Vent or epiphany....

Friday night... 10:15 PM. I don't have a beer in my hand. I'm not at a party. I'm not getting laid. I'm not writing. I'm not in my bathtub. I'm not having sushi. I'm not completing my plans to take over the world. I'm at my desk... on a Friday Night.... at 10:16 PM. Every minute that passes is a minute wasted in my life. There's no AC because they turn those off after hours. There's no food because if I want something I'll have to go get it and I'm not in the mood to walk right now but give it half an hour and I know I'll want to nibble on something since I haven't had dinner... and it's 10:17 PM. Every breath I take right now has stale air and cheap chinese from the meals of two co-workers who are enjoying the same delicious scenario as me... and it's 10:18 PM. I grit my teeth, I clench my fist, I think about killing the piece of shit client that is running on Panama time or wherever the hell it is that he is because he's a selfish piece of shit and all I know for certain is that it is 10:19 PM. Another minute, another second, another breath of damp air. Another gulp of the reality that I am a peon who insists on being responsible when in reality I'm just punching my ticket so I don't go under evaluation because lord knows companies love making cuts, or that's what it seems since it happens every year. But then again, it might just be that it's Friday Night, 10:20 PM and I'm still at my office occasionally sharing a unified gaze with my creative significant other that is also in this rathole of a situation. Oh and it's 10:21 PM. Click, click, click, another second, another minute and I can't help but feel like I'm getting punked or tempted to go postal. But it isn't that. It's nothing done out of spite or for a gag, this is my job. To sit and wait for douche changes at 10:22 PM and all that makes sense right now is just getting a cardboard box, packing my shit and giving the company the finger. but doing that is pretty much advertising hara kiri or so I'm threatened into thinking. But you want to know what I think... I would too but I'm so tired that all I can focus on is 5 seven symbols. 1 followed by 0 followed by : followed by 2 then a three and then two capital letters that depress me more than watching Ben Affleck in Pearl Harbor. Oops, there goes another minute in your life, wait that was two, or three or... well it's 10:24PM and still, time drifts along limply and all I can think about is that it isn't worth it, that this is retarded, that this is really unfair, that it's 10:25PM and time fails to notice that I don't want it to pass. That I want to hold on to loose grains of time that slip through my fingers as I sit and wait impatiently for changes for an ad that makes no difference in the world and that at 10:26 PM represents the possible turning point in my life where maybe the seed has been planted to blossom into me leaving advertising. But I'm only kidding myself, it's 10:27 PM and I'm just tired, and shot, and frustrated and having day dreams, except at night, but without falling asleep. That's what this is, that point in time when you wake up, see that it's still 6 AM and you can't get back to sleep. Reality churns by, you know people are having fun, chucking beers, fucking, fondling, teasing, getting rejected, and here I am, 10:28 PM and in my desk. Still at my desk. Yeah, welcome to the greener pasture, welcome to the salvation from the other hellhole only to fall into the same bullshit except that the sequential serial number underneath this bullshit product reads 10:29PM and after just one digit next to your old agencies number. It's all the same some people say and at least for now, I believe it. I don't want to believe it, but such is the case at the moment, 10:30 PM and feeling I'm wasting my time on some inane and pointless bullshit since in less than a sentence it has turned into 10:31. Screw 1984... at least there was an end to that. This is like having to watch Queen of the Damned in slow mo for eternity. This is like listening to Cat Stevens religious albums, this is like... advertising. A piece of shit industry that at the moment has me stuck at my desk at 10:32 PM and I don't feel like stopping this stream of thought, and I don't think I'll proof this either because I've proof enough shit for today, and hey, it's 10:33 PM so I owe it to myself to at least not give a fuck while I'm giving a fuck because if I genuinely didn't give a fuck, I wouldn't be here. I'd be with my girlfriend, watching re-runs of Friends she knows the jokes to and is waiting to see my reaction, watching ESPN classic so she'll roll her eyes asking how the hell I can watch fights from 1984 and still be thrilled. But no, it's 10:34 PM, she bought me dinner and it'll probably go to waste or be eaten by someone else and I'm here, slugging it out in the creative world, earning my chops and paying my dues at 10:35Pm on a Friday night when I just want a beer and a hug from the woman in my life. But no, I have it drilled in my head that I have to be here, that I have to wait, that it matters, that I'm needed. but honestly, we all know I'm kidding myself because it's 10:36 PM and I'm still at my desk waiting on a client that would be as likely to put peanut butter on his genitals to have his labrador lick him off than he is to offer something constructive and positive like telling me I can go home and we can finish this on Monday since it's 10:37 PM and people really don't need to be waiting for their will to rain down from Olympus so they can eat, and rest and start enjoying what was supposed to be a normal weekend but that has already been cut down significantly because some douche bag with a power trip can't get his shit together at 10:38 PM while people are waiting to not be fired, to be responsible, to be team players and show we give a fuck while it becomes blatantly obvious that they don't give a flying, landed, swimming, interred, burning, procreating or exploding fuck. It's 10:39 Pm, my life is being widdled away by stupid shit when finally at 10:40 PM... I'm released or that's how the client wants to see the situation. Oh well, good night never land, if this is the dream I can't wait to wake up.

cheers