I can tell you honestly one thing: if someone had asked me to give Anne Frank's location by using Celine Dion music to torture me, I would have spoken in the first 20 seconds. That's how bad this fucking annoying chick annoys me. How much do I hate the bitch? This example will give you a good idea: on my wedding, I specifically made a list of the music that for NO reason was going to be played, no matter if holy Jesus came down in the church and punched the priest in his unused testicles. Come on, the one day when you are supposed to be happy... do you really want to listen to Enya? Yeah. You get the picture.
So, the one thing I specifically asked was, NO FUCKING CELINE DION. My heart will go on? Fuck you Celine. Fuck you in the ass while I am driving the Titanic up to the biggest and most filled with crap iceberg in town.
The worst part is, I seldom remember her existence in this world. Like some kind of weird sickness, I try to stay as far from the Dion as I can be. If by some reason she appears on the tv, I take a bat and destroy it. If my radio starts playing her turd-ass music from hell, I stop the car and jump of the nearest bridge. Yeah, there are ways to avoid this crap. But then... it happened. I was fucking trapped...
On Monday I decided to do what I hate the most. Yep. I went grocery shopping. You cannot understand how much I dislike this activity. It is boring, I have to deal with idiots who for some reason lost their ability to drive a supermarket car, have to deal with other buttmuchers who read lables for hours right in the middle of aisles... It is hell, but hey, I can only eat bread and water for so long.
Anyways, I am walking along and it hits me. I feel shit all around me. Lord have mercy on me. What is this awful feeling? HOLY SHIT IT'S CELINE DION OVER THE MOTHERFUCKING SPEAKERS! Oh no. Jesus. I start to breathe. You can do this. You can do this. Just buy the fucking food as fast as you can and get the hell out of here. Speed shopping... Remember, channel Supermarket Sweep...
"And it's all coming back to me..." Lord does this woman know how much she sucks? First of all... She married a fucking old man THAT SHE KNEW WHEN SHE WAS LITTLE! WHAT? Does Incest come in different varieties? Last thing I heard getting freaky with one of my mom's friends still was a horrible disgusting idea... but hey, I guess Celine needs some shlong, even if it's old and friend of the family. FUCKING YUCK! How bad is it go get some new dick, Celine? You know, meet someone new, get to know him and then give him the poonany? Oh no, is it difficult? Shit. Must be the hair.
Does she have a nice voice? Yeah, sure. There are many people out there with decent enough lungs to belt out some of her tunes. But, the math doesn't add up. The nice lungs vs the incredible way this woman is just nasty to watch and listen - don't get me started on her canadian french accent of crap - is totally unbalanced. Jesus. Even Mariah Carey belts out some tunes and I can sit in a chair and endure 20 minutes more than if Celine is in the picture.
So there you go. I might end up deleting this post after a few hours. Why? How am I going to log into WAS and not see that bitch staring back at me? Fucking yikes.
1 comments:
Wow! A kindred spirit who would rather endure acid reflux than listening to a Celine Dion ditty. I just got many "harrumph, how dare you sir(s)" from melting down the Dionists' golden calf in a comment thread, and entered "Celine Dion sucks" in Google to see if I was alone with my opinion. And there you were. You're a talented word churner, to boot. Judging by the lack of comments here, it looks like you've also fallen victim to the paragraph-challenged out there, sausage-thumbing LOLspeaks on phones smarter than them. Are you even still around? This posting has dust on it!
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