Sep 16, 2008

People who annoy me: Volume 4: Timbaland

Someone please tell me why I should like Timbaland? Honestly. Is there any reason why I shouldn’t pay a hitman to do what any self-respecting rocker is begging for? As if Kanye West’s theatrics, R. Kelly’s Sagas and Panic at The Disco weren’t enough, now I have to deal with holding back my lunch every time I see this self-loving shit bag.

It’s been five months since I’ve felt the need to do one of these posts but as if I didn’t already think this one trick pony was enough of a detriment to society, he goes and helps Chris Cornell in his current downward spiral of suckness.

Pretentious. Conceited. Asshole.

I honestly thought I was done with wishing ill will on “supa stars” but no, I just hadn’t gotten a real good look at this shit pile. You know the type of person you actually root to fail or to be booed off stage? That’s Timbaland, except that in the recent heinous outing on Fashion Rocks awards instead of taking the stage so people with musical taste could have a chance to assassinate him, anyone watching was forced to see a fifty foot screen with various media player backgrounds as people were rained down upon with the sonic crap known as anything that comes out of Timbaland’s mouth.

It was all fine and dandy when you just gave the same R & B beats to artists I could give two fucks about, but further maiming my perception of one of the Golden Cows of the Grunge Era is unforgivable at best. Oh, and as if offering similar beats to disimilar artists wasn’t pathetic enough, he beatboxes.

Honestly though… look at his face….. Don’t you just want to smack it?…. Hard? Why he insists on putting a face like Magibon (the possibly Asian girl from youtube that does NOTHING except stare into space and eat pizza) I don’t know. You don’t believe me? Compare this clip from Magibon with the video below from the Fashion Rocks below that.

Uncanny huh? Seriously Timbadick, quit sniffing coke off your own browneye and stick to making your own sucky music. There is one thing though, I trust that subliminally, his message gets across regarding one of this favorite beatbox tricks…. Anyone else notice how often he whips out his mating call? Don’t know what that is? Easy, listen closely to every time he says ‘pricky-pricky’ and acknowledge.

PS.: Further proof of Timbaland's dickheadedness can be found in this video. Thanks Daniel.


Daniel Holter said...

100% agreed.

I posted a video early last year of his ridiculous stance regarding sampling, and I still gets hits all the time from people searching for 'Timbaland is an idiot'... pretty great.

You make the case more eloquently than I, however. :)

Joker said...

But we share the same point and THERE is the beauty of all this blogfullness. :D Will put up the link to your video to further spread the word of our dearly unbeloved Timba.

Happy hating. :D

RestrictionsApply said...

Oh Timbaland.
Like all gret hip-hop acts, his shit started to stink when he started working with white people.
I totally dug him when he was dropping beats for Jay-Z and Missy Elliot back in the day, and even brought some relevance to Lil Kim. Back then, I considered him visionary for his frequent use of world beats, mixing everything from Bhangra beats to Indian tabla and Middle Eastern twangs.
But then he became friends with Justin Timberlake and… oh well, he became an asshole.

When it comes to producers, my money’s still on Pharell Williams and the boys from N.E.R.D.

RestrictionsApply said...

By the way, you forgot the “!” in Panic!... At the Disco.
Also, what the fuck’s up with Magibon? How does THAT become an Internet sensation?

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