Ah… the beauty of team building. For those of you who don’t know what this term refers to, there are some of us who have been treated to a wonderful variety of seminars to do as the title says, build teams. They are built through trust exercises and a variety of spiritual retreat style activities that would work a lot better with a band of recovering methane inhalers, a teen Christian support group, or anywhere other than an advertising agency. But here we are, let’s make the best out of this annoyingly kumbaya moment while we fight the gag reflexes.
You are asked to do anything from breathing exercises to rounds of sincerity, my personal favorite since everyone demonstrates how much of an ass munch they can be since 9 ½ times out of 10 no one says what they really feel, thus defeating the principle of the exercise. What’s best, some of the activities go totally against everything you feel towards some co-workers. Try to imagine standing on a chair blindfolded only to have to trust a variety of co-workers to catch you when you fall backwards. Remember these are people you wouldn’t trust with a lent CD that are supposed to catch you, without sticking a knife in your back on your way down so you don’t get hurt. Hmm… how bout no thanks.
It gets better though. Is there a specific group of people that can’t get along? Then you might be in for one hell of a treat. You might actually be pulled aside to spend some time with your corporate nemesis so you can smooth things out and shake hands in the end. This situation lends itself for a more uncomfortable scenario than finding your parents using your personal lubricant as joint ointment or catching your child grappling an action figure to his prepubescent penis while saying Action Johnny is being a lumberjack.
Wait, there has to be an additional catch. Right? But of course mein friends. These scenarios actually cost a shitload of money, anywhere upwards of $150 per person and that’s if the person giving the seminar is actually cheap. Yes… feel free to say it… you’re in the wrong business. It’s like a modern alternate version of snake oil salesman selling you the solution to the discontent permeating through each floor of your agency. How often you get to enjoy this depends on where you work at and activities can range from verbal interventions to morning exercise routines, I shit you not.
So by all means, tear down the wall, but don’t neglect the structural flaws of this team building, for the tenants suck and you’ll be stuck with roaches, leaks, a variety of assholes and a lost work day that you’ll have to make up during overtime.
5 comments:
To build unity, I actually prefer a pick-up game of hoops. Set a pick on an unsuspecting AE. They get pissed off and never talk to the art department again.
Just sayin'.
Oh, my. If I ever second-guess my choice to be a stay-at-home mom, I'll just come here and feel justified.
Or, I could just listen to my husband bitch... he's still there, on the production side... how's your workflow working?
Love from Chicago
It isn't. That's one of the many problems. Everything is for the same day. Everything is rush and no one seems to notice that we don't run on batteries and that we have something called a life. Filmings scheduled for the same day as radio tapings and all while having to hand in countless brochures and bullshit print ads. The sad part is that none of the work makes any difference except for the ever fattening pockets of upper echelons in the hierarchy. But hey, that's how the game goes. Thanks for the comments, and MTLB... instead of hoops, I suggest "tag" football, soccer or a variety of events design in the light of American Gladiators.
Cheers my friends
Hi, just discovered your blog. I hate team-building sessions. Last one I was in I contradicted and deconstructed every "exercise" the moderator wanted us to do. I earned his hate, apparently :)
Some people might criticize you for not being part of the team that they're trying to build but guess what, at least you're not being a hypocrite. Most people hold hands, say a prayer, love one another, and two days later would as likely spit in their group members' face. Then again, sometimes these things do work... that's me giving team buildings the benefit of the doubt at very best. Suffice to say I agree with your view on it and would only think it works if it weren't based on such hypocritical company approaches to making their employees more complacent, docile and malleable. Industrial Psychology is a wonderful thing, huh?
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