Apr 6, 2012

We know what you’re thinking

We’ve already established here at WAS that we advertising professionals are conceited, egotistical, obnoxious, self-important, artistically frustrated, unfulfilled douche bags. So it comes as no surprise that one of the many things I hate about ad people is our Ivory Tower attitude toward the coveted target audience.


I secretly throw up in my mouth every time I sit at a meeting and listen to some Executive or Creative talk about what other people want and think. In Conference Room A is an ultra conservative, right-wing Ivy League WASP dude talking about how poor inner-city black kids feel and think about fashion; in Conference Room B is the power-hungry closet lesbian pushing 50, talking about which clubs the kids are hitting these days.


It’s one thing to look at market research to get a pulse on what people who are not like you thinking and doing. It’s quite another to ASSUME you know everything, especially what a working-poor single mother of three must deal with, when you have a live-in staff that takes care of your kids, does the cooking and cleaning. We are so cultured, so highly trained, so in tune with what’s hip and now, that we can instinctively tap into the minds of groups of people we’ve never had any contact with.


Allow me to name names: In my market, Scion is an automotive brand very popular among the urban poor, particularly wannabe gang-bangers who can pimp their ride for less. Of course, this is not a desirable/prestigious demographic for the brand managers at Scion. They see themselves – and therefore project Scion – as a hip, counter-culture, forward thinking, neo-art brand. The result? Very cool ads and promotional events that do not resonate with Scions actual shoppers.


This is perhaps the main reason why so much advertising is awesome, but way off mark. I pose the following theory: We subconsciously create advertising to impress our peers, not sell to our target audience. We are so infatuated with our own genius and want to show it off, that we forget the purpose of the job – to sell stuff.

Of course, one may argue that there’s an aspirational quality to projecting a brand image that’s a few notches above your audience’s reality, but I’ve been at the meetings and seen the thought process. The people at Scion whole-heartedly believe their own bullshit. And so do many clients. And that’s the scary part.

Apr 3, 2012

Amazing CGI alert: Guitar Baby!

Now this is a Nutcracker I would see.

Oh Me so Horny, Me Advertise you long time.

For as long as man has had history to report, there have been hookers. Prostitutes, to say it correctly. If we research the term, we can find a shitload of definitions, but if we sum it up, it's simple: a person does some kind of sexual thing in exchange for money. Put your seatbelts on, this is going to get interesting...

So! There you are, showing your best at your corner. You are the Greatest Ho of all time. You sucky sucky beyond belief, and more importantly, you are bendy in any shape possible. You hit the gym, so your endurance is out of this world. You're hot, you got your freak talents on, you are clean from any bugs. You are the star of the night. You got your tall as shit shoes or your tightest leather pants (hey, men can hook too, dammit). All you have to do is walk it, baby. You will get noticed. Let's get ready to rumble!

Now... in comes walking your competition. While they might look ok and decent to screw, you just know you have that extra talent. Maybe she or he gets tired after 10 minutes, but not you, man. You have the experience. You've been places, you've learned some weird Kamasutra things that no one can understand. So what if this asshole is near your corner, right? People will sure learn the difference and pick YOU as the best of them all...

Here comes the thing. You charge 50 bucks for some booty action, they charge 35. And they don't even cuddle at the end, you know? They are breaking the market! How the hell can they do that? Don't they know that they are giving away their shit and making YOU look bad? 100 for a BJ? Come on!!! That requires time and energy, man! You cannot charge less than that if you want that! What was the line? "They don't call it a job for nothing!" So true...

Maybe now you get the point. We need to stop advertising prostitutes of charging crap for their artwork. Why? Because creativity HAS a price. We cannot undersell our work, no matter if we are doing a full page ad or licking some disgusting ballsacks, dammit! It's the same shit, you're kissing some ass to get the job ended, for Pete's sake! If you charge 400 bucks for a print ad, or 75 bucks for a logo, then you are the hooker at the corner making us high price escorts look bad. And yes, you can eat a Whopper when you end your shift, but guess what, Pretty Woman, some of us hooking here have a shitload of mouths to feed, and we cannot do it on your price for your services.

Oh but that's just the clients that I get at my corner, you might say. Bullshit. You are offering your shit way too cheap, and of course they will say yes. At the end, they come first, pun intended. You are left there to clean up and move along to another client that will not respect you in any shape or form. Besides, what do you really want? Do you want a low life client who will just lay there or do you want a nice decent person who will maybe tip you a little extra and take you to dinner afterwards. Maybe he has friends... yeah... friends with money like he has... and he spreads the word around... and suddenly you get to have afluent clients... like golfers, you know?

You choose your path, but let me tell you, if you charge less for cretivity because "it's your angle"... you are screwing yourself and all the rest of us at our corner.

Me love you long time.

Ahh come on, you know you like it: The Susan Boyle Act, Part 2.

I crack up every time I see it: M&M's "Sexy and I Know It"

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