Top ten most annoying characters of all time

It’s bad enough to be a super villain, memorable for your heinous acts, but it’s another thing to just be annoying to no end. If you watch TV and film, there’s no shortage of annoying fuckwads and here’s my top ten list… and of course, a dishonorable mention:

Dishonorable mention: Bella Swan

I can hear Twilight fans hissing and cursing my sparkling vampire hating ways, but the fact remains that Bella is a weak little bitch that plays a modern damsel in distress, pretty much bending to Edward’s fucking whim. Add to this that in the movie, Kristen Stewart looks like she’s about to throw up more than half the time, and you get that she’s not the strongest portrayal of women known to mankind.

10. Brainy Smurf



Forever the most annoying know-it-all smurf who constantly whines to Papa Smurf about everything. Seriously Brainy, grow some gonads, cut the proverbial umbilical cord (that’s if smurfs even HAVE an umbilical cord) and stop pissing me off.

9. Alice



Some people may cry foul, but the reality is that wee-whittle Alice is an annoying little prat. She’s ignorant and quite possibly the first ever dumb blonde in written history. True, she might have been a little girl and one could be tempted to use that as justification, but the reality is that she’s a moron and though she had fantastical adventures, she was a prime candidate to die an early death from poisoning after eating shit that’s just lying around.

8. Eragon



Jesus Christ what a little shitbag. Not to start with the fact that Christopher Paolini’s character is the bastard child product of a weak Lord of the Ring sperm that mixed with a damaged Star Wars ova, the character of Eragon is so predictable and lame that in his blahness he blows.

7. Jim Cornette



Good heels in wrestling are actually hard to come by. It honestly takes a very special type of guy to want to coax you into wanting to inflict bodily harm on them, and few people were as effective as Jim Cornette. From his pedophile glasses, to his dumb ass suits, you just wanted to stun him long enough to smash a racket behind the guy’s neck.

6. Brother Love


Though Cornette and even Jimmy Hart ring a few bells if you had to answer a question about the person you’d most like to piledrive on concrete, no one competes with Brother Love. Hateful to the point of nausea, Brother Love epitomizes the epic heights of fictitious hatred a single man could inspire in a nation.

5. Steve Urkel



“Did I do that?”… why yes Urkel… you DID do that. You did THAT and basically EVERYTHING in your power to make even the Dalai Lama resign his stance of pacifism just to give you an Atomic Wedgie to rule the ages. Screw you and the scotch taped glasses you rode in on.

4. Screech



Although Dustin Diamond has done little to assuage the very palpable dislike for his existence in the Northern United States, Samuel Screech Powers was annoying beyond comprehension. Sure I know that was the point of the character, but that doesn’t make it any less likely that you wanted to smash a cricket bat against his screechy gonads.

3. Stephanie from Full House…




Bitch YOU’RE the one who's rude. Annoying beyond belief, Stephanie ranks so high because she reminds me of those annoying little girls who have little to offer the world until hormones kick in and at least yield the possibility of a pair of breasts to ogle at. But during her Full House tenure, she sacrificed herself so the Olsen twins would be even more adored… Thanks a bunch.

2. Private First Class James Ryan



Seriously, if I would have been in that platoon, James Ryan would have joined his brothers in a casket on his way home. No disrespect whatsoever to the men and women in the armed forces, but this guy took the cake in regards to costing valuable lives. It’s great to be brave, but recognize the sacrifice and stop whining or make everyone’s life easier and see how many you can take down with you before you finally bite the bullet.

1. Jar-Jar Binks.



How much does Jar-Jar suck? 1. Even Star Wars geeks hate him and 2. there’s a Jar-jar Binks ate my balls website. You can sum up Jar-Jar as the helium-overdosed-Jamaican-jerkoff-alien George Lucas thought would spell big bucks in merchandising. Fucking annoying on all levels, only children without a reading level and who had limited intelligence found this guppy-fucked-dog creature likable. He even tried to walk like Shaggy, but without the ganja swagger that made Shaggy such an asset to the mystery machine.

To sum it all up, Youza SUCK Jar-Jar. Youza can suck my bomballs.


Did I miss anyone?

Cheers

Five Styles of Assholes you will meet at your next meeting, according to Me.

I'm going to ask you a favor.

The next time you go in a meeting, either it be with clients or with your coworkers - try to figure out which one is the asshole. The prick. The sorry waste of a human being.

You see, in all meetings, there is always - and I mean ALWAYS - an asshole. It's kind of a rule of life, I guess. I noticed it last Wednesday, when I left a meeting so fucking annoyed - it was at that simple moment that I realized that it wasn't me, it was just that the douche of the table let himself be heard, and I'm dead tired of listening to people like him.

I got in my car and calmed down. There has to be an asshole in every meeting, it's like a golden rule. In all gatherings of people, I guess there has to be one mammal that needs to shine, needs to growl, needs to be seen - and instead of making intelligent comments or really contributing something worthwhile to the table, he or she will take the easy way out: be a total ass donkey. It requires no talent, no IQ, no research, not a single drop of knowledge. It's so easy!

So the next time you dress up in your nicest and get ready to make your presentation, take good care of recognizing one of the following waste of dna:

1) The Asshole who needs to have an argument about anything.
You can be talking about a simple idea. You can even be describing how you walked your dog last night. This low life will start giving you grief about why you let him walk on the sidewalk. He will ask in detail what the dog ate before and start a heated discussion on why you chose Prescription Diet instead of Royal Canine. He just wants to fight and you are the target.

2) The Asshole who knows everything - even if it makes no fucking sense whatsoever.
This is the douche who will say that he emails his Tweets from the social network called Facenotes. He will say that his teens know much more than you do about current trends, and that you're doing all your campaign totally wrong because you didn't think about X target - the single one you didn't use because it wasn't logical at all. This man may have backstabbed his way to the top and now he will take his product and destroy it - oh yeah, and it will be your fault.

