My beef with the people at the movies.

During the Holiday season, most of us here at WAS have done something we love: go to the movies. As you have read, we have endured some awful shit (Polar Bears, yes, Polar Bears) and some great flicks (Bugs mixed with Religion rule). Come January we will have tequilas and enjoy Rambo (previously called John Rambo, which sounded better) and a couple of more great movies.

But, and a big but: I will bring a taser gun with me. Look. I really don't get it. Why is it not possible for someone to shut the fuck up when the movie starts? Is it too much to ask? Do you really, really need to talk on the phone as well? I am pissed off at people who talk at the movies, so much so, that if there were a underground movement to hate them, I would gladly sign up.

Let's explore this wonderful world of talking assholes, shall we? There are three kinds:

1) The Blow by Blow commentary ridden anal sucker.
This will probably be a guy on a date. To impress the dumb fuck who is sad to go on a date with him, he will proceed to explain every single detail, no matter if he doesn't have a clue on what will happen next. Also, we will hear how much he wants to nail her after the movie is over, how nice she smells and how cute she looks in his not-washed-in-months hoodie. I can remember the day I saw The Sixth Sense, in which a pure idiot told the chick next to him that some flashes of lights were ghosts haunting the kid. Do you see them, honey? Sure, baby. You are so smart! How I would have love to say "do you see my stiletto heel entering your butt?

2) The I gotta take this call idiot.
Ring. Ring. Riiiiiiiiiing. Hello. Yeah. I'm at the movies. Um. Yeah sure, I can go by your house later to toss your salad. What time? Great. Can I bring a variety of vegetables so you can shove them in MY ass? Great. See you then. What the FUCK? Why can't you just shut off your damn cellphone for two fucking hours? It's not like you are a doctor on call, buttmuncher. If that call isn't saving a life, then dammit, press off or I will gladly press it for you, with your nuts.

3) The Cirque du so Bored group.
Let's go to the movies so we can blab all we want! Come on guys! Let's talk about anything at all while the movie is running. Oh sure, we could go to a bar and do that there, but hey, it's better here because the seats are comfy and we get to stuff ourselves with 2,000 calorie popcorn. How I would love to stuff my fist in your teeth.

I think that movie theater seats should come with taser gun equipment. Simple. An allowed amount of decibles are set for each visitor. If you set the alarm off, your butt gets zapped out of your chair. Period. That nice electric shock running thru someone's butt?

Priceless.