Let's say you're sick. Sick as fuck. How as fuck? Well let's get creative so that you have a clear cut image. Your symptoms are:
1) Gushing blood from every orifice.
2) Coughing Cockroaches.
3) Fever... Let's say 200 degrees. Egg cooking temperature.
4) Unfriendly diarrhea. The one that your buttcheeks cannot handle. Tighten all you want, it's coming out there in full glory.
5) Alarming coloring in your private parts. You pick the color. It's ok.
So there you are. This will define sick as fuck as I imagine. Now...
You have two choices: you can either go to a doctor and get yourself fixed... or you keep working because, yikes, your ad saves lives.
Um. NO! Ads, the last time I heard, do not cure cancer, Aids, the flu, Anorexia or Irritable Bowel Movements. I am not joking about this. It's just an ad. Honestly, unless you are an incredible scientist who decides to pay a full page ad with specific instructions on how to cure any of the world's most dangerous diseases... it's just an ad.
How is it that some people out there think that getting healthy is a problem that affects their work? Oh, OH! I know why! It's called OUR BOSSES and OUR AGENCIES. Instead of sending us home when we look like we're going to keel over, they make us drink some Tylenol and give the extra 100%. I've had bosses claiming that they've gone to work with Bronchitis, Fever, Undescribable Anal Discharge... and they think that they are going to get a Clio for that.
No! Do you know how many times I did that and not a single human being said Thank you, Here is your ribbon for worker bee, Me? Nothing. People, you are not required to work sick. Repeat after me: work can go on without us. It's just an ad. Again. It's just an ad. AGAIN, over and over AGAIN!
It's just an ad. It's just an ad. It's just an ad. It's just an ad. It's just an ad. It's just an ad. It's just an ad. It's just an ad. It's just an ad. It's just an ad. It's just an ad. It's just an ad. It's just an ad. It's just an ad. It's just an ad. It's just an ad. It's just an ad. It's just an ad. It's just an ad!!!!
Dammit. Get healthy. Live. Get better. Then, only then... go to work, so you can move the logo a little bit to the left.
Here ended the lesson. No charge...
Apr 30, 2009
Apr 29, 2009
Only in the movies
Life in the movies is so simple... click at the name of the post for more.
- The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris
- No-one, but no-one uses Microsoft Windows – everyone uses unique operating systems. All of these computer systems, however mundane, are full of animated graphics and enormous download bars in the middle of the screen
- When paying for a taxi, you don’t need to look at your wallet as you take out a note. Just grab one out at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare
- Sex is always begun in the missionary position and finished with the woman on top
- Being an aging detective and drinking whiskey alone in a bar makes you irresistible to women
- Once applied, lipstick never rubs off. Even when scuba diving
- Any police officer about to retire from the force will more often than not die on their last day (especially if their family have planned a party)
- Don’t panic if you’re heavily outnumbered in a martial arts fight, your opponents will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around you in a threatening manner until it’s their turn to fight
- Cars will explode instantly when struck by a single bullet
Five Crappy as Hell TV shows that Define: Me.
The good thing about having this blog? No one knows me. Apart from my lovely team of writers and few others, no one knows who I am. So now, when I admit to watching these crappy shows, no one can come and say... Oh it's you watching that crap?
Listen. Not anything on tv is good. Besides Lost, all hope is gone. We've recently covered how crappy Heroes has become... I recently discovered It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia... But face it. There is almost nothing really good on tv right now. But crap? Loads. Here are the five crappiest shows that I have to admit that I TiVo from time to time. Enjoy.
1) The Millionaire Matchmaker
It's like an accident. It's awful but you just can't look away. Lonely and from time to time extremely geeky millionaires, lacking true love? Brilliant. The host that treats everyone in sight like a turd? Epic. Desperate single women looking like they will literally blow those suckers just so that they can get their apartment paid? Who could ask for anything more?
2) Paranormal State.
The show about nothing. It's like the Seinfeld of Paranormal Shows. They aaaaalways say that the next episode something weird will happen... You sit there. Nothing. I've been watching this crap for almost two years and not a single proof that something incredible happened more than a stomp or two in another bedroom. But I still watch.
3) Make me a Supermodel.
Twenty somthing gals and guys with an extreme ego? Serve that with a side of Ice Cream and I'm done. This is crap on a stick, and I'm licking away jumping of joy. They get lessons in walking. WALKING! Granted, the photograph sessions are always beautiful and well done, but still. It's a bunch of assholes that think that they all are da bomb. Again... Lessons in walking? Yummy.
4) The Real Housewives of NYC.
You're rich. You're always fighting. You think you deserve all the riches in the world and more. One of you demands that they call you Countess. Another has her husband denying that he's more gay than Liberace (like Seinfeld said, not that there's anything wrong with that). I hate these bitches with all my might and still, I'm watching this crap. I should get a bullet for watching this shit. Honestly.
5) The View.
Honestly? I'm just waiting for Whoopie to hit Elizabeth with a bat, DeNiro-in-The-Untouchables style. Yep. Give it time. It will happen.
So I admit it. These are my guilty tv pleasures. I hate watching. It's like giving up smoking. You know that it's bad for you, but you have a hard time letting go.
How about yours?
Listen. Not anything on tv is good. Besides Lost, all hope is gone. We've recently covered how crappy Heroes has become... I recently discovered It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia... But face it. There is almost nothing really good on tv right now. But crap? Loads. Here are the five crappiest shows that I have to admit that I TiVo from time to time. Enjoy.
1) The Millionaire Matchmaker
It's like an accident. It's awful but you just can't look away. Lonely and from time to time extremely geeky millionaires, lacking true love? Brilliant. The host that treats everyone in sight like a turd? Epic. Desperate single women looking like they will literally blow those suckers just so that they can get their apartment paid? Who could ask for anything more?
2) Paranormal State.
The show about nothing. It's like the Seinfeld of Paranormal Shows. They aaaaalways say that the next episode something weird will happen... You sit there. Nothing. I've been watching this crap for almost two years and not a single proof that something incredible happened more than a stomp or two in another bedroom. But I still watch.
3) Make me a Supermodel.
Twenty somthing gals and guys with an extreme ego? Serve that with a side of Ice Cream and I'm done. This is crap on a stick, and I'm licking away jumping of joy. They get lessons in walking. WALKING! Granted, the photograph sessions are always beautiful and well done, but still. It's a bunch of assholes that think that they all are da bomb. Again... Lessons in walking? Yummy.
4) The Real Housewives of NYC.
You're rich. You're always fighting. You think you deserve all the riches in the world and more. One of you demands that they call you Countess. Another has her husband denying that he's more gay than Liberace (like Seinfeld said, not that there's anything wrong with that). I hate these bitches with all my might and still, I'm watching this crap. I should get a bullet for watching this shit. Honestly.
5) The View.
Honestly? I'm just waiting for Whoopie to hit Elizabeth with a bat, DeNiro-in-The-Untouchables style. Yep. Give it time. It will happen.
So I admit it. These are my guilty tv pleasures. I hate watching. It's like giving up smoking. You know that it's bad for you, but you have a hard time letting go.
How about yours?
Fortune Cookie 500 #'s 261-265
On breast size
The road to forgiveness from a man is paved with pearls.
On the water cooler
Stop twitting and start talking.
On exposure
Making small talk can be a very big deal.
On courtesy
Common courtesy should be more common and less sporadic.
On mortality
A eulogy reading of how a dedicated worker says nothing.
A eulogy reading dedicated father, husband, brother or friend, says everything.
The road to forgiveness from a man is paved with pearls.
On the water cooler
Stop twitting and start talking.
On exposure
Making small talk can be a very big deal.
On courtesy
Common courtesy should be more common and less sporadic.
On mortality
A eulogy reading of how a dedicated worker says nothing.
A eulogy reading dedicated father, husband, brother or friend, says everything.
Apr 28, 2009
Don't sign what you don't understand
If you've worked at enough places, you haven't seen it all but you get an idea of just how low a company's administration will stoop to save face, cut corners, fire people, prove a point or serve their own purposes. If you have any doubts about your average company's amorality, then you just haven't seen some of the shit we have. Black Friday's same day layoffs, 25 people personnel cuts, etc. it doesn't matter how hard you've work, what dues you've paid, who's ass you've saved or what you've sacrificed for the good of the company, you don't matter, you are cannon fodder and you will get cut before higher ups because that's just what happens.
So this brings me to asking you to read the title of this post and live that lesson. If you are handed a contract that "is just a formality" that "needs to be signed right away" or that deals with "tedious portocols", ask for a copy, take it with you, read it, take it to a lawyer and make sure you know what's on the paper you have just been handed. If they say you can't take it or that it can't wait, simply don't sign anything because you are trying to get fucked and they're just sizing you up before sodomizing you with that leafy dildo they want to call a contract.
You see, if you put that squiggly thing that's supposed to read your name in some ilegible symbology you use to establish that you agree with what is said on the paper, well Í just said it, you're basically agreeing to everything that's put forth in the contract. True, there are extremes you can't cross but there are a great many rights you could possibly waive by signing a document.
