I don’t want to be like Mikey

Mikey Hicks is eight years old. He also happens to get searched every time he goes to the airport. By the way, you should know that this has been happening since he was 2. I’m not really sure what the current rate of pederasts working in airport security is, but I do have an idea that one of the job requisites appears to be a slight grade of incompetence. I don’t know, maybe they saw Robo Cop 2, The Good Son or Home Alone and really think this kid is dangerous, but when it all comes down to it, it just happens that the only problem is the poor kid’s name. You see, his parents had the great idea of calling the child Michael Hicks, a good Christian name by all means; and although there are thousands of Michael Hickses in the continental United States, it also happens that one Michael Hicks ruined it for everyone by being a terrorist. Pretty much like anyone called Adolf, Fidel, or Katrina, they’re paying for other people’s dirty laundry.

What is interesting about this case though is that no child should be on this list and that this isn’t the first time this has happened to Mikey. Any time he flies, he is detained, questioned, patted down and questioned some more. Some people even think it might be a case of another Gary Coleman wreaking havoc to take over the world, but alas, it is mere incompetence, gross incompetence by the way and more evidence that when it comes to security, all it really means is delays, annoying searches and preposterous demands from airport security. From drinking breast milk, to being frisked for having an 8 oz. antibacterial gel on hand, trust that odds are strongly in favor of innocent people being hassled rather than people with explosives in their shoes or underwear being detained. I’m not exaggerating; it’s just what I read in the news. The funny thing is that where the system failed, the people did not. The shoe bomber and the undies bomber got a fair whooping old school from people and was kindly escorted to their holding cell more due to the intervention of pedestrians and average citizens than of supposed professionals highly trained in the art of intervention.

True, I am potentially omitting hundreds or thousands of terrorist threats that ARE detained, and I recognize that, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that where security should be air tight, leaks abound. And what’s the funniest thing of all? I’m probably going to be profiled for writing the words terrorist, bomb, airline, security, and leaks while someone is asking for their second scotch while their cocaine cargo sits a few feet below.

By the way, here's the picture of the future terrorist.