3) The Asshole who just doesn't understand.
Ah, how I would love to kick this one in the deepest part of his or her privates. These are the ones that make me really angry because there I am, explaining for the fiftieth time why I cannot use a whole Full Page ad in a Facebook Ad because of the pixel size and he goes... but why? You can notice them just before the madness begins: they are nodding while listening to your presentation, but you can see in their eyes they are just trying to decipher algebra or something. How do these people get those jobs? Did they go to college? Why someone has not fired them? These are the questions that keep me up at night.

4) The Asshole who doesn't like it.
It can be the most creative thing a human did on this earth. It can be a future Clio, it can be the start of a product selling out like there is no tomorrow. It can be on target, it can be even on budget. But she just... well, she doesn't like it. Yeah, that's the asshole who just takes his or her personal taste and spreads it all over the brand. Forget about the main target. The target is the asshole and you know what? The only feedback you will get is I don't like it.

5) The Asshole who just wants it like he's telling you. Period.
Take your research, your creative, your design, your presentation and just ram it up your ass. Thank you for playing "Let's practice Advertising"! Now shut up and let him tell you EXACTLY what he wants. No. NO! Shut up. Give me a sheet of paper. I want *starts writing*... in this section, I want a photo of my daughter playing with the dog... and let's write something like... um... Dogs love it! And big! Big Type! Then you place the logo big and huge here... and we need bursts. Lots of bursts! We need to sell that dog food! And I want it to run on radio, print and billboard. And I want it to cost me 6 thousand bucks. You get the deal. You are just a worker bee, so listen up and understand that you will have no say in this campaign. And yes, you can get accustomed to the fact that in less than a year, when the sales are dropping and your product does not sell one cent - it will be YOUR fault because you didn't come up with a decent campaign or presented something on your own.

I'm so sorry but this is a fact. There is no way on eliminating them from this earth, because there has to be a balance. For every intelligent person in this earth, there has to be a fucking tool or a douche bimbo who make our make our life a living hell... but interesting - in some sick way.

And here ended the lesson. Much love and stay cool. Me.

Talking Vagina ad. Again, this got approved (and cancelled)

Adweek reports that the Hail to the V campaign was cancelled due to racism... or to be more PC: "racially insensitive".

I would like to ad that, as a woman, I am not interested AT ALL in a fucking hand cosplaying a vagina. Period. No, it doesn't matter if it's different and creative. It's a hand, doing a vagina! A talking vagina!

Let's divide the categories as they may have divided them at the agency.

The "All American Caucasian Blonde Version"


The "Latina Qué Rico Hoochie Mama Version"


The "Guuurlfriend AfricanAmerican Sista' Version"



Tell us what you think. But for God's sake, don't write it with your genitals. Thank you.

The Man in Black's name is... (LOST Video SDCC 2011)

I still miss Lost. DAMMIT!

Hall H is a wonderful place: Andrew Garfield's love letter to Spider-Man

Bodyboarding kicks ass

I love with when standup surfers insist bodyboarders don't have balls. Cute. Very cute.

The Top 35 Sidekicks of All Time - Vol.7 THE TOP 5

#5. Sam (LOTR)



So loyal he seemed at the brink of kissing Mr. Frodo on countless occasions, but Samwise Gamjee frigging carried that pussy Frodo through the last stretch to destroy the ring of power thus taking the phrase, “I got your back” to a whole other level. Always the voice of reason and understanding, Sam never abandoned Frodo, and if you’ve read the book or seen the movies, just that gets him a slot on this list, for enduring the ever whiney Mr. Baggins and not tossing him along with Gollum into the lava.

#4. Gromit



Dogs are man’s best friend, and also the key to the survival of the bumbling Wallace. Inventive, ingenious, hilarious, and faithful beyond logical comprehension, Gromit could have chucked Wallace at any time, but there was never even the slightest hint of it. When Wallace did one of his jack ass acts of stupidity, Gromit sighed, bit the bullet and helped him out of whatever mess he’d gotten himself into.

#3. Spock



Brilliant, brave, loyal, selfless… all of these words ring true when describing everyone’s favorite Vulcan. He was also humble enough to know that though he was an excellent first officer, and a hell of a science expert… he was not the captain as long as someone with a middle name Tiberius was around.

#2. Robin



So loyal it’s uncomfortable. Think of it this way, the only way to forgive Bruce Wayne for frolicking along with a masked sidekick with floppy green shoes and flesh colored tights is by fighting crime. If they happened to shower together when they got back to the Bat Cave is beside the point. The point is that when people think of sidekick, Robin would probably be #1 on the Family Feud list… and it’s because he was always helping the caped crusader get the job done while always being a second away from dropping a groan inducing pun.

#1. Sancho Panza



Some people may be surprised by this #1 selection, but if you’ve read Don Quixote de la Mancha, there’s no question that Sancho was the #1 when it came to being #2. Always trying to be the voice of reason, Sancho tagged along Don Quixote even when he knew it was a bad idea. He was the only link to reality but when Don Quixote was in his deathbed and had given up on life and his adventures, who was there insisting on keeping the dream alive? Sancho. He was the perfect Ying to Don Quixote and he tops all others because when all was said and done he allowed himself to transform into a Yang all in benefit of his master and best friend.

So to Sancho and all the rest of the sidekicks in fiction… we salute you.

Cheers

The Top 35 Sidekicks of All Time - Vol.6 #'s 10-06

#10. Dwight Schrute



Capping off the Top 10 is Mr. Shcrute. Beet lover extraordinaire, Dwight lives to serve Michael… True he may have tried to betray him on more than one occasion, but he always managed to see the light… and by light I refer to any illumination reflected in the eyes of Michael.

#8 & #9. Ron and Hermione



Harry might have been the chosen one and the boy who lived, but without Ron and Hermione he wouldn’t have made it past the first book. Unwaveringly loyal, resourceful and there for the good, the bad and the muggly, Ron and Hermione prove that when friends become a couple, they don’t leave a good friend behind.

