Nov 20, 2012

The Transgender Post: Five Guys to be, Me Edition

Let's picture that there is a magic potion that makes me a dude for one day. Nope, I would not bang any women. I would just have a shlong and be awesomely cool for a day. I would grab my junk without provocation. I would totally get into a fight with another idiot at a bar. I would spit in the streets - WHY DO YOU DO THAT, men out there? I would scratch my ass in front of everyone. I would shoot stuff.

The one thing I would not need to do is drive fast and awesome. I already do that and I have boobs.

But and a big but. What men would I be? Oh. Yeah. My magic potion lets me choose what guy I want to be. Screw it, my blog, my fantasy potion. My rules.

So! What penis owners would I be and why? In order, my friends, is the list:

1) Quentin Tarantino
Come on man. I would totally rock, be a little weird. I would come up with so many script ideas and sign contracts left and right so when I leave his body, he has to continue filming all the way until he's 80 years old. I'm a genius.

2) Clint Eastwood
Oh yeah. I would totally do the "Do you feel lucky" bit all day long. That's mainly it. Fun times.

3) Mike Tyson
This is the part of the day when I get to kick people's ass, have an awesome face tattoo. Rage is something I enjoy from time to time, and a total license to go shit crazy with the body to enforce it? Priceless.

4) Richard Branson
Since I'm never going to have the money to rent his house in the Caribbean, might as well be in his body, take a yacht to his place, sleep all day, hit the beach, get really drunk and pass out. A perfect plan for a Sunday.

5) George Clooney
This one is for me. I would just get buck naked and sit alone in a room for 24 hours, looking at myself. Hey, I gotta see that hunk of beef naked. Might as well be "Being John Malkovich" Style.

Damn. That was too damn easy. Fun times.

Much love from the Boob owner who wants to be a Naked Clooney for a Day, Me.


Joker said...

If you were Clint, would you also talk to a chair? :D

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