Aug 17, 2008

Joker’s 20 on 20 -- Texan in Hippieland--

Some blogs are great solely based on content, and some have something altogether that possibly resonates with you on a much higher level. This is the case with the now defunct Texan in Hippieland. If you want great ad stories, you might check some place else. But if you're into raw honesty delivered quickdraw style from someone with a dirty mind and a brilliant wit, then you could definitely have enjoyed this blog. From time to time, I've had the chance to get in touch with other bloggers a lot more than just leaving comments on their blogs. We've corresponded and I'm grateful to be able to have gotten in touch with the Texan for one very important reason, it is good to come in contact with people who are akin to your way of looking at life. These are the 20 questions with his 20 answers and my comments. No editing, no bullshit, just honest answers.

1. If you could talk to yourself ten years in the past what 5 tips would you give yourself?

- Mistakes you've made in the past do NOT define who you are now, or in the future.

- Happiness is a choice.

- Live healthy or die.

- Don't count on anything to be permanent. People change.

- Recognize how valuable you are. Don't believe the bullshit you tell yourself.

2. If Hippieland would have a flag, what would be on it?

A Texas flag, but with a marijuana leaf instead of a star.

I've always considered the name of your blog a frame of mind, good to see you chose an ideal flag hehehehe. :D

3. Of the last things you wrote about before the demise of your blog, you were chronicling your road trip: What was that like? What did you listen to and how is Pancho?

My trip from Portland to Texas was long and tedious. Having just gone through the breakup of my marriage, much time was spent in deep thought about mistakes of the past and possibilities for the future.

The future is the realm of possibilities. May yours be bright and filled with chocolate covered nipple dreams.

4. 5 foods you would never ever try and why?

Sushi (because it's raw, fucking fish); Fois gras (that shit is just gross looking); cauliflower (come on, it looks like brains); Spam (do I need a reason?); mushrooms (its like eating boogers)

Lol i love sushi. Fois gras is gross but I'm more against it because of how they actually make it and my inner PETA actually has an issue with it, even if it is ok. Cauliflower brains hahahaha, I've thought that a bunch of times but hey, doesn't mean I ain't gonna eat the fuckers. Haven't had SPAM in years and can't say I miss it and hey, I dig mushrooms though then again I like all foods.

5. Put some captions to the pictures attached to the email:

Amhad had no idea the challenges he'd face opening a FedEx Ground franchise in Bahgdad.

"Hurry up you little motherfuckers. I'll be back in the fall to shoot you with a shotgun."

Though their mother found their births to be very different, the Lee twins shared a striking resemblance.

6. If you were to make a poll for WAS, what would it be?

What is the shittiest job in advertising?

Account Executive
Art Director
Traffic Manager
Media Buyer
Media Planner
Creative Director
Mat Room Guy

OH SNAP! Me, you reading this? :D

7. The greatest lyric ever written is: ______

Bonnie Raitt - "I can't make you love me if you dont" OR Robert Johnson - "I'm going to beat my woman till I'm satisfied"

Hahah torn between eh? :D nice

8. If you could fist fight three people, who would they be and why?

The Crocodile Hunter's daughter (because fuck her); Rachel Ray (because fuck her); Andy Dick (because fuck him)

Lots of fucking going around huh?

9. If you made a blues record, what would you call it and what would be the track listing?

I'd make a record titled: "Greatest White Guy Blues Performances Of All Time"

a. Ramblin On My Mind - Eric Clapton
b. Jesus Just Left Chicago - ZZ Top
c. Ain't My Cross To Bear - Allman Brothers
d. Texas Flood - Stevie Ray Vaughan
e. Drown In My Own Tears - Johnny Winter
f. The Jack - AC/DC
g. Tiger Man - Kim Wilson
h. Me And My Crazy Self - Jeff Healey
i. Pickin The Blues - Grinderswitch

The Jack!!! Fucking sweet.

10. Compare the worst day with a red apron and the worst day in advertising.

Red Apron: Boss is being a dick. I'm in a mood because I fear I'm losing the love of my wife. Boss comes up to me and instructs me to go re-organize the BBQ pits out front. It's pouring rain. I'm out there, on my hands and knees, crawling around locking and unlocking the cables. Boss yells at me to hurry up. Legs are bleeding. I'm making 14 bucks an hour.

Advertising: Boss is being a bitch. I'm in a mood because my last review was the first ever bad one I got in my life. They said things like "poor handskills" even though I'm a copywriter. After doing everything they asked to "improve my performance" I go in for a 90 day follow-up review. They thank me for doing all that I had done, but inform me that they're still going to keep me on probation. I ask why. They give no answer. Later that afternoon, I go tell the GCD that they can all fuck themselves - I'm sick of being treated like shit.

