Jun 27, 2008

Creative Guidance for Youth

People often ask themselves, what makes a real creative and though there have been hundreds of books written on the matter, I think I have finally come upon the list that will ensure you top creativity status in as little as 1 month after employing each and every step of my 100 Step to Being the Creative Shit. Here are the first 10 steps. Further steps shall be forthcoming, when the art of creation permits so.

1. Use a variety French phrases in your dialogue to sound sophisticated enough to charm The Duchess of Rhodes or some other faraway country you could never find on a map. It doesn’t matter if you don’t know what they mean, just make sure you sound like you know what you’re saying. For instance, make sure any layout you present to your superiors is a Piece Du Resistance and make sure you fuck up the spelling too because it makes all the difference. A bientot, Au Revoir, Mon diu and other misspelled wonders of the French language shall forever guarantee you will succeed in this industry.

2. Get wide rectangular glasses. Any person without rectangular glasses is not a creative and you don’t want them near you.

3. If you’re going to put up a movie poster in your work station, make sure it’s some 60’s unknown European film no one has ever heard of. Make sure to not know the plot and change it up every time someone asks until you find the one that gets the most oohs and ahhs from people. If you’re creative, you need ooohs and aahhhhhs.

4. Own a coffee mug. It doesn’t matter if you own coffee, just make sure you own a flowery mug or something interesting for when someone passes by your desk that they’ll say ooohhh la la, that there is a creative.

5. Start writing a book or have a sketch book for that exposition you dream of doing. Fake aspirations are best but real ones work too so lookers can say, wow, that person is so creative that their work day does not have enough hours for them to get it out of their system.

6. Develop migraines. If you can’t get a good headache, fake it. It’s hard to be creative and you need to have that known to anyone from any other department.

7. Waste half your paycheck on a corduroy vest. Every real creative loves corduroy, it’s texture and just saying the word. Cor-du-roy… that’s how you spell creative.

8. If you’re not gay, be kind of gay. Listen to Belinda Carlisle, Tiffany, Wham or any number of vintage 80’s goodies so as to leave out any suspicion that you are anything but 100% creative and 100% fabulous.

9. Long unruly hair, bald or faux hawk. These are your three options if you want to make it as a creative I suggest getting shaggy or buzzing what need not be there.

10. Creative are much like God, we work in mysterious ways and need some sort of random weird illogical mantra that will not only get the creative juices flowing, but guarantee a Cannes Lion shall sweat from every pore.

More creative brilliance will come soon. For now though, embrace your creativity and treat this first ten list like shampoo. Use, rinse and repeat as necessary (which should be quite a lot if you want to be a real creative).



adhack said...

Very amusing. And very similar to something I was thinking of putting in my novel. The idea came to me about a week ago. I had just gotten over my tenth migraine of the morning when I put down my coffee mug and looked at the Alphaville poster on the wall. I stared through my rectangular glasses and ran my finders through my faux hawk. Hmmm, I thought, should I buy a corduroy vest or an Indigo Girls CD? In the end I decided that the cheese gets the most closet space, n'est-ce pas?

Dear said...

Hahahahaha! You guys are hilarious.

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