There have been 59 other fictitious women that have left an undeniable mark on my life. Be it pixel, pencil lines or paint brushes, these women don't exist, but that does not for one second take away from the sheer hotness and beauty some of thesse imaginary muses possess. And now the moment has arrived.
The Top ten hottest women never to grace this plane of existence.
Starting off the list:
10. Betty Boop
You just can't deny the classics and Betty is THE ORIGINAL AMERICAN FICTITIOUS HOTTIE. So what if her head was kinda hydrocephallic, albeit heart shaped; Betty had a body that just begged for attention and gorgeous eyes that put a spell on you. With curves that demand tight suspension and finely tuned breaks, Betty was a huge sex symbol decades before Marylin Monroe was even born. To take it up a notch, that sexy garter plus tight cute pumps combo had people protesting as much as they loved her. Betty recently turned 79 which might be old in human years, but for her, it's just a perfect ten after a 69.
To this ageless beauty that showcases the delectable deliciousness of full legs and a sweet rump, we salute you.
9. Baroness - Gi joe
Black leather? Check. Black hair? Check. Black heart? Check. Black rimmed glasses? DOUBLE CHECK. Women have NO idea how sexy glasses can be and Baroness proves why. She had huge librarian glasses and a to die for Russian accent that goes perfectly with whatever she has on, or takes off. Baroness was responsible for way too many kids wanting to stab the enemy with their meat bayonets, but really, can you blame them? As if you needed an added incentive, this was a woman in power.
Second in command at Cobra, Baroness knew who was boss and was only too happy to stomp her point through with her black leather stilettos. Insubordination? You bet your ass, there's just no way a private's privates could be at ease around her.
8. Princess Daphne - Dragon's Lair
The single highest rated videogame character comes in the shape of the oh so delicious Princess Daphne from Dragon's Lair lore.
If you were a teen or child of the 80's, you saw this game at the arcade and you also saw people chucking dollars upon dollars into the machines to be able to pass the game and get a better look at Miss Hotness herself. Inspired by Playboy models and drawn by the créme de la créme, the Disney demianimator Don Bluth, Daphne was more than enough reason for Dirk the Daring to get burnt to a crisp on multiple occasions.
Hell if you're into fatalities and death sequences, few games gave you enough opportunities to screw up than did Dragon's Lair. But boy, was it worth it. Though there is unfortunately no Leisure Suit Larry version of Dragon's Lair, Daphne was more than enough of a reward for blowing your allowance on a videogame.
7. Holli Would - Cool World
How ironic was it that the full flesh version of Holli couldn't even compete with her drawn counter part.
Hell nothing against Kim Basinger especially in her prime, but Holli Would was definitely one of the hottest reasons why guys were so curious as to what it felt like to do a doodle.
Holli was all attitude and all hotness in her desire to experience the world sans ink. And who gets to do her? Gabriel frigging Byrne... No wonder everyone swore that guy was Keyser Soze. But just look at Holli... I'm guessing now you understand why so much ink has been spilled from guy's meat pens proclaiming that when it comes to Holli Would, they DEFINITELY would if they could.
Another original hottie. Born onto the world in 1969, Vampirella makes pretty much any other vampire in existence look like a rookie sucker.
With a suit that is as hot as it is iconic (and gravity defying), Vampirella knew how to get what she wanted, as often as she wanted.
Inspiring goth hookers for ages to come, this dropped dead beauty (hell she's already dead) was definitely one of the most camouflaged comics read in history, being placed in between text book pages for years upon years. In an age of gay vampires from the Rice collection or douche emotional wannabes from the Twilight, Vampirella shows that sharp fangs and cleavage will win EVERY single time good taste prevails.
5. Harley Quinn - Detective Comics
The first time I saw harley Quinn, my jaw dropped because they had taken one of the biggest fixations in my life and made a female version out of it.
Some people may call bullshit, but seriously, the idea of a sexy girl dressed as a harlequin was something that my fucked up sensibilities definitely approved of and you could have a full house and it wouldn't matter, because no matter your suit, a joker will always be wild. Crazy, beautiful, and dressed with tight spandex that leaves enough to the imagination for you to go super gaga. With an ass like that, you could only pray for her to fold.
4. Belle - Beauty and the Beast
The highest ranking Disney princess by far. She's smart, beautiful, sassy, and can tame the savage beast. Dressed in a simple blue and white outfuit or that gorgeous yellow dress, this book worm was just completely adorable and for more than one reason reminds me of my fiancée.
Is it disturbing that I include a reference to my future wufe in this juvenile list? Why no. Disturbing would be to not include her and my juvenile schoolboy antics are hopefully just something extra to my charm.
That personal anectdote aside, could you deny that Belle would be more than capable of taming ANY beast? Hell, if there's anyone on this list you'd happilly take to your mom, Belle is pretty much the top of the list.
3. Death of the Endless - Sandman
Beauty, hotness and just plain skimpy outfits go a long way to turning a guy on. But for me, the value of conversation and personality are the two main reasons why Death of the Endless is #3 on this list. Gorgeous, quirky to the point of being silly and just way too cool to be the harbinger of your passing, Death shows that we shouldn't fear Death and instead befriend it.
You could say that men could Meet Jane Black with her and you wouldn't be off target. Hot is not always cool, but cool is always hot. Remember that friends.
2. Psylocke - Xmen
During my formative years, there was a Marvel swimsuit edition and the page that stuck on most guys' copy was that of Psylocke. What can I say? There's something about ninjas that is just too sexy and Psylocke takes beauty to a whole other level with outfits that showcase those incredible legs and that oh so nibbable neck.
Call me a sick bastard, and I know some of you will, but Psylocke was super sizzling and I'm not even making reference to her psychic daggers.
Purple hair was just an awesome bonus and being nimble, sexy, and assertive are three things out of a million that put psylocke firmly into the #2 spot...
which means there's only one left.... and who could it be except the incomparable hotness known as...
1. Jessica Rabbit - Who Framed Roger Rabbit
OH LAWDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY... No other single character in fiction has probably brought boys into manhood one stroke at a time than Jessica Rabbit. Sexy is too simple and silly a word for the Red Head atom bombshell.
I'll bet most people learned what paddy cake was because of this movie and more than one guy would have been willing to play just to miss her right hand and graze her tit.
Sexy voice, talented, legs to squeeze the living life out of you, a rack to have your unlactated inner child rejoicing and there is no doubt why Jessica Rabbit is above and beyond the call of sexy and has any and everything necessary to defend her sexiest fictitious character. So to the queen of our imaginations, we salute you. CHEERS!!!!!!!!!!!
For the rest of the list, click on the links below.
Hope you enjoyed.