Checking out - UPDATED

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For some strange reason, a lot of the stuff I’ve been reading, watching, listening to, and working on lately has had to do with death. Of course, this got me to thinking, How do I want to die? When is a good time for me to die? And my answer, surprisingly enough, is not at all existential, deeply philosophical or any of that.

When my time to check out comes, I want a speedy death. Of course, the ideal situation would be to go the way my grandfather did, while sleeping, but I’ll also take a violent a sudden death – car crash, murder, etc. The reason is that I don’t want to put my family and friends through the agony and pain and cost of a prolonged illness. And on a purely selfish plane, why spend my last moments strapped to a hospital bed, unconscious, not living a full life. I simply cannot burden my family with the responsibility of caring for me, especially if the future doesn’t bode so well. Don’t I deserve go out while I’m still on top? And doesn’t my family deserve to remember me at my best?

And when it comes to determining WHEN I’d like to die, well, I like the idea of living to old age, though I can’t offer a specific number. The future is very exciting to me and I am curious to see what’s in store for mankind. The human condition is constantly surprising us, both in good (technology, a Black president, the arts, etc.) and bad (war, racism, hate, inequality) ways, and I really want to see where it’s all gonna go. Perhaps I’ll see the day when aliens arrive.

Also, I look forward to dying well into old age simply because I feel like I just need more time. So many projects I want to see fulfilled, so many ideas to develop, so many things to discover. What kind of woman will my daughter be? How will my grandchildren fare? I want to spend as much time as possible with my friends.

But most importantly, when it comes to a date of expiration, I definitely want to go before my wife. I cannot fathom the idea of life without her. I cannot image living on my own again, let alone with someone else. I know my wife will suffer if she finds herself living without me, but she can handle "the single life" better than I can.

Of course, the decision of when or how I die is not up to me, so I’ll gladly and graciously take whatever I can get. After all, life has been very good to me so far.