Oh and in case you're thinking that if you sign something fucked up in a document that you can take it to court, well there's two problems. 1. That's a hell of a weapon you just gave them in the court of law and 2. they have more money than you and can force a stalemate until you run out of money to pay for your legal bills.
So do yourself a favor. Next time you're asked to sign something that is as easy to understand as quantum mechanics, don't sign it. You'll thank me later.
So this brings me to asking you to read the title of this post and live that lesson. If you are handed a contract that "is just a formality" that "needs to be signed right away" or that deals with "tedious portocols", ask for a copy, take it with you, read it, take it to a lawyer and make sure you know what's on the paper you have just been handed. If they say you can't take it or that it can't wait, simply don't sign anything because you are trying to get fucked and they're just sizing you up before sodomizing you with that leafy dildo they want to call a contract.
You see, if you put that squiggly thing that's supposed to read your name in some ilegible symbology you use to establish that you agree with what is said on the paper, well Í just said it, you're basically agreeing to everything that's put forth in the contract. True, there are extremes you can't cross but there are a great many rights you could possibly waive by signing a document.
Oh and in case you're thinking that if you sign something fucked up in a document that you can take it to court, well there's two problems. 1. That's a hell of a weapon you just gave them in the court of law and 2. they have more money than you and can force a stalemate until you run out of money to pay for your legal bills.
So do yourself a favor. Next time you're asked to sign something that is as easy to understand as quantum mechanics, don't sign it. You'll thank me later.
Labels:
contracts,
getting screwed
Bea was an A+
Some people might be surprised that I might be moved by the passing of Bea Arthur. After all, she was an old lady that had a starring role in a show about old ladies. What is a reality though is that when I was a kid I watched a ton of television, even moreso than I do now (which is scary unto itself) and among the random series I watched, there was Soap, Mork and Mindy, Wings, Quantum Leap, Facts of Life, Charles in Charge, Who's the Boss, Bewitched dozens of others and yes... The Golden Girls. Huge wtf for anyone who avoided the show but if you've ever wondered where that great idea for Sex and the City, look at these old gals to see where the hell the four chick dynamic got its start. You have the nice one, the ball breaker, the slut, and the maternal figure. Similarities abound but I won't go into detail because I've walked out on a limb enough regarding my masculinity by admitting I watched The Golden Girls and enjoyed it. Was I a huge fan? No. Did I see every episode? No. but I certainly did enjoy the various episodes I saw for the simple reasons of good writing and perfect timing. The dynamic between those four actresses was something to behold and the success of the show was in large part due to the scruffy voiced actress known as Bea Arthur.
Was she feminine? No and she never tried to be and I think that was part of her charm. Her willingness to just be who the hell she was. Big in size and Thatcher in sex appeal, Bea demanded to be watched and brought a lot to the table in that series I used to watch when I was sick as a kid and to be honest, like when I found out the actors who portrayed Sloth and Tackelberry from Goonies and Police Academy lore had passed away, a little of that kid in me either died or sat in a corner of my mind weeping silently. These characters made an interesting impression on me as a child and though not my favorite, I have to smile every time I think about them, because that's what they did for me, offer smiles and good times and memories of reactions every time I heard a punchline.
So here's to Bea. Though her name was only half of beauty she was all class and laughs galore and it made being sick that much more enjoyable.
cheers luv, be sure to give St Peter a noogie on your way up.
Was she feminine? No and she never tried to be and I think that was part of her charm. Her willingness to just be who the hell she was. Big in size and Thatcher in sex appeal, Bea demanded to be watched and brought a lot to the table in that series I used to watch when I was sick as a kid and to be honest, like when I found out the actors who portrayed Sloth and Tackelberry from Goonies and Police Academy lore had passed away, a little of that kid in me either died or sat in a corner of my mind weeping silently. These characters made an interesting impression on me as a child and though not my favorite, I have to smile every time I think about them, because that's what they did for me, offer smiles and good times and memories of reactions every time I heard a punchline.
So here's to Bea. Though her name was only half of beauty she was all class and laughs galore and it made being sick that much more enjoyable.
cheers luv, be sure to give St Peter a noogie on your way up.
Labels:
Bea Arthur,
Golden Girls
Unproductive woes
Sometimes you wonder out loud. Sometimes you think random thoughts. Sometimes you’ve had enough productivity for one day, a week or maybe even a month. That’s when you notice things most people don’t notice… Things that normally wouldn't make sense... but you notice them.... so tell me, have you ever noticed…
1. That South America is the anorexic version of Africa?
2. That if you turn the map of South America counter clockwise it looks like a topographical elephant?
3. That ice floes can flow on top of ice?
4. That a hurricane is an overly ambitious tornado with delusions of grandeur?
5. That an earthquake is really the Earth holding a fart and suffering the consequences?
6. That in etymological terms, a trouser snake rummages through the bush?
7. That apart from a man, only a bird watcher could get overly excited about a swallow?
8. That dead fish go belly up and dead humans go belly down?
9. That recently people from the right feel left out and people from the left always want to fit right in?
10. That honey is really bee vomit.
11. That Leelee Soblieski looks like Helen Hunt’s illegitimate daughter.
12. That flavored Oxygen is sold in a can while the smell of the ocean is free.
13. That the only thing that lasts less than beauty is patience.
14. That overprotecting a child is underpreparing them for the future.
15. That at the rate we’re going, a blowjob will be cheaper than a night at the movies.
16. That rulers are crooked and crooks have rules.
17. That certified MD’s are among the worst people that can give you CPR.
18. That the only difference between political, religious and sports fanatics is that only one of those groups believes in manners, courtesy and a conduct of respect.
19. You can be alone in a store aisle or elevator until you decide it’s safe to fart.
20. The louder people whine, the less reason you see for them to complain.
1. That South America is the anorexic version of Africa?
2. That if you turn the map of South America counter clockwise it looks like a topographical elephant?
3. That ice floes can flow on top of ice?
4. That a hurricane is an overly ambitious tornado with delusions of grandeur?
5. That an earthquake is really the Earth holding a fart and suffering the consequences?
6. That in etymological terms, a trouser snake rummages through the bush?
7. That apart from a man, only a bird watcher could get overly excited about a swallow?
8. That dead fish go belly up and dead humans go belly down?
9. That recently people from the right feel left out and people from the left always want to fit right in?
10. That honey is really bee vomit.
11. That Leelee Soblieski looks like Helen Hunt’s illegitimate daughter.
12. That flavored Oxygen is sold in a can while the smell of the ocean is free.
13. That the only thing that lasts less than beauty is patience.
14. That overprotecting a child is underpreparing them for the future.
15. That at the rate we’re going, a blowjob will be cheaper than a night at the movies.
16. That rulers are crooked and crooks have rules.
17. That certified MD’s are among the worst people that can give you CPR.
18. That the only difference between political, religious and sports fanatics is that only one of those groups believes in manners, courtesy and a conduct of respect.
19. You can be alone in a store aisle or elevator until you decide it’s safe to fart.
20. The louder people whine, the less reason you see for them to complain.
Are we adults or what: The Darkon Review.
A month ago, while in agony because my Netflix Queue was a little bit thin, our friend Alex Chesbro recommended "Darkon", amongst other great ideas. I gravitated to the film because I have been roaming the Comic Conventions for quite a while, seeing cosplayers all around me. I thought... thought... that this movie was about cosplaying taken to eleven.
I was dead wrong. This is NERD TO ELEVEN.
First of all, thank you Alex. Honestly, I laughed, got extremely pissed, wondered how the future of humanity will play off... This is one FUCKED UP documentary.
So why did Alex and I enjoyed the film (if you can say enjoy, I can bet we watched in horror, basically)? Well, Darkon is about... Role playing? According to Wikipedia: Darkon is an award-winning feature-length documentary film that follows the real-life adventures of the Darkon Wargaming Club in Baltimore, Maryland, a group of fantasy live-action role-playing (LARP) gamers.
That's putting it midly and sugarcoating the hell out of a definition. Darkon is about extreme nerds and what they "do" every other sunday. Take a normal 30 year old. Now, get his brains and switch them with a 17 year old who needs to have friends and be a hero at the same time.
From what I could understand - I was in extreme duress while watching, mostly from the horror of watching grown adults behaving like pure idiots - Darkon is a game. These "people" are playing pretend on your local park, to be on a sort of medieval times. It's like Dungeon and Dragons but on crack. They hit each other, soft combat style.
What is soft combat? Imagine a wooden sword. Then, pad the hell out of it. Then hit. That's it. Soft combat is mainly getting hit by padded stuff and then, you pretend you are dead. Oh, while you are dressed head to toe in Medieval garb. Lovely.
Darkon follows two main characters and his "friends" on the quest of... being a padded hero? There's a king, there are countries that have to be conquered - all in a sort of camping site. One is the king of all ner... I mean kings, the other is a high up dude who wants to challenge the ner... I mean king. What ensues is pure comedy for some, tragedy for mankind for me.
Did I like it? I fucking LOVED it. This is a true WHAT THE FUCK documentary. I mean... What are adults in this generation? Do adults play pretend and then shower to go to the office? Do some people need to be kings and queens, elves and Frodos... and then get home and make dinner for kids? Who are kids and who are adults nowadays?
