Feb 5, 2008

Clients don’t give a fuck if you have feelings

Is that clear enough for everyone reading? Is this mic on? Am I coming to you loud and clear? They don’t give a shit and that’s not because they don’t care if you live or die, it’s because they’re childlike to such a degree that the “me” syndrome is permanent and they will always think first and foremost that: A.) They know better than you, B.) They are your only client or the most important one, C.) They know better than you.

They could care less if the revisions they are sending from the bar on their Blackberry make no sense, they are indomitable in their wisdom, proving that sagacity does not require years of experience, talent, brains or what I enjoy calling a clue. They don’t care because they’re right always, and you know why that is, because they’ve always been force-fed the bullshit that bullshit line about clients always being right. You know what? I’m going to take the liberty to not only say the client isn’t always right and take it up a notch, almost every day a client demonstrates that they don’t know rayon from myrrh not to mention a good ad from a bad one. Their shitty taste permeates most of what they do and you just have to see what the client wears to see how square, lame, traditional and nauseating an ad will end up being.

And all along the way, you will cry and bitch and moan and fight and hate and hate some more because this damned client doesn’t stop torturing you while these shit for brains do nothing but sleep like fucking babies having breast fed on Dolly Parton Circa 1974. That’s because they are self centered twits who only care about their opinion regarding what you do for them. And that’s talking about the nice clients you have.

If you happen to have the joy of having some of the Earth walking demons I’ve had to deal with you have to realize that you are a mere serf, serving to their assholiness. They don’t care how much effort you’ve put into, they don’t care if you want them to sell a bazillion things and have actually offered the cost efficient way to do it, they just want you to follow orders, their orders because those are the only ones that matter. Oh and don’t worry, this doesn’t exempt you from having them belittle you to dizzying lows because that’s part of their recipe of happiness. They need to make people feel like shit, cuss at people and offend inferiors only to call your CD or the president of the company to get a memo into your file or just get you fired. They talk about brand equity and how you’re bastardizing the work they’ve been doing all of a year and a half since they got their job thanks to their mommy having given head to some weak ejaculating, flaccid cocked, toupee wearing, Maserrati driving, intern fondling shit pusher. They’re not even 25, they get paid 20K more than you, they copied off the nerds in the class, they listen to you speak with their mouths wide open, they never know anything, they have to ask permission to one leg to see if the other can cut across and they spend more money on coke than you do on your rent. They are devoid of human sentiment and they don’t care that they’re not liked. So next time you’re stressing or angry about something a client, said, sent, did or actually ordered, just know you would do yourself a whole lot of good if you didn’t give a fuck about a sentient being who is equal parts carbon and shit.

4 comments:

TexanInHippieland said...

Anger = completely awesome adjectives.

joker said...

Hey, better out than in, right ? :)

Thinking In Vain said...

You make me glad every day that I don't have your clients.

Me said...

...to some weak ejaculating, flaccid cocked, toupee wearing, Maserrati driving, intern fondling shit pusher.

Does this line come in a tshirt? Can I have one in X-Small, please?

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