to walk it or go another route.

The thing is, that is the one single, little path I have always been afraid of walking.

Been there once. Did not enjoy the scenery. Got scared shitless. Thought I was better to just walk along the route and enjoy my life, sans being vulnerable.

I write this, because I need to. I need to work through my one huge fear, I need to understand that sometimes people do need to go another round in life, whatever it might ask you, no matter how beyond belief scared you are of doing it. Maybe by saying it out in the open you realize that all people at some point do fear change. Sometimes the big things scare us, sometimes small things.

Maybe this exercise helps you do what I'm doing - saying yes and going along for the ride. If I could give you an example of what this translates to, let's take roller coasters.

Once, I got in one. At first, I enjoyed the first moments of the ride. Then, I didn't. Then I really suffered the ups and downs. Then I just wanted to leave, but felt trapped. When I got out, I promised myself that I would never, for as long as I lived, got into one ever again. Nope. Let others enjoy that ride, let others laugh or scream. I wanna feel safe here, where I am the only one in control of how I feel.

Now, I'm back on the line, waiting to hop in that small car. You know what? I'm very happy to do so. I need to feel how it is, maybe I was on a wrong roller coaster, made of crap, and maybe if I get on a better one, built on solid ground and with a safer approach, maybe the ride will be one I will never forget and want to go again and again.

I'm a bit anxious, but it's ok to feel scared, I guess. But I cannot grow and really enjoy my life if I deny myself one more chance of testing the ride, right?

Wish me luck. Much love, Me.

Why...

Why do you honk your horn at me .000001 seconds after the traffic light has turned green?

Why does the dude selling bottled water on street have an iPhone 4 and I don't?

Why do you continue to blast your music when it clearly disrupts the peace?

Why do you call me only to keep me on call-waiting?

Why do you get upset when you are ticketed for a blatant parking violation?

Why do you fiddle with your phone throughout the entire movie?