If you can't understand a word I have written, let's give you a sort of example. Imagine Lord of the Crap... I mean Kings. Now, take your average thirty to forty year old friends and imagine that they dress up like retards and play Frodo, Legolas, Sam and other idiotic hobbits. They walk to the nearest park and then... they act out, scene by scene the entire "trilogy". Yeah. That fucked up.
The difference between doing Tolkien and Darkon is... Darkon does not have a script. All the beefs inside the different leagues are acted out that sunday. If someone disagrees with a certain "law", they battle. With padded shit. Still dressed as idiots. This is just one of those documentaries you have to watch because not a word that I write will do it justice.
At the end, I laughed, I paused the movie because I needed to wiki Darkon so I knew this was not bullshit, I got pissed (I hate adults behaving like morons)... But I am left here, wondering... Will it ever stop? Will we ever have a normal generation? What is normal? Hm.
PS: I'll give you the trailer so maybe you can get interested in taking nerdness to the next level. Enjoy.
I was dead wrong. This is NERD TO ELEVEN.
First of all, thank you Alex. Honestly, I laughed, got extremely pissed, wondered how the future of humanity will play off... This is one FUCKED UP documentary.
So why did Alex and I enjoyed the film (if you can say enjoy, I can bet we watched in horror, basically)? Well, Darkon is about... Role playing? According to Wikipedia: Darkon is an award-winning feature-length documentary film that follows the real-life adventures of the Darkon Wargaming Club in Baltimore, Maryland, a group of fantasy live-action role-playing (LARP) gamers.
That's putting it midly and sugarcoating the hell out of a definition. Darkon is about extreme nerds and what they "do" every other sunday. Take a normal 30 year old. Now, get his brains and switch them with a 17 year old who needs to have friends and be a hero at the same time.
From what I could understand - I was in extreme duress while watching, mostly from the horror of watching grown adults behaving like pure idiots - Darkon is a game. These "people" are playing pretend on your local park, to be on a sort of medieval times. It's like Dungeon and Dragons but on crack. They hit each other, soft combat style.
What is soft combat? Imagine a wooden sword. Then, pad the hell out of it. Then hit. That's it. Soft combat is mainly getting hit by padded stuff and then, you pretend you are dead. Oh, while you are dressed head to toe in Medieval garb. Lovely.
Darkon follows two main characters and his "friends" on the quest of... being a padded hero? There's a king, there are countries that have to be conquered - all in a sort of camping site. One is the king of all ner... I mean kings, the other is a high up dude who wants to challenge the ner... I mean king. What ensues is pure comedy for some, tragedy for mankind for me.
Did I like it? I fucking LOVED it. This is a true WHAT THE FUCK documentary. I mean... What are adults in this generation? Do adults play pretend and then shower to go to the office? Do some people need to be kings and queens, elves and Frodos... and then get home and make dinner for kids? Who are kids and who are adults nowadays?
If you can't understand a word I have written, let's give you a sort of example. Imagine Lord of the Crap... I mean Kings. Now, take your average thirty to forty year old friends and imagine that they dress up like retards and play Frodo, Legolas, Sam and other idiotic hobbits. They walk to the nearest park and then... they act out, scene by scene the entire "trilogy". Yeah. That fucked up.
The difference between doing Tolkien and Darkon is... Darkon does not have a script. All the beefs inside the different leagues are acted out that sunday. If someone disagrees with a certain "law", they battle. With padded shit. Still dressed as idiots. This is just one of those documentaries you have to watch because not a word that I write will do it justice.
At the end, I laughed, I paused the movie because I needed to wiki Darkon so I knew this was not bullshit, I got pissed (I hate adults behaving like morons)... But I am left here, wondering... Will it ever stop? Will we ever have a normal generation? What is normal? Hm.
PS: I'll give you the trailer so maybe you can get interested in taking nerdness to the next level. Enjoy.
Apr 27, 2009
It's been a while
Ah yesssss... the sweet smell of a fast running internet connection responding to my every movement. How I've missed your phosphorescently hateful rays slowly blinding me one second at a time while I vent, rant and yes, even heckle on occasion.
Just in case, yes that last sentence does mean I did see a part of Heckler though I will try to see it in its entirety soon.
Ok so where the fuck have I've gotten to, if anyone does actually even wonder what one blogger persona in this huge blogosphere gets up to, well lets sum it up with technical problems that can be expressed quite simply by saying that I got fed up with my Internet connection sucking like a hyperventilating vacuum cleaner with a death wish and a power surge. I shelled out the cash and now I can see youtube, facebook, and oodles of porn while checking my balance sheet, verifying the weather, and most importantly, not having my freelance works affected.
Before I go on though, a thought on heckler. I'm not going to review that docu-flick in detail because it would probably defeat the purpose they're trying to get, which is that bloggers, hecklers and critics should smoke a tail pipe and die. Being a would be Internet writer working on becoming a real writer that will probably see karma justly handed back when I finally get my book done, I think it poses an interesting topic, especially since this blog has had its fair share of gremlins, AKA blog hecklers, which is like bottom feeding hecklers since they don't even have the decency to heckle someone famous and they might even think that makes them more righteous or seriously cool. But seeing as the whole heckling shtick seems like an interesting topic, lets dip in shall we.
First off: is Malibu's Most Wanted a piece of shit? The answer.... I don't know. I haven't watched it hence me not giving an opinion on it. You see, that's the first thing to take into account. If someone got up in the middle of a flick and left, they have no right to review that picture. To give your opinion, which is nothing more than your personal take on something, you need to finish the movie/album/set etc.
Second off: Do hecklers have a right to heckle. Well that depends on what you define as heckler. If you saw the docu-flick, then I could be categorized as a heckler, but I disagree. I think I'm just a middle of the road guy with decent wit (barring the sometimes ridiculous amount of typos and incoherent rant to vent) that has an opinion on a bunch of things, I enjoy writing and I use a blog as my primary outlet since it's free, it's therapeutic and it has no filters. No editrons wreaking havoc on my would-be thought cycle. Ok so what is a heckler as defined by the guy who writes as Joker? It's pretty much someone who insists on ruining it for everyone else in a live entertainment show. It's also someone who either needs to be the center of attention without the commitment of an entire act etc, or someone who wants to be the class clown. Why do I make this distinction? Because in a live setting I either comment with my girlfriend in whispers or keep it to myself and let everyone enjoy the show if they are able to. So because of that, I consider myself to not fall under the title of heckler. Yes I do give opinions on hundreds of random topics, some extremely violent, but they're my opinions, and I post them on a place where you don't have to be on. You have the freedom to tune me the fuck out and write me off as whatever you might want to label me as. So going back to that question, does a heckler have the right to heckle? No. Kindly shut up and if it sucks so bad, walk out and talk to the manager. If you make a valid enough case, don't finish the act and insist on talking with reason, you might be able to get your money back. If it's a movie, you're screwed though and you can make fun of it just not at everyone else's expense.
Are vitriolic hatgasms fair game on the Internet? Well if I and some people get a kick out of it and Nazi sympathizers can have their blog, then why can’t I express my distaste for Molly Cyrus (nope, I won’t write it correctly once). By the way, it’s not the price of fame that gives people the right to write their thoughts about someone. It’s the right to an opinion and though sometimes we won’t like what some people have to say about us, that’s just how the cookie crumbles. It’s been said that even bad press is good press and I can’t help but disagree to some point on that saying. Just because people are talking about you doesn’t mean that it’ll be good for you. Take Ben Affleck for instance. He’s one of those actors that gets a lot of shit for one role or another and people just love to tear at someone with some type of success. It’s kind of human nature to want to tear up what you help build… especially when something goes against what you think would be best for a band, an artist or a writer. That said, I can’t say Affleck is the worst actor in the solar system, but I can say that some of his roles just haven’t been enjoyable.
Ok, so how about when you take it up about 20 notches and talk about people who annoy you? Well pretty simple. As long as I keep my opinion to my blog, I do think I have a right to express it. It won’t always be positive, it won’t always be negative and sometimes it will be personal to the point that if the person in question reads what I have to say about them, they will have an opinion to respond to mine. Just in case, that’s totally game and though it’s impossible, I do wish some of the things I write would actually get in touch with someone that could make a difference. Some examples:
For Chris Cornell: I do wish him the best in whatever he wants to do in his career and though I hated his last album because I’m a fan of so much of his material, I am quite disappointed that what he’s done with his last two releases have been kind of craptastic for me. That’s because the bar is set high and on the latest occasion, he collaborated with someone who’s ego is so seemingly inflated that you can’t help but hate Timbaland just a little for thinking he’s the best thing since sliced bread. In the case of Mala Cyrus, her attitude is what does her in. Do I know Ms. Cyrus? Have I had tea with her or have I offered my statutory rape services to her? No. But I do vent on my group’s forum because of comments she’s made on television, her attitude and for doing things that would annoy me from any mochachino chugging, Dolce and Gabana wearing, texting teen. My beef is that she’s actually an example for a generation; and that’s where I think many people might want to justify their written crusades. I don’t want an entire youth inspired to be like Hannah Montana, I don’t want children to wear chastity rings, I don’t want lip synching to be looked at as something acceptable and I don’t want most kids to be like so awesome like totally like yeah for sure definitely like yeah… Also, I’m not the only one that feels this way about many artists and I’m sure that just the fact that I write an opinion they resonate with is reason enough to validate a blog post. But that’s a written post, not a live show.
