Jul 30, 2011

Top ten most annoying characters of all time

It’s bad enough to be a super villain, memorable for your heinous acts, but it’s another thing to just be annoying to no end. If you watch TV and film, there’s no shortage of annoying fuckwads and here’s my top ten list… and of course, a dishonorable mention:

Dishonorable mention: Bella Swan

I can hear Twilight fans hissing and cursing my sparkling vampire hating ways, but the fact remains that Bella is a weak little bitch that plays a modern damsel in distress, pretty much bending to Edward’s fucking whim. Add to this that in the movie, Kristen Stewart looks like she’s about to throw up more than half the time, and you get that she’s not the strongest portrayal of women known to mankind.

10. Brainy Smurf

Forever the most annoying know-it-all smurf who constantly whines to Papa Smurf about everything. Seriously Brainy, grow some gonads, cut the proverbial umbilical cord (that’s if smurfs even HAVE an umbilical cord) and stop pissing me off.

9. Alice

Some people may cry foul, but the reality is that wee-whittle Alice is an annoying little prat. She’s ignorant and quite possibly the first ever dumb blonde in written history. True, she might have been a little girl and one could be tempted to use that as justification, but the reality is that she’s a moron and though she had fantastical adventures, she was a prime candidate to die an early death from poisoning after eating shit that’s just lying around.

8. Eragon

Jesus Christ what a little shitbag. Not to start with the fact that Christopher Paolini’s character is the bastard child product of a weak Lord of the Ring sperm that mixed with a damaged Star Wars ova, the character of Eragon is so predictable and lame that in his blahness he blows.

7. Jim Cornette

Good heels in wrestling are actually hard to come by. It honestly takes a very special type of guy to want to coax you into wanting to inflict bodily harm on them, and few people were as effective as Jim Cornette. From his pedophile glasses, to his dumb ass suits, you just wanted to stun him long enough to smash a racket behind the guy’s neck.

6. Brother Love

Though Cornette and even Jimmy Hart ring a few bells if you had to answer a question about the person you’d most like to piledrive on concrete, no one competes with Brother Love. Hateful to the point of nausea, Brother Love epitomizes the epic heights of fictitious hatred a single man could inspire in a nation.

5. Steve Urkel

“Did I do that?”… why yes Urkel… you DID do that. You did THAT and basically EVERYTHING in your power to make even the Dalai Lama resign his stance of pacifism just to give you an Atomic Wedgie to rule the ages. Screw you and the scotch taped glasses you rode in on.

4. Screech

Although Dustin Diamond has done little to assuage the very palpable dislike for his existence in the Northern United States, Samuel Screech Powers was annoying beyond comprehension. Sure I know that was the point of the character, but that doesn’t make it any less likely that you wanted to smash a cricket bat against his screechy gonads.

3. Stephanie from Full House…

Bitch YOU’RE the one who's rude. Annoying beyond belief, Stephanie ranks so high because she reminds me of those annoying little girls who have little to offer the world until hormones kick in and at least yield the possibility of a pair of breasts to ogle at. But during her Full House tenure, she sacrificed herself so the Olsen twins would be even more adored… Thanks a bunch.

2. Private First Class James Ryan

Seriously, if I would have been in that platoon, James Ryan would have joined his brothers in a casket on his way home. No disrespect whatsoever to the men and women in the armed forces, but this guy took the cake in regards to costing valuable lives. It’s great to be brave, but recognize the sacrifice and stop whining or make everyone’s life easier and see how many you can take down with you before you finally bite the bullet.

1. Jar-Jar Binks.

How much does Jar-Jar suck? 1. Even Star Wars geeks hate him and 2. there’s a Jar-jar Binks ate my balls website. You can sum up Jar-Jar as the helium-overdosed-Jamaican-jerkoff-alien George Lucas thought would spell big bucks in merchandising. Fucking annoying on all levels, only children without a reading level and who had limited intelligence found this guppy-fucked-dog creature likable. He even tried to walk like Shaggy, but without the ganja swagger that made Shaggy such an asset to the mystery machine.

To sum it all up, Youza SUCK Jar-Jar. Youza can suck my bomballs.

Did I miss anyone?



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