#7. Ed McMahon




Forever immortalizing the phrase “Here’s Johnny” Ed McMahon truly was one of the best sidekicks in existence, simply because he knew no better mission in life. Sure he hosted Star Search but it was his low-toned high-volume guffaw to push Johnny’s jokes that made him such an asset.

#6. Chewbacca


Though we probably know more than a couple of people that sound like Chewbacca when they’re drunk, there’s no replacing Chewie. Han Solo’s faithful companion through thick and thin not only saved the asses of Han, Leia, Luke, the droids and even Yoda, he never asked for even a Wookie biscuit, being more than satisfied just to do his duty. Unwavering, unflinching, and uncontested in his Dejarik skills (that weird 3D chess game).

The Top 35 Sidekicks of All Time - Vol.5 #'s 15-11

#15. R2D2



One of the most overlooked sidekicks in the history of fiction, R2D2 communicated more loyalty through bleeps and buzzes than most friends do in an entire lifetime. Always willing to risk it all in the name of doing what is right, R2 is the undeniable evidence that robots are not only able to tell right from wrong, they are programmed to be loyal to the end.

#14. Goose


Maverick might have been the hotshot, but the term wing man exists thanks to Goose. When it comes to setting up manly spikes, sexy girls, epic danger zone high fives and putting bogeys in your sights, Goose was the only choice. Plus, check out that epic stache.

#13. Donkey



Every ogre needs a donkey, or such is the axiom after you see the chemistry between both these guys. Sure, Shrek might have a short fuse and a lack of patience, but Donkey doesn’t care and neither should anyone when there’s real friendship involved.

#12. Tonto



Probably considered a traitor to his own people, Tonto nevertheless saved the Lone Ranger and nursed him back to health, so he could continue to save lives. Lone Ranger? It might have been a catchy name, but it was far from his reality. He had the best company he could have ever asked for.

#11. Dr. Watson



Having to take Holmes’s jibes and cheek continuously might have deterred other lesser doctors. But Watson shined where others would wither. Smart, calculating, calm and methodical, on more than one occasion he was the catalytic to providing Sherlock with the solution.

(The image above is available on www.evilspacerobot.com, a great little site with some very nice artwork)

Your WTF video of the day: Discount Hotel.com's EggHeads Tv Spot.

AND IT GOT APPROVED.

From the guys who made Catfish: Paranormal Activity 3 Trailer

This weekend is San Diego Comic Con, so get ready for lots of trailers hitting the web. I promise to post all that I can find! Enjoy.

Nerds of the world, rejoice: Amazing Spider-Man trailer

The Top 35 Sidekicks of All Time - Vol.4 #'s 20-16

#20. Barney Rubble

Just the fact that Barney agrees to most of the ludicrous things Fred puts him up to is evidence enough that he’s the go-to citizen of Bedrock. Couple that with the fact that Barney is always able to give up that classic chuckle, and never suspect of Fred looking at Betty and you know he’s in it for the long run.

#19. Silent Bob


Only on one occasion has Silent Bob lost it with Jay… once. And it’s not like Jay ever shuts up. Maybe it’s the drugs, maybe it’s the spirit of true camaraderie, or maybe it’s just that every foul mouthed heathen requires a mute cigarette smoking zen master and vice versa.

#18. Kato (Green Hornet)



Let’s sum it up quickly. Without Kato, the Green Hornet would have been swatted off the face of the Earth a long, long time ago.

#17. Igor



If only every restaurant had employees who behaved like Igor, the national average for tipping would go up like 15%. Service oriented humor aside, just try and think of how Dr. Frankenstein could manage without Igor. Kind of hard huh? That’s because there’s a reason why his lab coat is so white and crispy clean, and he always has something to eat whenever appetite finally creeps up… it’s the same reason why he doesn’t have to flip the switch and it’s small, humpbacked and always ready to respond with a “Yes Master.”

#16. Wang



Jack Burton didn’t shake the pillars of heaven alone. Alongside him in his battle against Chinese black magic was Wang Chi… a guy who might have lost a bet because his head was going North and South, but a man willing to pay triple or nothing to a friend that stuck by him.

The Top 35 Sidekicks of All Time - Vol.3 #'s 25-21

#25. Marcie:



Never has the phrase “Yes sir” had more love and devotion injected into it than when Marcie says it. Seriously, one Peanuts episode scene where she and Peppermint Pattie interact is more than enough evidence to showcase why she’s on the list.


#24. Ford Prefect



You want to see the galaxy? Become a nerf herder. You want to see the galaxy in style? You call Ford Prefect. Spontaneous enough to jump out of a window to prove a point, hilarious, and the single reason why Arthur Dent was still alive after the Earth was destroyed. If only for that, he deserves a nod and then some. Oh, and having a trusty towel never hurts either.

#23. Al Calavicci (Quantum Leap)



Sam Beckett was lost through time and he had only one person in the entire time space continuum helping him… that was Al. You probably know someone who’s had your back all your life… but can you honestly say you know someone who has had your back throughout numerous lives? I think not.


#22. Tinkerbell

Simply put, without Tink, Peter can’t fly for shit. Short in stature, big in guts, Tink saves Peter’s life so many times he should have forgotten Wendy altogether and go the pixie route.

#21. Garth Algar



What would Wayne’s World be without Garth? Probably the planetary equivalent of a Guru Pitka satellite orbiting with a lame Scottish accented ping. Face it, sans Garth, said world would have no party time and would be far from excellent.

Watch Old Spice destroy a great campaign.

What the...

Jimmy Fallon and Justin Timberlake in: The History of Rap Part 2

Part 1, here:

The Top 35 Sidekicks of All Time - Vol.2 #'s 30-26

#30. Launchpad McQuack



The quintessential Disney sidekick, what Launchpad lacked in brain power, he made up for in bravado, loyalty, strength and a kickass bomber jacket and scarf. That he learned how to land a plane was a huge plus given that his track record in the Thunderquack was quite the surprise versus his Duck Tales days.

