Aug 22, 2008

Suck my Ovaries.

An open letter to a client. Enjoy.

I don't know what you did today. Maybe you were really busy. Maybe you had a shitload of work. Maybe you had huge meetings that lasted more than a 18 year old italian stallion screwing me. Maybe you had 10 power point presentations to write, design and print. Maybe all the people in the world called you asking for stupid things that made you waste more valuable time.

Or maybe you sat on your ass all day, forgot about the changes and called me late, once again to do them as fast as I could.

Well you know what? I sat on my ass, as well. I plan to do this all day tomorrow, even when I don't have nothing to do but doodle and Facebook all day. And yes, I will bullshit you telling that I am still busy but hold on, I might send those pesky little changes at some point during the day. In fact, sit there waiting for me to send those revisions back while I go see Tropic Thunder. No, I won't answer my phone to let you know when I will have it done. I won't, for the life of me.

Why am I doing this? Well, mainly I am sick and tired of answering each call like I'm a fucking dog or something. I won't wag my tail just because you say so. You need to understand that I am not here waiting for you to call. I have other clients as well, who, in fact, send changes with time and don't rush me at all. People who understand that all jobs have a priority and that I get paid to arrange them in that way.

So... hang in there, sweetie pie. You'll get what's coming to you. When I damn want to.


Joker said...

May they be sucked squeaky clean. Fucker.

1Letterman said...

During my time at Doner, the agency impressed upon me that the CLIENT has bosses and expectations, too.

And, while we slavishly met the client's demands most of the time, we every once in a while gave them a more than healthy hint of, "Don't you think the guys at the home office will wonder if you fuck up your extremely profitable and productive agency relationship?"

They have as much to lose as we do. And we must never let them forget it.

M.M.McDermott said...

The Classic Hurry Up and Wait move.
Generally folks like that never progress much further than their current position because, as aware as the agency may be of their, ahem, shortcomings, the home office has to clean up after them. That's why they banish them to the Siberia of some regional branch in Turdtown, USA.

Unless you're doing government work. The physics of responsibility don't apply to that.

Me said...

Status Report!

Time: 11:04 am.

Current Position: grabbing my ass and doing nothing.

Me said...

Status Report: Did the revision today at almost 6pm. I am Spartacus!

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