Over and over and over you see super heroes getting all the fucking glory in commercials. No fair. Super villains have bills too you know. They have to maintain their head quarters, have extra cash for random plutonium they might need and might even want the latest heat seeker ray to find the best sources for liquid hot magma.
It’s not fair I tell you. What if Magneto wanted to sponsor kitchen wear showing just how resilient the material can be. What if Cobra Commander wanted to use Armor all on his facemask? What if Doc Octopus wanted to sponsor pearl vision? You think Hannibal Lecter wouldn’t like to be a spokesperson for the other white meat? You think the Kobra Kai don’t get jock itch? PLEASE. Hell, the Stay Puft man could definitely do a promo for Kingsford Charcoal. You think the Decepticons would avoid a Radio Shack commercial? FUCK!!! What if the Joker needed some cash, you think he can’t cash some bucks for Crest White Strips??!! Hey, maybe Cruella Deville might want to pose for Cookie Crisp! Or Sauron might be inclined to appear in a spot for Visine. And Dracula? You think he wouldn’t be a good spokesperson for HIV campaigns?! The Mummy for Charmin, Norelco for the Wolf Man, Troy Built Chippermowers for Jason, Binaca for the Alien, Proactive for the Predator, Oxy for Freddy, Clue for the Jigsaw Killer, and yes, you know it, Vagisil for Catherine Trammel.
Nay, Nay fucking NAY!! It isn’t fair I tell you. Super Villains need the cash bitches, so quit ignoring them for their lack of moral fiber and start picking them for their appealing je ne sais quois that might make you make your company millions ……………… even if they do want billions, fafillions, gazillions and friggin sharks with laser beams on their heads… Hmm… Duct tape anyone?
HELL YES
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