People talking incessantly, cheering incessantly and heckling incessantly are all equally hatefully in their own right and like dinner, I try to keep my conversation at my table and will allow some comments to come into hearing range, but I prefer to not listen to all you have to say.
So are you allowed to say if you like something or not? Yes you are. It’s your right to say something sucks and to accept that some people might like what you hate. If not then there’d only be one flavor of ice cream and we’d all be bland and homogenously nauseating.
So what if someone asks about something you hate, are you allowed to persuade or dissuade? Yes you are. As long as you don’t do it during the movie, you’re kosher but don’t hate something for the sake of hating it and don’t agree with what everyone says. Hell, if I did I would have missed out on a wonderful movie titled the Fountain or some Bad Bmovies that suck so bad that they’re likeable. But you are allowed to give your opinion to someone because in the end, their money is at stake and be honest, how many times have you wanted a prior warning at least before you get into the movie? Because lets face it, if a movie house is allowed to make a trailer that falsely leads me to watch a shitty movie, I have the right to communicate how much I hate it because you have to take the bad with the good.
Trust me, we got some angry hate mail once because I was trying to expose my point of view regarding prejudice and racism at a job scenario and people had a problem with me using beaner, nigger, chink and other “bad words”. They bypassed the whole message and focused on what pissed them off, which was the use of racial slurs to make a point and I was even recommended that I didn’t have to get to the point of using said language to prove a point… and I can’t disagree more. I tried to communicate with this person, but the damage was done, I’d said nigger and this person was black so in a nutshell I touched a nerve and I was given shit for it. It was nice to see some people trying to back me up saying that the whole point of the comment was to instruct but it fell on deaf ears. Which brings me to two points. If you can’t enter into a debate, your opinion weighs that much less and you have to listen to the entire message to give an honest opinion. The same goes for opinions. There needs to be the chance that you can enter into a debate, with the artist, comedian, writer or musician in question if need be. If you’re just talking from your ass, you’d best serve yourself by shutting the fuck up.
Oh and in case it hasn’t become evident in this individualistic era we’re living, people hate just for the sake of hating. That artist’s new album sucks. It’s a piece of shit. Or the sound quality is not on par with blubbety bup. Though there are occasions where some comments have some water, people simply hate for the sake of hating and follow opinions of their leaders without question. To elaborate, take Chris Cornell’s two last albums and my opinion of them. On one hand, both were bad for me and I didn’t enjoy either for various reasons, but though the second solo album was more rock oriented, I feel Carry On is much worse than Scream because it was inconsistent and from the impassioned lyrics and vocals I’ve heard before, I was getting vanilla everything and a backup band that just didn’t bring it. When I say they didn’t bring it, it’s that they played the notes, but there was no synergy and instead of a super rock band like Soundgarden or even Audioslave, it sounded like a session band paid to play with no love for what they got, and that though Scream is not my cup of tea, it’s a much more spirited effort from Chris and for me, if he wanted to make an R & B album, that’s fine, just make a real R & B album, not Scream.
Ok, so this post got a little ahead of me. But there are a couple of points, and I guess that’s the point really. If you bash something just for the sake of ripping it a new one, then that’s kind of stupid. But if you are trying to do something, then it’s a bit more valid. And yes I said a bit more, because in the end, if it’s written and it depends on someone looking for an opinion freely, then tough shit, but they have the right to say Malibu’s Most Wanted sucked more than a gay black hole and you have the right to ignore what’s read and look elsewhere for opinions that resonate or have the style that’s fitting to your taste.
Anyways, I’d keep writing, but I think this post has served its purpose, it got me writing again and even though I’m just a little pissant of a blogger, I have an opinion, and if I can make someone laugh by ripping someone a new one when they genuinely suck, then that’s my right, and it’s your right to say I suck as well.
So for now, hope all is well with every and anyone that has enjoyed our tirades.
Cheers
Just in case, yes that last sentence does mean I did see a part of Heckler though I will try to see it in its entirety soon.
Ok so where the fuck have I've gotten to, if anyone does actually even wonder what one blogger persona in this huge blogosphere gets up to, well lets sum it up with technical problems that can be expressed quite simply by saying that I got fed up with my Internet connection sucking like a hyperventilating vacuum cleaner with a death wish and a power surge. I shelled out the cash and now I can see youtube, facebook, and oodles of porn while checking my balance sheet, verifying the weather, and most importantly, not having my freelance works affected.
Before I go on though, a thought on heckler. I'm not going to review that docu-flick in detail because it would probably defeat the purpose they're trying to get, which is that bloggers, hecklers and critics should smoke a tail pipe and die. Being a would be Internet writer working on becoming a real writer that will probably see karma justly handed back when I finally get my book done, I think it poses an interesting topic, especially since this blog has had its fair share of gremlins, AKA blog hecklers, which is like bottom feeding hecklers since they don't even have the decency to heckle someone famous and they might even think that makes them more righteous or seriously cool. But seeing as the whole heckling shtick seems like an interesting topic, lets dip in shall we.
First off: is Malibu's Most Wanted a piece of shit? The answer.... I don't know. I haven't watched it hence me not giving an opinion on it. You see, that's the first thing to take into account. If someone got up in the middle of a flick and left, they have no right to review that picture. To give your opinion, which is nothing more than your personal take on something, you need to finish the movie/album/set etc.
Second off: Do hecklers have a right to heckle. Well that depends on what you define as heckler. If you saw the docu-flick, then I could be categorized as a heckler, but I disagree. I think I'm just a middle of the road guy with decent wit (barring the sometimes ridiculous amount of typos and incoherent rant to vent) that has an opinion on a bunch of things, I enjoy writing and I use a blog as my primary outlet since it's free, it's therapeutic and it has no filters. No editrons wreaking havoc on my would-be thought cycle. Ok so what is a heckler as defined by the guy who writes as Joker? It's pretty much someone who insists on ruining it for everyone else in a live entertainment show. It's also someone who either needs to be the center of attention without the commitment of an entire act etc, or someone who wants to be the class clown. Why do I make this distinction? Because in a live setting I either comment with my girlfriend in whispers or keep it to myself and let everyone enjoy the show if they are able to. So because of that, I consider myself to not fall under the title of heckler. Yes I do give opinions on hundreds of random topics, some extremely violent, but they're my opinions, and I post them on a place where you don't have to be on. You have the freedom to tune me the fuck out and write me off as whatever you might want to label me as. So going back to that question, does a heckler have the right to heckle? No. Kindly shut up and if it sucks so bad, walk out and talk to the manager. If you make a valid enough case, don't finish the act and insist on talking with reason, you might be able to get your money back. If it's a movie, you're screwed though and you can make fun of it just not at everyone else's expense.
Are vitriolic hatgasms fair game on the Internet? Well if I and some people get a kick out of it and Nazi sympathizers can have their blog, then why can’t I express my distaste for Molly Cyrus (nope, I won’t write it correctly once). By the way, it’s not the price of fame that gives people the right to write their thoughts about someone. It’s the right to an opinion and though sometimes we won’t like what some people have to say about us, that’s just how the cookie crumbles. It’s been said that even bad press is good press and I can’t help but disagree to some point on that saying. Just because people are talking about you doesn’t mean that it’ll be good for you. Take Ben Affleck for instance. He’s one of those actors that gets a lot of shit for one role or another and people just love to tear at someone with some type of success. It’s kind of human nature to want to tear up what you help build… especially when something goes against what you think would be best for a band, an artist or a writer. That said, I can’t say Affleck is the worst actor in the solar system, but I can say that some of his roles just haven’t been enjoyable.
Ok, so how about when you take it up about 20 notches and talk about people who annoy you? Well pretty simple. As long as I keep my opinion to my blog, I do think I have a right to express it. It won’t always be positive, it won’t always be negative and sometimes it will be personal to the point that if the person in question reads what I have to say about them, they will have an opinion to respond to mine. Just in case, that’s totally game and though it’s impossible, I do wish some of the things I write would actually get in touch with someone that could make a difference. Some examples:
For Chris Cornell: I do wish him the best in whatever he wants to do in his career and though I hated his last album because I’m a fan of so much of his material, I am quite disappointed that what he’s done with his last two releases have been kind of craptastic for me. That’s because the bar is set high and on the latest occasion, he collaborated with someone who’s ego is so seemingly inflated that you can’t help but hate Timbaland just a little for thinking he’s the best thing since sliced bread. In the case of Mala Cyrus, her attitude is what does her in. Do I know Ms. Cyrus? Have I had tea with her or have I offered my statutory rape services to her? No. But I do vent on my group’s forum because of comments she’s made on television, her attitude and for doing things that would annoy me from any mochachino chugging, Dolce and Gabana wearing, texting teen. My beef is that she’s actually an example for a generation; and that’s where I think many people might want to justify their written crusades. I don’t want an entire youth inspired to be like Hannah Montana, I don’t want children to wear chastity rings, I don’t want lip synching to be looked at as something acceptable and I don’t want most kids to be like so awesome like totally like yeah for sure definitely like yeah… Also, I’m not the only one that feels this way about many artists and I’m sure that just the fact that I write an opinion they resonate with is reason enough to validate a blog post. But that’s a written post, not a live show.
