Jan 22, 2013

That moment when someone offers to sell you a dildo at work

I’m all for making an extra buck and yes even with a full time job, I work freelance. In times like these I can understand if you try to sell something from AVON, Herbalife or GATSBY, just to name a few. I’ve been offered girl scout cookies, soaps, herbal supplements, drugs, cakes, fundraiser wrist bands, clothing, more drugs and countless other items and I’ve said thanks some times and no thanks many others… but I’ve never been offered a dildo or personal lubricants… until now.

Call me old fashioned but I think the decision to buy any type of lube, prophylactics or your butt plug of choice should be between you, your significant other and the person who has to smile while scanning the barcode. PERIOD.

Having someone at work offering you said items might be convenient for some, but for me, I think I can squeeze my time to go with my wife to the closest sex store available to purchase whatever tickles our fancy or helps us tickle each other’s fancies while basking in the subtle yet unmistakable aroma of a sex store.

FYI, a sex store smells like a combination of porn mag toner, lube, old latex and edible underwear. All of them smell the same, and if you disagree, I invite you to visit two or more and compare… but that’s beside the point.

The point is that a co-worker offered me discount pricing on dildos and lube… Hell, I may love a sweet deal as much as the next person, but I don’t necessarily need a groupon discount on sex toys.

So what’s my rationale for not whisking up that wonderful offer? Simple. I don’t need anyone at work having more of a fucked up mental picture of what I do when I get my freak on than what they already have in mind. I don’t need anyone to know the exact amount of inches I choose to purchase to attempt to insert in my significant other, myself or in tandem… I don’t need strange people knowing what I like and how I like it and having them share opinions via text message.

Call me old fashioned, call me lame, but please… don’t call me to offer me dildos.



RestrictionsApply said...

It's funny because it's true. This happened to me two years ago, except that I actually bought "an item". What can I say, the saleswoman was very convincing, in a 42-inch waist kind of way.

Me said...

Hey man, I have bought myself quite a lot of entertainment items in my time. But Every single time I have gone by myself and bought it... No convincing or sales pitch involved. It's just not the same to get offered something. I think it's a male thing...

Joker said...

@ Restrictions. Lol... 42 inch? Ha ha ha ha, that'll do some convincing.

@ Me: Am I not male? :S lol.

Me said...

LOL I meant that sometimes men give in to those types of situations just to be nice. :D

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