Fourth of the Top Five Joker Top Ten Lists from 2006

Top Ten Things that Made me gag in 2006

10. Nicole Ritchie

When I can have the displeasure of seeing you digest an entire meal, it’s a good sign to start eating. Please someone throw this human guppy a piece of chicken or something.

A picture was not able to be provided so here is an artist rendering of Ms. Ritchie at the moment.

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- - <--- I'm not skinny, I'm just small boned.

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9. The Price for a PS3

When your competition sells its product at less than half of your price, some people won’t be able to help if they hurl at the prospect of giving the month's rent to be able to buy a videogame console. Oh but it plays Blue Ray discs….. yay… can it give head? No. Then sorry, I can’t afford you.

8. Saw 3

I liked this flick a lot. Had a few interesting twists… pun intended. If you saw this movie you definitely know how to push your gag factor as it offered some of the most gruesome scenes I’ve ever had the nauseating pleasure of enjoying.

7. Jackass 2

These fuckers one upped Saw and showed me what no self respect, lots of beer and cocaine can let you do. Fucking yikessssss…

6. George W. wanting more troops for Iraq

It’s not enough to have already sacrificed enough lives for a vain cause when in reality it’s just a super power race of who’ll get the strategic placement in the Middle East. Sorry if I don’t bite into the whole war on terror BS, but why don’t you just openly say your actions are an attempt to undermine Chinese, Soviet, Korean and any other super power’s intentions? Between Black Gold and Red Warfare, we’ll weaken local responsive power just enough to continue to tempt some of the world’s leading psychos to start the nuclear game and invite possible invasion. Thank you for saying you care, but unless there’s something to offer, East Timor, Grenada, Cuba, Nicaragua, Argentina, Chile and countless other countries shall all be the evidence to show how much you care about the world at large when a country is not against you but not on your team.

5. North Korea “tests” missiles

Anyone else feel a damp spot in your shorts after Kim Jong publicly admitted nuclear testing? I know I did.

4. Mark Foley

Our government should start screening their officials a bit better. One thing is to be an alcoholic. Another is to sleep with white house personnel or your particular brand of hooker. But when you visit sites soliciting sex with same sex minors, it just sends the wrong message to a country that’s being told gay marriage is unholy. So in a sum up, gay marriage is wrong, but sodomizing ill supervised minors is good. Double standards are so funny at times.

3. Rosie O’Donnell

I used to be a decent Rosie fan but her actions last year alone are enough to get me angry enough to want to vomit and to mention her in a few of the top ten's from '06. Be it to generate ratings via fake fights, or being real fights that generated ratings, having people spew their opinion in such a manner, while constantly losing verbal fisticuffs with people that didn’t enjoy your verbal point of view sucks bad. While I do agree that there is still a large degree of religious, sexually oriented, and ethnic intolerance, I can’t say that everything said has to do with gay people and their sufferings and instead of saying shit about local people, maybe you’d like to focus on Russia’s intolerance toward a gay demonstration rather than nitpicking comments made after Clay did something that would have elicited a physical bitch slap response from my part. And it has NOTHING to do with him being gay, I just think it disrespectful to put your hand over someone’s mouth or even touch their face when clearly not being on the welcome list. Get over your gay righteousness and get back to entertaining. Me and my Black, Gay, Jewish, Asian and Hispanic friends will thank you for it.

2. Panic at the Disco

“A band that plays with a lot of drama”. What the fuck does this mean, I don’t know. But this fruity band that insists on them revolutionizing the genre to the point where they aren’t rock can gladly toss their own salad. Sorry guys, but coming from a Pearl Jam fan, there is no reason whatsoever not to hate you. Tolerate, maybe. But enjoy you on TV with your cute highlights and drama vision, hell no. Good luck growing a dick.

1. Work

Ah yes.. the come one come all debacle ridden bullshit fiasco known as work. I’m sure I’m not the only one sick with it but I’m also sure I’m not the only one that needs it to pay the rent. Oh well, shit happens, and work is shit, so work happens and we take Zantac and Tums to cope with the woohaa reality we insist we love. Too bad I don’t believe in the lotto. But I do believe in dreams, which would prompt people to accuse me of being a dreamer… but I’m not the only one.

Cheers.