People talking incessantly, cheering incessantly and heckling incessantly are all equally hatefully in their own right and like dinner, I try to keep my conversation at my table and will allow some comments to come into hearing range, but I prefer to not listen to all you have to say.
So are you allowed to say if you like something or not? Yes you are. It’s your right to say something sucks and to accept that some people might like what you hate. If not then there’d only be one flavor of ice cream and we’d all be bland and homogenously nauseating.
So what if someone asks about something you hate, are you allowed to persuade or dissuade? Yes you are. As long as you don’t do it during the movie, you’re kosher but don’t hate something for the sake of hating it and don’t agree with what everyone says. Hell, if I did I would have missed out on a wonderful movie titled the Fountain or some Bad Bmovies that suck so bad that they’re likeable. But you are allowed to give your opinion to someone because in the end, their money is at stake and be honest, how many times have you wanted a prior warning at least before you get into the movie? Because lets face it, if a movie house is allowed to make a trailer that falsely leads me to watch a shitty movie, I have the right to communicate how much I hate it because you have to take the bad with the good.
Trust me, we got some angry hate mail once because I was trying to expose my point of view regarding prejudice and racism at a job scenario and people had a problem with me using beaner, nigger, chink and other “bad words”. They bypassed the whole message and focused on what pissed them off, which was the use of racial slurs to make a point and I was even recommended that I didn’t have to get to the point of using said language to prove a point… and I can’t disagree more. I tried to communicate with this person, but the damage was done, I’d said nigger and this person was black so in a nutshell I touched a nerve and I was given shit for it. It was nice to see some people trying to back me up saying that the whole point of the comment was to instruct but it fell on deaf ears. Which brings me to two points. If you can’t enter into a debate, your opinion weighs that much less and you have to listen to the entire message to give an honest opinion. The same goes for opinions. There needs to be the chance that you can enter into a debate, with the artist, comedian, writer or musician in question if need be. If you’re just talking from your ass, you’d best serve yourself by shutting the fuck up.
Oh and in case it hasn’t become evident in this individualistic era we’re living, people hate just for the sake of hating. That artist’s new album sucks. It’s a piece of shit. Or the sound quality is not on par with blubbety bup. Though there are occasions where some comments have some water, people simply hate for the sake of hating and follow opinions of their leaders without question. To elaborate, take Chris Cornell’s two last albums and my opinion of them. On one hand, both were bad for me and I didn’t enjoy either for various reasons, but though the second solo album was more rock oriented, I feel Carry On is much worse than Scream because it was inconsistent and from the impassioned lyrics and vocals I’ve heard before, I was getting vanilla everything and a backup band that just didn’t bring it. When I say they didn’t bring it, it’s that they played the notes, but there was no synergy and instead of a super rock band like Soundgarden or even Audioslave, it sounded like a session band paid to play with no love for what they got, and that though Scream is not my cup of tea, it’s a much more spirited effort from Chris and for me, if he wanted to make an R & B album, that’s fine, just make a real R & B album, not Scream.
Ok, so this post got a little ahead of me. But there are a couple of points, and I guess that’s the point really. If you bash something just for the sake of ripping it a new one, then that’s kind of stupid. But if you are trying to do something, then it’s a bit more valid. And yes I said a bit more, because in the end, if it’s written and it depends on someone looking for an opinion freely, then tough shit, but they have the right to say Malibu’s Most Wanted sucked more than a gay black hole and you have the right to ignore what’s read and look elsewhere for opinions that resonate or have the style that’s fitting to your taste.
Anyways, I’d keep writing, but I think this post has served its purpose, it got me writing again and even though I’m just a little pissant of a blogger, I have an opinion, and if I can make someone laugh by ripping someone a new one when they genuinely suck, then that’s my right, and it’s your right to say I suck as well.
So for now, hope all is well with every and anyone that has enjoyed our tirades.
Cheers
Labels:
good to be back,
Heckler,
Jamie Kennedy
Apr 26, 2009
Five Stupid Things that Clients do that Annoy: Me.
I have had a really intense week. Lots of work. Lots of jobs. And of course, lots of stupid little shit that really takes me over the edge. As I recently sent in a color proof THREE times over a shadow - yes, a SHADOW - I started thinking... Some clients do some stoooooopid things. Yeah. Stoopid Stupid. So? What are my top five? Let's see.
1) Fucking up a great design.
Jesus Christ! You cannot imagine how many times I have sent a decent looking ad and by the time I send it to press I end up with a TURD. A really stinky, blobby, soggy, unfriendly diarrhea looking shit of an ad. Logos get incredibly big. Telephone numbers get huge. Oh... And bursts galore. Bursts! Are we in 1984? If I had a dollar for every conversation about balance, color coordination, negative spaces... I would be a fucking Millionaire. I can write about this time and time again: look, we went to college and did an insane amount of hours learning how to design. YOU DIDNT. Just because you can coordinate your jeans with a cool shoe does not make you a designer. You are fucking up your design and worse, you are making ME and MY AGENCY look bad.
2) Cramming a Shitload of Messages into one Ad.
Let's say your client is a Soda. In comes Secretary-turned-Account Manager-Because-Maybe-She-Blew-Someone and tells you:
"We have one ad coming, we have to say that we are tasty, low calorie, no caffeine, low carb and just 99¢... For a limited time only. Can you do that in just the header?
Oh and we need a short witty copy."
"OOOOOH really? Hm. How about... IT'S FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE!"
Hey clients... Let's say this over and over again. Single Minded Proposition. Just a simple message. Strong. To the point. Is that so difficult to understand???
3) Making Changes over Things that Really don't matter.
Douglas Bowman said it best. At Google he encountered a Blue Dilemma. He sat there and endured a conversation on different shades of blue. I mean, really. I've had this shit happen to me and you start hyperventilating. Can you make the shadow of the cigarette box a little bit darker. Done. A little big darker. Done. No, no, now a bit more lighter. Will a damn shadow make a client not want to fucking smoke? Moving a logo two inches to the left WILL NOT make your product sell more. Making the copy two points smaller does not require a meeting of five hours! Does it look good? Yes! Now approve the damn thing so I can go home and watch Lost, dammit!
4) Out of the Box when it's not needed.
This is a true story. Long ago and in an agency far far away I got a brief. My Deodorant Client wanted a Shelftalker. They had a new low price. This was a very good deodorant and the price was really cheap. When I think about a shelftalker, I think: TO THE POINT. Logo and Price, huge as shit.
Um. No. We need it to be really creative and witty. Oh great, my two favorite words. "Yeah, we want our piece to be Out of the Box". (I puked in my mouth a little) Do you really need to be creative on a piece that measures 3" x 6"? Does that piece really need to be all that? We spent TWO WEEKS designing extremely creative pieces that I really thought were a waste of money and time. Some pieces out there DO NOT REQUIRE CREATIVITY. Yes, I said it. Pick your battles. If it was a Full Page ad or a Huge Ass Billboard, yeah go for it. But a piece of cardboard that will be stuck on a grocery store, with people walking fast and not paying real attention, two weeks of your time and money are just insane.
Interesting Side Note: The damn thing ended up getting a prize at some whatever contest. It still amazes me when undeserving pieces that have no relevance to clients win awards. But that my friends is another post completely.
5) You say Rush. I say Bullshit.
This is just one of those whoppers that really make me angry as hell. Most of all, if it's on a Friday. "We need to have a shopper, ten pages long, for Monday". Great. I'm already thinking about ordering out, getting a few beers... This is going to be a long night. You know what happens next? They take two weeks to approve it. Is that rush? Hey, rush for me is: you need to do this quick so I approve it and it goes to the printer. It does not mean work your butt off, don't go home and have a nice time with your family so I can have it quick and then take my dear time to check it over.
You can't imagine how many times I've sent a piece that was supposed to be rush and then have days and days go by without a single idea if they saw it or not. I've had on my desk a job which is a YEAR OLD - I am not kidding - that it was supposed to be rush. This is just an insult.
Bonus: 6! Not giving me all the changes in one or two rounds.
Alternative 1: move logo, make bigger, delete second line. Alternative 2: Change photograph. Need another more option. Alternative 3: Insert new mandatories. Alternative 4: Revise mandatories, add website. Alternative 5: make Photograph more close up. Yeah... you get my point. Can't you just give me all the shit on one single call or email?
I can say that at the end of the day, I still get my paycheck. Yes, I do. It always arrives on time. But really, these five things are a waste of my time. Yes, we are supposed to make changes and do a great piece, but there are limits. By avoiding any of these items above, I can be more productive, your ad can get to press on time... and I can go home and have really loud sex with a Latin Hunk.
Have more that I missed or overlooked? Share, share...
1) Fucking up a great design.