#29. Morgan Grimes



Though I’ve only recently started to watch Chuck, what jumps out at you from the series, apart from Sarah’s legs, Kacey’s ninja skills and the fact that Chuck has a CIA computer in his brain is the unflinching loyalty of Morgan. Always able to forgive and ever ready to back Chuck up in any way, shape or form he can. If that’s not the makings of a great sidekick, I don’t know what is.

#28. Yoshi:



Luigi doesn’t get the nod because he’s not really a sidekick, more like an overlooked brother. But Yoshi? Cute, adorable and dependable enough to always be an egg crack away to help you eat enemies and poop coins.

#27. Boo-boo

Yogi is and forever will be a huge jackass of a bear. Consider him the bear equivalent of Fred Flintstone and change the latter’s obsessions with brontosaurus ribs for a pic-a-nic basket. It’s the existence of Boo-boo and his loyal assistance that keeps Yogi’s head from being set on a wall in a hunter’s cabin. If that’s not enough, just try to imagine the patience of always saving the skin off that fatass. Bears have rarely shown more loyalty.


#26. Stimpy

So loyal it’s beyond Frodo and Sam uncomfortable. I lost count how many times Stimpy nursed Ren back to health even after that coked up Chihuahua screamed his lungs out at him. Subservient? Sure, but loyal like few others.

The Top 35 Sidekicks of All Time - Vol.1 #'s 35-31

The single most important thing that makes a sidekick great can be summed up in one word: loyalty. Unflinching, unquestioning, loyalty. It’s not that they always get along with their hero counterparts; it’s just that no matter the situation, no matter the peril, they’ve got your back. That and to quote Jerry McGuire, they complete you. As per usual with my lists, let’s start with an honorable mention:

Notable Mention:

Siegfried:

Roy got bit by a white tiger and not only did Siegfried stick by him, he helped him stage a final performance with the same tiger that did it. If that isn’t dedication and loyalty, I don’t know what is. And yes, true, they are life partners, but let’s not get technical shall we.


#35. Rob Schneider:



Every single Schneider cameo in an Adam Sandler film has paid dividends. You see, doing it is easier when you have someone rooting for you to do it (whatever it is). The fact that it shows they’re friends doesn’t hurt either.


#34. Pedro Sánchez:


Who else would carry your cake for undetermined distances so you could conquer a woman? No one. That’s why he gets the vote to be on this list.

#32. & #33. Lohan & Ghost Server



Wuxia comics from China aren’t big stateside but as a kid I was a huge fan. Part of my favorite writing (even with their translation issues) came from the Chinese Hero saga (Also known As The Blood Sword). It was the tales of good versus evil with pretty mature subject matter since sex, violence and grizzly kung-fu deaths was par for the course. Within Chinese Hero, two characters were special enough to make this list. Lohan and Ghost Server. Both loyal to the bitter end… especially in the case of one of them who did make it to a bitter end, both of these loyal friends disregarded the supposed curse of Hero and sucked up the consequences for being his friend. That their skills rocked big time is a definite plus. If you look at recent translations, they refer to Ghost Server as Shadow… but since I’ve seen enough characters named Shadow, I opt for the first name I knew him as.

#31. Al Powell



Offering moral support is essential to a good sidekick… being able to provide it when you’re not even in the same building transcends normal boundaries to show that when there’s trust, all you need is a glazed jelly doughnut, a walkie-talkie and the nerve to stick by a real cop even when the feds show up.

Top 10 people who could voice the Devil

One of the most fascinating characters in history, across all nations, all ethnicities and all religions is the equivalent of the Devil. Pretty much the incarnation of evil on some fronts, the great betrayer on others, or simply a source of vile evil, the devil has fascinated people for generations and he’s snuck into quite a few books, movies and even comics. So let’s stop being coy, many of us have wondered exactly what the devil would actually sound like… and here’s my list of the top 10 voices who would make a very convincing devil.


#10 Robert Loggia

If anyone can sound like a mean spirited bastard, it is the almighty Loggia. And he’s been so ruthless in some movies that to me, the step from his characters to the devil isn’t that large a bridge to gap. Here's a sample from Lost Highway.



#9 Anthony Hopkins



The ability to slither his sentences makes this silver tongue a worthy choice to voice the Prince of Darkness. That he can give a convincing scream or sound downright nasty doesn’t hurt either.

#8 Michael Wincott



Gravelly and just sinister, Wincott has served as villain most times he’s been on the screen and he definitely sounds like he has what is needed to make a convincing Lord of the Underworld.

#7 Tim Curry

He’s already played the devil in Legend and his depiction was excellent to say the least. Actually his devil is one of the best in cinema due to the makeup and the fact that well… he looked and sounded like the real thing. Check a little after the minute mark for the vocal moneyshot.





#6 Keith Richards

One of four musicians to make the list, just listen to an interview with Richards and tell me you can’t imagine him preying on the weak and relishing his job. True, it'd be a trickster devil but since when has the devil not been one to have fun.



#5 Al Pacino

Another actor that has already played the role of papa Diablo, Pacino has the panache and the gusto to deliver his devil with energy, much more energy than most any other devil I’ve ever heard or seen.



#4 Mark Lanegan

The smoke whiskey lushness of Lanegan’s voice would be one of the best vehicles to portray the devil, period. If you don’t believe me, listen to this clip below from a live performance or click the link to see an interview.




#3 James Earl Jones

Quite simply, I can’t think of a more intimidating voice than James Earle Jones. His depiction of Darth Vader shall forever triumph as one of the best voiceover performances ever. And when you hear that deep bass, you know he means business. And sorry, but the Devil isn’t exactly someone you’d want to mess with… and neither is Mr. Jones.



