Feb 6, 2012

Five Type of Women that Annoy: Me.

That's it. Ladies, I'm about to betray you. Nah, nah. It's not my fault. It's other bitches out there, real low life scum ovary-carrying humans who give the rest of us normal chicks a real bad name. Today, I'm going to commit the sin of writing a good tell all to the few good men out there. Why? 'Cause I'm tired of seeing great, amazing dudes get fucked over - and not in a wham bam thank you Mam way. I can't see another sad guy who doesn't deserve some shit from a fucked up chick!

So listen up, guys out there. I'm going to give you a list of women that YOU NEED TO AVOID. I'll give you as much information about them so you can spot them from afar and run the other way. Trust me, guys. If you are nice, tender, cool and not a douche, you don't deserve a nightmare of a woman. Maybe it's because there are so few good men out there that I get so angry when I see a good man down over a (insert really bad c-word that relates to woman here). Learn from that mistake, forget the bitch and move forward. And if not, use this guide to happiness. Here we go: in no particular order, the five type of women you should never, EVER, date.

1) The Thirty year old that doesn't want to commit.
In other words, this dudette wants schlong and just not only yours. Mind you, the age has to click with this rule. A twenty year old is still looking at her options... but if she's thirty something and she's still sampling dudes to see which is her knight in shining armor... it's just that she wants to fuck around. PERIOD. Did she have a bad divorce or separation? Maybe she can be scared shitless (I was, so I know what I'm talking about). But still, I wanted to move forward and settle down. At this age, new penises are not that interesting anymore. (Insert pause here: I actually had to research the plural of penis. Epic.) Oh wait, I need to add another thing. Maybe she doesn't want to commit - because she just still isn't at that moment in her life. Sure. Right. So she's an immature idiot who at a moment in her life which she's supposed to have things figured out, she is not that interested in doing it. Move on.

2) The Chick who "Gives You Permission" to do shit.
Let me say this as blunt as possible. You are not supposed to screw or date your Mom, right? Nope. Then don't substitute the idea of your mother with some random chick. In a relationship, asking permission to do shit is the one thing I keep watching men after men do - and the one thing that pisses me off the most. It's one thing that there are women who are ballsy and like to take charge - that I can totally understand. But there's another thing of having a woman pussy-whip so much a guy that he ends up looking just like a non-sexual entity. DUDES! You need to say that shit is going down. Announce that you are doing whatever you are doing once in a while. Don't ask, just announce. Don't call every twenty minutes, get lost once in while for a couple of hours. Go out with your guy friends and call later! Go out and call from the bar, saying that you'll be home late. You know... do shit! It's about being partners, and equality goes both ways. It's not a complete insult to do shit on your own or just say that you are going to do whatever you want - hey, I'm not telling you to get lost and forget that you have someone waiting for you at home. I'm saying that there is no need to have a deep conversation about if it's ok to go somewhere or do something for a minute once in a while. When she goes out for a mani, does she ask you if it's ok with you? No, right? Ah, now you get the point. Good.

3) The Girl who cries Victim every single time.
Oh no, it's not my fault. I'm perfect and you are wrong. How could you do this to me? I treat you like a king and this is what you give in return? I deserve much more than this... Feel familiar? Yeah, it's called being a victim. I'm a dansel in distress and you are the fucker who caused it. Well listen up, boys. It's just a ploy to make you feel bad and end up giving up. The argument usually will stop at this point because there is no man out there who will let a woman feel bad or feel like she's being hurt. You are gentlemen, but sometimes women take advantage of that shit, they know which button to push and bingo, there you are, you bad man, you're making her feel sad instead of taking care and protecting her. Don't fall for that shit! If she is wrong, she has to admit her faults. If she doesn't or usually pins it all to you, then pack your bags, guys. She's not worth your time. She will NEVER admit anything, she will never say that she did something wrong. Admitting your mistakes and your faults is the most wonderful thing a person can do because BOTH people in the relationship learn. Making one feel bad, even if it is or not your fault is just rotten.

4) The No-Trust-whatsoever Dudette.
Trust is something you lose. Every relationship - at least a very normal and good one - starts off with two  people, trusting each other. If someone fucks up, then it's perfectly normal for the other to not trust. But if you are with a woman that no matter what you do, she always wants to check and double check who you were with, at what hour you arrived, at what hour you left... then you, my sweet dude, have a psycho in your hands. And you know what? It will only get worst! If you are a decent guy who has no interest in exploring the strange and weird world of extracurricular sexual activities outside your home, then you don't deserve to be treated as such. If you are a loyal guy, then try to find out someone who is so sure of herself and her power that she doesn't need to feel scared if you go out alone for a couple of hours. And beware... maybe all that no trust thing is just a reflection on what she's doing or feeling... if you know what I mean... Yup. Moving on.

5) The "Here's my 5 Dollars, Johnny" Chick.
And here will end the lesson, my dear men out there, with the most important of all: the chick who does not earn even a little bit of money, and that you end up supporting financially. This might get me in a shitload of trouble, but I'm going to say it anyways. Some women out there latch on to men who support them so that it's a way for you to not leave. If you are my savior, my man of men, the single dude who is there to pay for my life, support me and I just give you my Five Dollars - this is an old Eddie Murphy joke, look it up - then when you want to leave, you won't. It's like some women out there who call out that they are pregnant so you don't leave them (oh yes, it still happens and quite a lot) - by making them financially dependable, all you will end up is with a woman who thinks she got you by the balls. Remember: nice decent men feel like they need to provide for their family, and it's totally natural for you to feel that way. But when women take that to manipulate you... then say goodbye to your balls, because she's got them grabbed and she won't let go.

Why did I do this? I'm very angry at one chick who made one of my dearest friends very sad. Did she do any of these items? Yup. Is he a wonderful guy who doesn't deserve it? Yes. Do I want this to happen again? Nope. I don't want my friend to ever endure this shit again and while I'm writing, I want you to learn about what women do to fuck men up. Maybe you'll read this and go "Hmmm" or maybe you will dismiss this. But one day... you will remember this post... because I was right.

Not all the women out there are bad. But some just give the rest of us a real bad name.

Much love and avoid the rotten apples. And to my sweet guy... Me loves you long time. Just say the word, and I'll make her sleep with the fishes.

PS: Am I a saint? No way. I have issues like any other person. But at least the headaches that I give my soon to be husband are not related to any of the previous crap problems that I mentioned. Are mine worst? Hey, that's his problem. Don't you worry, he deals with them. :P


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