Wow.... makes you scratch your head as to which sucks more in the end.

11. Often times I've heard that freshly graduated ad people don't know the meaning of paying their dues... how did you pay your dues?

Started, by chance, working as a paste-up artist back in 1984. Never went to art school. Spent several years showing my book with much criticism. Eventually learned what good advertising was. Worked for many, many psycho bosses. And many, many psycho clients.

12. How does being a Texan play into your life?

I can't speak for anyone else, but for me, being a Texan was always like... I've been blessed and lucky. As a Texan, I've always felt a sense of pride. We're kinda raised to believe that, clearly, we are from the greatest state in the Union. Maybe true, maybe not... but feelings like that definitely affect your viewpoint.

Interesting. I have quite a few friends from Texas and I don't think I know one that isn't proud to be a Texan. I think it's quite interesting.

13. The perfect guitar needs this: _____

To be in tune and to have someone great playing it. That's it.

Very very good point.

14. If someone said you're just not what they're looking for in a job, what would you like to say?

I've experienced that often. Those times I wanted to just say "okay. well fuck you then." But the fact is, I can't begin to predict what a given company is looking for at any time. I just keep putting it out there and know that eventually, someone will recognize my talents and bring me on board.

15. Describe Texas in 5 words.

Vast, Beautiful, hot-as-fuck, Historic, Home

16. You are dared to make a prank phone call to a phone sex line, what is the first thing you say?

I've never masturbated before. Be gentle.

Fucker... you made me spit water. Great answer.

17. How would you describe your experience as a blogger?

I was surprised to discover how great it feels to write whatever the fuck I'm thinking. And the added benefit came when I made true friends whom I've never seen.

Same here man. It's an odd type of community without the cyber sex and bullshit.

18. Ten places you want to visit in the world.

Amsterdam; Bird Cay (island in the Bahamas - it's for sale); the final table of the WSOP; Scarlett Johansen's nether regions, 7 times (that makes 10)

How much is Bird Cay going for these days? And you would definitely be the Scarlet Samurai my friend. :D

19. If you had a fighter's introduction, what would the announcer say?

In this corner, weighing... shit... a lot, wearing the Texas Flag jock strap and a top hat... (something like that)

Jock strap and top hat, sounds like some kinky girl fetish hehehe.

20. If you got a question, give me your best shot.

When you experience writers block, how do you shake it?

My writer's block is odd. What I do is that I change mediums. this means that if I get blocked in a post, I work on my book. If not I jot down ideas for future projects. If not I'll write lyrics or poetry. if not I'll work on a random essay. If not I'll email something and if all else fails, I watch a fucked up movie or read something that I know will get my mind working. The important thing when you get blocked though is to force yourself to write and keep on writing even if what's coming out sucks ass. Eventually I find my stride or at least take baby steps. Other times i've actually emailed friends to chat about random things and the random bullshit convos that are one of the best things in life get me in a mood that will relax my block. I think the main thing is to not consider it an utter block. People get sidetracked and frustrated. For my part, though I'm writing the book, the other day I felt the sheer need to do a four part prologue for another project I want to work on.

While reading Tex's answers I remembered one detail that made me smile. He had truly enjoyed one of my taylor made insults and I decided to ask him about it.

BONUS QUESTION: If you ever met Trixie Dimple tits... what would she be like?
Trixie Dimple Tits. What a wonderful picture that paints in my head.

Long red hair (never been with a redhead), great sense of humor, awesome body (with big cans), a bit slutty.

By the way, I'm happy to report one little detail... Tex has a new blog. It's here and if you want his brand of madness and delicious cussery cousine, then by all means... visit here Cheers man. Glad to have you back.


Me said...

Yes J man, I did read!!! Fucking awesome poll if you ask me. I would vote receptionist. Why? I've seen people shit on them for no reason, and when asked why, they replied: they are secretaries. Like... they are lesser human beings. Yikes.

Texan! Will read your blog as soon as I finish this comment, dude. Long time no see!!!

PS: If it wasn't for the fucking glitch Blogger has, I would have a shitload of polls. Mainly about Cock Fingering and Penis Size Contests. LOL.

Me said...

The Be gentle dare? Fucking epic.

Howled laughing. Howled.

Jane Sample said...

I would put receptions lower on the list as they can make your life a living hell if you piss them off. Ever notice that the asshole of the office stays away from the receptions/"secretary"?

shaun. said...

another great questionnaire.

Thinking In Vain said...

LOL, those captions were great. YAY! for Texan. :) I loved your answers man.

Make the logo bigger said...

Yeah, read Texan’s new blog. Good stuff.

Texan said...

shit. now that people know where my blog is, I'll have to start writing again! Ack.

Okay. Gotta go compile photos from about all the real estate ladies I'd like to have sex with, based solely on their picture.

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