Jan 14, 2008

Go suck the life of someone else.

No, this is not a recurring nightmare.

According to somewhere that I didn't write down, leeches are:
1) carnivorous or bloodsucking aquatic or terrestrial worms typically having a sucker at each end
2) a follower who hangs around a host (without benefit to the host) in hope of gain or advantage

Do you realize that in all these years of WAS, we have never fully discussed this type of low life scum human beings? Hey, I know. Somewhere in the discussion of how much everything sucks beyond belief, we have commited the ultimate sin. We haven't bashed them. This will be corrected, right now, dammit.

For me, there should be a third definition, a bit more realistic, when it comes to leeches. It should read:

3) Someone who, for the life of them, cannot do anything by themselves and have to ask for help, so annoyingly that you end up doing all the work, because fending off for themselves is more difficult than wasting valuable time of someone else.

I really want you to think this over. I am NOT talking about team work. I applaude the fact that, together as a team, many great things can be accomplished. Some things in life as well as in advertising are made better when people, good people, team up. This is not an anti team work post, not by any chance.

I am talking about your average joes and janes who don't have an iota of a clue on how to deal with almost anything. They ask "favors". I need help in this. Can you show me how to do that? I'm so stressed... can you help me out so I don't go postal? When you ask for something in return, silence. Suck. Suck. This is all they do.

The thing about human leeches is simple. Like walking in the jungle, you never really know the exact moment it stuck to you in the worst way and started sucking. You just keep walking and suddenly... boom. They are already there. Sucking away. Using you to get what they want. Nature has a sense of humor, I tell you. It has created a weaker being. It sole purpose in life is to grab onto stronger animals and basically either annoy the shit out of them or even do extreme harm.

Maybe now you're getting it. You know who they are. You either work with them, or just know them on a "life" basis. Maybe it's that designer who tells you at 9pm that he or she really needs your help with hundreds of photo retouchings, because during the day they were scratching their scrotums while clicking accept to any Facebook invitation known to man. Maybe it's that Account Executive who hasn't written any strategy before making the campaign, just so that they can ask you, hours before the client walks in the door, to help them out with the presentation. Maybe it's your Creative Director, telling with a straight face that it is your responsibility to write up that Rationale, and it better be damn good or... no pizza for you.

We don't even have to leave home! Maybe it's your latest ex-boyfriend who is so damn wacko that he insists on calling you at 3am to see where you are at, just because he hasn't found another person who actually likes him. Maybe it's your sister, asking you to send her some cash because she's damn broke... and then you get to see the cute photos of her drinking the night away in some shitty bar. Jesus H. I can go on and on.

Why does this keep happening to decent human beings? Oh, simple, mein friends. Because some sad people out there cannot tell them to fuck off and fend for themselves and are, in a way masochists. Wake the fuck up and smell the decaf! It is one thing to, from time to time, save someone else's ass and it's another thing to become someone else's bitch. Last time I checked, the only good place to become a bitch is when you are in jail, and dammit, if tossing the salad will make me survive one more day at the slammer, all I can say is... spread your legs, Johnny B.

Take my advice, dammit. The word NO was put in our vocabulary for something. Use it. If it doesn't work... I've heard that fire usually works wonders...


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