5 Things that Bret Michael does to annoy: Me

Poison. I think that this was the best name for what represents this band to me. If there was one band I hated ever since they popped their heads back in the 80's, it was this fucking annoying band. I even dated one guy who loved this band more than anything: obvious end of story, I dumped his ass because I knew we had no future together.

The thing is, twenty something years later, I finally found out why I despise this band. Bret Michaels.

Nope, I don't find him sexy. I like MEN. Not glam dudes. I like manly men. I like beards. I like sweaty. I like testosterone. The LAST thing I can love is a man who fucking wears eyeliner. But this is just the beginning. I decided, after driving with my boyfriend and him laughing while I cringed when "Every rose has its thorns" played at the radio... that this needed a post.

I started naming him every reason why this man sucks in my eyes. And bingo, the post was born in the car!

Yes! Let's explore the five things that Bret Michaels does... that annoy the shit out of Me.

In no particular order...

1) Twenty years later and he still wears that fucking bandana.
Dude are you going bald? Em-fucking-brace it! Did something weird to your roots? Let's show it and share it with the world! Em... Nope? Do you really mean to tell me that after twenty years you STILL find this look HOT? Really? Can I pay you to take it off? Name the price douchebag. I know I can find sponsors so we can all burn ALL your bandanas. In the name of Peace, goddammit.

2) That idiot pouting of the lips!
Looking like a woman IS NOT SEXY. Trying to pose like one as well IS JUST WRONG. Granted, some crazy women out there might think - medication needed, of course - that you are still hot after all these years, hence that stupid pout to make them go "gaga". But honestly, can't you just look at the camera and take a normal picture?

3) Rock of Love is single-handedly the definition of what is wrong in this world.
Every time I see this douchebag sucking face with some blonde bimbo I almost puke and die a little. I can watch gory movies, have endured watching Faces of Death in my youth and still I get nausea if my remote control betrays me and it lands on this tv show.

4) He named the band Poison after watching Spinal Tap.
Yes. He took something sacred, perfect and holy... and made something just awful of it. Someone kill me.

5) I. Hate. Every. Single. Song. That. This. Man. Has. Made.
Just play one song near me and I will get a knife. Trust me, I am not kidding. Play Unskinny Bop and I could go extremely postal and murder someone. Just sayin'

So there they are. Five reasons why I really don't want to Open up and say Ah to Bret. Really. There are many talented people who are still around that can kick this man's ass to the curve. And I would pay for them to: Take. That. Bandana. Off!