Aug 26, 2012

Guilty Pleasures Volume 14: Airborne

Ah yes, it’s been a while since I’ve dug in the trenches of shitty movies I love, and today I pull out the adventures of Mitchell Goosen, otherwise known as Airborne: a teen flick of a surfer from California who’s stuck in Cincinnati because his parents went to Australia.

If you can’t quite capture how absurd a turd of a premise this is, suffice to say that the surfer dude takes his surfboard to Cincinnati because he never leaves home without it. You want bra’ moments? You got em. You want a guy who’s happy eating Captain Crunch Berries and a bean burrito while stylin’? You got that too. You want Seth Green and Jack Black in the pupa stage of their careers, there’s plenty of that too.

The script is sappy, the score is vintage 90’s inspirational flicks without venturing too far into Disney country and the rollerblades in the film have sound effects. Granted, the action sequences are quite good and whoever they got to do the rollerblade stunts is pretty damn good. Oh, and the final chase sequence is actually a major highlight of the film, but it’s still popcorn entertainment at best. (It also doesn’t make much sense, but hey, who says movies need to make sense?)

Here’s the plot in seven sentences:

Surfer kid has anthropologist parents who go to Australia and send him with his family from Ohio while they visit the land of Aus.

Surfer kid is detached from reality takes his surfboard with him to Cincinnati and finds that the frozen tundra he was sold as Ohio was actually accurate.

Surfer kid has zen moments of supreme wisdom while his cousin is a dweeb who serves as comic relief.

Surfer kid makes panties get wet and makes enemies with the local hockey hero (a guy who is currently the lead bowflex guy, no BS). [SIDENOTE: he also starts going out with bowflex’s sister, the then innocent looking Brittney Powell of Playboy lore.]

Surfer kid gets tormented by bowflex hockey player until he does something to screw with the school’s rival team.

Afterwards, surfer kid gets accepted and enrolled in a dangerous race they have to win to keep street cred in the mean streets of Cincinnati and ends up helping bowflex guy win.

Credits Roll.

So is this one of the worst movies ever made? Not really, but don’t be surprised if you see it at a dollar bin. You pretty much have a Zen boy meets roughneck teen drama with sappy dialogue and decent action sequences that should REALLY not be tried at home. The funny thing is that no matter what, if this flick is on the tele, I ain’t changing the channel.

Originally posted on 12/22/10
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