#2 Tom Waits

Another member of this list who has played the Devil in the Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, but I look to his discography and his performance as Renfield in Bram Stoker’s Dracula just to carry through the point that when it comes to sounding sinister, few people can hold a candle to Maestro Waits.



#1 Ginger Baker

Number one on my list is the most subjective selection because every single time I listen to this man speak I can’t help but think of the devil. A cynical, testy, smiling, smoking devil who’s always just at the brink of casting you to the fiery depths or telling you to piss off.



Cheers

Star Wars Meets Metal: PURE AWESOMNESS!

LOVED IT! Via Geeksaresexy

Last night I went to Paris for a couple of hours: Midnight in Paris review.

Some people like sushi, some people don't. Some live for Tequila, some don't. Some of us love Woody Allen movies, some people... you get the point.

Until this movie came along.

Midnight in Paris is one of the most beautiful and amazing movies Woody Allen has made in a very long time. This one will go right up there with the perfects like Annie Hall or Crimes and Misdemeanors. Maybe it can trump them all! I think that this is THE movie that even a non Allen fan would love. Period.

Midnight is about a writer who's visiting Paris with his sort of difficult fiance. He's struggling on his novel and a lot other things and he's starting to find the city awesome and inspiring (he is right on the money, if you haven't gone to Paris, you are missing out on the experience of a lifetime). By accident he stumbles on a great... um... surprise, I guess. I don't want to keep going because the less you know about the movie, the better.

All I can tell you is that the acting, as always, is spot on. Owen Wilson, Rachel McAdams, Michael Sheen (LOVE HIM!), Adrien Brody... the list goes on an on. It's an amazing cast. And they have one of the best and funny screenplays ever. Allen goes on a magical mystery tour, a light and romantic one that will make you laugh until the last second (no, it's not a "dumbed down" comedy). The movie explores the basic human feeling of feeling unsatisfied at everything you do (like this blog, for example) and everything you live and makes it fun for a couple of hours.

The neurotic side of him and his writing is as sharp as ever, as well as those now famous "people out of the shot" moments where the characters are talking about deep shit, just not there in the frame (God how I missed seeing those).

Ok if I'm not convincing you, I'll try to sell it to our target audience: if you are reading this right now, and if you are one of those lovely people who come and visit our website on almost a daily basis, you MUST be in some sort of creative field of work. You write, you paint, you draw, you design, you are involved with creative people, you are a boss, a creative director or just someone who loves to laugh... right? Then I can guarantee you will enjoy the movie. Oh and if you love to travel, bonus points because the cinematography is just awesome to see. I mean, he takes you EVERYWHERE in Paris. For a couple of hours you are going left and right in the city, enjoying it in the best season: spring. AAAHhhhh so beautiful. I think he did it as a love song for the city and maybe for all those long gone movies of his past. Who knows.

As a avid Woody Allen fan, he kind of lost me with extreme movies like Vicky Cristina Barcelona, or even Match Point. I can remember watching Deconstructing Harry and wondering what the hell happened to him, it was like he had gone on a dark path and well, I just said goodbye and thought that he had changed (divorce, age, marriage, etc). Midnight brought all those great moments back, it's like it's him again at his most brilliant.

Please don't miss this movie. If you want to smile and giggle, travel a couple of hours and thank someone above that you are not that neurotic, then go see Midnight in Paris. Don't judge t the movie with the trailer only, he edited it brilliantly so that you don't get that much information and really enjoy the ride. If only more directors would do that, right?

Merci beaucoup, Monsieur Allen. C'etait magnifique!

Holy Nerd God! Gollum is really a handsome young man!

WTF Video of the Day: The Harry Potter Nerd Song by the Commercial Kings

Data Raps: Ode to Spot.

Rock Band: Kurt Cobain Edition.

This came via @erolucila and I almost died of laughter. You can too, it's ok now.

BRAVO, McDonald's! Baby TV Spot

Slave Leia PSA

2011 Emmy Nominees!

Outstanding Drama Series
Boardwalk Empire
Dexter
Friday Night Lights
Game of Thrones
The Good Wife
Mad Men

Outstanding Comedy Series
Big Bang Theory
Glee
Modern Family
The Office
Parks and Recreation
30 Rock

Outstanding Actress in a Drama
Kathy Bates, Harry's Law
Connie Britton, Friday Night Lights
Mireille Enos, The Killing
Mariska Harigtay, Law and Order: SVU
Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife
Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men

Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Drama
Kelly Macdonald, Boardwalk Empire
Archie Panjabi, The Good Wife
Christine Baranski, The Good Wife
Margo Martindale, Justified
Michelle Forbes, The Killing
Christina Hendricks, Mad Men

Outstanding Actor in a Drama
Steve Buscemi, Boardwalk Empire
Kyle Chandler, Friday Night Lights
Michael C. Hall, Dexter
John Hamm, Mad Men
Hugh Laurie, House
Timothy Olyphant, Justified

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama
Peter Dinklage, Game of Thrones
Josh Charles, The Good Wife
Alan Cumming, The Good Wife
Walton Goggins, Justified
John Slattery, Mad Men
Andrew Braugher, Men of a Certain Age

Outstanding Actress in a Comedy
Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie
Tina Fey, 30 Rock
Laurie Linney, The Big C
Melissa McCarthy, Mike & Molly
Martha Plimpton, Raising Hope
Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation

Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Comedy
Jane Lynch, Glee
Betty White, Hot In Cleveland
Julie Bowen, Modern Family
Sofia Vergara, Modern Family
Kristen Wiig, Saturday Night Live
Jane Krakowski, 30 Rock

Outstanding Actor in a Comedy
Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock
Louis C.K., Louie
Steve Carrell, The Office
Johnny Galecki, The Big Bang Theory
Matt LeBlanc, Episodes
Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory

Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Comedy
Chris Colfer, Glee
Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Modern Family
Ed O’Neill, Modern Family
Eric Stonestreet, Modern Family
Ty Burrell, Modern Family
Jon Cryer, Two and a Half Men

Outstanding Variety, Comedy Or Musical Series
The Colbert Report
Conan
The Daily Show With Jon Stewart
Late Night With Jimmy Fallon
Real Time With Bill Maher
Saturday Night Live

Outstanding Reality Show
The Amazing Race
American Idol
Dancing With the Stars
Project Runway
So You Think You Can Dance
Top Chef

Outstanding TV Miniseries or Movie
Cinema Verite
Downton Abbey
The Kennedys
Mildred Pierce
The Pillars of the Earth
Too Big To Fail

Outstanding Guest Actor In A Comedy
Idris Elba, The Big C
Nathan Lane, Modern Family
Zach Galifianakis, Saturday Night Live
Justin Timberlake, Saturday Night Live
Matt Damon, 30 Rock
Will Arnett, 30 Rock

Outstanding Guest Actress In A Comedy
Kristin Chenoweth, Glee
Dot-Marie Jones, Glee
Gwyneth Paltrow, Glee
Cloris Leachman, Raising Hope
Tina Fey, Saturday Night Live
Elizabeth Banks, 30 Rock

Outstanding Leading Actress in a Mini-series or Movie
Kate Winslet, Mildred Pierce
Elizabeth McGovern, Downton Abbey
Diane Lane, Cinema Verite
Taraji P. Henson, Taken From Me: The Tiffany Rubin Story
Jean Marsh, Upstairs Downstairs

Outstanding Leading Actor in an Mini-Series or Movie
Greg Kinnear, The Kennedys
Barry Pepper, The Kennedys
Edgar Ramirez, Carlos
William Hurt, Too Big To Fail
Idris Elba, Luther
Laurence Fishburne, Thurgood

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Mini-series or Movie
Guy Pearce, Mildred Pierce
Bryan F. O'Byrne, Mildred Pierce
Tom Wilkinson, The Kennedys
Paul Giamatti, Too Big to Fail
James Woods, Too Big to Fail

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Mini-series or Movie
Evan Rachel Wood, Mildred Pierce
Melissa Leo, Mildred Pierce
Mare Winningham, Mildred Pierce
Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey
Eileen Atkins, Upstairs Downstairs

Outstanding Host for a Reality Series
Phil Keoghan, Host- The Amazing Race
Ryan Seacrest, Host- American Idol
Tom Bergeron, Host- Dancing with the Stars
Cat Deeley, Host- So You Think You Can Dance
Jeff Probst, Host- Survivor

Outstanding Variety Show or Comedy Series
The Colbert Report
Conan
The Daily Show With Jon Stewart
Late Night With Jimmy Fallon
Real Time With Bill Maher
Saturday Night Live

In Photos: Why Netflix is "has to be" much more expensive.

Sorry Netflix. I know you use people (and that's good, you create jobs!), but still, your increase in price still doesn't make sense to me. Your streaming catalog is weak at best, and your new movies are not available, only in DVD format. Last words?

Hello Redbox.

Really, Volkswagen?

How can you go from Little Darth Vader to this? Wow.

The WTF Video of the day: Crazy Woman or Wild Animal?

It's not you, Facebook. It's Me. (A goodbye letter.)

Dear Facebook;

I don't know how to do this without hurting your feelings. I really don't. You and I had a great run. When I met you, I thought that you were going to be very special. We had our bumpy start, but we managed to understand each other right from the get go.

When you changed - and boy did you - I didn't even get mad. You changed your mind on a lot of things and I went along with it. I was there for you. But suddenly you changed much more than I could handle. Hey, it's ok. These types of relationships are meant to evolve. You wanted me to be more open to the people, all I wanted was the complete opposite. You wanted me to go outside and play with animals, farms and even have a wild side with the mafia, I just wanted to chill and do nothing.

When I wanted for my life to be simple, all you wanted for me was to meet more new friends, and even started suggesting them to me - like all my friends were not enough. When I wanted to hide myself, you told me that that was not cool, that we were all meant to share our lives, no matter what.

And then... it just got weird. You started showing me things I really didn't wanna see. Pictures of people who don't mean a thing to me. Videos that I cannot relate to. And religion. Boy oh boy. If there is one thing I hate is religious propaganda, and you made me sit there and take it. While I did get mad, I still remained at your side.

It was not all that bad, though. If it makes you feel any better, you helped me to define one of the greatest things in my life: you made me really understand the meaning of friendship versus acquaintances. You taught me a lot about what it is to know some people and what it is to actually have them in your life, day to day, sharing your true life. That has been the biggest gift anyone has aver given me, and for that, I thank you.

I have to end this.

I'm so sorry! Trust me, it's not you, it's me! I've grown tired of our thing, whatever it might be right now. You are just too complicated and sometimes I feel you invade my space outside what we had planned for. Oh and that thing about pointing me out to other people without my ok? How can I trust you ever again?

I hope you are going to be ok with this. As I am moving out, it will take me a while to gather all my things, I hope it's ok with you. I already moved to a great spot, a cleaner and much simpler one, which already gets me totally and doesn't require that much effort. I'd like to remain friends, if you don't mind. No, I promise it won't be like the "last one", where I disappeared completely. I'll be around, I'll visit from time to time.

I really hope that you can find someone who gets you. Who likes cats, who likes eighties music videos just as you do, someone outgoing who loves to invite people to anything and everything... I'm sure you will find it.

Take care of that farm, ok?

See you around, Me.

Tony Blair is not shocked about hacking scandal. How shocking.

I'll have a drink when Murdoch goes down. Partyyyyyyyyy!

Dude, you just got a QR Code tattoo.

Definitive proof that some people will tattoo anything. I mean... anything.

Marine in Afghanistan asks Mila Kunis to the 3/2 Marine Corps Ball: she said Yes!

PS: Twenty bucks she changes her mind.

