#1. Token Black, Hispanic or Asian people
You gotta love the balls on some companies actually expecting people not to notice that they included Kareem, Pedro or Lee in a commercial otherwise dominated by white people. Please Corporate America, don’t be so fucking obvious.
#2. When in doubt use tits
Does anyone actually know what godaddy.com is or do? Then odds are you aren’t male.
#3. Cue high cost licensed music here.
Some commercials suck, but get a good rap thanks to the music, just because it’s a catchy top 40 hit. By all means check out the Bravia advert with a song by José González and figure out the benefits of using an obscure track or scoring original music for an ad.
#4. Swearing 30 seconds can hold five pages of text.
Sure some commercials are almost quiet, but others, you can’t help but wonder when the Micro Machines guy lost his job so he could do ads.
#5. Insert grandpa grandkid moment.
Sometimes this really works, most times it’s more forced than going into a chicken’s asshole with a fist.
#6. Say how extreme your dairy product is.
When you can say yogurt is extreme you have a severe problem with what you think a young demographic wants to see.
#7. Having someone point at the camera to create contact.
Fuckers.. it’s rude to point and you’re not convincing me.
#8. It’s a summer blockbuster voiceover.
If the movie sucks, if the acting sucks, if the soundtrack sucks, just say it’s coming this summer with a gravely Mike Watts voice and you’ve remedied a piece of shit movie from making less money than Gigli.
#9. Half down, no questions asked.
Stop talking like an infomercial. Your product was invented by a mental patient from Iowa who wants to help pay for his kitten’s diet.
#10. Dramatic… pauses…
Sometimes these work, sometimes it sounds like the person has gas and is holding it in.
What else makes you gag from being so clichéically gay?
4 comments:
Local, TV station-produced spots for small clients that use Sinatra (or U2, or Beatles) songs for the music. It's like these idiots actually think they can rip-off someone's music and everything will be a-okay. No need to pay any, you know, money or anything. Of course, they run once or twice, never to be seen (and especially heard) from again. Especially after Sinatra's mob estate lawyer has Joe of Joe's Diner whacked.
On your music point, I thought Moby had been played to death in UK TV ads and laid to rest, but then another of his blasted tunes turns up on a Nokia ad
Refering to the Extreme point, I just hate when they use that damn X, as in Xtreme
Isn't the biggest cliche of all that adverts can be creative or entertaining? Surely the biggest lie that advertisers tell each other is that people actually enjoy ads. In reality don't we do everything we can to ignore them, in fact we do it so well it's just unconsciously ingrained behaviour now to tune it out.
The two types of adverts aren't cliched or creative but the annoying and the ignored.
The annoying ones, such as anything on TV, are instantly muted or, as with flash ads on internet sites, blocked with simple software. The remote control wasn't invented because people were too lazy to get up to change channels but to mute ads as soon as they come on.
The ignored ones are anything in a newspaper, billboard or magazine. These are simply brushed past without being looked at. Who actually looks at a full page ad in a magazine, no matter how glossy? Has anyone, in the history of publishing, ever looked at one ever?
Anyone with the right box ticked in Firefox and Adblock and Flashblock extensions never sees an ad online, and isn't this one of the reasons for the webs popularity over other media these days?
Any scheme the admen come up with to make us see ads is going to be instantly countered by some clever computer savvy guy whose extension will be instantly avaliable to everyone in the world for nothing.
In the end we get the best of all worlds, an internet paid for by adverts which no-one ever has to see.
Efforts to get around this pop up every so often - viral marketing and the like - but they're doomed to fail. Any advert you're forced to watch just annoys you and any advert you're not forced to watch gets ignored.
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