Sep 16, 2005

A post from a friend No. 3: Excuse Me, I Don’t Speak Moron

Another one from pearljamlover:

I am young, I am still a newbie, but lets get one thing straight… some people in this business are just plain stupid. I can be tolerant but the fact remains, some people are stupid. They could be a creative, media, account exec, traffic person or even production. Idiocy knows no boundaries and you will unfortunately find dipshits eventually. Thing is that since I work in creative I will be overexposed to the idiocy found in my own department and within the account exec department. This is just the nature of the business and rams eventually butt heads. We think they’re morons and they think we are intellectually narcissistic pricks and guess what, to a certain degree we’re both right.

First off, let’s bash ourselves, it’s only fair. Creatives take the benefit of the doubt most times in a discussion and rarely do we appreciate the execs work, although the position is at times more of a hassle than an intermediary which they should be. Thing is, we dress funky put weird shirts and arrive disheveled at best and don’t realize how much that probably irks them… or maybe we do and that’s why we do it. We have massively sensitive egos that would put Streisand to shame and we bitch fit with the best of them. We procrastinate as an art-form and me being one of the few exceptions (I’m anally retentive like that), creatives are slobs and regularly have no regard for a true work system. Where the job may fall, we don’t know. This is true, and no matter what, we often swear we know more than most other people. That’s us…. Now let’s talk about them.

Account execs often sin in regards to various advertising credos that should be more sternly guarded. Lets run down through Ten Advertising Commandments that if broken, should be penalized by genital scraping and / or a severe beatdown with a large squash.

1.) Thou shall not always agree with the client.

A true account exec knows the difference between kissing some ass and full on frenching someone’s corn hole. The client is not always right, and that’s why he hired you.. so you could help them make the best decisions for their brand.

2.) Thou shall not be cynical with creatives

Guess what? We know you’ve been told that you have to cater to our egos and that you gotta treat us like small kids who just jumped or said ‘car’ or something. “Oh really sweety? That’s wonderful!” Don’t patronize me and save your cynical condescending for someone who thinks you have an IQ over 57.

3.) Thou shall back up your creatives

How often do creatives have to redo work because some jerkoff exec didn’t back you up. This hurts, this isn’t fair, you shouldn’t do that, shame on you for not having the backbone to be a team player.

4.) Thou shall lunch with people not of your department.

Sorry but I hate clicks. Do your best to not always stick with your group when and if possible. I’ll happily eat with you if you give me a shot to show you I’m interested.

5.) Thou shall always give a presentation to a copywriter to proofread.

You’re stressed, you’re overworked and you’re overbitched at. The least I can do is give a semi proof so you don’t misspell your client’s name. I often offer this service, but also don’t give it to me 30 minutes before a presentation pretending it to be perfect… even when going WAY over the 120 slide mark.

6.) Thou shall never, EVER over promise anything to a client.

Deadlines should be realistic as well as timetables. If a client wants something the next day and it can’t be done, grow some testes and say no. It’s ok to say no, just like when you don’t want to sleep with someone.

7.) Thou shall do more than just nod in agreement with EVERYTHING a client says.

THE CLIENT IS NOT ALWAYS RIGHT. Get it through your skull and be analytical about everything he or she says. They might have skipped a step, they might be stupid, they might have even lost their puppy. Take all this into account and be slightly skeptical if something sounds wrong.

8.) Thou shall not enjoy when I make a mistake.

Don’t suck as a human being, kindly say I fucked up and I’ll remedy it. Don’t enjoy showing me how stupid I was because I left a typo because I don’t shove each and every one of your fuckups in your face. Face it, none of us is perfect.

9.) Thou shall not over-harass me with a job.

I know your ass is on the line everyday, but sometimes you take it too far. There’s day to days, there’s major projects and then there are shit jobs you decide to bitch about. One word… prioritize and feel free to recognize I’m not blowing wind up my butt.

10.)Thou shall recognize that I’m human, and that so are you.

Sometimes you have to say the hell with it and rest. You work hard and I bitch, but I recognize your efforts.

This is just the humble opinion of a mixed up copywriter. Any offense taken is strictly your fault for not being able to get rid of that chip on your shoulder.


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