Newsflash: I have a life.

A fair warning: I will channel anger today. Heavy. Not ladylike.

Ok so here's the deal. A client calls. I need a favor.

Wait. Let me backtrack a bit. That way you will understand my lack of patience. And my sheer anger.

Today I was probed more than any alien abductee on Earth. You see, I fucked up something on my body and next week, I'm going under the knife. Yey for me. (Sarcasm) I wake up at 5:30 am. Go to the hospital to make my first round of exams. Whopee with cherry cream on top. Needles. Blood. Temperature. At one point, I thought... Are they going up my butt? Because dammit, these guys have probed me all the way and that's the only place they haven't looked for a damn tumor!

So the good news is that I am ok to go, I have a perfect bill of health - and this surprised me a bit, since I have done quite a bit of unhealthy things to my body... Sure, I'll give you one. At one time at my life, I ate white rice to lose weight. Only white rice. I almost died, but I didn't give a shit. Why? I noticed that the Survivor contestants lost a huge amount of weight eating that crap alone. Yes. I am nuts. But the bikini looked way better after that... Ha.

The bad news is, I ended up going to work, and I mean to start to work, at 4pm. The phone is already ringing off the hook. We need this. We need that. Ok, so I have to work. But I want to relax for a while. I want to go home early.

Ring. Riiiing. A client.

Can you do me a favor?

I look at my watch. It is 6:30 pm.

It is so simple. We need 3 photos, 300 dpi, eps format. Is that it, I ask? Yes. Simple. So I give in.

And hour and a half later, I am still sending photos. There it is. My fear from earlier today. I was going to get it, anally. And a client, not the hospital nurse, was the one banging away, Rocco Siffredi style, sans a digital camera. So now I start to get angry. Hey assmuncher, didn't you say you just needed three fucking pics? What gives?

If I look up the definition of "favor" this is what I get: "Kind regard; propitious aspect; countenance; friendly disposition; kindness; good will." I didn't find a line that tells me that a favor is something that increases by the hour. A job, on the other hand, is a task that you have to do in advertising, and you have to finish it, even if it's a shit load of work. This fucker didn't want a favor. He wanted an ASAP job.

Look. Maybe, just maybe, I am a bit tired today. But still, you have to understand that I would respect my client way more if he had the balls to call me up and say the truth. I fucked up, I didn't know how to send this and I need your help. This may take a while, I really have no idea... Would you help me out? Sure.

I would prefer more the truth than some sugarcoated bullshit.

So tomorrow, I will ask for a favor. Can you send me the check for this insane bill I decided to send you?

Yeah. Right in the kisser.