Feb 21, 2008

Newsflash: I have a life.

A fair warning: I will channel anger today. Heavy. Not ladylike.

Ok so here's the deal. A client calls. I need a favor.

Wait. Let me backtrack a bit. That way you will understand my lack of patience. And my sheer anger.

Today I was probed more than any alien abductee on Earth. You see, I fucked up something on my body and next week, I'm going under the knife. Yey for me. (Sarcasm) I wake up at 5:30 am. Go to the hospital to make my first round of exams. Whopee with cherry cream on top. Needles. Blood. Temperature. At one point, I thought... Are they going up my butt? Because dammit, these guys have probed me all the way and that's the only place they haven't looked for a damn tumor!

So the good news is that I am ok to go, I have a perfect bill of health - and this surprised me a bit, since I have done quite a bit of unhealthy things to my body... Sure, I'll give you one. At one time at my life, I ate white rice to lose weight. Only white rice. I almost died, but I didn't give a shit. Why? I noticed that the Survivor contestants lost a huge amount of weight eating that crap alone. Yes. I am nuts. But the bikini looked way better after that... Ha.

The bad news is, I ended up going to work, and I mean to start to work, at 4pm. The phone is already ringing off the hook. We need this. We need that. Ok, so I have to work. But I want to relax for a while. I want to go home early.

Ring. Riiiing. A client.

Can you do me a favor?

I look at my watch. It is 6:30 pm.

It is so simple. We need 3 photos, 300 dpi, eps format. Is that it, I ask? Yes. Simple. So I give in.

And hour and a half later, I am still sending photos. There it is. My fear from earlier today. I was going to get it, anally. And a client, not the hospital nurse, was the one banging away, Rocco Siffredi style, sans a digital camera. So now I start to get angry. Hey assmuncher, didn't you say you just needed three fucking pics? What gives?

If I look up the definition of "favor" this is what I get: "Kind regard; propitious aspect; countenance; friendly disposition; kindness; good will." I didn't find a line that tells me that a favor is something that increases by the hour. A job, on the other hand, is a task that you have to do in advertising, and you have to finish it, even if it's a shit load of work. This fucker didn't want a favor. He wanted an ASAP job.

Look. Maybe, just maybe, I am a bit tired today. But still, you have to understand that I would respect my client way more if he had the balls to call me up and say the truth. I fucked up, I didn't know how to send this and I need your help. This may take a while, I really have no idea... Would you help me out? Sure.

I would prefer more the truth than some sugarcoated bullshit.

So tomorrow, I will ask for a favor. Can you send me the check for this insane bill I decided to send you?

Yeah. Right in the kisser.


Ad Broad, oldest working writer in advertising said...

Glad for your clean bill of health, WAS. Makes those other bills not really matter.

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