Jesus Christ! You cannot imagine how many times I have sent a decent looking ad and by the time I send it to press I end up with a TURD. A really stinky, blobby, soggy, unfriendly diarrhea looking shit of an ad. Logos get incredibly big. Telephone numbers get huge. Oh... And bursts galore. Bursts! Are we in 1984? If I had a dollar for every conversation about balance, color coordination, negative spaces... I would be a fucking Millionaire. I can write about this time and time again: look, we went to college and did an insane amount of hours learning how to design. YOU DIDNT. Just because you can coordinate your jeans with a cool shoe does not make you a designer. You are fucking up your design and worse, you are making ME and MY AGENCY look bad.
2) Cramming a Shitload of Messages into one Ad.
Let's say your client is a Soda. In comes Secretary-turned-Account Manager-Because-Maybe-She-Blew-Someone and tells you:
"We have one ad coming, we have to say that we are tasty, low calorie, no caffeine, low carb and just 99¢... For a limited time only. Can you do that in just the header?
Oh and we need a short witty copy."
"OOOOOH really? Hm. How about... IT'S FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE!"
Hey clients... Let's say this over and over again. Single Minded Proposition. Just a simple message. Strong. To the point. Is that so difficult to understand???
3) Making Changes over Things that Really don't matter.
Douglas Bowman said it best. At Google he encountered a Blue Dilemma. He sat there and endured a conversation on different shades of blue. I mean, really. I've had this shit happen to me and you start hyperventilating. Can you make the shadow of the cigarette box a little bit darker. Done. A little big darker. Done. No, no, now a bit more lighter. Will a damn shadow make a client not want to fucking smoke? Moving a logo two inches to the left WILL NOT make your product sell more. Making the copy two points smaller does not require a meeting of five hours! Does it look good? Yes! Now approve the damn thing so I can go home and watch Lost, dammit!
4) Out of the Box when it's not needed.
This is a true story. Long ago and in an agency far far away I got a brief. My Deodorant Client wanted a Shelftalker. They had a new low price. This was a very good deodorant and the price was really cheap. When I think about a shelftalker, I think: TO THE POINT. Logo and Price, huge as shit.
Um. No. We need it to be really creative and witty. Oh great, my two favorite words. "Yeah, we want our piece to be Out of the Box". (I puked in my mouth a little) Do you really need to be creative on a piece that measures 3" x 6"? Does that piece really need to be all that? We spent TWO WEEKS designing extremely creative pieces that I really thought were a waste of money and time. Some pieces out there DO NOT REQUIRE CREATIVITY. Yes, I said it. Pick your battles. If it was a Full Page ad or a Huge Ass Billboard, yeah go for it. But a piece of cardboard that will be stuck on a grocery store, with people walking fast and not paying real attention, two weeks of your time and money are just insane.
Interesting Side Note: The damn thing ended up getting a prize at some whatever contest. It still amazes me when undeserving pieces that have no relevance to clients win awards. But that my friends is another post completely.
5) You say Rush. I say Bullshit.
This is just one of those whoppers that really make me angry as hell. Most of all, if it's on a Friday. "We need to have a shopper, ten pages long, for Monday". Great. I'm already thinking about ordering out, getting a few beers... This is going to be a long night. You know what happens next? They take two weeks to approve it. Is that rush? Hey, rush for me is: you need to do this quick so I approve it and it goes to the printer. It does not mean work your butt off, don't go home and have a nice time with your family so I can have it quick and then take my dear time to check it over.
You can't imagine how many times I've sent a piece that was supposed to be rush and then have days and days go by without a single idea if they saw it or not. I've had on my desk a job which is a YEAR OLD - I am not kidding - that it was supposed to be rush. This is just an insult.
Bonus: 6! Not giving me all the changes in one or two rounds.
Alternative 1: move logo, make bigger, delete second line. Alternative 2: Change photograph. Need another more option. Alternative 3: Insert new mandatories. Alternative 4: Revise mandatories, add website. Alternative 5: make Photograph more close up. Yeah... you get my point. Can't you just give me all the shit on one single call or email?
I can say that at the end of the day, I still get my paycheck. Yes, I do. It always arrives on time. But really, these five things are a waste of my time. Yes, we are supposed to make changes and do a great piece, but there are limits. By avoiding any of these items above, I can be more productive, your ad can get to press on time... and I can go home and have really loud sex with a Latin Hunk.
Have more that I missed or overlooked? Share, share...
Apr 23, 2009
The Little Boy at the Beach.
Enough with the Political Videos, Movie Reviews and True Stories about clients being dickwads. I'm going personal tonight.
A couple of weeks ago my boyfriend and I were sitting on the beach, just soaking up the sun and doing absolutely nothing. Walking in the sand were a father and a little boy. We sat in silence looking at them, listening to the little boy call out for daddy and being all cute and lovely... And suddenly we started talking about how great it would be if we had one.
Let me bactrack a bit... (I do that way too many times, right?) A couple of months ago a friend of mine called me up and told me that he was going to have a girl. I wrote about it when I first knew about him being preggers... I asked that the moment he knew the sex that he had to call me. So he did. Without thinking I wrote on my Facebook Status: It's a girl. Cut to a couple of hours. My Boyfriends sister and brother called him, happy as hell, wondering if WE were having a baby. We told them that it was just a Facebook Status gone wrong, it was not me but one of my dearest friends. We laughed for a couple of days about it... But it got me thinking...
So now back to the beach. We are again talking about having a baby. I start wondering while looking at that beautiful boy. "XXX friend told me that our kid would be awesome, if we had one". "Oh he did?" "Yep." "Yeah, us two having a baby would rock, our baby would be king of the world". We started laughing and talking about all the cool stuff we would do to our kid. Cool haircuts. Weird Clothes. XBox training sessions since he was two... That got me thinking...
In a couple of days, it will be Sunday. Sunday is the time for my pills again.
I don't want to buy them.
That. Got. Me. Thinking.
A couple of weeks ago my boyfriend and I were sitting on the beach, just soaking up the sun and doing absolutely nothing. Walking in the sand were a father and a little boy. We sat in silence looking at them, listening to the little boy call out for daddy and being all cute and lovely... And suddenly we started talking about how great it would be if we had one.
Let me bactrack a bit... (I do that way too many times, right?) A couple of months ago a friend of mine called me up and told me that he was going to have a girl. I wrote about it when I first knew about him being preggers... I asked that the moment he knew the sex that he had to call me. So he did. Without thinking I wrote on my Facebook Status: It's a girl. Cut to a couple of hours. My Boyfriends sister and brother called him, happy as hell, wondering if WE were having a baby. We told them that it was just a Facebook Status gone wrong, it was not me but one of my dearest friends. We laughed for a couple of days about it... But it got me thinking...
So now back to the beach. We are again talking about having a baby. I start wondering while looking at that beautiful boy. "XXX friend told me that our kid would be awesome, if we had one". "Oh he did?" "Yep." "Yeah, us two having a baby would rock, our baby would be king of the world". We started laughing and talking about all the cool stuff we would do to our kid. Cool haircuts. Weird Clothes. XBox training sessions since he was two... That got me thinking...
In a couple of days, it will be Sunday. Sunday is the time for my pills again.
I don't want to buy them.
That. Got. Me. Thinking.
Five Dinner Guests that define: Me
First of all, I think WAS deserves credit for the overwhelming 5 Things that everyone is posting on Facebook on the Living Social App. Period. I said it. We did it first. WAS RULES DAMMIT.
Anyways... Long time no Five Things, right? Well here I go again. This time I "borrowed" ideas from the app - hey, they "borrowed" first, dammit - about the Five People you would love to have dinner with. Dead or Alive, doesn't matter. So let's go... In no particular order:
1) Kevin Smith.
A class act copywriter in my book. His scripts are simply amazing. I sometimes think that he's spying on us, taping our conversations. We really, really talk that way.
2) Frank Sinatra.
Come on. The Chairman of the Board? I would ask him so many questions he would have paid to get me killed by the mafia... And of course, at the end of the dinner, way drunk, I would beg for him to sing "One for my Baby". Yeah, a perfect ending... PS: I have that picture hanging on my office. Lovely...
3) George Carlin.
There are simply no words to describe him. He will always define FUNNY for me. I truly miss him. How are you doing up there, Georgie Boy? God getting specials every month or so? I envy him.
4) Annie Leibovitz.
I just really need to know if her eyes have some kind of superpower. This woman is my hero. Since I'm a frustrated photographer, this would sure be one of those nights where I would say... Fucking Epic.
5) Fidel Castro.
If there is one man that has been hated in this world for... um... forever! It's this man. He can be the dirtiest, blood sucking, evil man that has walked the Earth and... I don't give a fuck. I would pour him a Whiskey and sit down with the man and just chat. Besides, not knowing if he would kill me afterwards would be the thrill of a lifetime.
There they are. My top Five Dinner guests. Feel free to participate and tell me your list, will you.
Much love... Me.
Anyways... Long time no Five Things, right? Well here I go again. This time I "borrowed" ideas from the app - hey, they "borrowed" first, dammit - about the Five People you would love to have dinner with. Dead or Alive, doesn't matter. So let's go... In no particular order:
1) Kevin Smith.
