Correction, Twilight doesn’t suck… it BLOWS

By now you’ve probably heard Twilight is a piece of shit. It’s a blood sucking, vampire sparkling in the sun like a diamond piece of shit. It’s Saved by the Bell - the Vampire Years. It’s a tween sensation that makes parents revile the fact that Stephanie Meyer even exists.

You see, it’s not just enough that she wrote a successful Danielle Steel vampire novel series. There are the movies and of course there’s the merchandise. Action figures, t-shirts, posters, notebooks, candy hearts, wigs, costumes, love potions and pretty much anything you can put a sticker on it and it’s Twilight related… but they’ve reached an all time low. A Twilight blow dryer, brush and curler combo………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………. really?


People spend money on this shit? People are gullible enough to buy a fucking blow dryer for immortal vampires? This might ACTUALLY be someone’s Christmas gift? Great… I knew I was looking for a sign that the world may actually end in 2012, but I was expecting something more special than a piece of shit blow dryer with the logos and trademark blessing of Ye Olde Suck Kings - The Twilight Crew.

There’s a reason why Hollywood churns out shitty films… it’s apparently the easiest way to make a billion dollars…. And that’s just on ticket sales. Of course that’s not the worst of it all… no, no, no… it’s not that there’s a Twilight blow dryer… it’s that there’s still an extra movie to torture people of good taste the world around and still a year’s worth of Twilight fans being… well being Twilight fans.

End of the world via Twilight? Where’s an asteroid when you need it?

Cheers