Feb 1, 2012

Five things that clients do that annoy: Me

Today was certainly not a good day. Let's rejoice, shall we? Here are the five things that currently make me want to kill someone, spit at their dead body and walk away jumping from joy. In no particular order:

1) When the only feedback is "I don't like it".
No, douche, it doesn't work like that. You have to tell me what's wrong - although I know that the problem is that you suck as a person who evaluates ads, but hey, that is for me to know. In order for me to get the ad just like you want it, you have to be a little bit more specific, buttmuncher. You either tell me what's on your mind or we keep playing the "let's guess what kind of ad you want" game. And honestly, that game sucks.

2) When you tell me it's a simple change.
If it's so simple, let me ask you a question: why don't you do it yourself and save a buck or two, huh? Yeah, 'cause you know how much time we spend making changes! I forgot! Everyone's a graphic artist or a copywriter!!! If you can draw a circle or type, we have a bingo. Just move something or delete some words and bingo, it's just a mechanical thing. Yeah. Right.

3) When you ask me if I can do it for less money.
I keep repeating myself year after year. Fuck this, I'm doing the supermarket thing. Yeah, you read it perfectly. I'm going to the supermarket and telling them that I'm paying less for the milk, because I just feel like a cheap bastard. No no, my time is totally not worth THIS amount of money, in fact, go ahead and tell me what do you want to pay and I'll just lay here while you nail me.

4) When you call and call and call and call and call.
There is no greater sound, trust me, than you calling me minute after minute, giving me change after change. No, go ahead and change your mind a million times. It's not like I'm doing anything else. Who likes to work organized, for Christ sake? Naaaah. Let's just do a clusterfuck of changes which make no sense whatsoever, and in the meantime give me so much confusing information, that I'm bound to make a mistake or two... so then you can feel great shouting at me later. Great!

5) The award winner: sending changes and asking for jobs at 7:45 pm.
I would like to announce that I am a terminator. Yeah. If you thought that I was human, then ha, the joke is on you. I don't require sleep. I don't need food. I don't need to relax, screw around, watch some tv and rest like the rest of you homo sapiens. Nope, some clients out there think that at night is where I am the most happy and productive, so the emails come dancing in from 7pm and later. You can imagine that I don't feel absolutely no pressure or anxiety, since hey, I can't feel a damn thing. I am made of liquid metal. Model FU-1000. Come with me if you want to live.

So there it is. It's Wednesday and as you can see, I'm furious. I find this to be such an insult, creatives and ad people in general are sometimes treated like slaves, man. I find myself sitting at my desk, looking at one more ad, looking at the phone ringing and ringing and ringing... and when moments like these happen, I forget how much I used to like this business and just want to quit.

Today is one of those days when the name of this blog makes total sense to me...

Much love from a very tired Me.


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