A class act copywriter in my book. His scripts are simply amazing. I sometimes think that he's spying on us, taping our conversations. We really, really talk that way.
2) Frank Sinatra.
Come on. The Chairman of the Board? I would ask him so many questions he would have paid to get me killed by the mafia... And of course, at the end of the dinner, way drunk, I would beg for him to sing "One for my Baby". Yeah, a perfect ending... PS: I have that picture hanging on my office. Lovely...
3) George Carlin.
There are simply no words to describe him. He will always define FUNNY for me. I truly miss him. How are you doing up there, Georgie Boy? God getting specials every month or so? I envy him.
4) Annie Leibovitz.
I just really need to know if her eyes have some kind of superpower. This woman is my hero. Since I'm a frustrated photographer, this would sure be one of those nights where I would say... Fucking Epic.
5) Fidel Castro.
If there is one man that has been hated in this world for... um... forever! It's this man. He can be the dirtiest, blood sucking, evil man that has walked the Earth and... I don't give a fuck. I would pour him a Whiskey and sit down with the man and just chat. Besides, not knowing if he would kill me afterwards would be the thrill of a lifetime.
There they are. My top Five Dinner guests. Feel free to participate and tell me your list, will you.
Much love... Me.
EPIC ALERT: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia!
Dudes and dudettes out there: I have found Jesus on a Stick. As you all might know, since Heroes started sucking and I have no comedies left that I can handle - me being a Seinfeld, Friends & Cheers alumni... I decided to give It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia a try.
Let me backtrack. I was at the last San Diego Comic Con waiting for one of the shows and I had to sit during the IASIP bit. Everyone was yapping about how fucking insanely funny that show was. I was like... Huh? What show? These people have to be on something.
Well the joke was on me. This show is AMAZING! If you love extremely dark humor sans bullshit, this is the show you have to watch. Just play the pilot, if you don't think those guys are writing what could be the best thing since Seinfeld, you have my permission to kick me in the ovaries. That serious.
So please, rent it.
Apr 22, 2009
Why Advertising Sucks? A True Story.
Just one of those reasons why this jobs sucks way more than anything else...
I am sick. The flu. Sick as fuck.
Yesterday I decided that I just could not go to work.
Ring. My cellphone.
Um... Cough. Cough. Hello.
Me?
Yeah. Cough. Sneeze.
Um... Are you sick?
Yeah. I took the day off. I don't feel that good.
Oh.
Pause.
Can I give you some revisions?
Yeah. Advertising? Still sucking beyond belief.
I am sick. The flu. Sick as fuck.
Yesterday I decided that I just could not go to work.
Ring. My cellphone.
Um... Cough. Cough. Hello.
Me?
Yeah. Cough. Sneeze.
Um... Are you sick?
Yeah. I took the day off. I don't feel that good.
Oh.
Pause.
Can I give you some revisions?
Yeah. Advertising? Still sucking beyond belief.
Apr 20, 2009
Heroes? More Average Joes if you ask Me.
Just a quick post. Is it me or does Heroes suck beyond belief? How can you, for all that's holy, shit on such a great show? I have been yapping about this to our friends who were pot commited to the show, we didn't move our butts on Mondays... and now this show is sucking more than a working girl who needs to pay the electric bill?
So my question is: do you also think that Heroes hit the shit? Discuss.
Apr 17, 2009
So did you Tea Bag?
| The Daily Show With Jon Stewart | M - Th 11p / 10c | |||
| Tempest in a Tea Party | ||||
| ||||
| The Colbert Report | Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c | |||
| Tax Atax | ||||
| ||||
And then, Anderson Cooper takes it to eleven:
Apr 16, 2009
Apr 15, 2009
Apr 14, 2009
Douglas Bowman said Goodbye to Google...
Dudes... you just have to click at the name of the post to read why. One word: Blue. Enjoy.
Apr 13, 2009
Everyone's a Heckler: the review.
Jamie Kennedy is upset. Seems to him like everyone is a critic. Well, you know what Jamie? Yes. If we have a voice, we have an opinion. WAS gets a shitload of comments from people hating our posts or our opinions. Criticism is a way of life. Everyone gets an opinion every single day. Our mothers and fathers do it. Our friends do it. We do it. Our clients do it. Do we whine? But of course. Do we not take notice? Yes, we have to. If you are not getting some kind of criticism... how the f*** do we get better at what we do?
Heckler is a great documentary on people who just need to tell you how much you suck. It starts off as a very interesting view on how comedians handle hecklers. Some fight back, some lose it. Great comedians just rip a new one on guys and gals who are determined to fuck their set over. Some just cannot handle it and crash, hard core.
The thing is... Kennedy has a beef with hecklers, he doesn't seem to handle or like it very much when people decide to give an opinion mid act. Um... dude. I've seen your stand up. I mean... come on, sometimes it's painful. Now. The people paid to see your act. You flop, hardly. Do you expect every time for people to just sit there and not say something? Come on, they paid to laugh and for some, it just isn't happening. Add to that alcohol and bingo... you got hecklers galore.
The thing that I didn't like about the movie is when it moves to criticism in general. The thing about you not going to other people's job and telling them that they are not doing the job correctly is PURELY wrong. I get shit on every single day. Clients tell me that they are not liking my copy or my design. It's my job to listen to their feedback, dammit. Maybe YOU are not going into other people's offices, but you know what? We are getting nailed just like you are.
Yeah, maybe we are not comedians. Maybe we would suck ass if we would get on stage and try to be funny. But we still get shit on, from our bosses, coworkers, loved ones... Have we got a right to say if we don't like a movie or a stand up comedy show? You bet your ass we do. We pay the tickets, we order the two drink minimum, we buy the dvds. We may not all be professional movie critics, but hey, when the day comes that movies or shows are free maybe then we will shut up. Maybe.
Carlin. Seinfeld. Rock. These dudes got famous and respected not only by their material. It was just people talking about how fucking insanely funny their sets were. Movies make money because people, normal human beings, recommend them to their friends. Have I ever gone to see a movie just based on some Rolling Stone review? Nope. If Restrictions gives me a call and tells me how great a movie was, I'm renting it because he has a very good standing when giving reviews. If Travis sends me a trailer via email, it's because he thinks I will love it. 90% of the time, they are right. Joker isn't getting paid every time he tells me about some comedian that I have to watch. Get my point? It's all about word of mouth, that is the one thing that makes or breaks anything. From a brand to a movie.
Everyone's a critic, dude. Deal with it. But watch the movie. At least it was better than Son of the Mask.
Milk does a body good. A review.
What. A. Movie.
I recently saw Milk and guys, let me tell you, this is one movie you gotta see and most of all, you gotta spread the word about. Milk is a very deep and touching flick about one man and his mission in life: demanding human rights for gay and lesbians. This is one of those gems that you gotta watch, mandatory. It not only inspires, it humbles. Gus Van Sant did a masterful piece on the story of a man that once said he hadn't done anything to be proud of.
In 1977, Harvey Milk was elected to the San Francisco Board of Supervisors, becoming the first openly gay man to be voted into major public office in America. He fought for human rights for the lesbian and gay community, never giving up. He stood for love, understanding and the basic human right that all men are created equal. The movie chronicles the last 8 years of his fight until his untimely death. In this day and age where Proposition 8 passed, watching this movie reminds us that his fight is not over.
Was it Oscar worthy for Sean Penn? Well, I truly think it was greatly deserved. Penn nailed it, perfectly. I mean, you gotta see his transformation. Penn changed into a very delicate, sweet, loving and caring man who loved to smile and laugh while never turning him into a gay cliché - you know what I mean, sometimes actors go cartoonish when acting gay and they are not believable. The rugged, dark actor that Penn is mostly known completely disappears and instead we have one passionate, loving, endearing man that I for one would have loved to meet. James Franco? Jesus H. Christ, this man should have gotten a nomination for his part as well. What a part! Trust me, if you don't believe that these two are the most incredible couple ever caught on film you must have some bolt loose in your head.
And Gus Van Sant became a God for me. His direction is simply perfect. The way that he handled with dignity and passion every single scene in this movie is flawless. I didn't particularly love his Good Will Hunting movie and other films, but this one made me a believer in the dude. If he keeps delivering movies like he did this one, boy I am one avid watcher from now on.
The most important thing about this movie is sharing it with all the people you know. This is one of those movies that remind us that some people out there don't get to enjoy the rights that we have and we cannot just sit here and do nothing. All men are created equal, dammit. We ALL should marry. We ALL should be able to adopt, love, share, live with, divorce... whatever, we all should have the same rights. By watching this movie you will see how far someone will fight for this basic idea. There may be much hatred in this world, but people like Milk reminds us that for every one that hates, there is one that loves. What a movie... what a movie.
"My name is Harvey Milk, and I'm here to recruit you". Well Harvey, I signed up. I will do my best to help recruit others...
Apr 7, 2009
Oh oh... Be careful of the Social Networking monster...
A couple of days ago I was at the beach and my best friend was talking about some weird shit that happened to a friend of hers. The story was so weird it gave me material to write a post, since this has been on my mind for a long time and I haven't had the right words to write about it.
