So... yeah. Mom calls me up a couple of days ago. I have two tickets for a Golf Tournament, want them?
Sure! Why not, right? A day of doing something different. No movie night, no bars... I say yes, get my tickets and off we go.
She tells me a couple of things: 1) You will find it... Interesting. Yes, with the pause. Hm. 2) For the love of God, wear tennis shoes. You'll see why. Aaah, ok. 3) Bring a shit load of cash. Um. Sure, got it.
Ok, let me start with the basics. At the entrance? No phones. Period. You cannot enter the tournament with any type or phone or you will get turned back. Hey, no worries, the less people that bug calling, the better. Done. Um... No cameras allowed. God forbid you want to take a picture of your favorite athlete! Um... ok sure. My memory is a-ok so I will remember what happened. Next? No bags bigger than 6 inches. Um. Are you kidding me? Who the fuck goes into a 18 hole with a fucking bomb? Ok sure. Leave it all in my car, no worries.
Next thing is... the people. I mean... The assholes. Talk about some snotty people! Can I tell you about my 50 foot yatch? But of course! Hey, my shares in Whatever Company shot up! Wonderful, Charles! Honey? I can't walk in the grass with my stupid high heels... can you wash them for me with Evian Water??? In just one day I saw more tobacco smokers and high heels than in any decent porn from Germany. Oh, and the Botox... yikes.
Look, the Tournament was cool. I got to see loads of great golfers, some... not so good, according to my companion, but still, it was awesome. But, the single thing we noticed... This is a game for rich people. People with connections. People with VIP access. Those were the guys that had sucked some balls some nights for a special package seat, where you could drink your mimosas and watch from an air conditioned booth. But for the rest of us, it was a slap in the face... no, sorry, you cannot enter here because you are not special - we tried to get into a booth and got shot down faster than anyone at Vietnam.
The best part is? The four dollar Pepsi. I am not kidding you. Thirsty? Sure, just pay $4.00. WTF? I can buy a six pack for that! Oh, ok. Hey a turkey wrap... 15 dollars? Now we know where they are getting those huge paychecks for Tiger Woods. Screw the Nike sponsorship, we all pay the bill at the course.
Hey, I don't have anything against Golf. It's an expensive sport, and it makes no apologies for it. It is also a game of skill, endurance, power and mind. I just can't stand the people around it. At least, the posers.
At the end, we left, glad. Why? We realized that apart from the fact that it was a really fun day, we realized live in a normal life, away from all the snobbish people. We enjoy the finer things in life. $6 for a six pack of Heineken Light, home made BBQ and maybe, just maybe, a 12 dollar bottle of wine to end the night.
Ah. Life is good.
4 comments:
I used to deal with golf people on a regular basis, and man, it stretched out my patience. I admire the sport and respect those who play it well, but cannot deal with the freaks that come with it.
As for golf being a snobby sport, true. However, consider this:
- Golfers are among the lowest paid athletes in pro sports. Seriously. Golfer's make their money with tournament winnings, which average slightly over $1 million per game. A golfer is lucky to make over $10 million in one season. (The big money comes in endorsements). The bat boy for the Yankees makes more than that in one year.
- Tickets to major golf tournaments are way cheaper than tickets to any NFL, NBA, NHL, NCAA or MLB game. WAY CHEAPER.
- Golf has little or no merchandising on which fans can blow their money. You cannot buy a Tiger Woods jersey for $120.00. You cannot buy $200.00 Phil Mickleson shoes... because they do not exist.
- Fans and taxpayers don't pay for the construction of championship golf courses. I hate baseball, hockey, football, and basketball, yet the government uses my tax dollars to build stadiums and arenas for teams I give three shits about.
But you can now buy Tiger Gatorade!!! AAahhh... food for thought!
First off, great post only one beef with it, since when was Golf an endurance sport? Lol. I'm just saying. ;)
Second, a Four Dollar Pepsi is not that ridiculous. Just go to a baseball game and see if a hotdog and a beer will go under eight bucks (and I'm being kind). Now the 15 dollar sandwich, that IS a bit much and the VIP sections, well it's to be expected. It's like a VIP lounge or suite at a stadium or arena. No dig sucky no get in. Sad, but true.
Now the bullshit? Well suffice to say that multi-million dollar transactions are discussed amidst 19 holes and conversations dealing with the conquest of countless virgin ones. And if anything I have against golf it's that it's one of the most sexist and elitist prick sports in existence.
Apart from that, feel free to tee away. And food for thought, here's a new phrase for ya:
tee-bagging....
this would imply getting hit with a seven iron in your nutsack. Enjoy ;)
My point exactly. Gatorade is an endorsement, not a PGA-licensed product like Kobe Bryant jerseys.
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