Jul 20, 2008

Your Super Special Co-workers

A while back I read an article from yahoo you can access by clicking on the link or if you will - HERE -. In said article I found six descriptions for co-workers you truly love to hate. Rather than copy the whole damn post, I will put small excerpts of the descriptions, comment and as would be expected, add 4 more to make it a nice total of 10 because though I'm in the mood to write, I need material for further posts. By the way, he also adds steps to follow to not fall into the same steps of the shitty jobbers (great redundance on my part a few words back, oh well screw it).

So without further ado, the shitheads.

"1. The Naysayer. This office dweller delights in shooting down ideas. ...The Naysayer immediately pooh-poohs any proposal that challenges the status quo."


There's a fine line between Devil's Advocate and Naysayer when looking at this description. What you need to know is that a Devil's Advocate just wants to cover all bases and know how to react and respond to client generated opposition. Naysayers though are the type of people that know the problem of everything yet offer no type of viable solution whatsoever. Putting them in this situation of asking them for a solution should solve your problem much better than the solution offered below.

"The right approach: Because great solutions often rise from diverse opinions, withhold comment -- and judgment -- until the appropriate time. Moreover, be tactful and constructive when delivering criticism or alternative viewpoints."


Though it is the diplomatic way of dealing with the situation, it's not the easiest thing to be constructive with someone whose whole approach is destructive and that was voted most likely to drown in a glass of water.

"2. The Spotlight Stealer. There is definitely an "I" in "team" according to this glory seeker, who tries to take full credit for collaborative efforts and impress higher-ups."


I HATE Spotlight Stealers. I had to work one in my last job and I'm still processing how much I hated the scum fuck now that I'm at a place that I don't have to drag myself to work. It's the kind of asshole that repeats something someone else said then convinces them that it was originally their idea based on some shady latenight conversation he insists they had when in fact there's not a day in the life of this fuck face where he doesn't leave his team stranded.

"The right approach: Win over the boss and colleagues by being a team player. When receiving kudos, for instance, publicly thank everyone who helped you. "I couldn't have done it without ..." is a savvy phrase to remember."


The thought behind the phrasing is correct but you don't want to sound too much like you're accepting an Oscar. Also of note as a problem with "the approaches" offered are that they don't say anything in regards to dealing with these fuckers, which wasn't the original intention of the writer, but which I think would serve people extremely well in our tried and true hateful office existence. Sarcasm and always putting your money where your mouth is will eventually show that someone is not holding up their part of the bargain and bragging more than what they're dishing.

"3. The Buzzwordsmith. Whether speaking or writing, the Buzzwordsmith sacrifices clarity in favor of showcasing an expansive vocabulary of cliched business terms."


I've dealt with this brand of asshole many a time and just for the record, there are just as many buzzwording execs as there are creatives who love to utilize the biz jargon just to show how much they know. Makes me sick I tell you.

"The right approach: Focus on clarity and minimize misunderstandings by favoring direct, concrete statements. If you're unsure whether the person you are communicating with will understand your message, rephrase it, using "plain English.""


I TOTALLY AGREE suggesting people speak in Normal English. It's like politicians, they use buzz words and smart sounding sentences even if they are clueless as to what the hell what they're saying implies.

4. The Inconsiderate Emailer. Addicted to the "reply all" function, this "cc" supporter clogs colleagues' already-overflowing inboxes with unnecessary messages.


This merits yet another post from us here at WAS.

"The right approach: Break the habit of using email as your default mode of communication, as many conversations are better suited for quick phone calls or in-person discussions. The benefit? The less email you send, the less you're likely to receive."


Email this person with this simple message. "_______ is a douche nozzle" from the computer of someone who just got canned. Make sure to send it to everyone and get ready for the reply all goodness to start. :D

5. The Interrupter. The Interrupter has little regard for others' peace, quiet or concentration.

I honestly thought he was going to refer to the person who simply skipped childhood and was never taught to let someone finish speaking before having something to say. There are LOTS of people like this and though I have interrupted people, it's often in hopes that they notice that they did it to me about 8 times prior, though as is obvious, sometimes I interrupt. It's not something common, but shit, sometimes you need to say something... just not every time someone else has something to say.

The right approach: Don't let competing demands and tight deadlines trump basic common courtesy. Simply put, mind your manners to build healthy relationships at work.

TOTALLY AGREE. Something that I think is WAY lost in today's society is manners. Yes I might be a cuss spitting phenom, but I try not to be rude and rather just say rude things. Some hypocritical bitch once said it best, why can't we all just get along?

"6. The Stick in the Mud. This person is all business all of the time. Disapproving of any attempt at levity, the constant killjoy doesn't have fun at work and doesn't think anyone else should either."

SYNONYM = tight ass. I've worked with the type and honestly, all work and no play just doesn't bloody work. i know some people insist it does but these are the same people you can't ever visualize having sex or enjoying life. You swear they arrive home to get into a cryogenic sleepstate and wake up the next day to continue their Scrooge warpath.

"The right approach: Have a sense of humor and don't be afraid to laugh at yourself once in awhile. A good laugh can help you build rapport, boost morale, and deflate tension when working under stressful situations."

Again, a solid albeit obvious suggestion. But the obvious obviously escapes some people and they often need a gentle reminder that being a workaholic dickhead isn't a bad thing, it's a VERY bad thing.


7. The Tail:

Wherever the body goes, the tail will follow. These are people that have no spine, no self thought process, worship the ground which their bosses tread and fear anything remotely outside of the box designed and copyrighted by their higher ups.

How to not become one. Pretty simple, think for yourself and grow the nads to share your opinion. After all, that's what you were originally hired for, not to stroke someone else's ego.... though I'm probably wrong on that last one.

How to deal with them, after the 8th time they agree with their boss make a verbal note of how they both think so alike that you seem like siamese twins and congratulate the team for getting along so well.

8. The Juggernaut:

This type of coworker responds to stress and idiocy by smashing different things, launching a wide variety of office projectiles around and making a scene worthy of a cartoon skit where shit is flying around all over the place while people are seen running and a Wilhelm Scream sounds in the background.

How to not become one. Having been a Juggernaut the solution is real simple actually, realize how childish you look, breathe deep and realize it's not worth it. It's been ages since I've punched a computer monitor or slammed a telephone even if the urge still boils within.

How to deal with them. Mock them. Often. Buy them a hulk action figure and talk to them in the same husky voice they put when they're angry while making not of their shiny hairless head.

9. The kissasser:

This is the type of douche that wants to sound ultra smart using trendy vocabulary while not noticing he got it all wrong. You can blame it on dyslexia but I think it's just a case of a douche bag being a bagged douche.

How to not become one. Think before you speak. Simple as that.

How to deal with one. Call them on their fuckup and make note of it every time you speak. "OK, so you're referring to this person as inneficcient, but do you think they're inefficient or kissasser innefficient, because it's o much worse."

10. The Hot Potato

Be it blame, responsibility, a job or anything really, this type of office asshole never puts his two cents in and rather takes three out just so he has change. Pointing fingers is the way to go and their favorite response is, well I didn't know about _________.

How to not become one. Be a professional rather than a snivelling little shit who barely justifies their salary.

How to deal with one. Constantly suggest them to be put into the mix. No matter how sticky the shit, eventually gravity will have its way with them and pull them to reality or offer them a flushy exit from your company.


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