The post would be summed up in a very quick sentence: this world is too small. But since this is a post, we're going with the largest picture. Well, seems that one friend of a friend posted some photographs at Facebook of a random night at a local place where all people hang out on Fridays. Not a big deal, just pictures of a group drinking, smiling, having fun. Yeah, just another day at the bar and someone decided to post them to share with the world.
Well as you all might know, these pictures are mostly available to all the people if you don't manage your privacy profile or if you don't care that the world will see them. A friend of a friend might see them, and a friend of another friend might be tagged, on and on it goes. Well, the thing was, in one of the photographs, deep in the background, were too people kissing. Let's fast forward a bit... a friend recognizes one of the two people... and he was kind of not kissing the person that he should. Fast forward again... it was all over for the dude.
Was the guy not caring if he got caught? That is not the point. His private life and his choices are only his and we're not one to judge. Every relationship has two sides, we will not ever know what happened to cause that moment. The post is not about that man and what happened next when he got kind of caught. It's Privacy.
Privacy, as a whole, is a thing of the past. Now every single detail of anybody's life, if it's not protected by privacy settings can change your life in a moment. Now you would have to move to Uganda, to a tribe down somewhere with no internet or phone capabilities just enough to not have every single person know what you are doing that day. It's all over, we have to accept it.
Facebook, MySpace and other social networking tools have ended what seemed to be a private life for many people. Isn't that sad? We all arm ourselves with clicking at any privacy setting an internet web page has, but still our lives trickle outside the coloring lines from time to time. Are we entitled to any privacy? I say yes. Are we anybody to judge people from a photograph or a statement somewhere? No, we're not. We have to live and let live. Will that man be happy after all this hoopla has ended? Do we care? Nope. Is it our business to determine if he did the right thing or not, just because of a single photograph? Nope. A photograph doesn't determine anything. But he sure lost some kind of privacy that he deserved to have. And that, my friends, is some scary shit.
What if you are walking with your sister, give her a hug and some douchebag decides to "out" you, not knowing who she is? What if you are having lunch with a very attractive client and your sister in law doesn't know and decides to give gossip a try? People need to live their own lives and let people do the same. What if the angle of the photograph in question was misleading? Yeah, you get the picture. We will never know.
People I beg of you. Be careful. Close your accounts to the people you know. Give that Privacy Setting a try and look for any nook and cranny to protect yourself, your loved ones and your friends from situations like these. You never know what intentions some crazy people have out there.
Let's Protect Privacy once again. For everybody.
The post would be summed up in a very quick sentence: this world is too small. But since this is a post, we're going with the largest picture. Well, seems that one friend of a friend posted some photographs at Facebook of a random night at a local place where all people hang out on Fridays. Not a big deal, just pictures of a group drinking, smiling, having fun. Yeah, just another day at the bar and someone decided to post them to share with the world.
Well as you all might know, these pictures are mostly available to all the people if you don't manage your privacy profile or if you don't care that the world will see them. A friend of a friend might see them, and a friend of another friend might be tagged, on and on it goes. Well, the thing was, in one of the photographs, deep in the background, were too people kissing. Let's fast forward a bit... a friend recognizes one of the two people... and he was kind of not kissing the person that he should. Fast forward again... it was all over for the dude.
Was the guy not caring if he got caught? That is not the point. His private life and his choices are only his and we're not one to judge. Every relationship has two sides, we will not ever know what happened to cause that moment. The post is not about that man and what happened next when he got kind of caught. It's Privacy.
Privacy, as a whole, is a thing of the past. Now every single detail of anybody's life, if it's not protected by privacy settings can change your life in a moment. Now you would have to move to Uganda, to a tribe down somewhere with no internet or phone capabilities just enough to not have every single person know what you are doing that day. It's all over, we have to accept it.
Facebook, MySpace and other social networking tools have ended what seemed to be a private life for many people. Isn't that sad? We all arm ourselves with clicking at any privacy setting an internet web page has, but still our lives trickle outside the coloring lines from time to time. Are we entitled to any privacy? I say yes. Are we anybody to judge people from a photograph or a statement somewhere? No, we're not. We have to live and let live. Will that man be happy after all this hoopla has ended? Do we care? Nope. Is it our business to determine if he did the right thing or not, just because of a single photograph? Nope. A photograph doesn't determine anything. But he sure lost some kind of privacy that he deserved to have. And that, my friends, is some scary shit.
What if you are walking with your sister, give her a hug and some douchebag decides to "out" you, not knowing who she is? What if you are having lunch with a very attractive client and your sister in law doesn't know and decides to give gossip a try? People need to live their own lives and let people do the same. What if the angle of the photograph in question was misleading? Yeah, you get the picture. We will never know.
People I beg of you. Be careful. Close your accounts to the people you know. Give that Privacy Setting a try and look for any nook and cranny to protect yourself, your loved ones and your friends from situations like these. You never know what intentions some crazy people have out there.
Let's Protect Privacy once again. For everybody.
Apr 1, 2009
Holy 3D Jesus: Monsters Vs Aliens!
I can't remember the last time I felt like a kid in a movie. You remember the feeling, don't you? Watching something that blew your brain, knowing that you were having so much fun you wanted to jump, laugh and even throw popcorn to strangers? Well, I'd like to say thank you to Dreamworks, because for a couple of hours, I was a four year old again.
WHAT A GREAT 3D MOVIE! Monsters vs Aliens is proof that Dreamworks can almost achieve Pixar greatness, if they only try. And boy, did they deliver. The story is very very funny, the voices are priceless. How good? Let me give you the actor list and you be the judge: Reese Witherspoon, Seth Rogen, Hugh Laurie, Will Arnett, Keifer Sutherland, Rainn Wilson, Paul Rudd and Stephen Colbert. Yeah, that's how great the voices are.
If you are not laughing 15 minutes in the film... well... um... maybe you're not human. There are SOOOOO MANY pop culture references in this film, punchlines galore (adult ones, thank God)... the set and costume designs RULE but most of all: the 3D! WHOA! 15 seconds into the film you think... damn this movie cannot be seen if it's not in this way. Please, I beg of you, if you can look for a Dolby 3D theater, do it.
For me, it will be very difficult to return to animated flicks without it. This was THE way to watch an animated movie, by far. Oh and for you Colbert Nation fans, there is a very nice touch that you will love.
Is this movie better than any Pixar movie? Ok, it doesn't have that special flare that movies like Toy Story, Finding Nemo and The Incredibles had. Those people SURE know how to make movies for families in general, most of all not leaving parents behind. Pixar always gets to hit your sentimental bone while you are laughing your butt silly. But still, I cannot deny that this is far better that what they did before. Spinal Tap mode: It goes to eleven.
So, pack your popcorn and get the kids out. Put your 3D glasses on and remember me when you are jumping in your seat while you return to your childhood. Enjoy...
PS: Don't mind the bad reviews. This is just a fun movie. No Oscar nomination are needed, honestly. I mean... come on, at the end of the day, it's just a flick for kids. You hear me you Slumdog Millionare loving critics out there? For. Kids.
Free Hugs.
Last Sunday I attended a small comic convention. Apart from the usual cosplayers (look it up), nerds, Star Wars Geeks, Star Trek Gods (not too many but still they rule), tweens and teenagers... I stumbled on a movement that seems a little bit weird. What, pray tell did I see, loads of times? Free hugs.
This is just a post so people can answer me because I have a couple of questions. I agree that the movement started by a viral video made for a guy that had lost his grandmother and was in dire need of love. I totally can understand his motive. When the video got bigger in the net, the movement changed. It turned into the basic idea that some people out there had lost human contact of some sort and some people out there started giving it back to those who needed it. Perfect, I'm still understanding.
This "Free Hugs" movement, mostly seen in any type of Comic Con gathering is a bit more... weird. LOADS of teenagers are writing on the next piece of paper that they can get their hands on this simple message. They run around the con hugging left and right. I watched them for hours last Sunday, but I did remember having seen this in other bigger cons. Hm.
What can it possibly be? Are they hungry for any type of sexual contact? Do they really mean all the hugs that they give? Lots of the hugs I saw were not so sincere and lacking human emotion. So, if you are not fully commited... why do it? Some seemed desperate for attention. Hey, you could see it in their faces.
This generation astounds me. By watching them for hours and hours, all I could see were depressed faces with moments of glee, mainly when they saw their favorite "characters" alive by cosplay. Yes, they sometimes dance and laugh, but for the most part they are just... they seem... lost. I sometimes think that things like the internet and tv have made them lose contact with the real world, with real humans. They are so consumed by comic books, videogames, chat rooms, text messages... I can bet that if I ask one of them the last time they went out and enjoyed the sun they won't be able to answer me.Is sad the new black? Is lost the new trend? And the most important question is... can we as fathers and mothers give them the idea that at the end, it's all going to be ok?
Help! My Netflix Queue is at an all time low...
Hey guys. Just visited my Netflix account and yikes, it's not looking good. Any ideas? Come on, help me build a decent queue again... Write back and tell me what's good!
PS: I love documentaries. If you have ideas on those they are very much welcome...
Much love! Me.
PS: I love documentaries. If you have ideas on those they are very much welcome...
Much love! Me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)