The 5 Stages of working at an Ad Agency

Yesterday night while my insomnia was at full blast mode, I started wondering when I developed this obnoxious trait of not sleeping well. That left me with wondering about if it was my job, how bored I was of doing it... hence the post. It has been almost more than two decades doing the print, radio, tv, repeat cycle. I can remember when it was fun and how it developed into what I feel (and my friends as well) right now. So listen up, young padawans, I'm going to tell you your future. Ready, set... go.

1) Stage 1: Fear or the "Am I right for this job" attitude.
The first months, even year, you will be scared shitless. If you are not, you are bullshitting yourself. You are scared out of your mind, you didn't think it was going to be this way. It all goes so fast, you sometimes find yourself trying to catch up. You hate making rookie mistakes, but everyone is kind to tell you what you did wrong and how you can avoid doing it again. You trust everybody and all the people around you are nice. You start to think THESE are the friends you will have forever because ad people are just like you. You would not even think about banging someone in the office, how insulting to ask.

2) Stage 2: Normalcy or the "I'm in my zone" attitude.
A couple of years have gone by and you are not a junior anymore. You start to get annoyed when people ask you if you are, though. You're still making mistakes, but that's just because for some strange reason, you get all the shitty deadlines and you know that with a little more time in your agency you will get the cool campaigns. Your boss has shouted at you a couple of times now, but you are not so scared when it happens. You start to think that you are getting home way late, but who cares, you are all hanging out drinking afterwards. Life is good, the job is awesome. You start to notice the receptionist or cool designer but you know you should not shit where you eat.

3) Stage 3: Brilliance or the "I am the reason Cannes Lions exists" attitude.
This stage will be very brief, but you have absolutely no clue whatsoever about this. You are a god. You are more than a mere mortal, you create ads that save lives. Every thing you put your hands on is a masterpiece. You boast that your job is so cool, it's ok that you haven't seen your family or your friends because "hey, I was at a five day shoot at the beach, sorry". Your boss has nailed you to the wall hundreds of times because of whatever reason he wants to, but who cares, right? He's so fucking old and retarded, you cannot understand why he still goes to the office. You are dead sure that if he went golfing and just called in twice a week, you'd all be much more productive. Also, your creative director is a total dick and you would totally do a much better job than this poor sack of shit. You listen to people giving you advice and then ignore completely what they are saying because, for fuck's sake, what are they... forty year olds? Old people are to be dismissed. THEY are the problem - they should all be fired! Everybody knows that only young people know what's going on! Creative at fifty? Riiiiight. You already banged the assistant creative director and your receptionist is currently banging the CEO.

4) Stage 4: Acceptance or the "I honestly give a shit but hey, I got a job" attitude.
It's all so repetitive, right? You are starting to notice that the passion is sort of gone. You get moments of pride, where you are honestly glad that you did a great piece, but it comes and goes. You decided to stop leaving for work so late. You need to see your kids, for god's sake. You've felt sick enough to notice that the long hours are not good for you. Besides, shit will always get done late, no matter what you do. You tried the "let's get early to work theory" in order to see if you would be more productive but to no avail, people just will procrastinate until they want to, affecting your life in the process. You ignore your boss when he goes on those rants. You listen to your creative director for clues on what he wants done so you just deliver that exact same shit instead of wasting long hours trying to come up with a decent concept... Why? Because it will always end up revised to the point of stupidity. The list of people you have banged is a decent one depending on how much alcohol you consume in those great media parties that we all get invited to. Some poonanie you already are ashamed of hitting, but what the hell, everybody does it.

5) Stage 5: Abandonment or the "I do this just to pay the rent and until I decide to open up that restaurant" attitude.
As you enter the door at your agency, you find yourself feeling bored. It's not that you hate your work, but you just don't give a shit that much anymore. It's just an ad, you're not saving lives. You find yourself daydreaming about having a restaurant, an art gallery... or just being a masseuse for a living. Something else than this repetitive life. You are now very careful to the people you talk to, because you know how ugly and back stabbing it can be. Your daily aim is to get the shit approved and fast. Waste time on good creativity when it deserves to and when you get inspired, not every single minute. You talk to the few good friends you have about retiring at least once a month. You are happy, because you figured the good things in life do not require a prize or being accepted by your peers - it's about living life, traveling, having fun with your family. You laugh at people who devote themselves to the agency, because you know it will never acknowledge their hard work back. What you truly devote yourself is everything outside the doors and knowing this makes you a very fulfilled human being... waiting to leave and never come back. You stopped banging anybody - because you got married with someone from your agency, or a client.

It's a wild ride, padawans. Enjoy it, have a blast and don't forget to come home early when you can.

Much love, Me.

I need a client decoder pin

For fuck’s sake, why is it so hard for clients to effectively communicate what the hell they want or need? Seriously, I feel like I need a Little Orphan Annie decoder pin to see if I can finally make sense of what the hell they want because I sometimes just don’t have the patience to translate gibberish into English.

I don’t need my clients to be creative when they want to tell me something. I need the facts. I need clear instructions. I need to know what the hell they need so we can finish this job and move on to the next poorly written project on the list. But instead, I just get cryptograms that contain big words to describe their big dreams but which make little sense.

Please, please, please God, I am praying for the heavens to part to see if I can have the answer to one of the biggest questions in a creative’s life rain down on me.

What

the

hell

does

a

client

want?


“It needs a little more of this, a little more of that, oh I don’t know it’s just not there yet.”

Oh really? Then can I get directions so I can get there? Or are you the corporate equivalent to a gas station employee named Buford Jebediah Joe?

The first time I ever lobbed one of my size tens was because of this very same predicament. It was like one of the shittiest jobs in my career. It made no difference whatsoever and not only did I lose more than one summer Friday on this shit, but I didn’t get any type of direction from anyone except this succulent nugget: “It needs a lil’ more gravy.” That was the first time I heard that shit and after 80 headlines and no help from the exec whatsoever, I snapped.

