The Price is Wrong Bitch

Each and every agency has at least one client (if they’re lucky enough) that sucks King Tut’s mummified ball sack. This is the law of the land no matter how much a company attempts to be careful when selecting a new account. These vainglorious cash cows are lame, annoying, time consuming and of course, stuffed from end to end with cheapskates that not only end up being rude, but want a bargain even if they are pricks about the whole thing.

“I need forty brochures by Wednesday, thirty ads by Thursday, an invitation, a brokeback screenplay, the transcription of the lost scrolls of the dead sea, a list of 10 better ways of saying Welcome, a song for the dying, a prayer for the living, detailed proofing of a pornographic tale of a German, a Chinese and a rabbi and two shakes of a lambs tale. Oh and I need all of this rush.”

After our kind yet foresight lacking executive says yes to each and every job, here comes the kicker, there is no prioritizing, you have to do all the work, plus they’re pissed they didn’t get the Pricks ‘R Us bargain discount. I mean the nerve of these miscreants. And there’s no midpoint, no slack and no room for error, plus everything has to be spic and span, flawless and filled with creativity and enthusiasm because that’s what they pay us for.

Dandy.

These are the people that are responsible for other people’s cancer. These are the lobbyists that didn’t make it into politics. These are the bargain shoppers that go to garage sales asking for a better bargain on a 23 cent baseball bat we would all love to shove up their asses. Let’s put it this way Mr. Knowitall Bargain Shopping Client. You get what you pay for, so if you pay crap…