#1. Token Black, Hispanic or Asian people
You gotta love the balls on some companies actually expecting people not to notice that they included Kareem, Pedro or Lee in a commercial otherwise dominated by white people. Please Corporate America, don’t be so fucking obvious.
#2. When in doubt use tits
Does anyone actually know what godaddy.com is or do? Then odds are you aren’t male.
#3. Cue high cost licensed music here.
Some commercials suck, but get a good rap thanks to the music, just because it’s a catchy top 40 hit. By all means check out the Bravia advert with a song by José González and figure out the benefits of using an obscure track or scoring original music for an ad.
#4. Swearing 30 seconds can hold five pages of text.
Sure some commercials are almost quiet, but others, you can’t help but wonder when the Micro Machines guy lost his job so he could do ads.
#5. Insert grandpa grandkid moment.
Sometimes this really works, most times it’s more forced than going into a chicken’s asshole with a fist.
#6. Say how extreme your dairy product is.
When you can say yogurt is extreme you have a severe problem with what you think a young demographic wants to see.
#7. Having someone point at the camera to create contact.
Fuckers.. it’s rude to point and you’re not convincing me.
#8. It’s a summer blockbuster voiceover.
If the movie sucks, if the acting sucks, if the soundtrack sucks, just say it’s coming this summer with a gravely Mike Watts voice and you’ve remedied a piece of shit movie from making less money than Gigli.
#9. Half down, no questions asked.
Stop talking like an infomercial. Your product was invented by a mental patient from Iowa who wants to help pay for his kitten’s diet.
#10. Dramatic… pauses…
Sometimes these work, sometimes it sounds like the person has gas and is holding it in.
What else makes you gag from being so clichéically gay?