Mar 22, 2010

Ad Obituaries: The Media Planner

Darren Givcawk
1984-2010

Darren Givcawk, best known as “Jizz Blitz” from the Media Department has just passed away after four weeks in intensive care.

Known as “that guy” in the rest of his agency, Darren was known to his peers as the only guy to work in the media department that wasn’t gay. A straight B student, Darren always showed a talent for applying such highly regarded natural laws as the law of minimum effort, the law of alcohol leading to easy one night stands, and the law of being invisible enough to never be considered for a roster cut at the agency.

An avid user of MS Office and able to type 42 words per minute while sipping coffee, Darren was probably best known for that one time he tried to talk in a client meeting only to be silenced by the executive who simply ended up flying through the media slides of the presentation.

His head supervisor, Rachel Jones had this to say about him: “I warned him that I was a cougar, but he insisted he could handle this. Poor little boy, he never got the chance to say the safe word…[sniff] it was flow chart.”

A service will be held at his favorite sports bar, where jäger shots will be at 2 for $5.

Darren is survived by his pet cactus Murray and his converted Amish parents Jebediah and Sue Anne Givcawk.
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