Looking back all those years ago, it was clear then and it’s clear now that with better communication and a little less bullshit, everyone in the ad game could have a life… but since some clients are selfish pricks who are borderline sadists, well, you know the rest… hence you read this blog and laugh at what we share in our disturbingly similar ad lives.

So to the client that may stumble upon this post, thanks for sucking and transforming something that’s textbook simple into something impossible to deliver because you can’t get a clue.

Cheers

The Rupert Murdoch 101.

How sad.

Zuckerberg presents the new Facebook thingies. Watch it, live!

Watch live streaming video from facebookannouncements at livestream.com

Facebook announces that it doesn't want you to go to Google+. Kidding...

Love Doll becomes Dental Patient Robot. Enough said.

I have no words. Honestly.

Geek Moment Alert: Ewan McGregor Plays With Lightsabers

Five Famous People who currently annoy: Me.

Changing channels on my car radio I landed on one human who I cannot fathom shares this Earth with me... and I get annoyed. Hence, the post. Ok, I'll grant you the fact that people in general piss me off. But in my defense, they are either weird or just plain stupid. Here is my current list of people I cannot get my brain around. In no particular order...

1) Ke$ha.
I mean, really? What is that, is that a chick? Why is her music so idiotic and why is it coming out of my car speakers? Why do I need to change the tv channel and see this whatever human? Oh and don't get me started on the way she dresses or behaves. We had the eighties once and she's shitting all over that decade. Where is a sniper when you need him?

2) Lady Gaga.
I really cannot give you a whole list of things that she does to piss the hell out of me because I don't have the hours to write that post. The meat dress, the fucking egg arrival, the two toned hair, her "I'm so weird" excuse... She's a rich kid from Manhattan, for God's sake. What the fuck can she know about being treated differently? Come to public high school, you fucking fuck! Then you will totally get a dose of reality! Earth to the Gaga: we had a Madonna, she was sort of nice and cool for a while and now she's old. We don't need a carbon copy, we passed that stage of our lives. Thank you.

3) Jersey Shore kids.
I must have been out of my mind the other day at my house because I didn't say anything when my fiancee jokingly put that atrocity of program on. As I sat there watching, I could not get it. Why are these people famous or why do people watch? Total skanks and tools doing nothing around a house and bars deserve a show? And these people GET PAID to do this? I could see the herpes and gonorrhea getting passed around! Ew. Really. EW!

4) Lindsay Lohan.
Why won't they put this moron in jail? Does she have to kill someone? Will that have to be what it takes for me to not read about her anymore?

5) Countess Luann deLesseps.
I'll let the video do the rest.

Top 5 WORST Client types

When you work in advertising, 10% of your job is to develop advertisements, a full 45% goes to convincing people of the work you did in the first place, 40% is revising what you already did and 5% is keeping yourself from committing suicide. That last figure has to do a bit with the people you work with, a lot more to do with the people you work for. Most ad employers are bad enough, but clients can be the most hateful bunch of fuckwads this side of hell. People who take every single aspect of advertising for granted because they know better. Here’s my top 5 types of clients I hate.

The Frankenprick

You are asked to develop an ad idea and allow yourself to be convinced to make three layouts. One great (our recommendation), one safe (rehash of some tried and true ad approach) and the ass boil of an ad the client asked for including thirty bursts, five fonts and the headline their grammy came up with while they visited her at the home. You and your ad buddy of the moment develop the material, make a presentation, create a full-proof presentation to preserve your recommendation and waste 2 and a half precious hours of your time explaining your point. Obviously the best option is to take your three layouts, put them in a blender and click liquefy. Feel free to add along your appendage of preference for consistency. You look at the final layout and can’t help but feel like you’re seeing an ugly ass baby next to their parent and have to make it seem as if they’re wonderful, special and beautiful. It isn’t, but only the people who recognize your little hiccup as your way of covering up the fact that you threw up in your mouth know.

The Clientvoyant

Screw that you’ve been working in advertising for the better part of a decade. That doesn’t matter one lick when you’ve got the gift of gab and the ability to swallow your own bullshit. This type of client KNOWS what’s going to work. They just need you, the agency who is being paid for to develop effective advertising, to execute his brilliant idea which he probably got from the American Way magazine they took from the plane. Reasoning with said type of client is pretty much impossible and you’d do yourself as favor to ask them to draw what they think the layout should look like. It’s so cute when they start to bitch about their ad and when you say that it was their idea and that they didn’t want to listen to reason, it’s your fault for not being convincing enough.

The Projector

Some people are abusive because that’s their nature, others are abusive because they think it’s covered by the agency fee. I’ve lost count of how many accounts I’ve worked on whose clients are people who have dysfunctional families and relationships, people who are frustrated beyond belief and obviously feel the need to channel their inner demons by busting your balls (or vagina as the case may be).

The Flip-floppeting vampire

Indecision in any setting translates to inefficiency. If it’s your client, get ready to work extra hours, extra days, extra layouts and extra presentations just because they aren’t sure. It doesn’t matter if you threaten them with rush fees, late fees, and fees of a feather as long as they feel as if they’ve sucked out ALL your energy, ALL your time and have gotten their money’s worth.

The Hostage Negotiator

One of my favorite types of client simply because I’ve seen the tactic crash and burn. This is the type of asshole that always manages to slip in the threat to take away their account if their demands are not met. More layouts, less fees, and you’d better like it, because they’re doing you a favor by not taking away the account right now. I’ve seen the difference between empty threats and the promise to take into account and the main difference is frequency. If you are constantly threatened by your client, by all means, call them on their bullshit. I’ve worked at one single agency who did so, things got a bit better, there was another empty threat and the agency DROPPED the account and the person in question had to scramble for a shitty agency to pick up the dung bomb of an account.

So there you have it. I showed you mine, now you show us yours.

Cheers